Off to Be the Wizard - 2 - Spell or High Water (22 page)

The warden walked quickly and talked at the same pace, forcing Murphy to struggle physically and mentally to keep up. They passed through an endless maze of identical concrete walls and steel doors, interspersed with the occasional staircase
and wrough
t-iron gate controlled by people in uniforms
protected
behind thick impact-resistant glass. Murphy never got a good look at any of these people, because they never stopped walking. The gates swung open before the warden arrived. They did this with such reliability that a few times Murphy thought Brooks was going to walk face first into the bars, but the bars always got out of the way before that happened.

“The Facility was created at an undisclosed point in the past,” the warden said, “for an agency that is classified, by a president who shall remain nameless.” He barely turned his head to the side to speak to Murphy as he walked. “The purpose of The Facility is to house the nation’s most problematic prisoners.”

“By problematic, you mean violent and dangerous,” Agent Murphy said, finally feeling like he was getting a handle on the situation.

Warden Brooks said, “No. I said ‘problematic,’ and that’s what I meant. The prison system doesn’t consider violence much of a problem. They deal with it all the time. If prisons had a problem dealing with violence, the prisoners would just fight their way out of prison and we’d all have a problem, and violence, before too long. No. We get the prisoners that nobody else knows what to do with. Take your man, Todd Douglas. Do you know what he did to get here?”

Murphy didn’t know, as it happened. He took a wild guess, based on his knowledge of Jimmy’s other associates. “Embezzling?”

The warden laughed. “You’re a Treasury agent, that’s right. It’s all embezzlement and tax evasion to you guys. Well, he might have embezzled too, but what got him here was killing a man. The victim was his boss at one of those strip mall video game stores. Do you know how he killed him?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, well, neither do we. Well, we do, but we don’t. That’s one of the things that makes your guy problematic. We know what he did, and we know why, but we can’t explain
how
he actually did it.”

Murphy was lost. “How’s that work? If you know he killed the guy, you have to be able to explain how.”

“He made all of the atoms in his boss’s body lose their
molecular
bonds at the same time. Can you explain how he did that? Is that something the Treasury deals with routinely? No, I didn’t think so.”

“If you don’t know how he did it, how can you know that he did it?”

“Because he had a beef with his boss, because he tried to evade capture, and because of all the people who worked at the video game store inside a mall in Phoenix, in August, he was the only one who came to work wearing galoshes.”

Murphy said, “Ick.”

The warden nodded. “Damn straight, ick. The entire carpet was destroyed, every square inch of it. Whole thing got confiscated by the government for study. It’s probably rolled up and sitting next to the Ark of the Covenant by now.”

Murphy said, “If he’s that dangerous, I can see why they’d send him to a place like this.”

The warden shook his head. “No, you’re making too many assumptions. We don’t know how he liquefied that guy, but we’ve seen no evidence that he can still do it. We’ve had him here for six years, and he hasn’t hurt a fly. Mr. Douglas is here for two reasons. One is that we can’t explain what he did, how he escaped capture at first, or how he was captured in the end. The police got called and they immediately started questioning him. He was pretty cocky until they started asking about the galoshes, then he got nervous. He excused himself, went into a restroom that had no exits beyond the one door the cops were guarding, and he never came out.”

“That’s something,” Murphy said. He chose not to share the story about how Martin Banks had disappeared right before
his eyes.

The warden continued. “Yeah, well the weird part was at that exact moment, he turns up in the lobby of Phoenix City Hall, stark naked and hog-tied, and get this, his hair was longer and he had a beard.”

Jimmy hadn’t told Murphy much about this Todd
character
. He now suspected he was going to have a long conversation with Jimmy about him. For now, Murphy just said, “That’s pretty weird, all right.”

“Yeah, well, you should be grateful,” Warden Brooks said. “The only reason we’re letting you see the little weasel is that we’re hoping that it will lead to some answers.”

Murphy chose not to comment. Instead he changed the
subject
. “You said there were two reasons he’s here.”

“Yeah, you’ll see.”

