On the Edge (15 page)

Jason knows that we were heading up here earlier than scheduled.  I wanted to ensure that Mike would be home but that he didn’t know that I was bringing Katherine with me.  Jason meets me at the car and wraps his arms around me in a bear hug. 

“Katherine, Mike’s inside.  Go ahead and walk in,” he says to her. “How have you been Abby?”

I want to tell Jason about Tommy’s demeanor lately and how miserable I am living with him, but I decide to keep my mouth shut and lie.  “I’m good; adapting to the changes going on, but doing really well.”

“I see you’re changing,” he says as he places his hand on my belly, “Mike told me you’re having twins.  I just want you to know, I’ll always be here for you.  You ever need to talk, you have my number.  I still can’t believe that little Abby is having two babies of her own.  It’s still so surreal to me.”

I give Jason a hug and he puts his hand around my waist and walks me into the apartment he shares with my brother.   Mike and Katherine are making out on the sofa.  I feel awkward, so Jason asks if I want to go into his room to watch television.  I agree and he leads the way.  We sit on his bed as he finds something to watch.  I can’t hold the tears in anymore and start to cry.  Jason takes me into his arms and cradles my head to his chest.  “What’s wrong, Abby?”

“I don’t know.  I think I made a mistake but I can’t undo it.”

“Abigail, everyone makes mistakes and every mistake can be undone.  You won’t be the same, but it can be rectified.  What mistake do you think you made?”

“Tommy.  I love him but I don’t think we are right for each other and now we have these babies and they deserve to have both of their parents.
  I think he’s on drugs but I can’t prove it and I don’t want to leave him because I
think
he’s doing drugs.”

“Abigail, many children live without their parents being together.  Sometimes it’s best for them if their parents aren’t together.
  As for his drug use; that is
definitely
not good for the babies to be exposed to.  If you even suspect that he’s on drugs, you need to get out.  I’ve learned that our instincts are usually correct.”

“I have to try at least.  Try to make it work.  Can I confide in you?”

“You can tell me anything, Abigail.  You know how I feel about you and I will always be here for you.”

“
Tommy has some horrible mood swings and it’s causing me whiplash.  I never know what type of mood he’s going to be in when I see him and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I’m around him.”

“Mood swings?  Abigail, has he hurt you
again?”

Shit, what do I do?  I don’t want to tell him about him slapping me.  I do want to try to make things work with Tommy.

“No, just hurts my feelings with the mood swings.  I just think that he’s under stress over the babies and he’s not handling it well.”

“Look at me, Abby.  If he ever lays a hand on you
again, you tell me.  Do you understand?”

I nod my head.

“I will take care of him if he ever hurts you and I will make sure you and those babies are cared for.  You don’t need that asshole.  I understand that you want your kids to have a dad but a dad isn’t necessarily the one that helped create them, Abby.  Your dad and Mike can be father figures and, well, I would be too.  Those babies would have so many guys in their life that would show them the love that a father would show.  Don’t settle for second best.”

I lay my head back on Jason’s chest and let the tears flow.  It feels so good to release the tears of pain, fear, and sorrow.  Jason just keeps his arms around me and kisses my hair every now and then.  I feel safe. I know that Jason will always be there for me and I know that I am protected in his arms. 
I decide that I can no longer lie to Jason.  “Jason, I have to tell you something.”

“Mhmm, I’m all ears, Abby.”

“Tommy slapped me earlier this week.”  His arms wrap around me and hold me tightly.  I hear his heart start to be faster.  I just lay there waiting for, what, I don’t know but I need Jason to say something to me. 

After a while he finally talks to me.  “Abigail, you don’t deserve to be hit.  I don’t see why you can’t see that.  Abigail, I love you.  I want to be with you and I will
never
lay a hand on you.  That boy is just that, a boy!  You need to get away from him.  You need to tell your brother and your dad.”

I start to shake and cry, “No, Jason, please don’t tell Mike or Dad.  I don’t want them to make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Please don’t tell them,” I look up at
him as I plead with him not to say anything. 

