On Fallen Wings (28 page)

I wiped my eyes. “I understand.” I started to leave and then turned back again to face him. “Father, I love you,” I said.

Father wrapped me in a rough embrace and whispered. “I love you too, child. I love you too.”

~ O ~

That night, I sat alone by my window and stared at the stars. They were faint—masked by the moon’s rays. Out in the field, the horses stood covered in blue hues. I always enjoyed watching them at night from my window. They were tranquil and calm. I saw patterns in the way they gathered; sometimes they mingled in small groups, and other times larger herds, but always the same patterns. I never understood and didn’t want to burden my mind with why.

I allowed my thoughts to drift toward Sean. I missed him more than when he had traveled away on his quest for Maeia. When he left then, I knew he would return someday. Tonight, I didn’t know; the uncertainty made the waiting more difficult.

Despite my Father’s wishes, I knew that I couldn’t ask Cael for help. I didn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust him. With his stolen kiss, Cael had destroyed my confidence in his honor.

I rubbed the diamond on my necklace a final time and breathed farewell to the night, leaving a trace of my breath on the glass. “Please come home, Sean,” I whispered. “Or give me a way to find you.”

Exile

No word came to me concerning Sean during the weeks that followed. The days pulled and stretched, they drained me of hope and weakened my resolve. Father required that I resume my work in the fields with our horses. Both of my parents had been right; while working, my head was clear and it felt rewarding to care for such gentle creatures.

I took rides on Maeia daily, although many times I walked beside her. I told her my secrets, knowing that she wasn’t judging me, and I cried often. Maeia had become a good friend, my lone friend during those long days, as I never saw anyone except my family. My only connection with Nia’s life was through brief updates, sent to me by messenger. She was too occupied with her own happiness to care about my sorrow—and too wealthy to cross the meadow to visit an aching friend.

The morning of the thin clouds, however, I knew that I would see her. It was Nia’s Day of Promise. Thomas had asked her to marry him. Despite the fact that he was from DarMattey, our tradition bound her to the ceremony. I was happy for her, and the occasion gave me something to anticipate. I had convinced Father to allow me to travel to Stone Meadow early and Leila agreed to walk with me—once we finished eating.

I scraped my plate and hurried to the kitchen to wash.

“Why don’t you want us to come with you?” asked Mother, still at the table. She never missed a moment to toss me a piece of guilt. “We would love to come along. We could make it a family outing.”

“No,” I said, drying my fork with a terry cloth. “This will be good for me. I need the energy of the stones.” I patted her shoulder. “And I’ll find you during the ceremony.”

“Then we’ll catch up with you later,” said Father, grabbing a biscuit from the center of the table. “Leila, don’t run off at the meadow. You stay close to Rhiannon.”

“Yes, Father.” Leila was already halfway up the stairs when she answered.

I bundled up near the fireplace and met her in the hallway. After another round of goodbyes, we were finally out the front door and pushing its bulky weight shut behind us.

“Finally,” said Leila, running to the gate. “I thought we’d have to wait forever.”

“Why the big hurry?” I asked, hustling toward her. “We have all afternoon.”

“Michael Dunn is coming to the Promise Ceremony,” she said, dragging the gate open. “I’m hoping he’ll arrive early.”

“Does he know that you’re going early?” I wondered how she had managed to communicate with him. Leila hadn’t left our land in weeks.

She revealed a mischievous grin beneath her innocent smile. “He knows.”

I closed the gate behind me and shook my finger. “Leila, don’t sneak out, it’s dangerous.” I began a sisterly lecture, but she ignored me and galloped off like one of our spring colts. I ran after her and didn’t catch up until she was already at the bend in the road.

When we reached Stone Meadow, Leila searched for Michael, but we remained the lone guests at this hallowed ground. The grass was soft and still wet from recent rains, but the sun was out, and its warm rays fought the chilly air. I ignored Leila’s calls toward the forest and stared at the stones while walking absently toward them. Reaching the circle, I traced one hand around the nearest giant and glided casually around it once. I lifted my face, hoping for inspiration from the sun, and stepped lightly toward the Season Stone.

