On The Floor (Second Story) (28 page)

"And we're friends. We get along really well, so we talk and hang out. But only in friendly ways," she says with conviction. But I think I see a flash of something in her eyes telling me that there is more to the story that she is telling me.

"And you're okay with that. Right?"

"I mean, I wish I could try to be with him, but I just can't," she pauses to take a breath. "I don't want a relationship. He does. I know that now. And this works out for both of us. I can care for him as a friend. Nothing more. And he knows that. So... yeah. I'm okay with it." She ends with a shrug

"And you can't be more with him because...?" I ask. I know she doesn't like her relationships to be anything more than sex and fun, but she has never really told me why.

"Because I don't believe that I am meant for
that
type of love. Friend and family love? Sure.
Love
love? It’s not in the cards for me," she says with a sad smile. But that only lasts a moment, before her smile turns wicked. "Plus, I love sex
way
too much to give up the opportunity to be with an unlimited supply of the delicious men that flock to me."

I give her a tentative smile. "Okay. If that is what you want Jenna. But for what it's worth, I think that you are meant for that type of love. And whatever, or whoever, made you feel like you aren't... well fuck it. Or them. You, Jenna, are meant for whatever you want," I say smiling at her, my hands on her shoulders.

Her eyes are wet and one tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. She wipes it away before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me. I hug her back. Hard.

After a few minutes she pulls away and sniffles, wiping at her eyes. "You know I love you, Rach."

"I do. You know I love you, Jen."

"I do. And I am damn lucky for it." After a brief pause, she straightens in her chair and shakes her head. Clapping her hands together she exclaims, "Okay! So. Song choice." She stands up, pulling me with her and turning me toward the stage, while she stands behind me. "I'll give you two choices and you say one. Lightning fast. No over thinking. All subconscious. You ready?" she asks rubbing my shoulders like I'm about to go into the boxing ring.

I chuckle. "Okay."

"Now close your eyes." I do. "Sing or not," she says giving me the first choice.

"Sing."

"Oldie or current."

"Current"

"Pop or Country."

"Um, what?" I ask her. She knows I'm not a fan of country.

"Answer the question!" she demands with a smile in her voice.

"Pop."

"Artist: Boy or girl."

"Girl."

"Katy or Britney."

"Katy."

She laughs. "There. Now you have an artist. Pick a song by her that you want to perform."

"Hmmm...
Teenage Dream
?" I ask her opinion.

"Most definitely. I love that song," she says smiling and smacking my butt. "Good game. Now get to practicing!"

And I do. It only takes a few times to master playing the song. And already knowing the lyrics helps. Now I can go through the rest of my day without freaking out.

***

Jake offered to get everything set-up again for the open mic, which afforded me the opportunity to get ready with Jenna. She begged me to be her Barbie for the night and after a promise of her buying lunch this Sunday, I agreed. I told her I still have veto power. She responded by telling me that I wasn't allowed to look in a mirror until she was done, then, and
only
then, I could change something if I wanted. She told me to close my eyes and I only opened them when she had to do my eyeliner and mascara. I complied. And I am glad I did.

Because I look amazing. I would have stopped her when she pulled out the red lipstick. I always thought it made me look like a clown, but the shade and application make me look, dare I say, sexy. The dark eye makeup has my green eyes popping. My hair is parted down the center, where it is normally parted a bit to the left, and that little change makes the loose curls look way different than normal.

She put me in a pair of dark wash jeans and a black long sleeve shirt. It's a shirt I've seen Jenna wear once, but it looks very different on me. It is a mock turtleneck, with lace sleeves. Where it was looser on her, it is tight on me. When she wore it, it showed her pierced belly button and on me it covers my hips. And the back is entirely lace. And good friend that she is, she had told me to put on my nude strapless bra, so you can only see it through the back if you are really looking for it.