The two men walked in silence through a few more twists and turns of the corridor. Murphy hoped the warden would lead him back out, or else he’d never find his way to daylight again, and might end up just getting a job there. Finally they rounded the last corner and approached the last gate. Where Murphy would have expected to see another electronically actuated lock, the gate was instead held fast with a very large, very old-looking mechanical lock. Several feet before the gate a guard sat on a stool, guarding a single, oversized key that hung from a spike driven into the mortar between the cinderblocks in the wall.

Murphy got the pleasure of surprising the warden with his lack of surprise. “Oh, his magnetic field is the other thing, eh?”

The warden scowled. “You knew about that?”

Agent Murphy said, “Yes.” They eyeballed each other for a moment. It was clear that there was a battle for dominance going on, and that up until a second ago, Warden Brooks was certain he was winning. Murphy, as was his way, had won the whole game by pretending not to play until the last few seconds.

Agent Murphy had walked into this meeting knowing exactly two things about Todd beyond his name. He withheld the information about the magnetic field until after Warden Brooks shared a great deal of new information, and in doing so, gave the impression that he already knew much of what Brooks had told him, and had been humoring him. The other thing Agent
Murphy
knew he had already decided he could never share, because he didn’t really believe it. Jimmy had told him that Todd had traveled in time to the distant past and had been rejected and sent back by Jimmy and all of the other time travelers.

The warden grumbled under his breath as he removed his watch and cell phone, placing them on a small table next to the locked gate. Murphy did the same. When all electronic devices were safely removed, the guard opened the gate and let them through.

The cinderblock hallway that stretched on beyond the gate was structurally identical to the hallway before, but felt entirely different. The overhead fluorescent light fixtures were dark. Instead, bare incandescent light bulbs hung from the ceiling at regular intervals. Their cords stretched up to the ceiling, where they looked to have been hastily stapled in place. The cords led to the wall, then down to the floor, then back, along the floorboards and through the gate they’d just passed, finally terminating in a cheap power strip plugged into the wall outlet. The hanging lights were dimmer than the fluorescents, and swung slightly in the breeze, making the shadows wobble unnervingly.

Their footsteps echoed as the warden walked down the hall and around the corner. Murphy followed, and finally laid eyes on Todd Douglas.

Murphy saw a prison cell. The only furniture was a toilet and a bed. The only light came from more poorly hung light bulbs dangling outside the cell, well beyond the prisoner’s reach.

The back wall of the cell was stacked from the floor to about waist-height with books, most of them so thin as to barely qualify as anything more than a magazine. A man in an orange jumpsuit sat on the bed, reading a skinny book with a glossy cover. The back of the book had a drawing of a little girl and a man in a diving suit.

The warden barked, “Douglas, get up. You have a visitor.”

The prisoner slammed the book shut and turned to face Agent Murphy. He had a weak chin, a strong nose, dark hair, and bright eyes. Todd rose to his feet. His movements were slow, but his eyes darted around, taking in every detail of his visitors so voraciously that Agent Murphy almost felt violated.

Todd grabbed the bars of his cell and leaned forward, almost placing his head between the bars, as if trying to get as close to the other two men as possible. “Hello, I’m Todd Douglas. Thank you for coming to visit me.”

Murphy stood tall and said, “I’m not here for pleasure,
Mr. Douglas
.”

“Oh, but having you here is a pleasure for me,” the
prisoner
said. “I see some of the guards every day, and I see Warden Brooks here about once a month, but other than that I never get any
visitors
. What’s your name?”

“I’m Agent Murphy. I’m with the Department of the Treasury.” Murphy produced his badge. Todd read every word engraved
on it.

When he was finished Todd asked, “Do you play video games?”

“Not since I was in college.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. They’ve gotten so good! They’re doing amazing things these days. The standards for the graphics have gotten so high, even the worst games look great, so they’ve had to start getting more creative with the story.”

Murphy looked down at the thin booklet Todd had been reading when he entered, which was lying on the bed. It was indeed the strategy guide for a game called Bioshock 2. Todd saw where he was looking and said, “The Bioshock games are a good example. At first glance you might think it’s just a game where you run around shooting people, but there’s a lot more to do than that.”

Murphy was trying to make sense of the image on the cover, which was a city, a whale, and a man in a diving suit with a drill for an arm. While pondering this, he absentmindedly said, “Is there?”

