On The Dotted Line (30 page)

Willow
straightened and stared her down.

“That’s
insane, his marriage had nothing to do with it.” Lillian scurried over. “His
goals were met when he took the job at the bank. It’s a Van Ayers tradition.”

“Lillian,
why don’t you and Willow take Jeb upstairs?” Mr. Van Ayers pointed in the
direction of the stairs.

“No,
Van, we won’t go.” Lillian stepped away from her husband.

“Don’t
try to keep your wife from the truth, Randy.” Stephanie looked between them.

“I
know the truth.” Willow’s instinct told her to try to stop the scene before
her.

“You
knew he had to get married? That his father added that to his strange little
contract?” The woman put her hands on her hips. “Did you also know Randy here
resisted? I was the fall back plan until I was paid to go away. Did you also
know that every Van Ayers for the last four generations did the same thing, and
no man wanted to get married?”

“What?”
Lillian screamed. “What’s she saying? Is this true?”

“Lillian,
I said go upstairs,” Mr. Van Ayers barked.

“Did
you know that Randolph had the contract revised so the marriage only had to
last a year?” Not able to stand Stephanie’s vile words any further, Willow
spoke up. “I can only assume he added that because of someone like you.”

In
the background Lillian cried, truly cried, real tears that smudged her makeup
and she didn’t even try to fix the mess.

“So
what did he promise you to get you so fast?” Stephanie jutted her jaw out.

She
rushed to Lillian, took her hand and glanced at Randolph.

“I
paid her, and I made her sign a contract.” Randolph swiped his hand over the
room. “Look around, everything here is a product of some sort of document, made
legal by signatures.”

Nothing
good came of secrets, nothing. Her knees threatened to give out but she managed
to remain standing.

“You
obviously came here for more money, but you have nothing to offer in the deal.
Everything is already on the table.” Randolph walked up to her. “You were right
about one thing, though, everything in the house of Van Ayers is fake,
everything.” Without a glance at anyone else, he walked out of the room.

Except
for the sound of Lillian sniffing, silence draped the room once more. For
several moments she waited for Randolph to call to her or come back for her,
waited for him to return and tell everyone that even with the contracts and the
craziness he found his wife and his love. It simply happened backward for them.
She waited.

Randolph
glanced around the library. Here with the dark paneled walls and shelves and
shelves of finance books, he was given his task list once he was old enough to
understand. It was right here where he found out his SAT results, and he sat in
the chair behind the huge desk when he waited to find out if he got into
Stanford.

He
walked over to one of the walls and ran his finger along the spines of the books.
Lest he forget, he sat on the opposite side of the desk when his father dropped
the bomb on him about his final task, the marriage requirement.

“I
don’t think you ever loved me.” His mother continued to cry.

“Lillian,
how can you say that?” His father’s tone was that of a man lying to get a loan.

“I
can say it because it’s true.”

Randolph
turned at his mother’s voice, what was the inflection he heard? Was it
strength? Suddenly the crying stopped, and the fun, flighty woman he always knew
sat up in the chair to stare her opponent down.

“You
know I love you, we built a life together.” His father leaned back in the chair
as if he were chastising his mother about some purchase or trip she wanted.

“Your
life was pre-planned, and I simply fit into that one slot you could check off.”
She shook her head. “What was your end goal?”

“What
do you mean?” His father jutted out his jaw, clearly annoyed he couldn’t make
this go away with money or a contract.

His
mother looked up to the ceiling and dabbed her finger in the corner of her eye.
She cleared her throat and addressed his father. “When you took me on the beach
and asked me to marry you, were you envisioning our life together, our son,
being with me? Or were you only concerned that you didn’t lose this?” She swiped
her arm around the room.

Randolph
ran his hand through his hair, thankful Willow wasn’t the wife doing the
asking. Then again she knew the answer. He married her for the money and never
even tried to hide it. Willow didn’t get a beach or any semblance of a romance.
She got an alleyway.

“Lillian.”
His father toyed with a paperweight in the shape of a diamond. “You don’t
understand.”

“You
didn’t love me when you asked me to marry you, did you?”

