Olivia (120 page)

“I want a bath,” she said.

He sighed, and then took her home.  The tribe was already gathered and the scent of roasting meat pervaded the caverns; there would be a feast and she should be there, but he led her on to the baths without comment and stood by while she stripped away her clothing and tried to wash everything away.  After a moment, he gathered up her bloodied garments and the spear and took them away.  When he returned, the spear had been cleaned and he was naked.

He put the spear down next to the bath and slipped in beside her.  He put his arms around her and leaned against the side of the tub, a tight squeeze for the two of them together.  “Are you going to be all right?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” she said.  “I just didn’t know it was like that.  I expected it to be clean and…”  She thought of the butcher’s section of the grocery stores where she shopped, and all those nice, plastic-wrapped pieces of meat, none of which ever looked like it had ever belonged to a living, breathing,
bleeding
animal.  “I didn’t know I was going to hurt it,” she said in a small voice.  “I’m sorry.  I know how stupid that sounds.”

“I never should have brought you along,” he sighed.  “But I’m desperate.  Tobi was one of our better hunters.  I need someone to replace her.”

“Oh, is that the only reason?” she said with a forced laugh.  “I thought maybe you figured that if you ran a deer over me, no other man would want me.”

“I’d have to run something a lot more impressive than a deer over you for that,” he grunted.  “Anyway, snapping Huuk’s horn off has pretty much made your position on mate-taking clear.  The smarter gullan I can trust to leave you alone.  It’s the dumb ones I worry about.”  He was frowning over her head at the steam rising towards the top of the cave, his mind obviously elsewhere.  “I suppose we have enough meat now that I won’t have to hunt for a few days.  You have a little time to decide whether or not to try again.  No one will blame you if you don’t, you know.”

“No one would dare,” she sniffed.

“That’s probably true.”  There was the faintest hint of a smile in his voice.  “There are some who think that every being is born with a single driving purpose—to be a hunter, a leader, a healer.  I don’t believe that, but I do think a man, or a woman for that matter, should do what he’s best at.  If he happens to be best at different things, so be it.  You are an excellent example.  You are a good mate, a wise healer and a strong leader.  It’s all right if you don’t want to be more.  It’s all right if you do.”

“Thanks,” she said, still thinking of the goat.

He nudged her discretely.  “You were supposed to say, ‘Oh Doru, you’re good at lots of things too,’ and then name them,” he explained.

“You cuddle very well,” she said.

He groaned.  “You’ve been talking to Bodual.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to stand tall and look formidable when your best friend is spreading rumors about how cuddly you are?”

“You don’t want to be the leader anyway.”

He disengaged his arm from her shoulders.  “You’re right about that.”  He glanced at her with a warm smile.  “But you seem to be feeling better.  I need to see that the meat is divided fairly.  You should consider joining the feast.  This was your first hunt and it was successful.  Others will want to praise you.”

“I don’t want to be praised for what I just did.”

He had started to heave himself out of the bath, but hearing this, he dropped back beside her, frowning.  Very gently, he caught her chin in his hand and turned her meet his eyes.  “My father used to tell me, the earth will have what the earth desires.  The earth desired my sister.  The earth desired that sweet female that shared my heart and soul for thirty years.  The earth desired the three sinless infants I was made to sire.  I have learned at last that it does no good to curse the earth.  I hear it calling for the life of my tribe, and I don’t question that call, but I do fight it and I fight it with blood.  Tonight, Olivia, you stood before the hungry earth and pushed it back, yes, with blood.  Now it is done, and here is the only wisdom that I know: The animal’s pain is over, your tribe is fed and the earth has nothing of yours.  There is comfort in that.  Small comfort, maybe, and bitter, but there.”

“I killed it, Doru,” she said bleakly.  “It was just a dumb animal.  It didn’t even know what was happening.”

He pulled her into his embrace and wrapped his wings close around her.

“Okay,” she said at last.  “Okay.  I’m done.”

He made no move to release her.  She closed her eyes and leaned into his body, savoring the warmth and kindness in his touch, savoring even the wet-fur smell of him. 

