On the Outside (Caught Inside #3) (6 page)

“No, but we’ll take the check.” Xavier reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, but I quickly pushed his hand away.

“No, let me. It’s the least I can do for the lessons.”

He grinned. “You do know those lessons are part of my job description, right?”

I nodded. “I know, but being a decent human being that I can speak with isn’t. Trust me, besides fangirls, you’re the only person in a long time who doesn’t look at me as though I’m some liability—a curse. So for that…thank you.”

His eyes twinkled. “Trust me. You can never be anyone’s curse.”

Warmth traveled through me and I fought the urge to hug him. I merely smiled and nodded. “Thanks again.”

Chapter 11

You know how I mentioned what a bitch time can be? Well, time is even crazier when it comes to romance. Though obviously there has to be some level of attraction to begin with, time has a funny way of pushing people together.

Xavier became my lifeline—my only friend. And though it’s not uncommon to begin thinking of your friend as something more, the speed at which I fell for him was borderline insane. Unfortunately, Xavier didn’t seem to fall as quickly as I did.

If he even fell at all.

Exactly one month from my first lesson, I sat in the passenger seat quietly watching Xavier position the surfboards back onto their respective car racks. The backdoor was open, allowing him to perch himself up onto the ledge of the car while giving me a great view of his legs and abdomen. I licked my lips hungrily as my eyes flitted down each muscle in his abdomen. I had no idea someone so perfect existed.

You’re just battling a broken ego. Admit this is only lust.

But was it only lust? Xavier was nice, smart, and funny. Sure he was a bit sarcastic and a bit too “perfect,” but there was definitely something more to my feelings than just loving the eye candy. He was patient and kind. He was all the things I needed desperately in my life.

“No, what you really need in your life is your best friend,” I muttered to myself. Sadness worked its way up my throat, and I had to make a conscious effort to fight the tightness away.

I wanted to call Riley. No, I
needed
to call her. I missed her so much. Not to mention the following day would be my table read. I always got so nervous before table reads and often called her the night before as an unspoken tradition to calm my nerves. Who was I going to call now? 

I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my cheek against the cool car window. My saltwater-drenched hair crunched against the glass, providing no cushion for my head. Succumbing to the familiar feeling of depression and nerves, I glanced at Xavier, who jumped into the driver’s seat.

“Hey…” My voice trailed off, and soon an overwhelming sense of stupidity washed over me. “Uh, forget it.”

“What is it?” Xavier chuckled. “Obviously, something is on your mind.”

I bit my lip. “I’m just nervous, I guess.”

“About what?” He peered at me for a bit and broke into a chuckle. “Usually it’s me who is at a loss for words.”

“And usually me who won’t shut up,” I finished for him.

His lips curled up into a soft smile. “I only talk around those I feel comfortable with, and I think you should start talking now before I commit myself to silence again.”

I took a deep breath and shrugged. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess I’m just worried about meeting the rest of the cast?”

He frowned. “Why is that?”

“I don’t exactly have a good history with coworkers,” I replied with a strained laugh. “I just can’t believe a month flew by so quickly. I can’t even surf yet and here I am ready to dive into pre-production.”

“You can surf,” he replied pointedly.

I shot him a look.

“When I push you into a wave,” he admitted with a grimace.

I sighed and stared out the window. “I thought by now I’d feel more put together, but I don’t.”

Xavier reached out and touched my arm. The gentle touch caused goose bumps to awaken one by one, traveling down the length of my arm. Gulping, I turned around to find him staring at me with a look I couldn’t place.

“What?” I breathed.

“We’ve been working a lot, right? Training and lessons, I mean?”

I nodded.

“Maybe to calm you down for table reads we can do something fun. Maybe tonight?”

“Like a date?” I blurted out without thinking. As soon as the words left my mouth I felt the blood rush up to my face.

Smooth, Harper. Really smooth.

To my surprise, Xavier nodded. “It was inevitable, right? We spend every day together…it was only a matter of time until we made it official and called it a date?”

I wanted to jump up and do cartwheels, but a voice inside of me—a negative one—told me to be careful. As much as I was attracted to Xavier, he was still technically my boss.

Here comes Louis Bennington all over again.

“It’s table reads tomorrow. They make me nervous. Maybe I should stay home and mentally prepare. They scare me,” I rambled on.

“How come?”

“I told you before, I hate the unknown. I hate meeting new people and in the case of
Joy In and Joy Out
, I hated not knowing what was
in
the script.”

“Precisely the reason why I want to take you out tonight.”

I looked up curiously.

“Let’s focus on things other than work for a change.” He flashed his sexy smile. “I think I have a perfect place to take you.”

***

“Bowling? Seriously?” I scrunched up my nose, fighting off my urge to gag from the nasty feet smell that attacked my nostrils.

Xavier perched himself on an uncomfortable looking plastic chair and lifted his foot. Taking off his sneakers, he pushed a foot into a weirdly colored rental shoe and began tying its laces. “If you want something mindless that will help you get your anxiety out, then bowling is definitely the best thing you can do.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I’m not following.”

“You get to hit things. What better way to get your aggressions out?”

I let out an amused laugh. “I’m surprised we didn’t go to the batting cages with that mentality of yours.”

His hands dropped from his laces as a perplexed expression reached his face. “Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t think of that.”

Giggling, I plopped down next to him and put on my own pair of gross ass shoes. Making a mental note to soak my feet in baking soda and hot water, I asked, “So are you any good at this?”

“A bit. If you must know, I excel at a lot of things.”

“Apparently that includes being arrogant.
Psh,
and I wondered why you weren’t taken yet,” I snorted.

