On the Night of the Seventh Moon (34 page)

There was a faint glint of anxiety behind the bland smile. She was afraid. She wanted me to understand that because the Count was interested in me and had discovered that Maximilian and I were in love he was now quite determined to become my lover.

Perhaps I should have been warned but I could not take this threat seriously. If I were careful never to be alone with him, there was nothing he could do. I was not a horse and carriage to be smashed, though he could of course make life very unpleasant.

I was in my room when they came back. I went to the window and saw them. My first glance was for Fritz; he was happily sitting his pony and riding with ease.

All I had to do was make him understand that he must not show fear. It seemed he had learned that lesson.

But I soon discovered from Frau Graben that the Count had decided the boys should now have done with ponies. They were to ride horses. He had been to the stables and chosen which they should have.

I knew something of the horses there and when I realized which was to be Fritz's mount, I was afraid. It was one of the friskiest horses in the stables.

What sort of man was this who could endanger his son's life on the pretext that he was making a man of him, and at the same time showing his displeasure toward a woman who had flouted him?

I had to try to see him against his own background. Was I perhaps unable to visualize what the rather wild upbringing had made of him? The outlook here would be very different from that in a peaceful English town. That was why everything seemed a little fantastic and unreal. These men took what they wanted and didn't count the cost of others. They were so ruthless that even when they loved they could deceive with a mock marriage. What were they capable of when they were prompted by lust alone?

My fears for Fritz did at least stop my brooding exclusively on my own problem.

 

.  .  .

 

I went into the town that afternoon while the children were having a drawing lesson from a young artist who came up to the
Schloss
to teach them once a week.

I saw the hat in the window and afterwards I thought it was fate or instinct or something like that which led me to that window.

It was a boy's hat in pale gray rather like a bowler and there was a small green feather stuck into the ribbon. Beneath the hat was a notice: T
HE
S
AFETY
R
IDING
H
AT
.

I went into the shop. Yes, it was designed to give extra protection to the head. The hatter had heard only that day that a young fellow had fallen from his horse and avoided serious accident because he was wearing his safety riding hat.

I bought it.

If I were going to give Fritz a present I must buy gifts for the others. The toymaker's shop was always a delight to all children. There were cuckoo clocks and dolls' houses and dolls' furniture, humming toys and toy horses and riding whips. It was not difficult to find something. For Dagobert I bought what was called a weather detector. It consisted of a little wooden house with two figures, a man dressed in somber clothes and a woman in bright colors. The woman came out when the sun was going to shine, the man when it was going to rain. I guessed that would please him. Liesel's gift was a double-jointed doll.

When I returned to the
Schloss
the children were back from their art lesson, which had been given out of doors. They were delighted with their gifts.

Fritz put on his hat.

“It's a safety hat,” I told him.

“Is it magic?”

“It means that while you're wearing it you'll be much safer than you would be without it.”

He regarded it with awe. Dagobert was delighted with his weather house but his eyes did rest rather longingly on the safety hat. It was astonishing really because I had thought a toy would have been much
more desirable than an article of clothing, but it seemed that they had already endowed this hat with some special magic.

Inside it was a silk tab on which was inscribed the words S
AFETY
H
AT
. They read it with awe. Fritz put it on and wouldn't take it off.

“It's really for riding,” I told him; but he wanted to keep it on all the time.

I wished that I had bought them both one.

“Why is it a present day?” asked Liesel.

“Oh, just because I felt like it,” I told her.

“Do they have present days any sort of time in England?” asked Fritz.

“Well, yes, any time can be present giving time.”

“I want to go to England,” announced Dagobert.

 

I was at the turret window watching for Maximilian to come. Across the valley I could see the lights of the ducal
Schloss,
and I thought of that woman who, legend had it, had thrown herself from this window because she had discovered that she had been tricked into marriage and could not bear to go on living since she had been so deceived. How different was my position! I glowed with exultation because he loved me so much that he had jeopardized his future for my sake. I had lived in this community long enough to realize the feudal state of life here. The people's rulers belonged to them; they were powerful overlords yet they existed in power only through the approbation of those they ruled.

I knew that I could never allow Maximilian to suffer through me.

When he had married me (and I shuddered to think how easily he could have followed the custom of his ancestors and gone through a mock ceremony, for how should I have known the difference?) he had proved his all-embracing love for me. I was determined to show mine for him.

At last I saw him. He came along without attendants. I leaned from the window and caught my breath because of the sheer drop below and again I was thinking of the desperation of that sad woman who had been less fortunate.

I could hear his footsteps on the stair. I was at the door to greet him and we were in each other's arms.

 

In the early morning before he left, we talked again of our future.

He had wondered whether to tell Wilhelmina and had come to the conclusion that his father should be the first to know.

“Again and again I am on the point of telling him. I want to take you to him. I want to tell him everything that happened. Yet I fear the effects of the shock.”

“And Wilhelmina?” I said. “I think a great deal of Wilhelmina.”

“It was a union of convenience. Since the birth of the child we have lived apart. I was grateful for that reason when the child came . . . so was she because it meant that we need not live together.”

“I had forgotten the child.”

“The complications are so great,” went on Maximilian. “It maddens me. It might have been so different. I was once on the point of telling my father what had happened to try to make him understand that I had met the only woman I could love and had married her. He could have borne it then. There would have been trouble and because I believed you dead I saw no point in raising it. Those people had lied to me. I shan't rest until I know why. I shall have Ilse brought here. I shall discover from her what it all meant and why she and Ernst interfered in my life.”