“I won’t say anything, not yet anyways.  But, Abby, if he hits you again or scares you in anyway, call me immediately.  I will come to you and I will protect you.  I mean it!”

I nod my head and continue to sob.  It feels so good to not hold in my secrets anymore.  Jason holds me tight and lays his chin on the top of my head and holds me close to his chest. 

I guess Michael heard my sobs because
suddenly he’s sitting next to me.  “Sis what’s wrong?”

I’m too upset to talk, so Jason summarizes my issues
without telling Mike that Tommy has hit me.  “Nothing is wrong, really.  She’s just upset about some of the choices she made and she needs to just cry it out.  I’ve got her, Mike.  You and Katherine go enjoy your time together.”

“It’s ok.  I’ll sit in here with her for a few minutes.  Why don’t you and Katherine go grab some lunch at the sandwich joint down the road and give me and my sister a few minutes together?  Is that alright, Katherine?”

“That’s fine, Mike.  Come on Jason, let’s go grab some lunch.”

My brother wraps his arms around me but says nothing.  Just allows me to finish getting my tears out.  I love my brother. 

“I’m sorry, Mike.  I didn’t mean to do this.”

“Do what, Abby?  You’re pregnant and you’re young.  Not only do you have the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy, you’re scared.  This is normal, sis.  You need to learn to open up to people and trust your friends and family.”

I am finally done sobbing by the time Jason and Katherine get back from the sandwich shop.  Jason brings my sandwich in and tells Michael that Katherine is plating his.  Jason sits down next to me and we eat in silence while watching a comedy on television.  I could get used to this.  This is how I should feel being with Tommy, but I don’t.  Would Jason be there for me and my babies or would someone else’s children scare him?  Jason can’t be for sure that he would be there for my babies.  He doesn’t know what he’s getting into. 

The day carries on with us going out to the mall.  I wonder whose idea that was.  By the time Katherine is done buying everything she can afford at the mall, we make it back to the guys apartment just as my parents are arriving.  My mom and Katherine are swooning over Mike trying to help him get ready for graduation.  Jason’s parents are back east with his older sister so we are the only family he has here.  I knock on Jason’s door and walk in.  He’s standing in front of his mirror struggling to get his tie knotted right.  My dad taught me how to tie one a few years ago so I decide to assist him before he strangle
s himself with the darned thing. “Here, let me help you, Jason.”

“You know how to tie one of these wretched things?”

“Yes, Dad taught me a few years ago.”

“Well then, I’m very glad you’re here.  I was about to go without a tie.”

I chuckle as I finish the knot and slide it into place.  Jason catches my hand and brings it to his lips and kisses it gently.

“Abigail, I’ve loved you for years and I still do.  I want you to be happy.  I don’t think Tommy makes you happy, but if he does, I’m happy for you.  I just want you to know that I will always be here for you.  I have two big shoulders for you to cry on and two loving arms to hold you in your time of despair.
  Plus, last I checked, two arms were needed to hold a set of twins simultaneously,” he says with a cheesy grin on his face.

I giggle at the joke. 
“That is true, Jason, about the arm thing.  I-I’m just confused right now.  So many things are changing for me and I have to figure things out for myself.  I need you by my side as a friend but I can’t and won’t drag you down the rabbit hole that I have created for myself,” I say as I grab his cap and place his tassel on it.

I finish helping Jason get dressed for his graduation and make sure he looks stunning, which isn’t hard to do.  I go to place a kiss on Jason’s cheek but he takes me in his arms and pulls me toward him.  He places his lips against mine and I feel a spark that I have never felt before.  He kisses me with such passion, love, and tenderness.  When he finishes the kiss, I am rendered speechless.
  “That was just in case I never get another chance to kiss you.  I love you, Abigail and I will always be here for you.”

