On 4/19 (On 4/19 and Beyond 4/20) (44 page)

All day Chelsea eagerly anticipated Lucy’s reaction to John’s arrival and the plans for the wedding. Finally, it was time to tell her. Waving, she greeted her, “Hey, doodle bug.”

Grinning widely, bundled in full winter gear, Lucy tried to wave in return. Her coat was stiff, though, allowing little in the way of movement. “Hi, Chelsea.”

Because the weather was so bitterly cold, Chelsea had driven to pick Lucy up, a rare thing. Usually, the walk home was their time to discuss the best and worst of Lucy’s day. On the way to her car, Chelsea said, “I have some pretty big news.”

Lucy took hold of Chelsea’s hand, looked up, and excitedly asked, “What?”

“John came last night.”

Lucy stopped, her eyes growing wider. “He came?”

Squatting down before her, Chelsea said, “He did.”

Lucy wrapped her arms around Chelsea’s neck and squeezed her tightly. “Please don’t leave.”

Grasping Lucy by the shoulders, Chelsea moved her back so that she could see her face. “I’m not leaving. He’s moving here. We’re getting married.”

“Promise you’ll stay here?”

The look on Lucy’s face tugged at her heart. “Yes. I promise. I won’t leave you, Lucy.” At that, Chelsea scooped her up into her arms. “I never want to be apart from you, never.”

Lucy sighed in relief, happy for Chelsea but sad for her dad. She’d often wished they would get married someday. Then Chelsea could be her real mom. If Chelsea married John that would never happen. No matter what, though, she was glad that Chelsea’s old man friend came. She’d prayed so hard for it, just so Chelsea wouldn’t be sad anymore.

John waited on the porch as Chelsea pulled into the driveway. Anxious to meet Lucy, he watched as the two walked up the sidewalk hand in hand. Waving, he called out, “You must be the famous Lucy.”

Giggling, Lucy asked, “Famous?”

“I hear you play the piano nearly as well as Chelsea.”

Looking up at Chelsea, she asked, “Did you say that?”

“I told him you are magnificent. And you are.”

When they reached the top step, John knelt and offered his hand to Lucy. Lucy grinned and shook his hand, and then surprising him entirely, leaned in and hugged his neck. Quietly she whispered, “I’m so glad you came. I prayed that you would.”

Stunned by her sweetness, John wrapped his arms around her and sighed. “Thank you for being Chelsea’s friend.”

As the two embraced, Chelsea felt tears pool in her eyes. Images of John with their own children sprang to mind. He wanted children desperately. To her surprise, the night before, in the quiet hours of the night snuggled together on the sofa, he admitted how long he’d wanted them and that he’d become convinced he would never be a father. Seeing him with Lucy, she found herself just as eager to have children right away.
Selfishly, when he first brought the subject up, she found herself wanting to wait, to just be them for a while, but in that moment, moved by the look on John’s face as he held Lucy to him and spoke so softly to her, she would agree to begin trying immediately if that was what he wanted. Understanding his urgency, Chelsea would never withhold something so important from him.

Once inside, they sat at the kitchen table eating the cookies that Chelsea and Lucy had baked the afternoon before. Assuring them it was the best cookie he’d ever eaten, John went on and on about it. “I think you may have baked love right into this cookie. I taste it.”

Lucy giggled. “Love in the cookie?” She giggled again and handed him another. “Taste this one and see if you taste love.”

Instantly, Chelsea could see that Lucy was a bit smitten by him. She giggled at almost everything he said and hung on to his every word. When she offered him a third cookie, she leaned in and said, “I think you can be a boyfriend. You look much younger eating cookies than in your pictures”

Glancing at Chelsea, unsure of what Lucy meant, he said anyway, “Thank you. I think you look much older than six. You look at least eight.”

Beaming, Lucy told him, “I’m six and a half. I will be seven in August.”

With John helping Lucy with her homework, Chelsea sat and watched the two interact. As much as Lucy was taken by John, and how could she not be as John poured on the charm, John was just as captivated by Lucy. Chelsea was tremendously relieved at how well they got along. Lucy had come to mean so much to her that she could hardly imagine life without her in it. Thankful that John was prepared to move to Oklahoma, it would mean she wouldn’t be moving back to L.A. and leaving Lucy behind. While their relationship was quite unusual, it worked. Over the months, each had met a tremendous need in the other’s life.

