Old Flames Never Die (Valentine Mystery) (10 page)

Tess nearly sobbed in relief. The few
seconds of waiting for him to tell her to leave left her weak and she stumbled
to find a chair.

“Are you alright?”

“I thought you were done with me.”

She thought the tension was over, but
she'd been wrong. In an instant his eyes were stormy and dark.

“Of course you'd think that,” he
snapped. “It's insulting how you keep looking for ways that I'll hurt you.”

“No.” She shook her head, working to get
her bearings again. “I admit our relationship scares the hell out of me. But
I'm not looking for reasons to end it. I let my fear get the best of me once
and it was a mistake. I almost lost you.”

“And yet you just thought I was leaving
you.”

“I misunderstood.” They both fell
silent, giving Tess time to reflect on the night before and the conversation
they were having now. The unsettling feelings she'd had while waiting for him to
come back from Liv's returned, only now she began to understand them. The
dependence on him was part of it. But so was the fact that she was living with a
man after committing herself to celibacy. Jack had turned her life completely
upside down and while she was happy about it, it also terrified her and made
her feel vulnerable.

“Do you know we've only been on one
date.”

Jack stared at her, wondering where the
hell that question came from. “I've taken you out plenty of times.”

“We went on one date and then I was
staying with you.”

“Your house burnt down,” he pointed out.
“Where else were you going to go?”

“I had plenty of other places to go.” He
knew she meant Daniel, which only irked him more. “But I went with you.”

“For how long? Don't think I don't know that
you plan to leave when your house is done, despite the fact that you know I
want you to stay.”

“I don't think we're ready for me to
stay.”

Jack felt his heart tear. Here it was.
She'd been denying it, and yet here it was. She was getting ready to bolt
again. He pushed away the urge to beg and instead welcomed the anger. “Because
I didn't take you on dates?”

“You're mocking me.”

“I'm trying to understand why after all
this time you don't love me enough to trust me.”

“I do trust you, but I can't give you
what you want. Not right now. I…I think I should move out.” 

His heart completely split. “So that's
it! One little bump in the road and you're dumping me again?”

“No. I love you and I want to be in a
relationship with you. But I can't give you more than that. Not right now.”

He sought her soul through her eyes,
desperate to understand what she was saying. “You love me, but can't live with
me?”

She nodded. “I need more time to learn
how to be in a relationship. For us to know each other better. I didn't know
you were afraid to fly. That seems like something I should know.”

He turned away and ran his fingers
through his hair. She felt she didn't know him. And right now he was proving it
to her. He knew he was overdoing it by going to Daniel and then picking a fight
with her, but dammit, he could feel her slipping way. And the more he reached
for her, the farther away she seemed to get. His only recourse now was to show
her that she did know him.

“My favorite color is green; not that
light green, but dark green. I like alternative rock music and besides
chocolate, my favorite food is tater tots. I don't like to fly— I never have,
but I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of falling out of the sky. I knew I
was in love with you within the first five minutes of meeting you, and,” he
took a deep breath. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

At first, her expression reminded him of
the first time he told her he loved her— horror. But then she smiled.

“I don't know your favorite color,” he
added, “But you love old R&B music and have a French underwear fetish,
which I totally support and appreciate. You have legitimate fear of love, which
I'm doing everything I can to alleviate…the fear, not the love. And you love
me, I know you do.”

Tess nodded. “My favorite color is
whatever your eyes are.” It wasn't what he wanted to hear, and yet, he could
feel the panic start to dissipate. “And I love you more than I ever thought was
possible.”

“Then stay.”

“Last night, when you said I was
indifferent?”

He nodded, wishing they didn't have to
revisit that part of the conversation.

“I was unsettled, but I didn't know why.
But now I do. I'm not ready to live with you. We've taken the fast track in
this relationship and it's too fast for me.”

He tried to understand what she was
saying, but couldn't. To him it was so clear that they were meant to be
together. If she'd just stop for a second and allow her heart to guide her,
she'd know it too.

“My fear of love is like your fear of
flying. It's not rational, but it's there. And jumping into living together and
committing to a life together won't cure that fear any more than you going
skydiving will cure your fear of flying.”

Jack didn't like that her analogy made
sense. She was resistant, but all his pulling wasn't helping.

“And the other issue is that I've let
myself become totally dependent on you.”

“And that's bad?”

“It unsettles me and makes me feel
vulnerable. That won't go away either, until I do something about it.”

“Then get a job!” He hadn't meant it to
sound so terse, but if her work was the only thing keeping her from loving him,
then he wanted her to fix it. “I'm sorry. I'm frustrated. I can't lose you.”

“I don't want to lose you either. I'm
not ending things. I just want to slow them down. You are more sure of yourself
and your feelings. More impulsive. I'm not.”

He could see the conviction in her eyes
and he had to trust that by moving out she would find her way back to him. “Where
will you go?”

“A hotel. It's completely neutral with
no distractions.”

He nodded and hoped he didn't show the
relief at her not choosing to stay with Helen and Tom. That would have been the
obvious choice as they were like parents to her. But Helen had never warmed to
Jack. He wasn't sure if it was because he'd ended any chance for Daniel to be
with Tess or if it was because he was Helen’s illegitimate stepbrother.

