On to Richmond (48 page)

             
Rose smiled.  How much this woman was like her mama!  Aunt Abby had listened with her heart to all she had said, but there was nothing she could do to change the past.  All Aunt Abby could do was be involved in their present and their future.  Rose sensed this caring woman would do all she could for them.  “I want to teach,” she said firmly.  “I want to help black children follow their dreams.  But I want to go to school first.  There is so much I want to learn.  So much I still I want to know.”

             
Aunt Abby listened and then turned to Moses.  “And what about you?”

             
“I want to find my family.  That is the dream that burns in me above all others.  My daddy made me responsible for them when he died.  I’ll do whatever it takes to see us all together in freedom.”  He paused for a long moment and then continued.  “And I want to fight for the Union.  Or be involved somehow.  This isn’t just their war.  It’s the black man’s war, too.  I believe our freedom hinges on it.”  He stopped when he saw Aunt Abby’s frown.  “What?”

             
Aunt Abby shook her head.  “Both your dreams are going to be hard to accomplish.  There are many blacks here in Philadelphia eager to fight.  They have all been turned away.”

             
“Why?”  Moses asked.

             
Aunt Abby shrugged.  “The North, for all its talk about equality, is not really willing to embrace it themselves.  They wanted the South to let the slaves go, but they didn’t count on having to pay a price themselves for it to happen.  Quite simply, I don’t think they believe blacks are capable of being soldiers.”

             
Moses frowned deeply.  “I thought I was leaving that kind of thinking behind in the South.  I thought things were different here.  Especially in Philadelphia.”

             
“I wish I could tell you that were true.  Oh, things are different, but I’m afraid you won’t find it to be the way you envision.  Let me tell you something about the city you have chosen to call home.”  The chiming of the hall clock drew her attention.  “Have you eaten yet?  I was just getting ready to have a bite to eat.”

             
Soon they were seated around the table in the kitchen and munching on bread, cold ham, cheese, and pickles. 

             
Abby returned to what she had been saying.  “Now, about Philadelphia.  You will find quite a large number of blacks in our fair city.  In fact, we have more blacks here than any other city besides Baltimore.  And you will find most of them congregated not very far from where we are right now.  Most of the women serve in the capacity of domestics and find it easier to be close to their work.” 

             
Rose nodded.  Carrie had told her Aunt Abby lived in one of the wealthiest areas of the city. 

             
Aunt Abby continued.  “Philadelphia has the privilege of two very different distinctions.  You are probably aware that the Pennsylvania Anti-Slavery Society is based here.” 

             
Moses nodded.  “Carrie has told us about how much you do for the effort.”

             
“I wish I could do more,” Aunt Abby said with a frown.  “The other distinction we have is one that Frederick Douglass himself gave us.  I’m afraid it’s not one I am proud of.  After one of his trips here he said,
‘Colorphobia is more rampant in Philadelphia than in the pro-slavery, negro-hating city of New York.’
   I’m afraid there is a great deal of truth to what he said.”

             
Rose felt the sick feeling of disappointment rise up in her.  “I’m sorry to hear that.”  She didn’t know what else to say. 

             
“I feel it’s only fair to give you a clear picture.  Don’t misunderstand me.  There are opportunities here for you.  But you will have to fight hard.  You will have to want it with all your heart.”

             
Moses smiled suddenly.  “I know we fit that bill, Aunt Abby.  We’ve been through a lot of hard things already.  We’ll just keep on until we get where we want to be.”

             
Aunt Abby nodded, looking at them both closely.  “I believe you,” she said warmly.  “I see the same spirit that I saw in Carrie in you two.”  She paused for a moment.  “Let me tell you what else you can expect.  Prejudice against color is quite rampant here.  We have white schools and colored schools.  White churches and colored churches.  Why, I think we even have what I call white Christianity and colored Christianity.  The lines are tightly drawn everywhere.  No colored people, no matter how well dressed or well-behaved, are allowed to ride on public transportation.”

             
Rose frowned.  “What are they so afraid of?” she asked.

             
Aunt Abby regarded her somberly for several long moments.  Finally she replied.  “People are afraid of what is different.  Instead of embracing the differences as something that can enrich them, people try to bottle them up - to put them somewhere they can’t touch their lives.  The very reality of how blacks came to America works against you.  Rightly or wrongly, people’s mentality of you is of people who are slaves.  People have to have someone to look down on.  I guess it makes them feel better about themselves if they think other people are even lower than them.”

             
“It was hardly our choice to come to America at all,” Moses protested in an angry voice. 

             
“Of course, it wasn’t, Moses.  My experience has taught me that darkness follows darkness.  It was the darkness of men’s hearts that brought your people from Africa.  The darkness continues in people’s attitudes and actions now.  Many people talk about wanting slaves to be free.  But they haven’t looked in their own hearts.  They don’t realize if they were talking about the word free in relation to themselves, they would also be talking about equality.  Too many people aren’t willing to look at their hearts and attitudes with honesty.” 

             
“What makes you that way?”  Rose asked suddenly.  “Why are you different?”