Looking at myself in the mirror I decide that I look good. Like,
really
good. Does that sound conceited? Actually, I don't even care. I look fucking great. And I feel great too. I look over my shoulder in my reflection and see Jenna smiling. "I told you that you could pull off red lipstick. You look fucking hot!"

I smile back at her. "Damn right I do. But now I won't be able to kiss Jake without turning him red," I say an exaggerated pout on my mouth.

Her smile grows. "Yes you will. This lipstick is amazing. It won't smear. I mean, unless you are really going at it. And by the time you guys are at it like that, it won't matter because no one else will be around to see him covered in red anyways."

I laugh. "Hey! And you look fucking hot too, by the way." Her hair and make-up were both done when she got here, but she's gotten dressed and she's wearing a high-waisted pink mini skirt with a white tank top tucked in at her waist. She's got on her white leather jacket and her hot pink heals. Her black hair has been teased a bit, so it looks like she has had someone messing with it. Her make-up is lighter than mine. Bright.

"I know!" she says smiling. "It's about time to go. Ready? Any vetoes on the look?"

"Hell no! Let's go..." I say, grabbing my black purse before heading out of Jenna's room.

***

We get to the Rec Center and sit at the same table as last time. I'll be hosting again, so I need to be close to the stage. The only intro I won't be doing is my own. There are only a few people here so far and I don't see Jake anywhere. Jenna goes to grab a couple of bottles of water for us and I shoot Jake a text.

Right after I hit send, I feel a pair of lips on my neck. I jump in my seat and turn around to see Jake smiling. "Damn, you look good enough to eat," he says.

I laugh. "That was bad, Jake! I thought people only said stuff like that in books."

He chuckles. "Movies, too." He takes a seat next to me, scooting close to me and leaning in to whisper in my ear. "But you do look absolutely amazing."

"Thanks," I reply breathily. The look in his eyes tells me he is telling the truth. I look amazing and good enough to... eat. The thought of what he might eat sends a shiver through my body. We’ve obviously given up on hiding our relationship. Even though we’re not hiding it, we try not to flaunt it like Jake is right now. He must really think I look… edible.

He leans into me, our lips touching for a brief, but sweet kiss. "So, what do you have in store for the audience tonight?"

"It's a surprise," I say.

"Well, I can't wait." We smile at each other for a minute, before he continues. "Okay," he says clapping his hands together. "It will work the same way as last time. You'll host, but I'll do your intro at the end."

My eyes open wider and the smile drops from my face. "Wait, I'm playing last?"

"Well, yeah. You're hosting. I figured you'd want to get that done with before you sit down to play," he says, a gorgeous smile on his face.

"But it will seem like an encore. Or people will think my performance will be like the one you guys did last time. I don't have a flash mob planned, Jake." My nerves are starting to set in. I didn't think about it before, but people might come expecting something like the last performance we had last time.

"It will be fine. Most of the people that were here last time were in on the surprise for you. You'll be fine. And babe, you
are
an encore. You are an amazing musician, and if you go at the beginning or in the middle of the show, everyone after you would feel inadequate." I can tell he means what he says. Either I'm as good as he thinks, or he's wearing rose-colored
I'm in love
glasses. Let's hope it's the former.

I mean, I know I'm talented. Obviously I wouldn't have gotten a performance scholarship to Juilliard if I was mediocre. But playing classical pieces and performing pop music is very different. And I was here last time. Everyone who got up and performed was amazing. I mean, look at where we go to school. Everyone here has talent.

But I'm left with that thought as Jenna shows up at our table with Jimmy and Dan.

"Hey, Rachel. Jake," Jimmy says, coming over to give me a kiss on the cheek and a hug to Jake.

"Hey, Jims. Dan," I say. Dan returns the hello and kisses my cheek as well.

"You look fab!" Jimmy says, looking me up and down while I'm in my seat. "Stand up and give me a turn. I want to see the whole look," he says totally seriously.

"Um. No. I'll be up in like ten minutes. You can see the look then," I say smiling at him sweetly.

