Omission (8 page)

She walked back over to her dresser and set her earrings down before climbing onto the bed
, she sat up on her knees reaching for the pull on the fan to turn out the light, stretching as she did. Her legs were pale and smooth—perfect. I trailed my eyes up over her narrow hips and stopped at the exposed skin on her belly, and then I saw them. Several small, round scars that looked so red in contrast to her pale skin. Burn marks. Son of a bitch! Someone had fucking hurt her. “Wait!”

I froze.
I didn’t realize what the issue was until I saw that Garrett was staring at my exposed stomach where my tank top had ridden up while I was reaching for the light.

I quickly pulled it back down and stepped off the bed, backing away from him and the look of disgust on his face.

“Payton?” he whispered as he reached out to me.

“Don’t.”
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I walked over by the window with my back to him. “I think you should go, Garrett. I’m so sorry, I guess this was a bad idea.” I wasn’t ready to go there yet. I didn’t know if I could even begin to share some of the things I’d been through. I felt sick. The pain of those scars on my stomach weren’t anything compared to the pain I felt when I saw the look on Garrett’s face.

“Payton, please. Talk to me.
Did someone hurt you?” I could tell he was close behind me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“I don’t need your pity
, Garrett.” I could feel my eyes starting to burn.

“Why didn’t you tell m
e?” He put his hand on my waist, and his touch made me jump and caused my skin to tingle. I couldn’t be this close to him. I turned around and walked backward, still not looking up at him.

“It
… it was never a se—… secret … just none of your business,” I stuttered. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, not over this damn it. “Go!
Please!
” I begged.

He grabbed his clothes
and walked out of my bedroom. Moments later, I heard the door close, and I sunk to the floor, sobbing.

I begged for n
o emotions, no thoughts. My brain didn't want to deal so it shut off, too. Self preservation was something I was way too familiar with. I lay there in a crumpled heap until I couldn’t cry anymore. Eventually I fell asleep.

***

“Come on, Payton, it can’t be that bad.” Shelly put her hands on her hips and stared at me.

“He saw a glimpse into my past
, and he didn’t handle it well.” I shrugged. I had been crying so much over the last couple of days that I didn’t think I had anything left.

The day after our
fight, I was a complete mess. I made it through work by going through the motions, strictly by habit. I felt like a piece of me was missing. When we finished closing, I started walking across the park, alone, and it hit me even more then. Garrett had obviously washed his hands of me. Just last week, he wouldn’t even think about letting me walk home alone anymore, but I hadn’t seen or heard from him in over three days.

“He didn’t handle it well, or
you
didn’t?” Shelly raised her eyebrows at me before turning and walking to the other side of the bar.

I followed her until I was standing right in front of her. “It doesn’t matter
, Shelly. I can’t be with someone who pities me. My past is mine to deal with. It doesn’t affect anyone else.”

“That’s bullshit, Payton!”
I took a step back, shocked by Shelly’s tone. I couldn’t remember ever seeing her this pissed off at me. “You say it doesn’t affect anyone else, but it does. You let your past dictate how you live your life and who you let in. Garrett cares about you, and you’re the one pushing him away.”

“Maybe he did care about me
, Shelly, but you didn’t see his face.” I covered my eyes, pressing the heel of my hands firmly against them, willing myself to keep it together. “He was disgusted by me and my scars.”

“That’s not true.” 

The deep voice caught both Shelly and I by surprise. We both turned around and saw Lucas leaning up against the bar. I was so busy arguing with Shelly that I didn’t even see him walk up.

“Hi
, Lucas.” Shelly smiled at him.

His face lit up for a moment. “Hi
, Shelly.” Then he turned back to me.

“That’s not true
, Payton. You didn’t disgust Garrett. He was overwhelmed and pissed off, but not at you.” Lucas looked me straight in the eyes while he spoke.

“What do you mean ‘not at me’?” I was on the verge of tears again.
I missed him so much.

“The thought that someone had hurt you pissed him off l
ike I’d never seen him before. When he left your place he came over to the house and he was a mess—I mean a total and complete, irrational mess. He punched a hole right through the wall in the kitchen.”

I gasped
and put my hand over my mouth. “Is he okay?” 

Lucas looked
at Shelly and then back to me. “No. He’s not okay. He’s a total asshole right now, and we are all walking on eggshells around him.”

This
was too much to take right now. “Shelly, I need to get out of here.”