“Oh yeah!” Todd enthused. “There’s a ton of ways to kill
people
in that game other than just shooting them. You can beat them, you can electrocute them, you can set them on fire. You can blow them up, you can throw them across the room with your mind, you can have them stung to death by bees. There’s all kinds of ways to kill people.”

“In the video game,” Murphy said.

“Yeah,” Todd said. “Just like in real life.”

Murphy asked, “Do you enjoy killing people . . . in video games, Todd?”

Todd’s expression soured. “I used to. I haven’t been able to play any for a long time.” Todd motioned to the giant stack of magazines. “I read the strategy guides, but it’s not the same.”

The warden cleared his throat, which Murphy interpreted as a signal to get on to business. Murphy said, “Mr. Douglas.”

Todd interrupted, saying, “You can call me Todd.”

The warden said, “No, he can’t.”

Murphy started again. “Mr. Douglas, I’ve brought you a message.” He reached into his inside pocket and produced a sealed envelope. Todd’s eyes followed the envelope.

“Who’s it from?” Todd asked.

Murphy silently turned the envelope around so that Todd could see where Jimmy had written “Merlin” in the fanciest script he could muster with a number-two pencil.

Todd’s expression changed instantly from a smile to a snarl. “What does he want?”

Murphy handed him the letter. “Read it and find out.”
Murphy
hadn’t told the warden about the letter. It wouldn’t have made sense to the warden if he had.

Todd snatched the letter away before the warden had a chance to object, retreating to the back of his cell. He scowled as he tore the envelope open. He unfolded the letter and started reading, his lips moving slightly as he did so. He laughed bitterly, then he cursed, then continued reading in silence. When he finished the letter, he closed his eyes and clenched his fists, crumpling the letter in the process. Then he smoothed out the letter and read it again. When he’d finished the second read through, he turned to Agent Murphy.

“You got a pen and paper?”

Agent Murphy reached into his pocket and produced a notepad and a pen, which he clicked open.

Todd said, “You write this down, ’cause I’m only going to say it once.”

22.

Phillip opened his eyes and saw a sideways landscape of
unfamiliar
pillows in the foreground, an unfamiliar wall in the background, and Brit the Younger’s sleeping face in between. He took a moment to collect his thoughts. As his brain booted up, he replayed the previous night in his memory. When he was done, he went back and replayed a couple of his favorite bits a couple of times.

Pleasant though the past was, Phillip knew it was time to deal with the present. He looked at Brit and reflected on the fact that the present seemed pretty nice too. The future, however, was a minefield.

If I get up and leave,
he thought
, I’m the selfish guy who got what he wanted and ran. If I stick around, I’m the clingy guy who overstayed his welcome. I’d better decide what to do fast, or else she’ll wake up and I’ll be the creepy guy who was watching her sleep with a worried look on his face.

What Phillip needed was a distraction, something that would wake her up, and hold her attention through the awkward,
Hey, why is Phillip here, oh that’s right
, phase of the morning. Phillip knew that his staff was nearby, and he might be able to magic up a diversion, but in order for that to work, he’d have to put on his robe and hat, and he especially didn’t want her to wake up and find him getting dressed. Besides, all of the spells that he could think of to use as a distraction were sort of a dead giveaway. He pictured himself saying,
Ha, look at that, Brit, a six-foot pillar of flame here in your bedroom, for no reason. That’s something, isn’t it? Oh, and now it’s gone. So, how did you sleep?

Phillip felt despair. Then he felt anger at himself for being the guy that wakes up in bed with a beautiful woman and has it cause him despair. He rolled onto his back and resigned himself to wait for the inevitable awkwardness when Brit awoke. He looked at the ceiling for a few moments, then the door swung open.

Nik swept into the room with a tray of food and a glass of some sort of juice. “Good morning,” he said, as he walked around to Phillip’s side of the bed. Phillip sat up and Nik and placed the tray on his lap.

“Good morning, Nik,” Phillip said, grateful, not just for the food, but also for a far better distraction than he could have
imagined
. The plate on his tray contained eggs and some sort of fried meat. Phillip hadn’t realized he was hungry until he saw the food, and now he could think of little else. He turned to look at Brit, and found her bleary-eyed but awake, and pulling herself into a seated position.