He stroked his hand through her hair once or twice, then held her out at arm’s length and offered her a thin smile.  “Olivia, no one is starving now.  It’s all right to grieve for the life you took tonight.  But it’s all right to keep on eating goat, too.”  He studied her face closely.  “Will you come to the feast?”

Olivia shuddered, covered her face, counted to ten, and finally looked at him again.  “Yes.”

“That’s always been your greatest strength,” he remarked, and got out of the bath.  “Not just to do the things you don’t want to do, but to stand and face the consequences when they’re done.  Olivia, you may never be a hunter, but whatever you are fated for, you surely will be great.”

“Everybody says that,” she said with a sigh.

“Everybody does,” he agreed, pulling her out of the water.  “So you’ve been warned.”

2

Olivia did not hunt, but after that night, she put herself in charge of watching over the few captive goats which the gullan kept for milking, reasoning that every goat whose escape she prevented was one less that Doru would have to hunt down again.  Under Amy’s critical eye, and with the help of several gullan women, a pen was constructed, and as long as she kept their feedbox full and replaced any half-eaten slats, it seemed to be holding them.  It was not exciting work, but it served a purpose and more importantly, it got her out of reach of all males apart from Doru’s hunters, none of whom were any threat to her now that she was officially his mate.

And it gave her plenty of time to sit just as she sat now, gazing up into the night sky at the moon.  She did not move, had not moved, and at times the captive mountain goats forgot she was there and came close enough to brush against her before bounding away and bleating curses at her.  She didn’t notice.

The moon was full tonight.  In fourteen short days, the goddess’s season would be on her, and when she and the Great Spirit had met to conceive the next child, Olivia’s time would be over.  The thought no longer had quite the same sting that it once had.  She still couldn’t see the end of the journey, couldn’t imagine the battle that awaited her in the pool of Bahgree’s waters, or whatever fate came afterwards, win or lose, but she finally thought she would be able, at least, to begin. 

A cloud crawled slowly over the face of the moon, and the thought came to Olivia that this was a signal, that Urga had delivered another child into the world, and somewhere among some unseen tribe, there was a new baby with a silvery crest down its perfect back.  “Congratulations,” Olivia said, startling a nearby goat.  “Is it a boy or a girl?”

The clouds grew thicker, dimming the sky, and when the reluctant answer came, silent in the night but roaring like blood in Olivia’s ears, she was not entirely surprised.

“
A son
. 
The Great Spirit breeds only sons with me
.”

“Chauvinist.”

“
In many ways
.”

“Do you love him?”  She was somewhat amused by her own sense of calm, as if speaking to a goddess wasn’t important enough to get excited over.

“
He is mine.  My mate.  My creator
.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“
It is what I have answered
.”

Olivia watched the captive goats graze and mutter at each other.

“
Do you love him?
”  Only the faint inflection made this a question; Urga’s voice was distant and cold as…as moonlight.

“No.”  She smiled faintly.  “Always a bridesmaid.”

Urga overlooked the nonsensical remark.  “
Does he know this?
”

“I’ve made no secret of it.  You ought to know better than anyone that he doesn’t exactly care what other people think.  I am not required to love him. To quote the man himself, I’m not even required to be conscious.”

“
So it is
.”  There followed a lengthy pause.  “
Why is it then that you seek to give him pleasure more than he takes in his own course?
”

“I think the greater question here is, why
don’t
you?”

Pensive silence.  The goats clacked over stone.

“
He spoke of you when last we met
.”

Olivia shifted on the rock, looking up to see that the clouds had now almost entirely blackened the moon from sight.  What little smudge of light shone through them only served to make the whole sky seem bruised and baleful.  Uneasily, she said, “I’m sorry about that.”

“
Twenty-seven days I have waited with yearning for him, and when at last my eyes behold him, the first words he spoke were of you
.”  Softly, meditatively, still without any hint of emotion.

“I’m a novelty,” Olivia said.

“
Indeed.  But perhaps you are a novel threat
.”