Randolph
crossed his arms. For the first time he watched his mother fight for something,
and she chose a big thing, her dignity. He stole Willow’s the second he made
her sign a contract.

His
father remained silent.

“Why
would you do this to our son?” She shook her head.

“I
tried to save him.” His father stared down at the desk.

“Save
me?” Randolph spoke his first words since his parents joined him in the
library.

“I
knew Stephanie wasn’t right for you, but I knew you would do what you had to in
order to succeed.” His father wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“You
sabotaged me.” He came forward and put his hands on the desk, closing in on the
enemy.

His
father shut his eyes. “I didn’t want you to get married. You insisted on that
year cap and I knew it wouldn’t work as it should.”

“You
set me up to fail.”

“The
failure would have made you stronger.”

The
man in front of him spent years pounding into him how he couldn’t fail. Failure
was for losers. While his friends in high school played video games, he studied.
While others partied in college, he made sure his résumé was as perfect as he
could get it for schools and awards. While his colleagues started their lives
with choices, he had to bribe a woman to be with him. Instead of displaying his
art, he hid it.

He
pounded his fist on the desk. “How strong did you want me to be?”

His
father lifted his head and stared at him. “I never knew how strong you were
until you came home with Willow. I knew then without a shadow of a doubt what
you were made of. Even though no contracts or payments were specifically
outlined, in light of the monkey wrench I threw in your plans, you were as
magnificent as I always knew you were. I’ve never been prouder. You earned
everything and more.”

“Now
you’re proud!” He ground his teeth together and took a breath. “You allowed me
to get an innocent, incredible woman involved in this insanity.”

“Oh
my God.” His mother whispered. “Willow.”

“You
said yourself she knew about the deal.” His father sat back and tented his
fingers.

The
pressure stacked up on his chest, the weight of every contract he ever signed
or penned weighed down on him. He did to her what had been done to him all his
life. What he hated, he created.

Randolph
stood up straight and took in the scene before him, his mother, his father. After
over thirty years of marriage, his mother sat on the opposite side of a desk
questioning his father’s love. Thirty years from now would Willow be asking the
same thing? “It shouldn’t be like this.”

“What?”
His mother reached out to him.

“What
is your trouble?” His father rocked his chair back. “She loves you now. It’s
written all over her face. “You love her. I heard you say the words only the
other night.” “The Van Ayers men are too busy for such things as dating, so that’s
why your great, great grandfather started this little tradition for fear his
son wouldn’t carry on the Van Ayers name.”

“What
is your definition of love?” He stared his father down. Something major was
wrong.

“The
same as everyone else’s.”

His
mother made a small noise at his father’s answer.

“You
don’t know. I don’t know. I look around and all I see are two men who craved
power and a lifestyle above anything or anyone.” Randolph hung his head and
laughed. “Damn it, even after it’s all said and done, I was still relieved when
you said I earned everything. It shouldn’t matter if I have the woman I love,
right?” Willow could be happy with where the wind took her, while he would
forever be tethered here, fighting for the one thing that made him miserable,
but he couldn’t give up.

“Van,
you wouldn’t give it up for me.” His mother announced.

“Lillian.”
His father’s voice came out strained.

Willow
would give it up. At least he thought she would. Even at dinner she mentioned
the money wasn’t important. What would she fight for? She seemed to bend and
flex with what happened around her.

“You
think I’m stupid, you always thought that. Don’t think I don’t know.” As she
stood she pointed at him. “Obviously, I am stupid, I never caught on after all
these years.”

“You
are not stupid.” His father decreed as if his words could change his mother’s
opinion.

“I
am. I’m stupid and weak. I let you do this to our son.” She crumpled the tissue
in her fist. “I let you play your little game with the goals, let you ruin his
life and my life. I let this happen.”

“Look
at him now.” His father pointed at him.

“You
look at him.”

In
a move he never thought he would see, his mother threw the tissue on the floor.

“Look
at him. He’s miserable.”

“He
has it all.” His father held his arms out.

“That’s
how stupid you think I am. You think you can say the words and I’ll believe,
and I always did.” Her tears started anew. “Just like you made me love you.”