“Its okay, go.
We were done closing anyway.”

I grabbed my bag and pushed through the door out into the cold. I needed to feel it engulf me
. The frigid air burned my lungs as I inhaled deeply—cleansing the hurt and confusion away.

What Lucas had said
back at the bar plagued my mind. Could I have mistaken the look on Garrett’s face? Maybe Shelly was right. Maybe
I
was the one who couldn’t handle it. Maybe I was so prepared for people’s negative reactions to my past, that when they didn’t react the way I’d expected, I would run. With the crap I’d been through, I wasn’t very good at leaving things up to chance.

I was in such deep thought as I walked home that I didn’t notice Garrett on the steps until
I was almost walking up them. I wanted to do so many things at once. I wanted to run away, to throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness, to yell at him for prying, but I didn’t do any of those things. I just sat down on the steps next to him without saying a word.

Garrett’s gruff voice finally broke
the silence, “Payton, I’m sorry ... I was caught off guard. I know you have a past, and I had a suspicion that it wasn’t all that pretty, but I never expected to feel such rage from the thought of someone hurting you.” He still hadn’t looked at me.

“It
was at my second foster home.” I began softly, and Garrett reached over and put his hand in mine. It was just what I needed to keep going—his silent encouragement.

“My foster parents had a son. He was seventeen.
” I paused, trying to figure out if I wanted to tell him everything. I didn’t want to lose him, but after this past week, I didn’t think I could get any closer to doing that, so I made my decision right then and there.

“He was very nice to me when I first moved in
. Taking me out for burgers, driving me to school—you know, big brother things.” I shrugged. “One night he took me to a party with the upper classmen from our school. He kept giving me drinks, and then after we got home, he tried to force himself on me.” I felt Garrett’s hand grip mine so hard it was almost painful. I placed my other hand over his and felt him relax a bit.

“I was drunk, but not dr
unk enough to let him do that. I kicked him in the crotch, and he slapped me. He told me I would regret that and then he left my room.” I snuck a look at Garrett and saw him looking at me. There wasn’t any judgment or pity in those beautiful brown eyes. There was just love, and for once I allowed myself to be open.

“He lef
t me alone for a couple weeks. I was sad that he and I couldn’t hang out anymore, but I was so relieved that he ignored me, too.” I took a deep breath.

“Even
tually he started taunting me. If it wasn’t with words, it was physically. He would pinch me so hard I would get bruises. If I would cry, he would laugh, and the next time it was worse.

“Why di
dn’t you tell someone, Payton?” His voice sounded so tortured.

“He treated me so nice in front of his parents, but as soon as their backs
were turned, he was hateful.” I felt Garrett’s fingers slowly rubbing back and forth on my hand.

“When you don’t have anyone who loves you, it
’s hard to know who to turn to. I didn’t want to make waves. I just wanted to survive—just make it through until I was old enough to be on my own.”

“Where did the scars come from?”
His voice was controlled—just barely.

“One ni
ght, I forgot to lock my door. I woke up with him sitting on the end of my bed. All I could see was a glowing cigarette in the darkness. I tried to get up, but he moved and held me down. My nightshirt had ridden up, and my stomach was bare. He looked at me and smiled and then covered my mouth. I tried to stop him, Garrett, I really did, but his knees were holding my hands down at my sides, and he was so much bigger than me.”

“So he burned you?”
I could feel the muscles twitch in Garrett’s arm. His jaw was closed so tight I could see the strain on his skin.

“Yes
,” I whispered. He took a deep breath and nodded, trying to take it all in.

“Please tell me you told someone.”
His voice shook as he spoke.

“I tried, but he told them I did it myself. He made me look crazy, and considering what happened with my family
, no one thought any different. Not until the night he tried to rape me.”

Garrett gasped and stood up.
For a minute I thought he was going to leave, but after he walked a few steps down the sidewalk, he turned and punched a street sign. I closed my eyes. “Please, Garrett,” I pleaded.

My plea got his attention
, and he rushed back to me, taking both of my hands in his. “I’m sorry.”  He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then visibly relaxed. “You said he
tried
?”

I n
odded. “His dad walked in. He couldn’t deny it that time. His dad beat the crap out of him, and the next day I was moved to a different home.” 

“Did anyone else hurt you?”
He leaned forward and placed a kiss on top of my head.