             
Aunt Abby smiled.  “I’m lucky I think.  Oh, I grew up with a tremendous amount of prejudice all around me.  My family is Virginians you know.  We never owned slaves, but my father always wanted them.  Then I came to Philadelphia on a visit and met my husband.  That was during the 40s when riots were erupting in protest of the blacks in the city.  My husband had grown up farther north where the abolition movement was already active.  He had many black friends when he was a child.  I learned to see blacks through his eyes.  I had to fight to overcome my prejudices because they were deeply ingrained.  I was involved with the fight for freedom before I realized my own heart was struggling with the equality issue.”

             
When she paused and looked thoughtful, Rose gazed at her in admiration.  She understood why Carrie was so drawn to this honest woman.  She knew she had found a friend.

             
Abby continued.  “I’m afraid it’s just a condition of the human heart - this desire to believe we are better than other people around us.  It took God quite a while to teach me I was absolutely no different from my black brothers and sisters.  God sees us all the same.  Given the same chances, some of us will succeed and others won’t.  Given the same chances, some will give their all to follow their dreams - others will fall by the wayside.  I pray every day that God will cleanse the darkness from my heart.”

             
“You are a remarkable woman, Aunt Abby,” Moses said with a catch in his voice. 

             
“Nonsense!”  Aunt Abby responded.  “I am merely a human.  Just like you are.  We all have to come together if we are going to make any sense out of this world we live in.  Especially at this time.” 

             
“Has anything new happened with the war?” Moses asked.  “Obviously we haven’t gotten any news lately.”

             
“Not much, actually.  The Battle of Bull Run had a very sobering effect on the North.  General McDowell was replaced by General McClellan.  They seem to be looking more long range than they were before.  The last I have heard is that a tremendous effort is being made to build a strong, well-equipped army.  Congress has authorized the building of an army of one million men for three years, or the duration of the war.”

             
“A million men!”  Moses whistled.

             
Aunt Abby nodded.  “There has been quite a lot of enthusiasm among men eager to defend the Union.  At least for now.”

             
“You think it will change?” Rose asked.

             
“I think the realities of war are going to change attitudes and dampen enthusiasm everywhere.  The Battle of Bull Run seems to have galvanized men eager to defend their honor and the honor of their country.  And right now the war is good for our economy.  But I think that will change.”

             
“Why?”  Moses asked. 

             
Aunt Abby shrugged.  “I believe we are in for a long, hard war.  As the casualties and the suffering mount, I think the enthusiasm will fade.  Especially here in Philadelphia.  In spite of the strength of the Abolition movement here, Philadelphia has long had a traditional sympathy for the South and an antipathy toward blacks.  I fear those realities will cloud its dedication to the Union.” 

             
“Are we safe here in the city?” Rose asked.  She was not feeling afraid, but she wanted to be aware of any precautions they needed to take.

             
“I think so,” Aunt Abby responded.  “I think you should spend the next week or so getting to know Philadelphia.  I will show you the areas where you need to be most careful.  I’ll also show you some places you will feel comfortable.”

             
“We don’t want to impose on you,” Moses protested.

             
“Nonsense!” Aunt Abby said crisply. “And I know I haven’t really said anything, but I hope you know I want you two to stay here with me.  I have plenty of room.”

             
“I was hoping you would want us to,” Rose admitted with a smile.  “I feel like I’m at home.  My mama was so much like you.”

             
“Your mama was Sarah, wasn’t she?”

             
Rose nodded.

             
“Carrie told me so much about her.  She sounds like she was a wonderful woman.  I’m so sorry you have lost her.” 

             
Rose managed to smile.  “She knew I had Moses.  She wanted to go and be with my daddy.  I know she’s happy.” 

             
A brief silence followed, and then Moses asked, “Will I be able to find a job here?  We have no intention of letting you take care of us.” 

             
“I didn’t think you did,” Aunt Abby said quickly.  “But finding a job will be difficult, I’m afraid.   Employment in the new factories is pretty much closed to blacks.  Even semi-skilled and unskilled occupations are harder to come by because of the Irish who have flooded our city.”

             
Rose could tell she was trying to be honest, yet not discouraging at the same time.

             
Moses nodded.  “I’ll find something,” he said firmly. 

             
“What do you want to do in the long run, Moses?  When you’ve found your family and they’re free?”

             
“I want to be a farmer, ma’am.”  His eyes shone as he talked.  “I love working the land and watching a tiny seed grow into a plant that can feed a lot of people.  There’s magic in that, you know.  Growing tobacco and corn was all right, but growing the food crops the last two months for Carrie lit a new fire in my heart.  I watched those plants every day.  I imagined how many people they were going to feed.  I want to feed people, Aunt Abby.  Someday - on land of my own - I want to grow crops that will feed people.”  His eyes glazed over as he looked far into the future. 

             
Aunt Abby nodded.  “Hang on to your dream, Moses.”

             
“I aim to, Aunt Abby.  I aim to.”

             
Aunt Abby turned to Rose.  “You want to teach.”

             
“More than anything in the world,” Rose said eagerly.

             
“Why?”

             
Rose thought through her answer.  She could feel Aunt Abby’s eyes on her, and she sensed it was more than just a casual question.  “I’ve wanted to be a teacher ever since I learned how to read and write.  Learning to read was like opening up a whole new world to me.  Carrie would have been in a lot of trouble if anyone had found out what she was doing, but she knew how much it meant to me.  I learned there was a whole world beyond the narrow one I lived in.  I want other people to know that.”  She paused, thinking.

             
Aunt Abby continued to watch her. Listening, she seemed to know Rose had more to say.