Neither
he nor his father said a word.

“You
made me love you.” His mother repeated. “Not because you loved me, but because
I was a means to an end.”

Randolph’s
stomach bottomed out. His mother’s words said it all. Willow went with the
flow, and he made her love him.

“Lillian,
you know I love you.” His father held his hand out to her.

“I
don’t know anything.” She backed up toward the door. “Everything I thought I
knew disappeared tonight and I won’t be as stupid to think that I can go to
sleep and it will be fixed in the morning. It would have been better if you
wrote everything down like our son.”

“I
started my marriage with the end in sight.” Randolph stared across the room at
yet more books. One stood out. A splash of color among the burgundy and hunter
green volumes.

“She
loves you and at least she knew,” his mother said.

“Then
where is she?” He walked across the library to the light blue book. “Any other
woman would be down here fighting, and she went upstairs.”

“What
are you saying?” His mother rushed over to him.

He
took the book about the healing properties of herbs off the shelf. A bit of his
wife had begun to permeate through the house, and yet it didn’t fit here. She
didn’t fight for them because she didn’t believe, and she would go with her
instinct and follow the universe. In the end, she was the smartest of them all.
He loved her and he wouldn’t allow himself and his family to destroy her.

The
walls of the room seemed to close in on him, the air thickened, and he reached
for his cufflink and stopped.

He
stared down at the gift his wife gave him only hours before. With a low laugh
he shook his head. He couldn’t put Willow through a lifetime of waiting for him
to let go. She needed to be loved by someone who understood love on every
level. After all, he wouldn’t go, couldn’t go.

“Randolph.”
His mother took his arm.

“I
need to think.” He needed to do what his father couldn’t, he needed to do the
right thing and in the process save his family and Willow. One day she might understand
he loved her.

He
turned and walked away, glancing at the clock, ten minutes after midnight. Their
contract was breached, he knew, he was the expert.

Willow
willed herself to keep her eyes shut. She slowed her breathing and concentrated
on the energy in the room. Without even looking, she knew she lay in bed alone
except for one small dog, she knew Randolph never joined her, she knew everything
changed.

He
broke their contract by never coming to bed. Of all the items in the written
document, the rule about being together by midnight was one she always wanted
to keep. She thought it would bind them closer or be a sweet tradition, but his
absence told her what she didn’t need to open her eyes to see.

A
shiver ran through her and her stomach dropped into what seemed a bottomless
pit. Why was it that one could sense doom? What was it about the human psyche
that allowed someone to know their life changed without a word being uttered?

Who
was she kidding? When Randolph didn’t turn back to her, or even put his arm
around her and tell Stephanie nothing mattered because his life worked out even
better than his contracts and goals predicted, she knew nothing would ever be
the same. Rather than run after him, she escaped to their suite. Never would
she force Randolph to do anything. He had enough of that to last a lifetime. If
he wanted her, he would have turned back or come after her.

Tears
heated her eyes yet she still remained still, taking a moment to visualize her
life as Mrs. Randolph Emerson Van Ayers III.

A
slight jingle by her feet was followed by a sniffing sound by her face and
finally the licks of a much too pampered pet. Normally, Jeb went to Randolph
first, then her and then bounced between them, but today he had only her. She
managed to wrangle him and give him a kiss.

Nan
would tell her to open her eyes, see the reality and change it, most likely
things were never as bad as they seemed. She tried to believe her words at the
hospital when her mother died, and even listened all those times they had to
move on from wherever they ended up, no matter what she couldn’t change the
reality that lay hidden behind her eyelids.

With
no other option, she shrugged and greeted her morning, blinking twice to allow
her eyes to adjust.

Their
suite appeared exactly the same as always. Many mornings she woke up to find
Randolph already went to work, but the sense he had been there always lingered
in the room. The vibe was gone, and with her heart pummeling the wall of her
chest as if it needed to dig itself an escape hatch, she turned to Randolph’s
pillow.

Her
throat dried out the second she took in the scene before her, but even with her
hand shaking she found the strength to pick up the large, thick cream-colored
envelope with her name written on it in his perfect handwriting.

