Once a Ferrara Wife... (16 page)

‘I would have built it myself for you but I wanted to spend the time with you and I wanted it to be a surprise. You missed out on a childhood. I wanted to give you an intensive course.’ Carefully, he removed the book from her hands and set it down on the table.

Feeling utterly miserable, Laurel slid her arms around him. ‘I love you.’

He gave a groan of relief and kissed her. ‘Could you say that again?’

‘I love you.’ It was quite possibly the most honest moment of their marriage, the emotion as powerful an aphrodisiac as the physical attraction that consumed both of them.

Seconds later they were both naked on the rug, the shelves
of books the only witness to their insatiable desire for each other.

One devastating kiss was all it took to turn her from a rational being to quivering, compliant, mindless, and the kiss didn’t just involve their mouths, but their whole bodies, legs entwined, hands exploring. She dug her nails into his shoulders, feeling hard, sleek muscle and tensile strength. He slid his hand lower, his skilled fingers exploring her with unapologetic intimacy and his touch sent her from hot to scorching, every nerve-ending shimmering because he knew her body so well and he wasn’t afraid to use that knowledge.

Her need for him was so acute that she moaned his name in a desperate plea and he shifted his position, clearly feeling the same urgency.

When he drove himself into her she cried out with relief because it felt so good. Her body immediately tightened around his and he swore softly in Italian, the dark glitter in his eyes revealing the effort required to hold back.

But she didn’t want him to hold back and used everything she had to drive him wild, the gentle lick of her tongue and the sensuous slide of her hands teasing his heated flesh until he lost his grip on that legendary control of his and thrust deep into her body.

His mouth came down on hers in an intimate kiss and they were still kissing when they hit that inevitable peak. The explosion smashed through both of them, a sizzling, scorching shower of sexual ecstasy that left them both drained and exhausted.

Later, they swam in the pool, making the most of the shifting position of the setting sun. Light danced over the surface of the water, tiny flashes that sparkled and dazzled like the wink of a diamond.

It should have been perfect.

But Laurel was in agony.

‘Cristiano—there’s something I have to say to you—’ The words burst from her and he took her in his arms, water clinging to his thick dark lashes.

‘Then say it.’

‘Earlier you said that you’d called an expert. I … I didn’t realise that was what you wanted. When you said that being married to me was more important to you than having children, I didn’t realise that you were planning on seeing doctors and doing everything we could to have a baby.’

‘I wanted to do that for you.’

‘Did you? Or did you want to do it for yourself?’

His eyes narrowed. ‘You don’t want me to do that?’

She could have lied. She could have let the relationship drift on without telling him the truth but they’d stumbled over enough obstacles in their marriage without her laying new ones.

‘No.’ She shook her head slowly, knowing that what she was about to say could kill their future. ‘No, I don’t. There’s something I haven’t told you. Something I haven’t been quite honest about.’

He was still, his face shadowed by the rapidly diminishing light. ‘Go on.’

How did she explain? Where did she begin? ‘Losing our baby was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. When I felt those first pains I thought to myself,
No, please no, anything but this.
I was frantic. There was nothing,
nothing,
I wanted in the world as much as our child.’ Her eyes filled as she remembered the horror of those few days. ‘And I lost it. And when they told me I couldn’t have more children I didn’t even care because I didn’t want to
think
about more children. All I cared about was the baby I’d lost. There was no way,
no way,
I ever would have put myself through that again. Risked
that again. Our marriage was wrecked anyway so the issue of not being able to have more children became irrelevant.’

He inhaled deeply. ‘Do you still feel that way?’

‘Yes.’ She wasn’t going to lie to him. ‘Even if it
were
possible, which it isn’t, I wouldn’t put myself through that again. For me, being pregnant wasn’t about excitement and expectation, it was about fear and terrible loss.’

‘Laurel—’ A muscle flickered in his jaw and she saw the guilt in his eyes but she also knew that guilt was misplaced.