On several occasions Lucy told Chelsea that she wished she were her mom, and each time, Chelsea assured her that if she where her daughter, she’d be the proudest mom ever. Secretly, Chelsea wished Lucy was hers, probably even more so than Lucy desired her as a mother. The thought
caused guilt to creep into her heart over the way she avoided Lucy early on and especially how she felt about her before coming home. Before meeting her, she harbored a feeling that could only be considered contemptuous. In her mind, she’d always believed Lucy would make her remember her pain, when instead, she found that she brought such joy to her life that not knowing her longer was a great loss.

Often Chelsea thought of Lucy’s mom, wondering again and again how she could leave such a precious little girl behind. Many times she wondered what would happen if Lindsey ever did come back into the picture and what that would mean for her. Of course she thought too of what would happen when Tuck found someone else. What woman would be okay with an ex-girlfriend in the picture? What Chelsea discovered was that the longer she knew Lucy and the more she came to love her, the more fear accompanied that love. Eventually, she came to decide it was becoming the love any mother felt, love filled with what if’s and why’s. These were the things she pondered while the man she loved talked tenderly with the girl she cherished.

It was just after five when Tuck arrived. This time, rather than honking, he knocked on the front door. When he refused her invitation to come inside, Chelsea reached for her coat and stepped out onto the front porch with him. “Lucy is gathering her things.”

“Okay.” He found he could hardly look at her face. She was positively glowing, which came as no surprise. Bobby called to tell him John was in town, again, no surprise. Since leaving L.A. he knew it would come. And he knew the old guy, John, loved her. That was at least one positive in the whole ordeal. Considering all a man like John could give Chelsea, Tuck knew she was better off with him. All he could’ve ever offered her was farm life and everyday things.

Chelsea was glad when Bobby called her earlier in the day telling her about his conversation with Tuck. Relieved that she didn’t have to break the news to him, she still dreaded what she was about to ask. “I wanted to ask you something. And if you say no, I’ll understand.”

He smiled, trying to hide the fact that he was dying inside. “I can’t imagine I’d say no, but go ahead.”

“Will you allow Lucy to be in my wedding?”

The question not only took him off guard, it took the wind right out of him. Feeling as if he’d been punched in the gut, he turned from her. “I suppose that’ll be okay.” Shifting his thoughts from his own regrets and pain toward Lucy, he could only dread what the implications of Chelsea’s wedding would ultimately mean for her.

Tuck was understandably hurt. Reaching for his arm, Chelsea whispered, “I’m sorry. I know this must be difficult for you.”

Glancing back at her, allowing her hand to rest on his forearm, he assured her, “I’ll live.” In that moment, it hardly felt true, but it was. He had a daughter to care for, a farm to work, and a tangled mess of a life to unravel, so he had no choice but to go on.

The look on his face caused her heart to ache for him. He’d lost all hope. Wasn’t that the look she encountered in the mirror just a few days before? “I don’t know why you did it, but thank you for going to see him. Whatever you said, it changed everything.”

Finally, turning back to look at her, he asked, “Seriously, you don’t know why?”

Sighing, Chelsea whispered, “I know.”

Lucy came through the door and hugged her daddy. Already she was beginning to tell him about John and the fun she’d had playing with him. Tuck bent over and kissed Lucy on the forehead, saying, “Go on to the truck where it’s warm. Daddy’ll be right there. I need to talk to Chelsea for one more minute.”

When Lucy was out of hearing range, Tuck suggested, “I think for now, it’s best if Lucy comes on home after school. I know you have a wedding to plan and a life to live.”

Devastated, Chelsea simply stared at Tuck. When he took one step backwards, intending to turn and leave, only then did she find her voice to say, “Please,” grabbing again for his arm, she pled “don’t take her away from me.” Tears spilled over her lashes. “I know you feel hurt right now, but don’t keep her from me.”