She
glanced at the door. All she wanted was to go get Nan, hand her the envelope,
let her analyze the contents, and make it better.

For
the first time Nan wasn’t here.

She
was alone.

Jeb
bounced over and she put him in her lap and grabbed the envelope, ripping it
open. A set of keys, a smaller envelope and a thick paper clipped document fell
on the bed.

She
ignored the keys and the other envelope and picked up the papers, on top, a
handwritten letter.

Willow,

I
one time told you I hated contracts, yet every aspect of my life seems to fall
back on one. When I told you I loved you, I thought I meant it, but now after
watching my parents and you last night, I am not sure I will ever understand
the emotion the way you deserve.

However,
there is one thing you deserve more than anyone that I am more than capable of
giving. Enclosed is a check that will never truly equal the amount I owe you,
but will provide you with the lifestyle that you want. I want you to build your
dreams, buy yourself something decadent and maybe one day when you are laying
back on a mattress that is truly yours, you can look back at this time and not
hate me.

Also,
the Marina Del Rey apartment is officially yours. You are the only one who will
ever appreciate it, look out at the ocean and see something wonderful rather
than simply the best apartment money can buy.

Lastly,
attached to this letter are the papers to dissolve our marriage, you only need
sign in the spaces indicated.

In
the end I carried on my family’s tradition and manipulated the situation to get
what I wanted. I forced you into loving me, and now I need to set you free. I
wish I could face you, but I can’t even face myself.

The
name will always be yours.

Always
–

Randolph

Her
tears dropped on the paper but never smeared the ink or his signature. Of
course in Randolph’s world his signature was sacred, could never be washed
away. Something she should have realized the second she signed the first
contract.

She
sat staring at the page without moving long enough for her body to go numb, for
the tears to stop, for the reality to hit her.

Randolph
didn’t want her.

She
forced herself up and out of the bed. Her foot shot pins and needles through
her leg, and the nausea she fought the night before surged in full force. Still,
she trudged forward.

Without
thinking about her actions, she found the bag she packed the day she moved in
and packed only her old clothes. As fast as she could, she dressed and gathered
her scant few toiletries, shoving them into her bag along with his note, the
key, the check and the divorce papers. She chose to take only the purse he gave
her for Christmas and her necklace as her only souvenirs of her time here.

“Come
on, Jeb.” She patted her leg, picked up her pet, and walked out of Randolph’s
suite.

Sickening
silence met her in the hallway, the same as the night before. She made her way
down the stairs, stopped in the foyer and took in the space.

“My
grandmother always said the front room of a grand home should take your breath
away.” Mr. Van Ayers joined her.

“Then
she must have approved.” She tilted her head up at the sparkling chandelier and
put her hand to her forehead when the room spun a bit.

“I
don’t know. She always found fault with something it seemed.” He came to her
side and looked up with her.

“Maybe
everything doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can still take your breath away.”
She cursed the tear that escaped the corner of her eye.

“I
think you should stay.”

“Well,
I never knew my grandmother, but Nan always told me that we would never stay
anywhere we weren’t wanted.” She sighed. “I suppose that’s why we moved around
so much.” Although she thought she had found a home here, she didn’t even get
to stay the year.

“Willow.”

“No.”
She wouldn’t allow him to sway her, she wasn’t Stephanie, she wasn’t the girl
in the alleyway. In fact, she didn’t know who she was, but she was going to
find out. “No.”

They
both continued to stare at the crystals.

She
lifted her hand to wipe her eye and her ring glittered off the sunlight
streaming into the room.

“Is
there anything you need?”

“Just
one thing.” She slid the ring off her finger and held it out to Randolph’s
father.

“I
believe Randolph would want you to have that.”

“It’s
not my history anymore. It belongs with your family.” Her voice broke. It
seemed forever ago when she thought his family was hers, but it was only a few
hours. She pressed the ring to her chest and then placed it in his palm. “It
still has good energy.”

“Let
me get Dimitri, he’ll take you wherever you need to go.”