‘This isn’t about what happened between us, Cristiano. Even if you
had
been here, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome for that pregnancy. At the time you accused me of overreacting and in a way you were right—’ For the first time ever, she realised that it was true. ‘I was devastated and the way I coped with that was to push you away. If I’d just yelled at you there would have come a point where you wanted me to talk about what happened and I just couldn’t. All I wanted to do was hide.’

‘So you left.’

‘I was so wrong to do that.’ The tears spilled from her eyes. ‘I was grieving and heartbroken and I took it out on you. I blamed you for everything. And I just couldn’t tell you how I was feeling.’

‘But now you have—’ His own voice decidedly unsteady, he pulled her hard against him, crushing her against him. ‘And now I understand what you want, there will be no more talk of experts.’

Her face was buried in his neck, her tears mingling with the water from the pool. ‘What about what
you
want?’

‘I want you.’ His tone was unmistakably possessive and he eased her away from him so that he could look at her. ‘You. Always. I thought I’d made that clear.’

‘If you’d married a different woman you could have had a different life.’

He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘I wouldn’t want any life that didn’t have you in it.’

She felt light inside, and strangely relaxed. It was as if sharing the heaviest of her thoughts had somehow reduced their weight. And his unquestioning acceptance of the way things were gave her courage. ‘There’s something else—something I’ve been thinking about for a while but never mentioned to anyone. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it.’

‘Try me and let’s find out.’

Laurel hesitated because she truly had no idea how he was going to react to what she was going to say. ‘What I’d really love is for us to adopt a child.’ The words rushed out of her. ‘And not just because there’s no chance of having our own. I want us to give a child a home. Not a baby—everyone wants to adopt babies. I mean an older child. A lost, lonely child who has no idea how it feels to be wanted. I want to do up a bedroom and fill it with toys and books but most of all I want to be a loving family to someone who doesn’t have that and has no hope of that.’

‘Yes, I want that too.’ It was characteristic of his generosity that he didn’t hesitate. ‘Hearing what you went through horrifies me. And we have so much. I would very much like to give a secure home and family to a child in need of one. I’ve been thinking the same thing myself since you told me about your experience. And you would be an amazing mother.’

His positive response moved her more than anything else he’d said to her or done for her.

Her heart opened to him and she slid her arms around him, feeling the hardness of male muscle under her seeking fingers. ‘You’re very special.’

One eyebrow lifted. ‘I thought I was an arrogant, controlling workaholic?’

‘That too.’ But she knew that this needed so much more to
make it work than just words and good intentions. ‘Are you sure? I don’t suppose it’s going to be easy.’

He gave a wicked smile and gently lowered his mouth to hers. ‘You know I love a challenge.’

They stayed in the
castello,
time drifting, until their idyll was fractured by a phone call from Santo.

Cristiano’s heart sank as he listened as his brother outlined the work crisis that couldn’t be solved without his attention.

His gaze flickered to Laurel, still sleeping in the bed, her naked limbs and the curve of her hip creating a visual feast.

The temptation to live out the rest of their days in this paradise was powerful. Here, it was impossible for her to hide from him. Cocooned in their own private world, they’d been protected from reality. He wasn’t fool enough to think that this idyll could continue back in the real world. He had a business to run and so did she. The pressures on him were enormous and no matter how much effort he put into juggling his priorities, there were going to be times when they would be parted.

Reluctant to wake her, he pulled on his clothes and took the phone and his conversation out onto the terrace. He made himself a
caffé,
the small dense espresso that he favoured at the start of the day, and listened to his brother whilst at the same time thinking about the challenges facing his marriage.

He knew they’d come a long way in the past few weeks. What he didn’t know was whether it was far enough—whether what they’d created could survive when they returned to the outside world and he was no longer able to devote all his attention to the relationship.

Their marriage was like a boat, he thought, watching as a yacht skimmed the sparkling water of the Bay of Naxos. He’d shored up the hull and made the necessary repairs. Here in port, what they had looked strong and seaworthy. Whether it
was strong enough to survive in open water he didn’t know. And there was only one way to find out.

