Authors: Kasie West
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Social Issues, #Dating & Sex, #Adolescence, #Girls & Women
I
couldn’t decide if Braden had heard about what happened or not, but either way, he had to know that running up a field, kicking a soccer ball, could get my mind off anything. Well, almost anything. It seemed that kicking a ball alongside Braden could not get my mind off him. As we ran, I shoved him and stole the ball.
“Foul,” he said with a laugh.
“If you can catch me, I’ll give you that foul.”
I dribbled the ball faster, toward the net. I could feel him getting closer. Just as I came to the goal, he caught up and wrapped one arm around my waist, dragging me to a halt. Then he spun me away from the ball, let go, and took the ball back. I jumped onto his back.
“Give it up, Lewis.”
“You think this is going to keep me from scoring?” He gripped my thighs with his hands, keeping me from jumping off, and continued to dribble the ball.
“Let me down.”
“You’re the one who jumped up there.”
“Don’t make me bite you.” I opened my mouth and pressed my teeth lightly against his neck.
He slowed to a stop. “You wouldn’t dare, cheater.”
“I totally would.” My words came out slurred against his neck, and I added a little more pressure to my bite. I shouldn’t have started this game; it was making my heart race, feeling his skin against my lips, tasting salt.
“Charles,” he warned in a low voice.
I laughed. “You just have to let go of my legs.”
He let go, and I gave him a playful bite anyway and jumped down, ready to take off after the ball. But he immediately grabbed me and pulled me against him. “You brat.”
I laughed. “You’re going down.” I used one of my legs to sweep his. He stumbled, but didn’t let go of me like I thought he would, and we both fell to the ground. He rolled so I was pinned beneath one of his hips and his right arm.
“You shouldn’t be able to knock me down so easily. You’re amazingly strong, you know that? It’s awesome.”
I froze, my entire body on fire. I knew if I moved an inch, it would only increase the sensation running through me from his points of contact on me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly serious. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, just let me up.”
At first he looked confused, then a slow smile spread across his lips. “Why?”
“You won. Just let me up.”
“I won? You just conceded? Has that ever happened in the history of time?”
“Yes. You won. Braden. Please.” I was out of breath and my voice sounded tight.
“But I owe you one bite.” He lowered his head to my neck. My heart beat against my ribs. “It’s only fair.”
Yes, this was the definition of torture. If he knew what this was doing to me, he couldn’t possibly continue.
His teeth brushed lightly against my skin and his breath warmed my neck. My fingers dug into his shoulders.
“Just get it over with,” I breathed.
He let out a low, breathy chuckle and then applied slightly more pressure to his bite. I barely contained the moan in the back of my throat, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from closing.
He lifted his head. “I need to tell you something.”
My eyes flew open and met his.
My guard immediately went back up. He was going to tell me about my mom. Little did he know, I had already heard. I wondered if it would’ve been better if Braden had been the one to tell me at the fence that night. Would it have been less devastating? Probably not. Either way, it was too late now, and I really didn’t feel like talking about it. “I already know.”
“You do?”
“Yes. My dad told me.”
“Your
dad
?”
“Yes.”
“Gage,” he growled, then rolled onto his back, finally freeing me. “Does he want to kill me?”
My whole body felt cold without him near me. “No. Why would he? It’s not your fault.”
“True, but that doesn’t mean he’d want me to tell you.”
“I thought you weren’t going to tell me. That it wasn’t your place.” My eyes started to sting, and I just wanted to stand up and kick the ball again.
He propped himself up on his elbow. “Wait. What are you talking about?”
“What are
you
talking about?”
“You first.”
“I know about my mom.”
He took a quick breath and sat up to his knees. Concern shaped his brow. “Your dad told you about your mom . . . about how she . . .”
“Yes.” I dragged the back of my hand along my cheek and shivered.
He stretched himself out beside me again and pulled me close. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you knew. And I didn’t want to think about it.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want to go home?”
I shook my head and buried my face in his chest. I didn’t want to go anywhere. “So that’s not what you were going to tell me?”
“No. I mean that’s what I wanted to tell you that night by the fence before I realized it wasn’t my place to tell you. Maybe I should’ve told you then. Maybe I should’ve told you years ago. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. You’re the one who made me confront my dad.” I pulled back so I could look in his eyes. “So what, then? What were you going to tell me today?”
“The timing is wrong now. I’ll tell you later.”
“No. Please. I want to know now. I’m tired of secrets.”
He stared at me for a long time, as if trying to read my sincerity. His breath touched my lips. It took everything in me not to close the distance between us. When his lips brushed against mine, I let out an involuntary gasp. Had I done that?
“Am I reading you wrong?” he asked.
I shook my head no. I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t dare to believe this meant what I thought it meant.
He let out a slow breath of air that smelled so familiar. “I was going to tell you that.”
“You were going to tell me that you wanted to kiss me?”
He nodded. “Is this going to change everything?”
“I sure hope so.”