“Just because I can get an orgasm out of him? If that’s all it is, I could tell you what to do.”

“
I should not need to concern myself with trivialities.  He has always taken pleasure enough from me in the past.  It will be enough in the future
.”

“What about your pleasure?” Olivia asked, and felt the cool appraisal of the heavens. 

“
I am satisfied by the fulfillment of my purpose
.”

“You can’t feel anything else?”

“
I can feel vengeance
.” 

Olivia swallowed, her throat suddenly dry.  “Vengeance is more of an act, not an emotion.”

“
Even so
.”

“I help him cum because he bothers me less often if he gets more out of our time together and because it’s good practice for this power I’m supposed to be strengthening.  I’ll stop if it’s upsetting for you.”

“
…
”

“I mean it.”

“
…Yes…I believe you do…
”

“What do you want me to do?”

“
Die
.” 

Olivia drew back, just as if recoiling another four inches made any difference in the distance between her and the moon.  Urga’s voice still carried no weight of emotion, no inflection of interest.

“
But since my mate has commanded this should not be, you may do as you will.  Give him your human pleasures if it amuses you.  At the end of time, he remains my own, my mate, my master.  And you remain yet another of Bahgree’s enticing offspring, easily disregarded, easily destroyed
.”

“I don’t want to be your enemy.”

“
No, mortal.  You do not
.”

“I don’t mean it like that.  I mean I didn’t want any of this to happen.”

Silence.

“If there were a way to lift the curse and save my son without taking Bahgree’s power, I’d do it.  I wasn’t given a choice in any of this!”

The goats bumped each other and grumbled.

“Urga?”

The clouds thinned out and the moon reappeared, broken, but whole and shining.

“Nice talking to you,” she murmured.

There was a rush of wind and the sound of wings.  Doru landed beside her, skidding several feet on the slanted stone.  He looked around, saw only goats, and gave her a curious look.  “Who were you speaking to?”

Olivia shook her head.  “Nobody, I guess.  How’s the hunting?”

“Could be worse, I suppose.  With the females tending traps, the hunters are at least spending more time in the air.  Damark and Borumn couldn’t manage the strain tonight, but Hodrub took three rabbits back to his Liz.  Wurlgunn and Augurr were going to see if they could kill a
rua
.  Mudmar took the others out on wide patrols.  Sarahjay and Sutung have made three raids on hives already and I think they mean to strike a fourth as soon as they’ve unloaded.  Oh, and I have this for you.”

Doru opened his belt pouch and fanned out a handful of Hershey’s bars. 

Olivia made some wordless exclamation and seized them.  “You didn’t go all the way to town, did you?”

“Ha, not even for you.  Sarahjay gave them to me.”  He watched with detached interest as Olivia unwrapped one of the chocolate bars and broke off a square.  “I had one.  Not bad.  Not bam good, but not bad.”

“Bam,” purred Olivia, dissolving the chocolate on her tongue.  “Fucking bam, to quote the vernacular.”  She peered at him, smiling.  “What did you give Sarah J. in exchange?”

“Who says I had to give her anything?  I am
tovorak
.  She is tribe.  I demanded and she provided.”

“Sure.”  She savored another square.  “No, really, what did you give her?”

“I told her I’d get her a set of bear claws at the next opportunity.  She wants to edge her hunting vest with them.  Savage little beasts, are humans.”  He watched her devour the rest of her first chocolate bar and pocket the rest.  “Of course, there is the little matter of what
you
intend to give me,” he murmured, fanning his wings covertly.

Olivia reached out and scratched down the center of his broad chest.  “It bears thinking on.  I’ll let you know.”  She hopped up and prepared to descend the steep slope to the game trail below.

He caught her, as she’d known he would, hooking her by the back of her shirt and then sweeping it up and over her head before she had time to defend herself.  When she came back, jumping for it like a child being bullied on the playground, he caught her up and let her tumble them both carefully to the stony ground.  Then he only lay there, hands clasped around her back, which greatly complicated the simple act of pulling her shirt back on.