Once (29 page)

Authors: Anna Carey

BOOK: Once

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I pulled away, my hands shaking.

“I'm so sorry, Eve,” she said, reaching out for me, trying to stroke my face. “I had to, I didn't meanâ”

“Don't,” I said. “Please go.” She came to me again, her hand on my arm, but I slunk back. It wasn't her fault. I knew that. But I didn't want her comfort either, this person who had played a part in Caleb's death. I turned toward the window, listening to the sound of her choked sobs until they settled into silence. Finally, I heard the door close. When I was certain she was gone I turned, studying the crumpled papers on the floor.

I picked the first one up, calmed by the familiar handwriting. It was the same yellowed paper I'd carried with me since School. The old letter, the one I'd read a thousand times, was now sitting in a backpack off Route 80, outside of that warehouse. I would never see it again.

The sheet was worn around the edges.
Wedding day
was scrawled along the front in wobbly letters. I sat on my bed, pressing the paper between my fingers, trying to smooth out the hard crease from where he'd crumpled it in his hand.

My sweet girl
,

It's impossible to know if and when you will read this, where you will be or how old. In the passing days I've imagined it many times over. The world is always as it once was. Sometimes the church doors open up to a bustling street, and you stride out, your new husband beside you. Someone helps you inside a waiting car. Other times it's just you and him and a small crowd of friends. I can see the glasses raised in your honor. And once I imagined there was no weddingâno ceremony, no big white dress, none of the traditionâjust you and him lying beside each other one night and deciding that was it. From now on, you'd always be together
.

Whatever circumstance it is, wherever you are, I know that you are happy. My hope is that it is a big, boundless happiness that works its way into every corner of your life. Know that I am with you now, as I've always been
.

I love you, I love you, I love you
,

Mom

I folded the letter in my lap. I didn't move. I sat there on the bed, my face swollen and pink, until I heard the King's voice, as if startling me from a dream. “Genevieve,” he said, his voice stern. “It's time.”

forty-three

I STOOD IN THE BACK OF THE PALACE CATHEDRAL, THE GAUZY
veil shielding me from a thousand staring eyes. The King was beside me, his face fixed in a grotesque smile. He offered me his arm. As the music started I threaded my hand through his elbow and took the first step toward the altar, where Charles waited for me, the wedding band already out, pressed between his thin fingers.

The string quartet played a long, sorrowful note as I took one step, then another. The eaves were crowded with people clad in their finest silk dresses, ornate hats, and jewels. Their plastic smiles were too much to bear. Clara and Rose were on one aisle, their hair done up in stiff, overblown waves. Clara's face was drained of color. She didn't look at me as I passed, instead wrapping her satin sash tightly around her fingers, squeezing all the blood from her hands. I scanned the pews for Moss, finally spotting him in the middle of the front row. We locked eyes for a moment before he turned away.

I was trapped here. The horrible, stifled feeling had returned. I closed my eyes for just a moment and Caleb's voice came back to me, the smell of smoke as real as it had been hours before. We were supposed to be out of the tunnel by now, moving through the abandoned neighborhood, our packs full of supplies. I took another step, then another, all the should-haves presenting themselves before me, one after the other. We were supposed to be leaving the City, going away from the wall and the soldiers and the Palace, moving east as the sun made its slow arc across the sky, finally warming our backs. We were supposed to be arriving at the first stop on the Trail.

We were supposed to be together.

But instead I was here, more alone than I'd ever been, the diamond tiara heavy on my head. The King paused in front of the altar and lifted the veil for a moment. He gazed at me, playing the role of the loving father, the camera flashing, freezing us forever in this terrible place. He pressed his thin lips against my cheek and let the veil fall back over my face.

Thenâfinallyâhe was gone. I stepped up the three short stairs and took my place beside Charles. The music stopped, the people were silent. I focused on my breathing, the only reminder that I was still alive. I steadied my hands, remembering Moss's words.

The ceremony was about to begin.

acknowledgments

A BIG HUG AND THANK-YOU TO ALL WHO MAKE THIS SERIES
possible: funny man Josh Bank, for general awesomeness; Sara Shandler, for her spontaneous “I love Eve” emails, which are so supportive they make me want to dance; Joelle Hobeika, editor extraordinaire, for being able to talk character development and reality television with equal enthusiasm. To Farrin Jacobs, for all those aha! notes. And to Sarah Landis, the all-knowing “third eye,” for seeing the things that we've missed (and then some).

To the sharp women who promote these books as if they were their own: Marisa Russell, for blog tours and retweets and signings; Deb Shapiro, for being the first to be All About Eve. To Kate Lee, my Twitter bestie, for all her good work and guidance. And to Kristin Marang, for her time and love spent on all things digital. That two-hour “conversation” was magical.

Much love and thanks to all of my friends, in so many cities, who offered everything from flash mobs to cocktail parties just to celebrate this series' release. Special thanks to those who've kept me afloat during this process: Helen Rubenstein and Aaron Kandell, who read early drafts of this book; Ali and Ally (the aptly named Allies) for understanding. To Anna Gilbert, Lanie Davis, and Katie Siseâmy long-distance girlfriendsâfor talking it out; Lauren Morphew, right back at you. And to T.W.F., for making LA feel like home.

As always, endless gratitude to my brother, Kevin, and my parents, Tom and Elaine, for loving me first and best.

about the author

ANNA CAREY
graduated from New York University and has an MFA in fiction from Brooklyn College. She lives in Los Angeles.

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credits

Cover design by Elizabeth H. Clark

Cover art by Steve Stone

copyright

Once

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Carey, Anna.

Once / by Anna Carey.â1st ed.

p.Â Â cm.

Sequel to: Eve.

Summary: “In the second book of this dystopian adventure, Eve will come face to face with the king who has been ruthlessly hunting herâand learn shocking truth about who she really is”âProvided by publisher.

ISBN 978-0-06-204854-7 (trade)âISBN 978-0-06-221644-1 (int'l ed.)

EPub Edition Â© MAY 2012 ISBN 9780062048561

[1. Kings, queens, rulers, etc.âFiction. 2. IdentityâFiction. 3. LoveâFiction. 4. Science fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.C21OnÂ Â Â Â 2012	2012004294
[Fic]âdc23	CIP AC

12Â Â Â Â 13Â Â Â Â 14Â Â Â Â 15Â Â Â Â 16Â Â Â Â LP/RRDHÂ Â Â Â 10Â Â Â Â 9Â Â Â Â 8Â Â Â Â 7Â Â Â Â 6Â Â Â Â 5Â Â Â Â 4Â Â Â Â 3Â Â Â Â 2Â Â Â Â 1
First Edition