“I
have my two feet and ten toes.” She bent down, picked up Jeb and opened the
door to the outside world. For the first time in her life she only had herself.
Once more she glanced back. She exited in stark contrast to her eventful
entrance with the house full of life and drama. Back then she told herself not
to get too involved with Randolph because he could easily break her heart. Mission
accomplished.

She
shut the door.

* * * *

For
the first time since he could remember, Randolph spent a weekend day alone. Since
finishing school and taking his job, he either spent his weekends working,
entertaining or out with friends.

Of
course since he got married, he spent his weekends with his wife. If his world
didn’t implode yesterday, today he would have taken her out. Willow was happy
with simple joys, a drive, a small treat at a bakery, or taking a walk. After
leaving the house before Willow woke up, he spent the day chasing his
proverbial tail, doing nothing and committing the ultimate sin of wasting time.

He
never slept. Instead, he sat in one of the guest suites and figured out a way
to try to put Willow’s life back together again. The day he saw her in the
alley he should have let her be, a wildflower that would only wilt if plucked
and brought inside. He met her when he thought he was going to lose everything
and as he got out of his car and approached the door of the house, he wondered
exactly how much he did indeed lose.

Dimitri
opened the door and he stepped inside, the world seemed to have paled, lost all
its color, and the room stood dull and lifeless. Willow would say the energy
was off, and he would agree.

He
took a breath and the knot in his stomach tightened, then he trudged up the
stairs and stopped outside their suite.

Did
she do as he asked or did she fight and defy him? What would he do if he opened
the door and she was there? He pressed his forehead to the door. The decision
had been made and without pausing further, he turned the knob.

No
one.

He
told her to leave, gave her money, a boat and divorce papers.

Still,
he entered the room and rushed for the bathroom.

A
quick inventory of a couple of drawers told him her items were gone. He ground
his teeth together and stomped into the closet to her clothes. Some still hung
on the rod and he quickly rifled through them. Only the dresses his grandmother
gave her remained, everything she originally brought with her had disappeared.

“Damn
it!” He ran back to the main room and turned around. His suite was their suite
and now it was nothing but a sterile hotel room with no life, no soul, no fur
ball biting at the cuff of his pants, no smell of lavender and roses in the
air. No wife.

“Randolph!”
His mother scurried into the room. “What’s wrong?”

“Maybe
you should ask what’s right. It’d be a shorter answer.”

“You
said you had to end it, she did as you asked.” She put her hands on his
shoulder. “We should go get her.”

“She
went with the flow, didn’t fight for us. I guess I knew that’s what she’d do,
but I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe that’s why I loved her, because she didn’t
fight.” He put his hand over his eyes.

“Oh
my god, what are we going to do?” She wrapped her arms around him.

Truth
be told, he didn’t remember the last time his mother truly hugged him. It may
have been when he still had to look up to see her, but he gave in and bent
down. “I don’t know.” How did he not have the answer?

He
pulled back and studied his mother. The woman was still stunning, no wonder his
father wanted her. “I don’t know.”

“You
know what I did today?” She picked a piece of lint off his shirt.

Images
of luncheons and shopping entered his mind. “What?”

“I
went to the dog rescue and tried to find a pet.” Her eyes glossed over with
tears. “Willow and I had discussed getting Jeb a brother or sister, and she
told me that a pet will choose you.”

That
sounded like something she would say. “What happened?”

“None
of them picked me.” She exhaled and wiped a tear off her cheek. “You know,
whatever dog would have picked me would have had the best of everything, and
none of them wanted me. They are smarter than humans.”

“Maybe
they knew something would always be missing.” A quick glance around the room
told him the same thing. Never again would he be able to lie in his bed and not
think of her. He could never move her dresses out of his closet. Somewhere along
the way while trying to do the right thing, he relegated himself to limbo and
he deserved it. “I have to leave.” He returned to the closet and found a
suitcase.

“Where
are you going to go?” His mother joined him.

“It
doesn’t matter, I just can’t stay here.” He grabbed some suits. “It’s just not
worth it.” Where did that statement come from? All his life it had been worth
it.

Both
he and his mother stared at each other.

“I’m
going with you.” She bent down and opened the suitcase. “At least it didn’t
take you over thirty years to figure it out.”