On a Gamble (14 page)

As Charlie got up from the table, an intense cramp vibrated through her lower abdomen. She frowned, shook it off, and kept walking. Then another, more powerful one overcame her, and she desperately clung to her mid-section, attempting to stop the pain. But it swiftly took over, hitting her like a tidal wave. Doubling over, she dropped to her knees. “Grandma, I don’t feel so good.”

Within moments, Grandma Pearl was at her side, helping her up off the floor. She guided Charlie upstairs to the bathroom, and shut the door partway, allowing her privacy.

Charlie pulled her bottoms off, and her mouth parted. Horrified at the sight of blood, her knees gave way and she passed out.

Chapter 12

Opening her eyes, she studied her foreign surroundings. She remembered the pain, the panic, and the blood.

She looked down to see an IV in her arm, plain white blankets draped over her, and she wore one of those blue-checkered hospital gowns that didn’t close up in the back. Hospital smells of sickness, and cleaning solution made her scrunch her nose. A nurse exited the room, but her grandma remained. Sitting next to her, she appeared distraught, as she wrung a soggy tissue with her delicate crepe paper hands. Puffy, red-rimmed eyes greeted her, making her stomach turn over.

This could not be good.

“Grandma?”

“Yes, Charlie? How are you feeling, honey?”

“I’m still in some pain, but okay otherwise. Why am I here?”

Grandma took a deep breath and held it, as though the entire world would explode if she were to let go.

Then she took her hand, and said, “Charlie, I’m sorry, but you lost the baby.”

With those words Charlie jumped, attempting to sit up straighter in this god awfully uncomfortable bed. The pain stabbed her midsection once more, making her back down as she slunk back onto the bed.

“Baby? What baby?” she practically screeched.

Charlie tried to fill her lungs with air, but only found herself hyperventilating. She’d been pregnant? Good grief how on earth did that go unnoticed? Years ago, when she’d been trying to conceive, her doctor told her it’d be difficult. How was this possible, and why now? It was like a scene out of that TV show, where women don’t realize they’re pregnant, until they’re about to give birth. Her thoughts inevitably drifted to Alex, and she tried to fight the tears, because she refused to shed any more tears for that wretched man.

“Where’s Grandpa?”

“He’s calling Alex.”

Charlie saw red. Hadn’t she suffered enough without him being here? Even if it meant getting through this hard time alone, she didn’t want to see him, the risk of falling apart at the seams too high. She vehemently shook her head. “No! I don’t want him here.”

“He has a right to know, honey.”

Before she could open her mouth to further protest, a light rap sounded at the door. Alex entered, and her grandma said a quick hello to him, before quietly excusing herself. He came closer, and his comforting scent permeated the room. Filled her nostrils. And nearly made her lose the last thread of already worn down senses.

This is the last fucking thing I need
.

Charlie didn’t want to see the bastard. She hitched a breath, not having seen him in a couple days, was like seeing him again for the first time. Struggling with her emotions, she covered her now empty womb, thinking that only the day before, she’d been carrying his baby. And more frustratingly, hadn’t even known it. She clenched her jaw in a vain attempt to keep herself together. Her heart constricted painfully in anguish, anger, and sought revenge. All she wanted was to throw him out on his ass, and left alone in her misery. Was that so much to ask considering what she’d been through?

Why me,
why was this happening?

The IV got in the way as she attempted to cross her arms. She pursed her lips, assessing his ragged appearance. His hair rumpled, jaw unshaven with more than a few days of stubble, shirt un-tucked and wrinkled. His sweater on backwards underneath his coat, like he’d grabbed whatever had been within reach, and raced here. Taking some comfort in that, her anger lessened a tiny fraction.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine. Now get out.” Her tone clipped.

“All things considering, I have a right to be here.”

“Like hell you do. Get. Out,” between gritted teeth.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Just what part of get out don’t you understand?”

“Just what part of I’m not leaving don’t
you
understand?” He countered, and the stubborn man stood there.

Charlie closed her eyes momentarily, praying that maybe this had all been a bad dream. That he wasn’t here. That she hadn’t just miscarried their baby.
Their baby. Their-baby . . .