“No, not physically
,” I said, because the homes I was in until I aged out were just that. Places to stay. There was no love—no family ... just a broken girl, and in many cases, just a paycheck for the families I stayed with.

“Are you okay?”
Garrett sat back next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I was shaking. Maybe I was cold, or maybe it was just a release from my body—maybe some sort of relief. I’d never told anyone what I just told Garrett. I never expected anyone to care.

“The
wounds can heal, but the scars will still be there, along with the memory of how they came to be, you know?” I whispered.

“This is why you have t
hat wall built up around you.” He pulled me in closer.

I turned and looked
up at Garrett and smiled. “Yeah, I guess so, but sometimes walls aren't built to keep people out ... sometimes they are built to see who is strong enough to bring them down.”

Garrett’s swollen hand
caught my attention. “We should get some ice on that.” I stood up and held out my hand. We walked inside and up the stairs to my apartment. His hand was already starting to bruise, and I could see the scabs from what must have been the wall incident Lucas mentioned.

I grabbed the ice and
sat next Garrett on the couch. I pulled his hand into my lap and placed the ice on it, watching as he grimaced. “You really should stop beating up signs and walls.” He laughed and leaned in, kissing me softly on the lips.

“Thank you for trusting me
, Payton.” He cupped my face in his hands, kissing me again—softly.

“Hey, do you remember those kisses we shared before
? The ones that can cause you to forget where you are or what you were doing? The kind you don't want to end?” I watched him nod and smile. “May I have another one, please?”

“What kind of guy would I be to refuse you that?”

“Where are we going?” Payton looked over at me as we drove through town.

“I’m taking you out on a date.” I winked. “And then we are going shopping.” I laughed at the confusion on her face. I was planning on taking her out to get some dinner, and then
we were stopping by the mall. I had a bit of a surprise for her in the trunk, and we needed a few things to complete it.

“I could definitely eat. I’m starving.” She rubbed her flat tummy. The girl could eat, that was for sure. I was certain she must have a tape worm or something. How else could she pack away so much food and remain the petite little thing
she?

I took her to a small Italian restaurant that Jackson and I used to go
to with our parents. It was cozy and intimate, and the food was amazing.

“What are you going to get?” I glanced over my menu. Her dark hair shimmered in the candlelight. She chewed on her lip as she looked through the list of meals.

“How’s the chicken parm?” she asked.

“One of my favorites.” I grinned.

She nodded and closed her menu. “Do you want to share with me why we are going shopping and what we are looking for?” 

“Nope.” I winked and grinned when she glared at me. I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s nothing crazy. I just have something for you, and I need a couple things to complete it.”

“Hey, what’s the deal with Lucas and Shelly?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if she had gotten any more information out of Shelly than I did with Lucas, which wasn’t much.

Payton shrugged as she finished chewing a bite of breadstick. “I’m not sure. Shelly swears they are just friends, nothing more.”

“I don’t buy it. Lucas says the same thing, yet he insists on coming to the bar with me every time. That seems a bit much for a friend.”

“That’s what I thought
, too.” She smiled in agreement.

We talked about school and our plans after graduation in the
spring. It seemed like she hoped to stay close to town. There was a small accounting firm she was doing an internship with beginning in January. With any luck, she would get picked up there.

I was also planning on staying close. There were a handful of small engineering opportunities in our town and the surrounding cities. Most of the engineering majors left town to go to North Carolina to work in what was known as the “Research Triangle” or somewhere else. Not many people consider
ed staying here. I needed to stay close to Jackson. I couldn’t leave him.

I took a hold of Payton’s hand as we walked into the mall, walking to the small home store. Payton raised her eyebrows at me
, and I chuckled. I stopped in front of the picture frames.

“Why do we need frames?”
she asked. I tapped my fingers to my chin as I looked over the different styles and sizes. After I had picked out all of the ones I needed, we made out way to the cash register.

“Still not sharing?”
she prodded.

“Come on, let’s go back to your place
, and I’ll show you.”

Payton carried the bag with the frames
, and I got the small bag of items out of the trunk. When we got inside, I laid the frames out on the kitchen table. After I had them all laid out, I pulled the pictures out of the bag.

“What on
Earth?” Payton gasped as she looked over the photographs. I had taken several pictures over the past couple of weeks, with the help of Lucas and Shelly. There were several of Payton and me, some of her with Shelly and Rob, and a couple of her alone that I was pretty sure I would keep for myself.