He smiled and his gaze went from my eyes, to my mouth then up to my hair. He tucked a piece behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
My cheeks heated. “Aren’t we supposed to do this at the fence?”
“No. I don’t want this to be in our alternate reality. I want this to be in our real one.” He met my lips with his. My heart felt like it had just been put through sprints; it raced to life. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer. Against my lips he added, “But we can do this again tonight at the fence if you want.”
I smiled. “Wait. What about Amber?”
“What about her?”
“I thought you and she . . .”
He pulled back, his eyes going wide. “What? No! Your brother is all over that.”
“Gage?”
“Yeah, they got together while you were gone. He didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“You thought . . . me and Amber?”
“Yes. You were hanging out with her. And on the couch the other day, you scooted closer to her to make room for me.”
He looked up, thinking back. “Oh. That’s because you looked super annoyed with her. I thought I was saving you from having to sit by her.”
I let out a single laugh. “Stop reading me.”
He curled his lip. “Amber? Come on, Charlie, give me some credit.” He gripped a section of my T-shirt at my waist. “She wears sparkly words across her butt. You told me not to date anyone who did that.” He pressed his lips to mine again. “What about Evan?”
“Yeah, no.” I traced the words on his T-shirt with my finger. “It would be hard to be with someone when I couldn’t stop thinking about someone else.”
“That night by the fence, when you thought I was going to tell you that I liked you . . .”
“You don’t need to explain.”
He shook his head. “No. I do. I did like you. But I had convinced myself I couldn’t tell you that. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. So you caught me off guard because it wasn’t what I was going to tell you that night. It freaked me out a little that you knew I liked you anyway. I wasn’t sure how you would take it, how your family would take it.”
“And now?”
“And now I’m still not sure how your family will take it, but that night, you were so hurt, it made me hopeful that at least you would take it well. I thought maybe you were telling me that night that you liked me too, and for the first time it gave me reason to think that it wouldn’t ruin anything.”
“I don’t know how my brothers will react, but my dad loves you.”
He buried his face against my neck. “Gage already knows.”
I tried to push him away so I could look at his face. He wouldn’t budge. “What did he say?”
“He’s mad.”
I finally managed to push him away and look at him. The first thing I saw was the black beneath his right eye. “Wait. Did Gage do that to you?”
“What?”
I ran a finger lightly along the black.
“Oh. No.”
“So it was a golf ball, then?”
He shook his head no. “It was . . .” His eyes looked around me but not at me. “My dad.”
I sat up quickly and my head went light. “Your dad hit you?”
He smiled, which seemed like the opposite reaction to my statement. “Yes. I finally confronted him. He hit me. My mom kicked him out.”
“Braden! Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?”
“Yes. For years I’ve wanted her to kick him out. I didn’t realize it would take him hitting me for her to finally do it. I should’ve confronted him a long time ago.” His face was still lit with a smile, but I knew him. I saw hurt in his eyes. He didn’t want his dad to leave. He wanted his dad to love him enough to want to change.
“I’m sorry.” I ran a hand through his hair, and he moved his head to my lap. We stayed like that for a while, his head resting on me, my fingers combing through his hair. “So why is Gage mad at you?”
“You’re his sister, Charlie.”
“That makes no sense. He didn’t get mad at Evan.”
“I think he knows you were never into Evan.”
“But he thought I was into you?”
“I don’t know. He probably thought I’d have more potential to seriously hurt you. But I won’t. I promise I won’t. . . . I love you.”
My heart slammed against my ribs and my breath left me. I lowered my lips to his. “I love you too.”
“I
will still kill you in football,” I said, looking down where he lay in my lap as if he never wanted to move.
“What? I don’t get boyfriend perks?”
Hearing him say the word
boyfriend
made my heart burst with joy. Then I immediately felt guilty for being this happy when I’d just found out about my mom. I stared at the cloudless sky.
“Is this too weird? Too fast?”
I took his hand in mine. “No.” He was my happiness right now. I wasn’t going to give it up.
He reached up and traced a line between my brows, and I wondered if I was scowling.
“I just feel guilty.”
“Because of your mom?”
I nodded. “I feel like I should be in mourning or something.”
“Charlie, you’ve been in mourning for ten years.”
“True.” The sunlight touched the tips of his dark hair, and his hazel eyes looked brown today.
He gave me a lazy smile. “What?”
“We kissed.”
He laughed and sat up, moving behind me. He wrapped me up from behind, pulling me back against his chest. “Am I a better kisser than Evan?”
“Hmmm . . .”
He let out an indignant grunt.
“Is this a competition?”
“Absolutely.”
This time I laughed and twisted around, pressing my lips to his. “Yes, Braden, you win.” He was an amazing kisser.
The day had turned to dusk when we walked back to my house, kicking the soccer ball back and forth between us as we went.
“So . . .”
He quirked an eyebrow at me. “What?”
“Are you going to tell my family about us, or am I?”
“Probably better if you do. I already have one black eye.”
“Funny . . . wait, you don’t think my brothers would hit you, do you?”
“I hope not.”