Nik said, “Don’t go anywhere. Now that our guest has been served, I’ll be right back with yours.”

Brit and Phillip smiled at each other and said good morning.

Phillip said, “Nik seems to be in a good mood today.”

“Yeah,” Brit said, “I’m sure he’s happy. He always says I should have a man in my life.”

Phillip said, “What about him?”

Nik returned with an identical tray of food, which he placed on Brit’s lap, and said, “I already have enough men in my life, but thanks for asking.”

They enjoyed their breakfast in a cheerful mutual silence. When they were finished eating, Brit turned to Phillip, smiled, and said, “So.”

Phillip returned the smile, and the “So.”
Okay,
he thought,
the ball’s in her court. Let’s see what she does with it.

Brit said, “I think last night went very well.”

Phillip laughed, largely out of relief, and said, “I wholeheartedly agree.”

Phillip thought he sensed some relief in Brit’s laugh as well.

After a long pause, Brit asked, “Do you think Martin
suspects
?”

Phillip said, “I don’t think he suspects. I think he’s absolutely certain.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he knew where I was going. He knows I didn’t come back. He’s not concerned for my safety, or else he’d have called.”

Brit nodded. “Yup, Martin knows.”

Phillip looked at Brit sideways, and said, “Look, if that’s a problem, I can just go back in time to an hour after I left. I could tell him that you were fine, and nothing happened. Of course, my internal clock would be eight hours off then, and I’d
probably
fall asleep in our meetings today, but I’ll do it if you want.”

Brit put her hand on Phillip’s to stop him. “No, it’s fine,
Phillip
. I don’t mind him knowing. Do you think he’ll tell
anyone
?”

“Gwen,” Phillip said. “He probably already has.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Phillip said. “It’s an excuse to talk to Gwen, and
Martin
never passes up one of those.”

“But it’s so early.”

Phillip held up a finger, as if to say
one moment
, then he held up his right hand and said, “
komuniki kun Martin
.” The empty space in Phillip’s palm was filled with a silvery,
glowing
image of the bust of Santo, the Mexican wrestler from
Martin’s
staff.
Normally
an eerie organ sting would have played to
signify
Martin’s
phone ringing, but it had barely started before
Martin
answered. The bust of Santo was replaced with the head and shoulders of Martin, who had a sickeningly happy look on
his face.

Martin said, “Yeah?”

Phillip said, “Hi, Martin.”

Martin kept smiling. Neither man said anything until Martin finally asked, “Are you . . .” His voice trailed off and he shrugged, but he still had the same nauseating smile.

Phillip sighed, and said, “Yes, I’m with Brit.”

Martin laughed diabolically, and gave exaggerated thumbs up. The laugh went on much longer than was dignified, which was, of course, exactly how Martin wanted it.

Phillip said, “Okay, okay. Look, have you told Gwen yet?”

“Of course,” Martin said. “She’s here right now.”

Gwen’s head appeared over Martin’s shoulder. She had the same sickening smile on her face. “Good for you Phillip! Where are you now?”

Phillip winced, and admitted, “I’m at Brit’s place.”

Gwen said, “Ooh, put her on!”

Brit leaned in close, and Phillip twisted his arm so that her head would be in view.

Brit said, “Good morning.”

Instead of saying good morning back, Gwen gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up and laughed like a crazy woman. She did this alone for a moment, then Martin joined her, both in the laughing and the thumbs.

Brit and Phillip laughed a bit in spite of themselves, then Phillip said, “Oh, shut up. We’ll see you both at the summit.” He clenched his hand, hanging up.

The night before, Martin had waited for Phillip to finally do what they both knew he wanted to do: go check on Brit. Then he’d waited for Phillip to return. Then, when it became clear that
he w
ouldn’t be back that night, he waited until morning when he could talk about it with Phillip if Phillip showed up, and Gwen if he didn’t. When morning came, it was clear that Phillip had not returned, so Martin arranged to meet Gwen for breakfast. That’s where they were when they got Phillip’s call.

