Old Lovers Don't Die (8 page)

“Okay, I admit my difficulties in that area of reading signs that you give us; perhaps that’s why there has been such an explosion of Internet dating. Men can take their time, look at lots of people whom they think they will fancy without the rejection. Women have cooperated, understanding means inadequacies in this area. However, while the Internet allows you to do the equivalent of a preliminary scan, you still have to do your secondary scan when you finally meet them. I guess, though, it eliminates a lot of potential rejection. Nonetheless, to my way of thinking, it is just delaying and complicating the process and in addition, you cannot find out about potential chemistry looking at a photo where you don’t know how authentic it is.”

“So now we know you have tried Internet dating, Christian?”

“Not really. I had a look at it, and probably like every other male, was intrigued by the fact there were so many people who believed it was the answer to the relationship problem. It is still an interesting phenomenon to me, but it depersonalises the whole aspect of relationships. From the point of view of initial attractiveness and getting to know someone, it appeals to the voyeur in us and deceives us into believing there are many potential great relationships out there. In so far as I can see, all the Internet has done is give a wider range of people the opportunity to look at carefully constructed profiles and photos. You still need to go through getting to know someone in person to determine whether there can be a great relationship and more importantly, great chemistry. That is the essence of a great relationship and you cannot tell that from the Internet. Even with new innovations like Tinder, which allows you to scroll through dozens of photos from Facebook pages closed to you, it doesn’t determine personal interaction, only attraction at a superficial level.”

“Have you ever tried it?”

“No, but like you, I have looked at it and found it fascinating partly because so many of my friends use it, but the real answer would be no, for all the reasons you have just mentioned. In addition, and this will sound arrogant, I have never had an issue finding men, although finding the right one has been difficult. So I have been tempted to revert back to the Internet but then dissuaded by my friends who tell me that over 50% of the people they meet are completely different to those represented in their profile. In addition to which, many falsely represent their status as being single, when actually they are married. They turn out to be not interested in a relationship, but in sex. As you imply, a hot photo does not guarantee chemistry. I tend therefore to stick to picking up interesting men in airport lounges.”

Christian laughed. “Well, we are agreed on the Internet but for different reasons. So you had better up-skill me with this sign reading and evolutionary relationship development.”

“Let’s start with that girl you saw in the gym. What happened after your preliminary scan? Did she at any stage walk back past you and glance at you?”

“Yes she did, about ten minutes later. She looked at me as she walked back past, just a quick glance and then looked away.”

“Now that glance, in pure evolutionary psychology terms, meant she approved your shape and was interested. If she had not been interested, she would have walked past you looking at the floor. Did you smile back at her, give her a small wave, or get up and looked like you wanted to talk to her?”

“No, I did not. I thought she may have had a partner or that she was just being nice. I know that probably confirms the evolutionary rejection theory. Nevertheless, getting beyond that preliminary encounter has always been one of my issues. I’m so busy processing the secondary scan in thinking how nice it would be to be with her but the opportunity disappears or perhaps I allow it to disappear.”

“Christian, you just need to get to learn the signs better and decide that they are real signs and women, through those signs, are giving you permission to get to know them.”

“So now, you’re going to teach me next about evolution of body language and how to interpret that?”

“Well, since you appear so interested. There is now clearly much more to attraction and successful relationships than just a primary and secondary scan even if they are more sophisticated. As we have evolved and developed an instinct for what we like in a partner, there is not just recognition of someone who will protect us and possibly be a good sperm donor, but who will also satisfy this growing list of sophisticated emotional needs.”

“That could be simplistic things like colour of hair, length of hair, haircut, long or short neck, long or muscular legs which have evolved as part of our individual relationship requirements and are built into our secondary scan.”

“Mostly correct but the second scan is not at the subconscious level. It is no longer about recording data points based on primitive genetic selection. It’s now about consciously evaluating a profile that is involved in us and that we have constructed of someone we would like to get to know better. That may include some of the things that you recognise you like, but for some people, it will be just a good feeling that is generated by saying something which has evolutionary roots they can’t really define.”

“And that applies to women as well as men?” said Christian.

“Of course with women it’s a little bit more refined as you would expect.” Petrea’s mischievous smile had returned. “Despite what the common magazines say, we are looking for signs after a basic scan of attractiveness that tell us a man is intelligent with an innate sense of goodness, projects authority and appears to have the potential to be a successful provider.”

“I get all that, and there are many shapes of women that I find attractive, but for me, it’s still it’s how to read the signs and does any of that give me an indication whether my scan is reciprocated. Clearly, you can have attraction between two people who identify with each other’s profile. The only problem is that men are, as you said, useless at recognising it, which makes it difficult to get to the next step of establishing chemistry—the secret of all good relationships.”

“Ah, chemistry. I wondered whether we would get to that; some would say without chemistry in a relationship, you only have a friendship. Many in fact do not ever find chemistry and argue that it is an illusion; in many ways that may be easier and potentially be the safer option. Having a nice managed relationship without any chemistry can clearly be very successful.”

“But having found great chemistry once, I don’t want to settle for something less, Petrea.”

“Tell me what you define as great chemistry.”

“With Isabella, there was obviously mutual attraction. From the time we first met, there was this overwhelming feeling of attraction/desire. That in turn ignited this incredible passion. I loved her body and mind and everything about her; even our orgasms were in sync from the first night. It just seemed like 100% match on all levels.”

