Off Her Rockers (Loving All Wrong #3.5) (4 page)

“I wanna see him. When can I see him?”

“Whenever you want,” I said quickly, thanking God he was digesting it easy instead of flipping out more. “Xavi suggested I move Jacob here with—”

Head whipping to me, his blue eyes glowered. I guess I thanked God too soon. “
Xavi
? So he knew about my son, too, and
I
didn’t?”

“It’s like you guessed,” I tried to explain. “He knew all about me before he came after me.”

“Sonuvabitch,” he swore. “He admitted it?”

“Yes, but not as some kind of revenge like you initially thought. He was trying to protect Jess. He said he knew you’d never love her like…you love me. So luring me here was some kind of scheme to get
us
back together.”

He arched an eyebrow. “And how did
that
work out?”

I averted my gaze and muttered under my breath, “He ended up wanting me for real.”

Davian frowned, eyes once again zoning in on me. “Hang on, what do you mean ‘Xavi suggested’?”

I shifted on the couch, putting some space between us. “He’s concerned about me spending so much time away from Jacob while—”

“Wait, are you
staying
with him?”

I blinked, confused. “I thought you knew I chose…” Then it dawned on me that he
couldn’t
have known my decision because I hadn’t spoken to him since before I left for France. Of course, he was still in limbo with his hopes up, because I hadn’t held any kind of formal conversation with anyone. I just went to Xavier and that’s where it ended. I never picked up any of Davian’s calls or replied to his text messages. No wonder everyone looked so thrown when I walked in at Beach Rock. I’d been so high in my Xavier bubble that it completely slipped me that the people around us would need an explanation on what the heck was going on.

I suddenly felt seriously uncomfortable. Anxious. Unable to meet Davian’s eyes. It was unforgivably cruel to break a man’s heart twice in one night. I wasn’t
this
much of a bitch.

“You chose…
him
?”

One heartbeat, two heartbeats, three heartbeats, four. I nodded.

I almost jumped out of my skin when he sharply shot up and kicked over the coffee table. “You have
got
to be shitting me!!” he exploded. “After all I gave up for you?!”

“You can have it all back,” I said in the eye of the tiger. “Did you not hear her? She’ll take you back.”

“After what she did tonight, she doesn’t stand a chance,” he spat. “And I’m talking about
us
here. Me and you. Not Jess.”

“I’m in love with him.”

“And I don’t give a shit!” he barked. “I love Jess, but I gave her up for you.”

“You
made
me fall in love with him,” I snapped, standing up and facing him head-on. “You kept hesitating and I kept falling. You could’ve prevented this, but you didn’t. I gave you many chances and you still chose her. You took too long to choose me, Davi. And now I’m his and I won’t apologize.”

He began pacing, and now he
really
looked like a mental patient. I watched him. He stopped, looked at the coffee table he’d kicked over, then proceeded to kick it again and again and again until a crack formed down the middle. “I can’t… I can’t believe this is happening.
Any
of this.”

Lowering back down to the couch, I sat in silence and watched him pace. I’ve never seen him like this before. Crazed. Out of it. Lost. But how else would a man be after having a truckload of shit dumped on him without warning?

Stopping next to the kicked-to-shit coffee table, he cocked his head and asked, “Back when I told you Chad said you had an abortion, why didn’t you refute it? I don’t get it. Why keep it a secret even after you found out the
truth
? Why?”

I glanced down at my hands in my lap. “I wanted you to choose me, not out of obligation for the sake of a kid, but because you really love
me.
”

He moved to stand right in front of me, towering above. “Ally, look at me. Look me in the eyes.”

I waited a beat, or five, before raising my eyes to meet his blue depths.

“You know if you’d told me about my son, I would’ve left Jess immediately, right?”

I started to look away.

“No,
look
at me and answer me, Ally.”

My eyes went back to his again. “Yes.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you want to be a good father to—”

“The
real
answer,” he snapped.

I kept our gazes locked as I gave the real answer, “Because…I’m the love of your life.”

“Then tell me, what is the real reason you didn’t tell me about my son once you learned the truth, or even before that, since you were so sure you came here for
me
.”

Pushing to my feet, I parted my lips, hesitated, and then tried to run off to my room. Coward that I was.

Davian caught me, gripped me by the arms and held me firm. “You’re Alina O’Hara, aren’t you? The big bad wolf that isn’t afraid of anything? Who tells it like it is? Well then, tell me the goddamn truth, you spoiled, selfish little brat! Tell me you came here for
him
. Tell me that all the time you were pushing me to leave Jess you weren’t even sure you wanted to be with me!”

I didn’t answer. He kept demanding that I did. Even shaking me.

When he realized I didn’t intend answering, he let go of me, backing away from me, glowering with stinging resentment. “You broke us, Ally. I want you to remember that. When you’re with him and you’re miserable and unhappy because you realized too late that he’s a whoring, alcoholic douchebag with the attention span of a newborn, I want you to remember that
you
broke us. That decision you made two years ago in my bedroom, to keep silent about being pregnant, was the
wrong
decision. So is every other decision you’ve made since then. This is not on me. It’s all on you,and you’ll regret it. I promise you that. You’ll regret not choosing me.”