Honestly, she wanted to be alone in her grief, and crawl under the biggest rock she could find, and hide. Humiliated that she’d not even known she was pregnant, and wishing she had because she’d have relished it. None of the usual signs presented themselves. No morning sickness or fatigue, and she hadn’t felt any different. This child, literally, had slipped right through her fingers. Crushed her already frail spirit, and put the last nail on the coffin of her heart.

“Jesus, Charlie. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

“I didn’t know.” Her voice a near whisper.

She shifted her glance away, looking at anything and everything besides Alex. Focusing on the blinds, she watched as the heat from the vents made them dance, watched the cars coming and going outside. She was dying on the inside, emotionally and physically, but she’d be damned if she’d show it.

As if a reflex took hold, she clutched her stomach, trying to fight back tears. She’d lost her baby. A baby she hadn’t even known existed, and there was nothing she could do to bring him or her back. Conception and pregnancy would, and had always been a challenge. And now, her worst nightmare, she’d lost a baby she hadn’t even known existed. She wanted to die, wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. Torn between wanting to hold Alex close, and kill him at the same time.

“You didn’t know?”

“Are you hard of hearing? I would’ve told you if I’d known. Besides, you didn’t want this baby anyway.” And she was angry at how small and frail her voice sounded, keeping her focus lowered to her intertwined, nervous fingers.

“How can you say that?” he shot back.

The bed dipped as he sat next to her, and for a moment neither spoke. Then she remembered the incoherent mutterings of the nurse. She’d been a little over a month along. Maybe not long for someone else, but for her it had been long enough.

“Well”—her lower lip quivered—“you didn’t want me, so what makes you think you would have wanted this baby?” Still not ready to look him in the eye, she plucked at the plain white bed sheets. Afraid if she did, a large flood of tears would surely erupt. That she’d make a total fool of herself.

His voice cut the maddening silence in half. “Charlie, why won’t you look at me?”

Still avoiding his direct gaze, she took a deep breath before speaking, “I don’t want you here. Please. Go.”

Within moments his warm, strong hand cupped the underside of her chin. Forcing her to meet his gaze, surprised at what she found. Hurt, grief, pain, and anger mixed in the cocoa brown depths. Sincerity shone through like a beacon of hope, for them, for their future. Without words, she could see he grieved the loss as his eyes shimmered with moisture. But within moments, doubt swooped in and took hold, dashing her hopes away.

He’d hurt her once. What made her think he wouldn’t do it again?

“What do you want from me?” she whispered.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Charlie. I care about you, please believe me. When your Grandpa called and told me what happened, I came as quickly as I could.”

She scoffed, trying to keep the tears at bay. But they already welled in her eyes, blurring her vision. “Well, you have a funny way of showing you care.”

Alex’s steadfast gaze never wavered. “I guess I got scared. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Actually, I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

She had to admit, if only to herself, that she could relate. Part of her was still angry, and another part wanted to forgive him. What a fucking mess.

“I want to be left alone now. Please,” she murmured, and watched as his shoulders slumped. The look of defeat crossed his features as he pulled away.

“All right, I’ll see you later I guess.” Then quietly started to make his way out.

Her eyes drifted toward his retreating form, pulling at her heartstrings. Unwillingly, her mind flashed to their first kiss, their first date, the first time they’d made love.

The moment she realized she was hopelessly in love with him. “Alex, wait,” she choked out.

Seconds later he was back at her side, and without a word, put his arms around her, held her close. The dam burst open, as everything from the last few weeks, poured out. She wrapped her arms around him, and nestled her nose into the crook of his shoulder, white-knuckling his shirt. Not caring what she looked like or sounded like, because none of that mattered with Alex. “I can’t believe we lost our baby. Oh, God.” She choked on a sob, feeling lightheaded.

Turning toward him, she rested her forehead against his. Greeting his gaze, she was caught off guard at the unshed tears in his eyes. He seemed so tough on the outside, like he could handle anything that came his way. The strong, silent type that never showed any emotion.

“How long do you need to stay here?” An escaped tear tracked down his cheek, not even attempting to brush it away.

Reverently, she swiped the tear away. “Just overnight.”