Tuck was stunned by her reaction. Reaching for her face, intending to wipe her tears away, he then thought better of it and moved his hand quickly back to his side. But he knew, if he would have touched her skin,
it would have been the most natural thing in the world for him. After all those years, in his heart, she was still as much his as when they were so young and in love. To try to protect her and care for her came as naturally to him as breathing. It was all he ever envisioned doing.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I would never do that to you or to her. I meant it
for
you. Everything has changed, and I thought that you may want to… I don’t know, start new with him and without us.” As soon as he said
us
he regretted it. “I mean her.” Sighing, he looked down at his feet. “I don’t want her in the way, that’s all.”

“Tuck, I love her, and I can’t imagine life without her in it anymore. It makes no sense, but I love her like she’s mine. I know I’ve never had one of my own, but when I do, I can’t imagine loving that baby any more than Lucy. I have no right to ask this, but I’m begging you not to take her away from me, no matter my future or yours.” Her intention was of when he remarried someday, and she was certain he would, especially now that her future with John was set.

Rubbing his chin, feeling so completely overcome by emotion that he could barely whisper, he admitted, “It’s because of you that’s she’s even here. I know that.” Choking up, for a moment he could hardly go on. Remembering those hours of conversations with Chelsea when they were deliberating about him marrying Lindsey, Tuck had to acknowledge how tempted he was to choose Chelsea and how likely it was that he would have had it not been for her insistence that he marry Lindsey. By her insistence, Lucy’s life was spared. It was never Lindsey, or even him who gave Lucy life, it was God through Chelsea. At that thought he began to cry. Shame over his truest intentions back then reminded him that he would have chosen Chelsea.

When she stepped into him and circled her arms around his waist, he draped himself heavily over her and promised, “No matter what, she’s yours, too.”

John was sitting in the kitchen waiting for Chelsea. Once, he had looked out the front window to see them standing there together. Instead of seeing a rival man who loved his future wife, he encountered a young couple who looked as if they fit together as hand and glove. From his
vantage point, he could only see Tuck’s face, and on it he read the deepest sense of rejection and sorrow. As her back was to the house, he could only wonder what Chelsea’s expression was. What he was certain of, was her love for him, so there were no feelings of jealousy stirring within him. Rather, he felt a sense of compassion for Tuck, something he would not likely be feeling had he not begun a journey with God. The old man he was would have stepped out onto the porch to, in some way, stake his claim. Such a thing wasn’t necessary, as Tuck had already demonstrated the kind of man he was by traveling to see him in the first place. Clearly his intention this day was not to win her but rather to figure out how to let her go. If not for Tuck’s visit, John realized he may never have come for her. In acknowledging that, he grasped the level of debt he was in toward Tuck. He owed him everything, absolutely everything. So John went back to the kitchen and sat and waited for Chelsea, reminding himself that she loved him more.

When she did join him at the table, John felt her sadness and could see that she’d been crying. Reaching for her hand, he assured her, “I see why you and Lucy are friends. That has got to be the brightest little girl I’ve ever met.”

All throughout the day Chelsea had considered their future together. Already John was planning a renovation over the garage for his work space, but Chelsea was finding it difficult to believe he could truly walk away from the company. Fearing he would change his mind and ask her to go back to L.A., she was clear about her feelings. “I don’t want to ever leave her, John. It’s important to me that we stay here.” The thought of walking away from Lucy caused her to cry again. For whatever reason, God had so enmeshed Lucy in her life that she couldn’t for a moment picture it without her. She didn’t even want to try.

“I have no intention of going anywhere. I made a commitment to your dad to live here. And we will.” Grasping her hand tighter, he pulled her toward him. She stood and moved from her chair to sit in his lap. As he held her to him, it was the first time he considered the fact that she, too, brought a fractured history into their relationship. As often as he regretted the amount of baggage he carried regarding Tracy and the memories of so many other women, he had, until that point, considered
Chelsea’s past as something already overcome. That wasn’t the case though. Tuck would always be a part of their lives because of Lucy. And not that John resented that. He’d been sincere in his fondness of Lucy and grateful for her relationship with Chelsea. While not understanding the depth of their closeness until seeing them together, after his time with them that afternoon, it was burned deeply into him. Going forward, there would be a delicate balance between Chelsea’s past with Tuck and her future with him. And hanging in that balance was Lucy.