“You had commanded them to interfere in the first place.”

“I had commanded them to bring you to me. They were the witnesses of our marriage. But they lied to you and to me. Why? I shall soon know, for she is to be brought here. We will confront her and have the truth.”

“Do you think she will come?”

“My cousin has to visit Klarenbock on state business. I have told him that I want Ilse, if still living, to be brought here.”

“Your cousin?”

“Count Frederic.”

I felt uneasy. The Count always made me feel so.

“Does he know the reason for which you want Ilse?”

“Good God no. I wouldn't trust Frederic with that. Heaven knows what use he'd make of it. He's getting as troublesome to me as his father was to mine.”

“And he is the one whom you have asked to bring back Ilse!”

“She would know she must obey him. She might even think it is her half sister Wilhelmina who wishes to see her. I have not specifically said it is I.”

“How I wish she were here now! I should like to meet her face to face. There is so much I want to ask her. She seemed so kind to me. I don't understand why she should have tried to ruin my life.”

“We will discover,” said Maximilian.

The dawn was with us and it was time for him to leave. How happy we could be even though we could not look more than a day or so ahead and had come no nearer to finding a solution to our problem.

 

The next day Frieda, the wife of Prinzstein the coachman, who had joined the two maids we already had in the fortress, brought in letters from England—one from Anthony, one from Aunt Matilda, and one from Mrs. Greville.

Anthony wanted to know how I was faring. It was a long time since he had heard.

Is everything well there, Helena? If not give it up and come back. I miss you very much. There's no one to talk to as I can talk to you. The parents are very good of course, but it isn't quite the same. Every day I look for a letter from you which will tell me that you have had enough of it. Come home. I do understand that you are restless. What happened to you there makes that very understandable. Don't you think that dwelling on the past only keeps it alive? Wouldn't it be better to try to forget it? Do come home where I shall do everything possible to make you happy.

My love as ever, Anthony.

What peaceful calm that conjured up: the new vicarage with those lovely green lawns which had been maturing for more than two hundred years; the lovely house which was Elizabethan and built to represent the letter E as so many had been during that Queen's reign. A fascinating house with its buttery and stillroom, its walled garden, its little orchard which would be a glory of pink and white blossom in May. How far away it seemed from the
Schloss
in the mountains!

Suppose I wrote to Anthony and told him I had found Maximilian. Perhaps I owed that to him. I did not want him to go on thinking that one day I would return to him. But I must not do so yet. Maximilian's father must be the first to know.

There was a letter from Aunt Matilda too.

How are you getting on, Helena? Have you had enough of that teaching job yet? Albert says he reckons you'll be back before the summer's over. The winter wouldn't be good there. I believe they have a lot of snow. Take care of your chest. There are some that say mountains are good for chests, but chests are funny things. We miss you in the shop. On busy days Albert says “We could do with Helena, particularly in the Foreign Department.” He works like a slave which isn't right with one kidney . . .

 

How those letters brought it all back.
And Mrs. Greville's:

 

We miss you very much. When are you coming back? It's been such a lovely spring. You should see the shrubs in the vicarage garden. And now the lavender's a picture. The grass was a bit trampled by people at the fête, but it was a great success. Anthony is very popular. There are so many willing helpers. A very nice lady, a Mrs. Chartwell, has come to live close by. She has a pleasant daughter who is being so useful in the parish. Anthony was saying what a great help she is. She's quite nice-looking too, is Grace Chartwell, gentle personality, gets on with people . . .

I smiled. In other words, a perfect vicar's wife. I understood Mrs. Greville was telling me: Come back before it's too late.

 

A hush had fallen over the town, over the
Schloss
and over the mountains. The Duke was very ill.

There was a note from Maximilian for me which told me that he was unable to leave the
Schloss.
The doctors were in attendance on his father and it was feared that the end was not far off.

Frau Graben couldn't hide her excitement.

“Our Maxi will soon be Duke,” she whispered to me.

I avoided her eyes.

The children were affected by the general solemnity for a short while but they soon forgot it.

Fritz was rarely seen without his hat although Dagobert had long grown tired of telling people whether it was going to rain or shine and one of the legs of Liesel's doll had come off.

I should have given them all hats.

Through the next day the Duke lingered on. In the streets there was a hushed silence; people stood about on corners talking in whispers.

He had been a good ruler, they said, but ailing for a long time. It was a mercy they had a strong Prince to follow with the country and the surrounding states in such a turmoil.

Those days of anxiety over the Duke were not allowed to interfere with the life of the
Schloss.

In the courtyard twice a week the children practiced archery when other boys of noble families came in to join them and very often there were as many as ten or eleven taking lessons. It had been considered that there would be greater competition for the boys if others were there; and there was always a great deal of activity and noise in the courtyard where they practiced.

I was in my room when Fritz came running in. He was carrying his hat and protruding from it was an arrow.

“It hit me on the head,” he said, “but it went into my hat. It'll have to be pulled out carefully or it might tear. Herr Gronken said I could bring it to you when I told him you would know how to get it out. Oh, miss, do be careful with my magic hat.”

I took it in my hands: the thought immediately came to me that if he had not been wearing a hat, the arrow would have struck him in the head.

I withdrew the arrow very carefully and laid it on the table.

We examined it together. It had made a hole in the fabric.

“Never mind,” I said to Fritz, “that makes it more interesting, more your very own. Battle scars are signs of honor.”