A Day of Promise.

I thought about Nia.
Was she as excited as I had been? What was she planning to ask from Thomas?
My head spun as my efforts to connect with her and the special day collided with memories of my own celebration. My world had changed so much since that joyous day. It was long ago, it seemed. Too long. I thought about Sean and the last time we stood in this circle.

I touched cold face of the Season Stone and emptied my mind. I caressed the tall white granite with my fingers and walked around it. Reaching the center hole, I traced its edge in an arc above my head. “How do you suppose this was made?” I asked. “The Season Stone—it’s so mysterious.”

Leila interrupted me. I never saw her coming. “It’s the unknown that makes the stones special and precious—and pure. Don’t you believe in their power?”

“Of course,” I said, defending myself. “But I’m curious how such a marvelous thing could come about—so long ago. Why did the magic disappear?” I examined the wall of the hole, allowing its rough texture to stimulate my fingertips with icy contrast. “The mystery gives me strength.” I sighed. “But the season weakens me.”

My sister draped an arm around my waist. “What’s bothering you?”

I brushed her away and continued tracing my finger along a wavy black line in the rock. “Nothing.” I emerged outside the hole on the opposite side of the flat face. “Why must I be bothered to ask a question?”

“You’re defensive,” said Leila. “I know that you’re worried about Sean. I hear you in the night. Are you having nightmares?”

I stopped moving.

Leila was right. My nerves spoke to me in night dreams. They filled me with fear, and horror, and stole the eternal promise I had been given at this place.

“Yes,” I said. I cursed Leila in a whisper. “I am worried. Why wouldn’t I be? What would you do if you were me?” The emotion I had been holding back for weeks suddenly broke free. Tears flooded my face. I fell to the ground and grabbed at the cold grass.

Leila moved closer.

“Stay away,” I warned, before she could touch me. “Let me fight this for a moment.”

I spent my energy battling the sorrow that engulfed my body. Leila stood back and I saw her lean lower, eager to console me. Facedown and helpless, I abandoned my strength to fate.

“What are you telling me?” I screamed my question at the towering stones around me. I wanted them to feel my pain. If they couldn’t help me, I wanted them to bleed. “What have I done?”

No relief came.

Forced to endure my anguish, I lay face down on the grass while releasing the pain through my tears. I hated it, but I needed this. I needed the relief, I needed the exhaustion, and, most of all, I needed to let the world know how I felt.

When I calmed down and stopped wailing, Leila stroked my hair from the top of my head down to my back. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Rhiannon,” she said, whispering close to my ear.

I turned, not expecting a mature and nurturing response from my young sister. As I looked at her, I saw a tiny version of myself in her moistened eyes. “It isn’t your fault,” I said, embarrassed now that my storm had abated. “Thank you for understanding.”

“I miss Sean, too.” She continued to stroke my hair. “I hope the Elders find him.”

I took a breath, daring myself to reveal my secrets to her, but then held back, unable to convince myself to burden her innocent face with my troubles. I sat and sighed, relaxing in the sunlight at the center of the standing stones. Leila brushed my hair with long strokes of her fingers. Together, we watched the shadows stretch eastward until they overtook us.

I stood and looked around. “Michael never came,” I said, motioning across the meadow.

“I didn’t think he would come this early,” said Leila, standing next to me. “His mother keeps him busy.”

“But you hoped that he would,” I said.

Leila blushed and nodded.

After that, we weren’t alone for long. Colin and Madeline arrived at the meadow, pushing a long handcart full of dead branches and long sticks. We rushed to assist them, but Colin refused any help setting up the fire; he quickly arranged a circular pile of wood almost as high as Leila stood.