They had a table at a surprisingly modern outdoor café.
Martin
was not surprised to find that coffee was on the menu, despite the fact that South America wouldn’t be discovered by Europe for hundreds of years. He was surprised at how good it was, though. When Gwen arrived, they ordered their breakfast, then Martin shared his news, which made both of them very happy, not just because their friends were presumably happy, but also because they could good-naturedly rake both of them over the coals about it for a few days. The phone call came just before their food arrived. They spent the meal idly discussing the
situation
while they ate.

“I’m surprised that Phillip worked so fast,” Gwen said. “He’s never seemed all that romantic to me.”

“Well, he doesn’t show that side to you, Gwen. You’re like a sister to him.”

Gwen smiled. “Are you saying he’s shown that side of himself to you?”

“Not directly,” Martin said, just defensively enough to make it clear he was in on the joke. “But I know it’s there. Guys like Phillip are like, hmm . . . You know those cheap frozen chicken pot pies you get from the grocery store? Phillip’s like one of those. He’s all bland and beige on the surface, a little bit flaky too, but underneath, on the inside, he’s a scalding hot, bubbling mass of passion and gravy. And peas.”

“And chicken?” Gwen offered.

“Less than you’d think,” Martin said.

Back at Brit’s apartment, she and Phillip were dressed and ready to face the day, but not together. They had decided that it would be for the best to keep things quiet for now, and both of them emerging from her front door didn’t feel like the way to make that happen. Instead, they decided that she would leave via the door and walk to the summit as usual, and that Phillip would teleport back to his room and go to the summit from there. Nik came out to the living room to see them off, but was not having much success at it.

“Go on,” Phillip said. “Get going. Once you’re gone, I’ll
teleport
out and meet you at the summit.”

Brit said, “No, you go first. Then I’ll go.”

Phillip shook his head. “No, you go now. Then me.”

Brit crossed her arms. “I don’t see why I should go first.”

“Maybe I enjoy watching you walk away.”

Brit blushed slightly, then said, “Maybe I enjoy watching you walk away.”

Phillip said, “See, I’m going to teleport, so all you’d see is me disappearing. There’s not a lot of fun in that.”

Nik said, “I disagree. Look, you two kids have to get going or you’ll both be late, and that’ll look just as suspicious as you two leaving here together anyway.”

Brit said, “Nik’s right.”

“Yeah,” Phillip said.

Brit said, “I should go.”

Phillip said, “Yeah, me too.”

Phillip and Brit said, in unison, “Right after you.” Then they laughed like teenagers.

Nik walked over and opened the door. He grabbed Brit by the hand and said, “Come on. Time to go. The sooner you two get to your meeting, the more time you can spend making googly eyes at each other,” as he pulled her out the door.

Gwen lifted her napkin from her lap and put it on her plate before pushing the plate away.

“You have to hand it to Brit and Phillip,” she said, settling back in her seat. “They figured out what they wanted, and they didn’t waste a lot of time getting it.”

Martin took his time parsing Gwen’s statement. After
mentally
double checking it, he leaned forward and said, “You know, when I realized that Phillip wasn’t coming back, I seriously considered coming to visit you.”

“Really,” Gwen said.

Martin said, “Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Martin asked, “Should I have?”

Gwen shrugged and said, “If you have to ask, then probably not.” She smiled as she said it, but that didn’t alter the meaning much for Martin.

He chuckled once, mirthlessly, and said, “Then I’m glad I didn’t,” as he stood up to leave.

Gwen smiled and said, “Oh, Martin.”

Martin leaned in and said, “Gwen, save it. Look, I’ve made my position perfectly clear.”

“Perfectly,” Gwen said.

“Yes. Gwen, you say that like it’s something I should be embarrassed about, but I’m not embarrassed. I’m interested. I have been since day one, and I am now. If something’s holding us up, it’s not me, so please don’t act like my uncertainty is the problem.”

Gwen’s smile disappeared. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying exactly what it sounds like I’m saying. That’s the beauty of me, Gwen. I’m clear. You, on the other hand, hint that I’m not direct enough, but every time I’ve tried to take the bull by the horns, you’ve shot me down.”

“And then you’ve mixed your metaphors.” Gwen’s smile came back, but it had changed, and not for the better.

Martin said, “A mixed metaphor is like a beautiful woman.”