OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (50 page)

Boys. Men. Males. They cause trouble from the moment they open their actual eyes!

Apparently Ruby has had the worst outbreak of zits ever – her mum is taking her to a spot specialist. I feel dead sorry for her. I texted her and told her that they would soon clear up. That was a lie though. Some people can have really bad acne for YEARS. Sometimes you have to lie to protect people from the hurtful truth.

THAT sounds like my MUM. And how she “protected” me for all those years. I am doomed.

OMG – Ruby said to her mum that she felt ugly and she didn't want to go to school AND HER MUM LET HER OFF!

I told my mum I felt ugly. She said, “You'll feel better at school. There're uglier people than you there.”

Thanks for your sympathy, Mum.

Why can't I have a thick, soft mum?!

RUMOURS GOING ROUND SCHOOL THAT I AM NOT GOING TO TELL RUBY:

•   MGK (everyone still calls her that) is having laser treatment that is costing 3 GRAND!!!

•   MGK got called by Boots – they want to put her in an advert for their new skin treatment.

•   MGK is going to the health farm where all the celebrities go to recuperate from the stress that is causing her zits.

•   MGK can never eat chocolate again or she will turn into 1 massive spot that can never be cured. Literally 1 Mars bar could kill her.

Ruby came back to school today and I TOTALLY HAD A GO AT THE SEEMINGLY SWEET AND LOVELY MEGAN FENTON.

Apparently Megan Fenton told Dibbo Hannah that Ruby is going out trick-or-treating as herself AND that she has asked for her school photos to be airbrushed in future.

I AM NOT HAVING MY SISTER SLAGGED OFF.

I stormed up to Megan Fenton and said, “Do yourself a favour – STOP being a cow about Ruby Slack. Spots are NOT a big deal and YOU are ONE NASTY PIECE OF WORK.”

Megan just smirked and said, “Don't make out this is about your sister, Hattie. You've wanted to have a go at me for AGES and we all know why!”

I just said, “WHATEVER! LEAVE IT!” and stormed off.

I went to Ruby's house tonight and said, “You're still totally pretty even with massive zits.” She didn't look that happy when I told her that, which was a bit ungrateful. I didn't tell her about Megan COW Fenton. I'm tempted to tell Goose. Bet he wouldn't love her half as much if he realized that she was EVIL.

Dimple is worried that the baby monitor is revealing how much she talks to herself. Her dad heard her pretend she was being interviewed by Graham Norton about her latest film. He must know she's secretly completely Bollywood under all her “A” grades.

My WHOLE family is going to Amitabh's sort-of-christening tomorrow. Gran wasn't invited but she has sort of invited herself. She gets one sniff of a free sandwich and mini apricot slice and there is seriously NO stopping her.

Nicky is going too.

Megan and Goose are NOT going. GOOD.

Amitabh's naming ceremony was AMAZEBALLS. The food was unbelievable. It was really lovely too. Dimple has got this amazing huge family and they were all hugging Amitabh AND telling Dimple what a great daughter and sister she is. Loads of them were crying. It was TOTALLY emotional and TOTALLY lovely. Everyone was getting on with everyone else. Only Gran caused a little row by asking for some “non-spicy meat” for Princess and then pushing in the queue for the toilets. She shouted, “I've got an irritable bladder, Hattie – I can't queue at a social function!” and went to the front. People tutted but they didn't argue.

At the end Nicky went out for a cigarette and gave me a puff. It WAS HORRIBLE. I coughed like a mental but Nicky thought smoking suited me and that I looked “sort of cool”. I might smoke. Just for a bit. Nicky has given me half a packet. I know it's totally wrong but it's only for a little while.

I can't believe it's raining on my first day of smoking!

OMG – cigarettes?! WHAT AM I DOING SUICIDE-BOMBING MY ACTUAL LUNGS?!

I had half a cigarette with Nicky at lunchtime. He thinks it's cool. I don't want him to think I'm not my own woman and that I just do what society says I should. As a feminist I can give myself pneumonia if I want to.

It's still raining. I'll have a cigarette when it stops.