“And what about us?”

“I want what we'd have if my house
hadn't burnt down. You come see me. I go see you…”

“To date?”

“It could be fun.”

“It would be more fun if you were at my
place. And it would allow us to get to know each other faster.”

“I know this is hard for you and you
think I'm using it as an excuse, but I'm not, Jack. I promise. I want all that
you've promised me, all that you want for our future. But I can't give you that
until I get my life in order and ease my way into it. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand,” he said reluctantly. “I
don't like it. But I understand it.” He dipped his head and captured her lips
in a hard, desperate kiss. He wondered if she could feel his frustration, his
fear. “I'm not sure I can let you go,” he finally said.

“It's not goodbye.”

“When can I see you?”

“I'm free for dinner tonight.”

He nodded. He wanted so much more than a
dinner date. As he looked into her whisky- colored eyes, he could see she
wanted to give him more. He held on to that.

~~~~

Tess sat at the table in her room at the
Jefferson Inn looking out the window, but not seeing the busy historic downtown
mall. She was discouraged. She was supposed to be filling out a questionnaire
to help her identify the perfect career, but she wasn't able to answer the
questions.
What did you want to be as a child?
Free of my parents.
What
is your passion now?
Chocolate, couture underwear and Jack. How was this
program supposed to help her find a job based on that?

She might be able to find better
answers, but her mind couldn't let go of the image of Jack as she left his
office. He said he understood, but she could see she hurt him. She knew deep
down moving out was the right decision. She needed to get her life together
before she could give him more. But every minute since leaving his office,
packing her things at his house and closing the door of her hotel room, she
felt wrong. She wished she could think of an alternative, but her mind was
blank. All she could do was work out her life as quickly as possible. She
turned back to the computer.
List qualities that describe you.
Heartbreaker. Uncommitted…

Her phone chirped and she lunged at it, grateful
for the distraction.  The caller ID let her know it was Daniel.

“I stopped by the house, but you weren't
there. Where are you? I want to talk to you about these notes you sent over.”

Tess sighed and hoped that Daniel
wouldn't gloat when he discovered where she was. “I'm at the Jefferson Inn.”

“In the restaurant or in a room?”

“Room.”

There was silence on his end of the
phone. “Can I see you?”

“Yes.” She gave him the number. He told
her he'd be there in a few minutes and they clicked off. Her relief that he
hadn't pressed her on the phone was short lived, she knew. He would ask her
what was up when he arrived. She hoped he understood her answer.

True to his word, he arrived quickly.

“It's not what you think,” she said as
she let him.

“So what is it?”

Tess explained her need to get her
bearings and her discomfort at being so dependent on Jack.  Daniel looked as
confused as Jack had.

“Jack's okay with this?”

“He doesn't like it, but says he
understands. Or at least he'll give me the time I need. But I hate that it hurt
him. Especially today. He's had a rough day.”

“He could have easily avoided it,”
Daniel said.

“He knows that.”

Daniel studied her for a moment. “Well,
as long as you're alright…”

She nodded, “I'm fine. What did you want
to go over with me?”

He took a seat at the table while Tess
pushed her laptop aside.

“I called Charles' brother in New York.
He's head of the family company now. I asked him if he was investing in horses
with Charles and he said 'no'. He also said that Charles was on an allowance, a
really good allowance, but not quite enough to cover the horses he wanted to
buy.”

“So it had to be a business venture,
like the trainer thought.”

“Right, except we don't know what
venture. The brother made it sound like he and Charles weren't close. He said
Charles was always odd, on his own. The only thing he'd ever shown any real
emotion for was horses.”

“Everyone else says that too,” Tess
verified.

“And according to your notes about
Wilson, that deal hasn't produced any money yet.”

Tess shook her head. “No. He hoped to
have the first homes for sale next spring. I want to do a little more research
on the project though.”

“Why? Did Wilson say something else?”

“No. But business partnerships,
particularly when construction is involved can have all sorts of problems. I
doubt there is anything to it, but I'll check it out anyway.”

“You didn't talk to Boone?”

“He wasn't there. I'll try to catch him
again another time.”

Daniel's phone rang. “I've got to go,”
he said after taking the call.  “Do you need anything?”

“No. The goal is to have some quiet time
to get my head straight.”

“So I guess dinner is out of the
question?”

“I'm having dinner with Jack.”

He sighed. “Right. Well, call if you
need anything.”

“I will. Thank you.”

~~~~

Jack adjusted his tie and checked his
mood as he stood outside of Tess' door. It had been a bad day all around.
Getting home and seeing her side of the closet empty didn't make it any
better.  But he had to pull it together. He didn't like that she moved out, but
he knew he had to be supportive to have any chance of a future with her. So
he'd do things her way, starting with an official date.

“Hey you,” he said when she opened the
door. He tried for casual to hide the wave of need that nearly had him grabbing
her.

“Hey you, back.”

He presented her with the vase full of
flowers he picked up on the way over. “I couldn't get tulips. I hope roses will
do.”

“Jack. They're gorgeous.”

“And this,” he said holding out a blue
bag of Lindt chocolate.

“Chocolate and flowers. It’s a little
early for Valentine's day.”

Jack grinned. “Every day is Valentine's
day with me.”