Having listened to Santo, he delivered the necessary advice and instruction and then ended the call and finished his coffee.

Beneath him the surface of the pool reflected the perfect blue sky and behind him the early morning sun shone on Etna’s summit.

‘Is everything OK?’ Her voice came from behind him and he turned to see her sitting up in the bed, her eyes sleepy and her mouth temptingly rosy. Without make-up, her hair tangled from too much midnight loving, she was gorgeous.

His woman.

‘Everything is fine.’ He found himself postponing the moment he had to break the news that they were leaving but she obviously sensed something and slid out of bed, deliciously unselfconscious.

Neither hiding nor flaunting, she reached for the wisp of cream silk that had started the night on her body and ended it in a discarded pool on the bedroom floor. That simple movement was all it took to have him forgetting his coffee and when she joined him on the terrace he slid his hand behind her neck and drew her in for a long, slow kiss.

‘Mmm—’ reluctantly she pulled away ‘—what is it you’re not telling me?’

‘What makes you so sure there’s something I’m not telling you?’

‘The look on your face.’ Her arms slid around his neck.

‘Tell me.’

There was no easy way to break news he knew she didn’t want to hear. ‘I need to go back for a while. A crisis is brewing with the Sardinia development that needs my attention.
Mi dispiace, angelo mia.
I’m sorry.’

He expected disappointment but instead she smiled. ‘It’s
fine. We knew we couldn’t stay here for ever.’ It was a brave statement that concealed her disappointment and Cristiano swore under his breath.

‘Don’t
tell me it’s fine while all the time thinking something different. Tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know.’

‘All right.’ She sat back on her heels, a gleam of humour lighting her eyes. ‘I’m thinking I don’t want you to go. I want us to stay here for ever.’

He breathed a sigh of relief. ‘At least now I know you’re being honest.’

‘But we both know it isn’t practical to stay here. And this deal is really important to you, I understand that. I know how long you waited for this one. You can’t delegate it to anyone else.’

He took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. ‘Whatever the world throws at us, it doesn’t change how much I love you. Tell me you understand that.’

‘Yes.’

Over the past few days she’d opened up more than she had at any time in their marriage but he was under no illusions. When Laurel felt threatened, she closed the world out. That was the way she protected herself. Here, he’d refused to let her hide but he was realistic enough to know that once they were back in the busy world they inhabited, things would change.

‘One week,’ he promised against her lips, ‘we’ll go back for one week. And we will be together at the beginning and end of every day. Breakfast every morning and dinner every evening. Sardinia is only a short hop away from Sicily. I won’t be gone long. That’s a promise.’

L
aurel
watched as Cristiano sent an email with one hand while tying the knot of his silk tie with the other. A cup of cold coffee lay untouched on the table because he hadn’t had a moment to drink it. From the moment they’d arrived back at the Palazzo Ferrara, the Palermo home that had been in his family for generations, he’d been swamped with work.

She felt a sharp pang of longing for the simplicity of their life in Taormina, missing the closeness and the lack of outside intrusion. Now she had to share him with a million other people. Yes, he’d kept to his promise of sharing breakfast and dinner with her but last night’s dinner hadn’t been served until gone eleven o’clock.

And the grandeur of the Palazzo unsettled her.

Her eyes roved over the priceless art on the walls. Cristiano was a renowned collector and she knew he was responsible for much of the restoration of the Palazzo. But although he spent time here when he needed to be in the city, she knew his preference would always be the villa at the Ferrara Spa and their new home in Taormina.

Their home.

Thinking of somewhere as home sent a warm feeling flowing through her. Watching as he took a phone call, switching easily between English and Italian, she felt her insides soften because this incredible man was
hers.
Yes, he was a workaholic
but she loved his energy and his utter commitment to a task. And to his family. Cristiano was big on responsibility and commitment and those had been rare qualities in her life before she’d met him. He was offering her that part of himself.