“I figured you needed to dress up your walls, and what better than with photos of all your favorite people.” I leaned in and gave her a kiss.

“This is amazing, Garrett. Thank you.”

We worked at placing the pictures in the frames and arranging them around the apartment. It wasn’t much, but it add
ed some personality and warmth.

“I know where this one is going.” She held up the eight by ten frame with a picture of us. I was kissing her on the forehead
, and she was smiling. It was one of my favorites.

I followed her into the bedroom where she set it right next to her bed on the night table.

“Perfect.”

I reached and pulled her back against me. “I couldn’t agree more.”

Payton turned to face me. I pulled her against me, capturing her mouth with mine. She tasted so good. I couldn’t get enough of her kisses. I ran my hands over her back, stopping just above the waist of her pants.

To my surprise, she backed toward the bed, pulling me down with her as she laid back. Her hands were moving over my chest through my shirt, and it was driving me crazy. She swung her leg over mine, forcing me to my back as she positioned herself on top of me. Her soft little body pressed into me as she ran one of her legs over my rapidly hardening groin.

“Oh God, Payton. You’re killing me,” I groaned. I ran my fingers down her sides, causing her to giggle. Apparently my girl was ticklish.

We rolled around, making out like teenagers on Payton’s bed for what seemed to be hours. I took the lead from her, careful not to push too far. I didn’t want to scare her. It was killing me to hold back, but I was falling in love with her, and I would take things as slow as she needed.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped and pulled back. I ran my fingers over her face.

“Don’t be sorry, Payton. We don’t ever have to go f
urther than you are comfortable with.” I kicked off my shoes and pulled her down on my chest, rubbing my hand over her back.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Garrett
,” she sighed as she nuzzled closer to me.

“My sweet Payton, you deserve so much more than I
could ever give you.” I was so close to telling her I loved her, but eventually her breathing evened out, and I knew she was asleep. I kissed her on the head and tried to fall asleep, but I didn’t want to miss the feel of her in my arms for one second.

***

The next few weeks were incredible. Payton and I had been spending so much time together, and every moment spent with her had me falling deeper in love with her.

It was
incredible how strong she was. She had overcome a lot of crap in her life. Crap that I couldn’t imagine. I could only hope I wouldn’t add to it. I knew there were things we had yet to cover. I hadn’t mentioned much about what happened to my parents, and in turn, she never spoke of hers.

“You ready to come back
, little man?” Jackson sat in the front seat of my car, nervously tapping his hands on his knees. We’d left the rehab facility about an hour ago, and neither of us had said too much.

“I’m good
, Garrett. Really.” Jackson’s voice seemed confident, even though his actions didn’t. “I’m just excited. It’s been a while, and I’m anxious to get home.”

“Um, Jackson? I need to tell you something.”

“Okay?”

“I kind of have a girlfriend.” I waited for his reaction.

“And? That’s good, Garrett, right?” He looked at me with confusion.

I took a deep breath. “
I
think so, but she’s had a hard life, and I’m not sure I want to add to it.” I wasn’t making sense, and by the look on Jackson’s face, he didn’t think so either. I was such a chicken shit. I just wanted to get Jackson home and settled tonight. Tomorrow I would come clean about Payton, and we could figure out the best way to handle everything.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow.
Let’s just get home and order a pizza or something.”

***

Jackson settled right in. Nothing felt strained or awkward. It was a relief, to say the least. He was grateful to be home, and I was glad to have him back.

“Sorry about the lack of food.
I guess I haven’t been a good shopper while you were gone.” I was almost embarrassed to only be able to offer my brother cereal or cold pizza for breakfast. “Some welcome home, huh?”

I grabbed my keys to head o
ut to the store. “You coming?” I looked back just as Jackson sank down into the couch.
I guess not
. I chuckled as I closed the door behind me.

***

I loaded up the cart, thinking about what I was going to say to Jackson about Payton, and if I would even have the guts to tell Payton the truth tonight over dinner. I was making myself sick just thinking about it. As much as it hurt a few weeks ago when I’d thought I lost Payton, I think it would kill me to lose her now. There was no doubt in my mind that I was in love with the girl.

“Shit
,” I mumbled. With all this thinking about Payton, I just wanted to hear her voice, but in my haste to fill the house with groceries, I’d left my phone at home. I tossed a few extra things in the cart and headed to the check out. The sooner I got home, the sooner I could talk to Jackson and come up with a game plan.