With that, Jason grabs his overnight bag and strolls out of his room and leaves me reeling over what just happened.  I stand in his room thinking about Tommy and Jason and what I’m supposed to do in a situation like this.  That kiss created feelings inside my soul that I didn’t think existed for Jason but these babies are the reason why I need to work things out with Tommy.  These are his babies, after all, and I’m sure Jason has the best of intentions in his heart but no man wants to raise another man’s baby.

The graduation ceremony is almost twice as long as mine was.  After the ceremony, my parents decide to take us out to dinner.  We are in a corner booth with my dad on the outside and my mom next to him.  My brother is sitting between Katherine and Mom and I am between her and Jason.  We all place our orders and begin our conversations.  Everyone is talking about something different and smiles and laughs are erupting all around the table.  This feels normal and healthy.  I look up at Jason and he looks down at me and puts his hand on my hand and gives me a smile that melts my heart. 

After dinner, we all head back to Placid City.  Mom and Dad head out in their car while Katherine and Mike decide to go in his.  I don’t want to know what they plan to do on the drive home that they can’t do in my car.  Jason was going to take his car to our house but decides to ride with me so I don’t have to drive alone at night.  I’m already feeling tired so I give the keys to Jason so he can drive.

             
            
 
*   *  
*
             

By the time we arrive at my parents’ house, I’m already asleep.  I don’t even realize we are home until Jason is pulling me into his arms and carrying me inside.  I wake just enough to change into my pajamas before falling backward on the bed and closing my eyes.  Dreams of Jason begin to fill my unconscious.

I wake the next morning to Jason gently shaking me.
  “Hey sleepy head, wake up.”

I garble out, what’s supposed to be, “But I don’t wanna!”
however I know it sounds nothing like that.

“Well, I need you to wake up.  Mike and Katherine want
to see a movie and I can’t bear to go with them without you.  They will drive me crazy with their making out.  Come on, get up,” he says as he pulls the covers back and starts to tickle me.  Shit!  I have to pee and he’s tickling me.  “Ok, I’m up.  Stop or I’ll pee my pants.  Remember, two babies that like to jump on my bladder over here.”

He smiles and lets me go so I can race to the bathroom.  Thank God it’s free.

I come back in my room and Jason has already made my bed and is sitting at my computer chair.  “Feel better?” he asks.

“Much, thanks for not continuing to tickle me.  That would not have been a pretty sight.”

“You are a gorgeous sight, but you’re right, that would have been the least attractive of sights,” he says with a goofy smile on his face.  “I’ll let you get dressed in peace.  I’ll be waiting in the living room.”

I stroll to my closet and look at myself in the stand-up mirror. 
What in the world?  My hair is sticking up all over the place and my eye make-up is running down my cheek.  How the hell does he find me attractive like this?  Jason is one weird duck.  I don’t even think I’m attractive right now.  I open the door to the closet and grab a pair of jeans and a maroon, spaghetti strap pregnancy top my mom picked up.  I get dressed and get the belly band in place over my jeans.  After I remove my old make-up, I apply fresh make-up and run a straightening iron through my hair to make it lie down. 

I grab my purse and keys before heading out.  I glance at my phone and realize that Tommy has not contacted me since the wee hours of yesterday morning.  I hope I’m not in trouble when I go home tonight.  He’s probably really pissed at me.  I don’t want to fight with him tonight.

My mom hands me a few hundred dollars before I head out.  She tells me to buy some new clothes while I’m out since I’m going back to Tommy’s after.  The theater is in the mall, so I plan on going to a few stores after the show to get some bigger clothes. 

None of us can agree on a movie.  Katherine wants to see some love story, the guys want to see an action-packed movie and I want to see a comedy.  After some time, Katherine pulls Michael to her side and they decide to see the love story.  Jason looks at me and tries some sort of puppy dog eyes, I think.  He looks like a monkey with a swollen lip. I can’t help but let a laugh escape my throat.  Hell, with a funky face like that, who can deny him.  I agree to the movie of his choice.  I go to pull out a twenty but Jason has both of our tickets in hand before I have my wallet out.