"You're no fun," Jimmy says pouting.

"I'm plenty fun," I say pouting back. We look at each other for a moment before laughing.

"It's filling up. I think the group is double the size this time," Dan says, looking around.

"I think you are right," Jenna says.

I look around for the first time since I got here. Jake had all my attention before and with my nerves about my performance, I wasn't really paying attention to the room at large. I mean, sometimes it's hard to pay attention to anything when Jake is around.

I have to turn around in my chair to see most of the room since I'm right in front and facing the stage. But the room is full. There are people filling all the chairs. There are people around the edge of the room. And there is little to no standing room left. It's like a club in here, not a low key open mic night.

"Wow... that is a lot of people..." I say. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember why I wanted to perform in front of crowds in the first place. I changed my major because after giving piano lessons, I realized that I would rather teach someone than perform myself. But there is another reason why I changed my major to education instead of performance.

My stomach starts to turn.

My palms sweat.

My heart speeds.

Time slows, but not in a good way.

Large, unfamiliar crowds give me stage fright.

Having not performed in so long in front of a new audience, I forgot what this feels like. And I must have played down the feeling in my head.

Because this is nearly unmanageable.

Ugh. This is going to suck.

***

The performers this month are as good as the ones at the last open mic night. I, on the other hand, am a mess of a host. I keep reading the wrong names from the list. I barely look out into the crowd. And my voice is shaky. How am I going to perform a song in front of this crowd if I can barely even read from a list?

We have one performance left before a break in the middle of the show. And after I announce the performer, she climbs up the stairs to the stage and sits behind the piano, grabbing the microphone from me as I walk off the stage.

"Hi everyone! Tonight I'll be playing the piano and singing a modified version of the song
Teenage Dream
by Katy Perry..."

My eyes bug out and my mouth drops. I turn to Jenna and her face is similar to mine. This is my song and I didn't pick a back-up. How did I not think to pick a back-up song? The song is pretty popular, so I should have picked something else to play just in case. I mean, her arrangement isn't as complicated as the one I planned on playing, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I can't play it now. Why didn't I read the list of performances beforehand? Then I would have known someone was already performing this song.

I'm startled from my thoughts when Jake leans close to my ear, his breath tickling my ear. "Everything okay?"

I shake my head quickly back and forth twice.

And I must have been seriously zoning out because the song is ending. Jake gives me a curious look. "Do you want me to go announce the break?"

I nod my head up and down twice.

As soon as Jake leaves the table, Jenna moves into his seat next to me. "So what is the back-up song?"

"Jen, I have no back-up song. I guess I could do one of the ones I was looking at earlier, but it won't be rehearsed," I say, my voice shaking. I am seriously glad I changed my major. Maybe I'll play a classical piece. I've always been most comfortable playing classical music in front of crowds. I don't have to focus on singing. Just playing. And I have a lot more of those pieces memorized than pop songs.

Jake comes down from the stage. He sees me and Jenna talking and looks between the two of us.

"That girl just did the song she was going to do and she has no back-up planned. Although she knows a million songs, she had a hard time picking one out to perform. Oh, and she has stage fright when playing in front of new and unfamiliar audiences," Jenna says.

I look at her. "Thanks for laying it all out there Jenna..." I say sarcastically.

"What? One of us had to say something. Look at the poor guy," she says gesturing at Jake. "I think that he thought you were going to have a panic attack. You look freaked, Rach. And you don't need to be. You know enough songs by heart to pick something and play it better than every other person who has played so far."

Jenna is not doing anything to ease my worry. I know that I can play songs, the problem is that I have to practice them so I don't freak out when I get on stage. The more practice I have playing the song, the more confidence I have.

Jake must see that I am still stressed, so he grabs my hand and pulls me from my chair. "Come with me for a sec?"

"Sure," I say, following him to the area behind the stage.

"Stage fright?" he asks, as soon as we are out of view of the room.