“Well I can understand you wanting that again. That does sound like great chemistry. Not the type of chemistry that the modern media tries to get us hooked on. They have created this fantasy of chemistry around these illusions of big boobs and six-packs. Yours is the real chemistry which I personally think you can have with more than one person, even though you haven’t yet found it with anyone else other than Isabella. So tell me about me more about Isabella. I might learn something.”

“Did you ever see the movie,
Mad Dog and Glory
with Robert De Niro and Uma Thurman?”

“I think everyone has seen that. It’s a classic, why?”

“Do you remember the intensity of the passion when they made love?”

“I seem to remember they devoured each other.”

“It was that kind of intensity when I met Isabella. The lovemaking was almost uncontrollable. As though every part of us, all our senses of smell, sight, hearing, suddenly were much more alive and just wanted to interact with the each other at a frantic pace.”

“Okay, so I can see you skipped the evolutionary scanning bit and just went straight to the chemistry, thereby arguing I take it, that chemistry overrides evolution,” Petrea said smiling.

“The primary and the secondary scan happened but just very quickly. It was the next step which was so different; there was no confusion with signs, just this laser lock of attraction; when we met each time, it was like a virtual neon sign of desire was turned on, if you will, by how she looked, how she moved, how she smelt, and how she smiled.”

“Why isn’t she here with you now?”

“Circumstances. She had to complete medical school and so did I and the relationship just drifted, irrespective of how hard we tried to maintain it. We both remain friends and she has had other relationships and so have I. But as I said, nothing with kind of chemistry which I had with Isabella.”

“So one of the things you wonder, was that chemistry unique to Isabella, and therefore it’s impossible to have that level with anyone else?”

“Well, I haven’t got close with anyone else when it comes to that kind of chemistry. I have considered it from many angles. Was it just because it was the first time, and our hormones were unleashed upon each other raw and uncontrolled? That it was like climbing Everest for the first time, so that whatever you did after that could never have the same intensity.”

“Firstly, there is an intensity which is hard to replicate with a first love if it’s a good experience. That is the same as anything for the first time that is new, wild, and uncontrolled. Secondly, it is possible to have the same kind of intensity and chemistry with someone else. Believe me, I have had with more than one man an amazing chemistry between us.”

“So if I could return the question, why are none of them sitting here with you now?”

“Most of the men that I have known suffered under the illusion that if they were attractive physically, chemistry was guaranteed. What detracted from all of that was unfortunately, most were self-focused and self-absorbed, which possibly guarantees good sex, but good sex is not great chemistry. It is a bit like driving a Volkswagen when you could be in a Ferrari.”

“I like that analogy, but surely in your profession with all the intelligence and attractiveness, there must have been some Ferraris you could have parked in your garage.”

“Very cute, Christian. The men I meet mostly have all the necessary ingredients that meet my requirements: tall, athletic, attractive, intelligent, and successful. The prominence of the ‘how great I am gene’ locks them emotionally into the 1800s, an era when chemistry was unheard of, other than the claims that it resided in abundance in red light districts. Let me quickly add that, despite your inability to read signs, from what I have gleaned through talking to you, I think your emotional side is more evolved than many men I have met.”

Christian smiled at Petrea, delighted that, firstly, he did not blush, and secondly that she choose to flatter him. Perhaps he was evolving, he thought.

“I take it that’s one of those prosecutorial things that you do to maintain the interest of the defence or distract their thinking?”

“I can see that you’re onto me.”

“Chemistry is both an old and new phenomenon. Women in days gone by limited their passions partly because sex was a primarily procreational exercise and wild passion was associated with weird forms of sex. If they ended up having great sex, that was a supernatural bonus. Now we know what it takes to make sex outstanding. It’s not just passion or attraction.”

“You’re suggesting, if I’m following, that freedom to express passion is just one of the components of chemistry?”

“Passion translates sex into something more than a physical act. Sex for many can be just shag with little if any passion, which means physical compatibility gets confused as chemistry. Some of my friends quite happily settle for that. For them it works and companionship is more important.”

“I have friends like that too; that’s not what I want to settle for either although many of them seem very happy.”

“I would much rather be dead or celibate than just exist in a functional business arrangement. A relationship without chemistry for me is worse than cheap wine. My choice is not to taste or drink something which does not enhance at least one of my senses. I agree, for many it seems to work until they by chance meet someone who ignites all those feelings and then they realise what they have missed for so long.”

“That is my problem is a nutshell,” Christian said. “Once you’ve had relationship with chemistry, it’s difficult to settle for anything less.”

“Okay, we have established, in the short time that we’ve been talking, that you are a romantic and passionate. I do not need any more details about your chemistry with Isabella, although a little kinkiness at 39,000 feet could be good for both of us. I think the only way you are going to sort out your problem is to meet up with her again.”

Christian reflected on how easy it had become to talk to Petrea. He was somewhat flattered that she appeared to find him attractive. As he was about to reply, the Qantas hostess interrupted and topped up their champagne glasses. While he watched the bubbles, he thought with all the talk about the chemistry with Isabella, he had not noticed how seriously immersed he had become with Petrea and how much he was liking her company.

“You were wondering about what?” Petrea said as she watched Christian staring into his champagne.

“I was thinking about how easy you are to talk to and how you have this ability to easily talk about relationships and how easy it was to tell you about Isabella.”