We chatted with Madeline for a while, until more people arrived, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by curiosity. I answered awkward questions about Sean to the swarming women, and tried my best to present a friendly smile, though the attention annoyed me. I was the gossip of the moment, and their casual apathy to the information they sought was shocking. I believed that they meant no ill; however, each mentioned word of my grief jabbed like a dagger at my heart, and required a hardened deflection. Thankfully, when Nia arrived at the meadow, everyone rushed to her with questions and praises, allowing their concerns for me to fade like the setting sun.

Sianna, Nia’s older sister, and Madeline’s younger, had traveled over the mountain for the celebration. I hadn’t seen her since the Summer Solstice. She brought her husband, Jake, who stood apart from the villagers. Not only did he dress peculiar—his wide brimmed hat and tall boots always garnered attention, but also his size demanded a second look. Jake was almost as large as Father stood. He towered over everyone. Leila played with Sianna’s two young children, who chased her around the meadow, until she discovered a new distraction.

Michael and his mother walked through the trees.

Leila ran toward him like a bee to a flower. I watched them from a distance as they talked stiffly; unsure of what to say and shifting nervously as Sianna’s young children circled them and teased.

I turned away and wandered casually toward Thomas and Owen, offering a polite greeting as I approached.

“Hello, Rhiannon,” replied Thomas, displaying a large grin. He looked peculiar wearing a tall shiny hat and straight coat.

I offered him a hug, but he shivered when I pulled him close. “I’m happy for you,” I said, offering my warmth as a gift anyway. “And I’m happy for Nia.”

“Thank you,” he answered, pulling away from me as if embarrassed.

“Rhiannon!” Nia shoved me into her father as she squeezed me around my waist. “Can you believe it? It’s my Day of Promise!”

I grinned, realizing why Thomas had backed away. “Hello, Nia,” I said, grabbing her to prevent her from falling. “I believe it. This is a special day.”

Nia stepped back and twirled in place. “What do you think?” she asked. “My father bought me this dress.”

Nia was beautiful. Her dress was burgundy and orange with dark leather stitching, traced with white silk and tiny green beads around the bodice. Nia’s black hair, pulled tight around her head by a matching scarf, drained toward the middle of her back.

We visited for a while; I listened to Nia mostly and realized how much I had missed her. Her excitement was exhilarating. Between quick chats with curious relatives and friendly villagers, she filled me in with all of the details of her engagement—information, she told me, she hadn’t trusted to send with the young messenger. While she shared stories about her courtship, and the many trips she had taken over the mountain, I forgot about my worries. I savored the love she and Thomas shared. It felt good. I needed the moment.

As more villagers joined us at Stone Meadow, the shadows of the day lengthened their dominance and announced the coming of dusk. I wanted to talk to Nia, but so did everyone; the crowd of eager guests ambushed her and soon pulled her away to celebrate. Her happy laughter rang out through the crowd. Nia was my best friend, and we had giggled and dreamed about our engagements since walking age. As quickly as the sun left us, Madeline rushed Nia and Thomas toward the stone circle.

The villagers surged forward, closer to the towers, and I found myself standing behind them and looking over their heads toward the center fire. I looked for a place to squeeze into the crowd, but found none; too many people blocked the way. As I wandered the outskirts of the gathering, someone tugged on my shoulder.

“Rhiannon.” Cael’s voice whispered.

Fear. It surged from my toes to my face, numbing me. I stood still, terrified.

He grabbed my hand and pulled my arm back. “Come here.”

Frantically, I looked around to see if anyone saw me. Every villager in front of me faced the stones and the fire. No one seemed to notice the sudden interruption behind the crowd.

“Leave me alone,” I said, louder than I had planned.

A mother to my left shushed and scolded me as she gripped an infant tight in her arms. She turned back to face the celebration, ignoring my watering face, and left me alone at the back of the crowd. As I turned to face Cael, everyone erupted in roars and yells; Nia was presenting herself to Thomas.