His eyes brightened. “Really? You wondered that?”

“I, uhh…”

Oh, stop being so immature, Harper. You’re a woman. You can admit you think he’s sexy.

I shrugged. “You’re a good looking guy who is obviously well-rounded. It’s weird you haven’t been snatched up yet.” As if on cue, a group of young women walked by us throwing winks in his direction. “Case in point…”

His eyes darted around uncomfortably. “Well, it doesn’t help that women haven’t been in my line of sight for a long time.”

I blinked in shock. “And why is that?”

“It’s a boring reason, really.”

“Have you seen my life? Please, ‘boring’ is something I really need right now.”

I didn’t realize how flirtatious my comment was until it slipped from my mouth. Luckily, Xavier didn’t seem affected by it.

Stuffing his other foot into a stinky shoe, he replied, “I put my career first. I always put work first. I don’t have time for any of that romance stuff. In fact, had they not assigned me to you, I probably would not have spoken to a woman as intimately for a very long time.”

And just like that I felt my ego being crushed. He was only interested in me due to opportunity and good timing. He’d never have given me the time of day had it been any different.

Why would he? He’s completely out of my league. He’s too perfect.

I crossed my arms in annoyance. “Well, let’s get this bowling thing underway, okay? I suddenly do want to hit something.”

He looked at me questioningly, watching as I punched our names into the small computer by our seats. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I rushed over to a nearby set of racks and grabbed a bowling ball, then took my place at the lane, ignoring the perplexed look on Xavier’s face.

I hadn’t gone bowling since I was thirteen and sucked even back then. Not surprisingly, I was still pretty horrible at it. As expected, Xavier basically ruled the game. Like rumbling thunder, the crashing pins echoed after each of his strikes and spares.

“Wow, you
are
good at everything.” I smirked as Xavier pumped his fist in the air and took his seat beside me.

“Yeah, I’m pushing 200 and you’re still…”

“Don’t even say it.”

“Sixty.” His head snapped toward me incredulously. “Seriously? Sixty?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Never said
I
was good. Just agreed that I’d love to hit something.”

A yawn escaped my mouth, leading Xavier to suggest we take a few minutes’ break. That was the bad thing about bowling for two people. It was always your turn! Feeling grateful, I sunk into my uncomfortable seat, stretching out my arms.

“So…” his voice trailed off.

“So what?”

He leaned over curiously, invading my personal bubble, though I can’t say that I minded it. “Why are you so scared of table reads? Usually people have fun with those.”

“I told you—”

“Fear of the unknown, right.” He frowned. “But I wouldn’t take you for one to get scared so easily.”

Now it was my turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re an actress. Aren’t you used to facing new things all the time?”

“I mean, yeah, but…”

“But what?” His eyes sparkled curiously.

“I guess you can say this is a fairly new fear,” I admitted.

He blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“The first job I ever landed was Joy, and honestly I came into it so naïve. Here I was a newbie picked to star among a cast of veterans. At first I thought that just spoke to how good I was, but again arrogance and naivety can only take you so far.” I paused, imagining the cringeworthy day. “Let’s just say that first table read was one of the most humiliating days of my life.”

He cringed. “That bad?”

“Apparently, I didn’t know my character well enough. Coby had a field day poking fun at me.” I rolled my eyes.

“Table reads can be a bit alarming, but that doesn’t mean—”

I cut him off. “It
does
mean they’re bad. I haven’t really had great experiences with them. Let’s just take my very last read through as an example. I found out I was being killed off! So yeah, there’s your reason why I hate table reads. I never know what to expect and it usually ends up being shitty.”

He looked down at his feet, staying silent for a long time.

Great. Now he probably regrets hiring me. Why hire an unconfident ball of nerves?

Just when I thought I was going to get fired on the spot, Xavier reached out and took my hand. The sudden action jarred me awake, causing the hairs on my arms to stand up one by one.

“What happened to you on
Joy
won’t happen on
Cali Break
, okay? No one’s going to tear you down and definitely no one is going to kill you off.”

“Yes, that means I’ll be in the sequel!” I joked half-heartedly.

Smiling slightly, he asked, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but during your first table read, was there something you did specifically to make them call you out on being new?”

I squinted, trying to recall a day I’d rather forget. I shook my head. “No. I actually tried so hard, you know? I felt so out of place sitting around these celebrities I knew so much about, that I did my best so I could be like them.
Become
one of them.”

“Ah, there’s your problem,” he said knowingly.

“What do you mean?”

To my disappointment, he let go of my hand and scratched at his forehead. “You know how I told you I always pushed people away because work was so important to me?”

I nodded.

“Doing so often made me different—an outsider.”

“You mean an outcast?” My eyes clouded with memories of Coby and the other cast members. Though the girls and I became friends later on, it definitely took a while to feel accepted.

Xavier took a deep breath. “I think that’s why you messed up, and maybe by me telling you this, table reads will go more smoothly tomorrow.”

“Okay…?”

“Don’t worry so much about trying to fit in. Embrace being an outsider. Sometimes it’s what makes your work more worthwhile. It’s what makes you shine. Don’t try to be like everybody else. Not only is it sort of pathetic—”

“Hey!”

“—but it also diminishes your potential and ironically makes you fail. That’s probably why you were humiliated. You didn’t tap into the
true
actress they casted to begin with.”

I paused for a moment, allowing his words to sink in. I knew he was right, but I couldn’t easily forget how painful my last table read was. I also couldn’t forget what Hollywood seemed to think about me. “What if the cast hates me? What if they spread even more rumors about me? What if—”