He leaned forward, kissing her softly, slowly, and achingly gentle. Weakening, she leaned closer, seeking his heat, his touch, and his comfort. She wrapped her arms around his neck, swirling her fingers through his hair, and what began as a gentle, soothing kiss turned crazy, sexy, and wild. Deepening the fire that had never fully been put out, her hands got lost in that wild mane of dark brown hair. She kissed him with everything she had, everything they’d lost. Her heart swelled, aching with love for this man.

Alex broke the kiss, his voice low and solemn. “I’ll stay with you.”

She grasped the back of his neck, clinging to him like life support. “Okay,” she whispered.

Later that night, he told her grandparents that he’d stay, and watch over her. They’d been appreciative, and kind toward him. He was surprised they hadn’t told him off for breaking up with Charlie, for hurting her as he did.

Restless, he laid a pillow and blanket on the chair next to her bed, and watched his beautiful Charlie sleep. Still, he hardly believed what had transpired these last few hours. The doctor said she’d most likely be fine, but they wanted her overnight for observation.

Leaning forward, he rested his forehead in his hands, and closed his eyes.

Holy shit. Charlie had been carrying his child.

He wondered what the baby might have looked like, and wished he could bring the child back. Moisture pooled in his eyes, realizing he mourned for this baby as much as Charlie. When her grandpa called with the news, his heart nearly stopped beating. Only then realizing he wouldn’t have minded being a father, and marrying Charlie if that’s what it took.

Alex pictured her glowing, happy. Her belly, swollen with new life, pictured himself lovingly stroking her stomach, and talking to their baby. Tears fell rapidly, freely, down his cheeks, realizing he’d been heartbroken that they’d lost their baby.

He’d told her the truth. When her grandpa called with the news, his heart ceased beating, and his gut ached. He still couldn’t believe it. A nightmare he wanted to wake up from quickly. Looking up, he grasped Charlie’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The soft beep beep of the machines, and her even, measured breathing the only sounds in the room.

He’d fallen in love with Charlie, and there was no going back.

The next morning, she opened her eyes to a most welcome sight.

Alex sprawled on the most uncomfortable looking chair next to her. She smiled. His arms and legs were spread out, a crooked pillow wedged behind his head, the blanket barely covering his entire body. But he’d made good on his word and stayed the night.

She took a deep breath, thinking about the last twenty-four hours. How it had changed her life, and wondered what would become of her and Alex now.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Good morning,” she whispered.

“Hi, there.”

“I want to go home.”

Alex got up from his chair and sat next to her, cradling her face in his hands. She looked up into his eyes, and her stomach did a few somersaults. Good Lord, she couldn’t stop staring at him. There was no question, Alex was gorgeous on the outside, but his good heart made him shine from the inside out.

“Okay, I’ll take you home.” As he continued to caress her face, she feared she’d expire on the spot. “Goodness, you look adorable first thing in the morning, as always.”

The words skittered across her skin and made her feel feverish. She’d just lost a baby. Her hair was no doubt rumpled, and she’d slept in the most uncomfortable bed.

Gee, I’m glad he thinks so.
To think such simple words, but they made her feel, wonderful. He made her feel wonderful. At the same time, as much as she wanted Alex close, she wanted distance, and wasn’t quite sure why.

She chuckled, not really believing him. “I feel awful, but thanks.”

Within a couple hours, the doctor released her, telling her to take it easy the first week or two.

Afterward she showered, dressed, and was ready to go. The ride home was quiet, and when they pulled into her grandparent’s driveway she gathered her thoughts before speaking. She collected herself, and hoped she was doing the right thing.

“Thanks for bringing me home,” she said, reaching for her bag.

“You’re welcome.”

She looked up into his eyes, and spit her words out before losing her nerve. “Alex, I’m sorry but I still need some time. I’m not ready to resume our relationship just yet.”

A frown marred his features. “But, I thought
—
”

Charlie placed a gentle hand to his, and gave him a loving squeeze. “I know, and I’m sorry. I need to be alone right now.”

She grabbed her things and made her way out, avoiding eye contact, she couldn’t bear to see the confused pained look on his face any longer. Honestly, part of her was still angry, and wanted to mourn the loss of the baby, alone.