Now I was scared. Braden was right; this was different than just some random guy I met. This was Braden. He was practically part of the family. I knew how much pressure that put on us. I knew my brothers and father would understand that as well.
Braden studied my face. “Oh, great. You’re terrified. If you’re scared, how am I supposed to feel?”
“I already told you to stop reading me.”
“I can read you because I know you better.”
“In your dreams.”
“Yes, you’ve been there, too.”
I backhanded him across the stomach, but couldn’t help but smile.
When we walked into the house with a foot of space between us, my dad looked up from the game he was watching—an NBA classic.
“Don’t even think about it,” I told Braden, whose eyes lit up when he saw what was on television.
“Where have you been, Charlie?” my dad asked. “You’re supposed to be grounded.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot.”
“You’re grounded?” Braden asked. His eyes seemed to say
If you’re already grounded, maybe we should tell him later.
I felt the opposite—if I was already grounded, might as well get this out too. I couldn’t get in any more trouble.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
My father’s eyes darted to Braden as if searching for clues to what I was about to say. He wasn’t going to find his answers from Braden this time.
“Maybe we should get everyone in here,” I said.
“Everyone?” Braden asked. “Right now? Don’t you just want to talk to your dad first?”
“No. Might as well talk to them all at once.”
“This sounds serious,” my dad said, finally using the remote to turn off the game.
“It is serious. But good serious.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Okay.”
I yelled up the stairs to my brothers and soon the three of them, plus my dad, were crammed on our long couch. They barely fit shoulder to shoulder. I stood in front of them with Braden behind me.
I cracked my knuckles and took a deep breath. “Okay. So . . .” I had no idea where to begin. I felt like it needed a lead-in, but what could I tell them that they didn’t already know?
Wait. Gage already knew how Braden felt. Had he told the others? I eyed Gage, and he gave me a rare hard look, daring me to confess to the whole family what he already knew.
My mouth went dry and I tried to swallow. My tongue felt twice as big as it should. Finally, I squeezed my eyes shut and spit out, “I love him.” I pointed over my shoulder and opened my eyes at the same time.
Gage’s jaw tightened. So he still hadn’t gotten used to the idea. Everyone else just stared at me like they were waiting for me to finish my point. They all loved Braden. They didn’t understand what I meant.
I reached behind me blindly, hoping he’d help me out. It didn’t take him more than a second to put his hand in mine. “We’re together,” I said.
I wasn’t sure who started the outburst, but soon they were all talking at once and it wasn’t to congratulate us. Jerom was the first on his feet, and he said, “How dare you take advantage of her right now?” His cold stare was on Braden. They all seemed to stand up in unison after that.
I held up my hand before someone else said something hurtful. “Stop. He is the only one who had the guts to even hint that something more happened with Mom. So don’t you dare act like he is taking advantage of me.”
Jerom fisted his hands. “It sure seems that way.”
“I’m not breakable. Don’t you all get that? I can handle things. I can make my own decisions. This didn’t happen today. I’ve liked him for a while. We just admitted it today.”
“I love her, guys,” Braden said.
Nathan stepped forward like he was going to give Braden’s black eye a match. My dad grabbed him by the arm. “That’s enough, boys,” he said, and everyone went quiet. “I’ve asked this young man to keep an eye on Charlie on numerous occasions. How is it fair to now say I don’t trust him?”
I could feel the tension drain from Braden next to me.
My father looked at Braden and in a chilling voice said, “You better not betray my trust.”
“No, sir.”
“Then it’s settled. But you’re still grounded until the party, Charlie.” He looked at Braden. “So get out of here.”
Braden had never been kicked out when I was grounded before. But he’d never been mine before, either. I squeezed his hand and he left. As soon as the door shut, my brothers’ smiles were back.
“I wondered when he’d say something.”
“It was so obvious.”
“But, Charlie,” Gage said, “I had no idea you felt the same.”
I nodded, and they continued to talk about who knew what and when. Then one by one they all went quiet. It was the first time we’d all been in the same place at the same time since I found out about my mom. I had been avoiding this.
I looked at my dad. “I think it’s time we all talked about Mom. Together.” I grabbed the box full of pictures from beneath the table. I was still beyond angry with her, but I knew the first step to getting through that was to learn more about her from the people who knew her better than I did.
I sat on the couch and opened the box. They all still stood there, staring, like I had asked them who wrote
Pride and Prejudice
. Then Gage snatched a picture from the box and held it up. “This was the day that Nathan pushed me into a tree because he said I was cheating at hide-and-seek. Mom totally took my side, by the way.”
“You
were
cheating. You always cheat,” Nathan said, sitting next to me and reaching in for a stack of pictures. My brothers all had their hands in the box now and were talking over one another again. I looked up and saw my dad standing there, staring at the pile of pictures on the table. She was in most of them. His expression was hard and it seemed he too was still angry with my mom. But then he met my eyes and his whole aura lightened with a smile. It seemed to say
She gave me you, Charlie, and I’ll always love her for that.
That was a lot for an aura to say, but I was sure Linda would’ve agreed.