Pathetic droplets of tears spilled from my pathetic eyes—why was I even crying? Did I already regret not choosing him? Or was my situation just…sad? I loved Davian. I did. And I wished we didn’t have to end, but I wanted Xavier. I wanted to
be
with Xavier. Spend my entire life with him. I could see myself married to him, with blonde twins, my retired rock star sitting on our veranda strumming his guitar…as cheesy as that sounded.

Once upon a time, I used to be able to see that with Davian. A future. I used to be able to picture my life with him decades and decades from now, but not since I came to Los Angeles. Not since Xavier stole me. Not since Xavier hijacked my heart, my thoughts, my dreams. Now I could see nothing beyond his stalwart chest, beyond the long blond waves cascading down his shoulders, beyond his ambushing charm. Unable to see past him, I had to look up, and when I did, I saw it all, the
future
. Showing me that that was where it ended, with
him
.

“Davi,” I whispered, walking up to him. When I touched my palms to his chest, he didn’t scorn me. Sobbing, I pressed my forehead there next. “I’m so sorry. I love you.
I’m so sorry
.”

I
loved
him. And that was the problem. Somewhere along the line, I went from being
in love
with him to just
loving
him.

He stood rigid for a while until his body went limp with a sigh and his arms came around me, his chin settling on top of my head. “I hate you so much right now, Ally.”

“I know,” I hiccupped into his shirt.

Moving us to the couch, he lowered down with me and I curled into his side, apologizing repeatedly in a blubbery mess while he said nothing in return and just held me.

Once I was drained dry, in a gentle voice, while stroking my hair, he started asking me questions about Jacob, and I, without hesitation or a single lie, gave him all the information he needed.

I lied to him. I broke us. I chose another man. I broke his heart.

Still, he held me, soothed me, wiped my tears, and let me fall asleep in his arms.

Poke. Poke
.

Someone was poking my arm. But I wasn’t ready to return to the light yet. I felt comfortable where I was. I could hear a heart beating evenly beneath my cheek. Could feel arms tightening around me. I snuggled up closer, sighing against the warm body that both smelled and felt like heaven.

Poke. Poke.

Oh, Christ. Highly annoyed, my eyes flew open and were greeted with the sight of dark denim and a dangling chain wallet I knew all too well.

Cautiously, my gaze traveled up the tall, sturdy form, past a strong, tanned arm holding a Starbucks cup, and up into the face I’d fallen in love with—hard and
fast
—over the past couple of months.

Xavier
.

He stared down at me, expressionless.

As I felt arms tighten around me again, I twisted only to realize I was curled up against Davian—who was awake and completely relaxed, head tossed back on the sofa, giving Xavier a sleepy smirk.

Understanding the danger of this position along with Davian’s smirk, I wiggled out of his arms and stumbled to my feet, frantically straightening my skirt that had ridden up to my hips sometime during the night.

In an eerily calm tone, Xavier asked, “You slept with him?”

“Are you blind?” Davian replied before I could.

Oh, Jesus
. Flat out poking the bull.

Xavier’s eyes didn’t move from me as he prompted, “Yeah?”

“No,” I half-shouted. “We didn’t…I just…fell asleep...”

His chin worked back and forth, back and forth, and then, as if deciding he believed me, he proffered the Starbucks cup. “Macchiato.” Finally shifting his expressionless eyes to Davian, he said, “Might wanna get lost now. Cool?”

In no hurry whatsoever, Davian took his own time pushing to his feet, then yawned and stretched his arms over his head.
Sonuvabitch.
“Get
lost
? You do realize I just found out we have a
son
together, right?”

Oh Jesus, please don’t let this get any worse than it already is. Why can’t Davian just shut it and walk away?!

I saw it. Xavier’s angry vein pulsing in his left temple. I held my breath, but like a real man, he kept his anger in check, and instead of addressing Davian again, he shifted his stare to me and said, “Five minutes,” then thudded off in the direction of my bedroom.

In Xavier speak, that meant I had five minutes to get rid of Davian before he knocked him out cold with a single fist to the forehead.

As soon as I heard my bedroom door slam, I whirled on Davian and punched his arm, hissing, “Why would you try to make him think we had sex, you jerk?”

Brow arching, Davian chuckled without humor. “Guess.”

“Look, you need to go, alright. He’s been pretty damn easy on all my misdemeanors so far. I don’t wanna push him.”

Davian planted his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You think I give a shit about your relationship? You think I respect it? You think I care how
Xavi
feels?” He leaned into my face. “Let me give you a heads up:
any
chance I get to sabotage your pathetic ‘relationship’, I’m taking it.”

“Why are you being such an asshole?”

He shook his head as if I were the daftest person he’d ever come across. “Again:
guess
.”

“Can’t you just accept my decision and go back to Jess?”

Davian’s eyes went heavenward as he muttered to himself, and I pretended not to hear the words “
selfish”
and
“bitch
”. His eyes came back to me. “We need to talk about getting my son here. Be at Eye Spy by eight tonight. And if your big guy has a problem with that, tell him to deal with it.” He smiled wickedly. “You’re a
permanent
part of my life now.”