Laurel took over tying his tie, ducking as he gesticulated with his hands and let out a stream of angry Italian to the person on the end of the phone.

When he finally cut the connection he was visibly angry.

‘Lawyers!’ His jaw clenched, he stood still while she straightened his tie. ‘They are enough to drive a man to drink. I have to fly to Sardinia and I’d planned to spend the afternoon with you. I was going to take you shopping and spoil you.’

‘I’ll be fine. Dani is back from her honeymoon and we’re meeting at the Spa later for manicures and a girly chat. I also promised Santo I’d take a look at the health club at the Resort. I’m going to do a workout, observe some of the trainers in action. Make some recommendations. Then I’m going to find myself an empty office and answer all those emails I’ve been ignoring since we went to Taormina.’

Cristiano frowned. ‘You can use my office, but I don’t want you to have to work today.’

‘I don’t have to work. I want to work.’ Laurel stood back, wondering if there was ever going to be a time when she didn’t go weak at the knees when she looked at him. ‘There. You look smart.’

Sinfully handsome, she thought.

Hers.

‘Grazie.’
Distracted, Cristiano reached for his jacket. ‘I will be back in time to take you for dinner tonight and that’s a promise. I’ve discovered a new restaurant—’

‘In that case I’ll buy a new dress.’

‘You do that.’ He leaned forward and kissed her. ‘I have
spoken to my mother, by the way. She was mortified that you’d been through that without telling anyone. She wished very much that you had confided in her.’

Laurel shrugged awkwardly. ‘Not my forte, as you know.’ ‘I tried to explain to her but I didn’t want to talk about your past without your permission.’ He rubbed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. ‘You
could
confide in her. It would help her understand.’

‘She just wants you to be happy. I do understand that.’ He pulled her hard against him and wrapped his arms around her. ‘I
am
happy. How could I not be happy when I have you?’

His phone buzzed again and he gave an exasperated sigh and released her. ‘I miss Taormina,’ he said regretfully and she wanted to tell him that she did too but he was already walking out of the door and she knew that by the time he was in the car he would have forgotten her because no one had more focus than Cristiano.

At the moment all his attention was on sorting out the deal in Sardinia.

The most important deal to him for a long time.

‘I’m so clever.’ Delighted with herself, Dani waggled pink toenails and adjusted the brim of her hat. ‘I knew that if I got you together you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other. You just can’t help yourselves. And now Cristiano is close to closing the Sardinia deal so it’s happy ever afters all round.’

Laurel sat cross-legged on the sun lounger next to her. ‘What is so important about Sardinia?’

‘It was our father’s dream.’ Dani rubbed more suncream into her legs. ‘He wanted hotels on both islands. But it’s tricky buying land for development there. Cristiano found the perfect spot, of course, because he’s a genius. And then he has
this way of making people feel as if they can’t not sell to him. That’s why he has to be there to finalise the deal.
He’s
the one they’re selling it to. They trust him to do the right thing. To develop the land in a sympathetic way that won’t ruin the environment. How was Taormina?’ ‘Beautiful.’

‘It’s such a romantic place.’ Dani admired her pink toenails. ‘It must have been like a second honeymoon for you. Any time you want to thank me for getting you two back together, just go right ahead.’

Laurel laughed. ‘You don’t give up, do you?’

‘No. And now I’m moving straight on to Plan B.’

‘Cristiano and I are back together.’ Laurel shifted into a more comfortable position. ‘We don’t need Plan B.’

‘Ah—Plan B isn’t getting back together. Plan B is about having babies.’ Dani had her face turned towards the sun, otherwise she would have seen Laurel tense. ‘Don’t you think it would be fun to be pregnant at the same time? Our children could play together. Grow up together like I did with my cousins.’

She couldn’t accuse her friend of insensitivity, Laurel thought numbly, because she’d never told her the details of what had happened. But she had to. This was the time.

‘Dani—’

‘It’s no good. I can’t keep a secret.’ Dani sat up and pushed her hat away from her face. Her eyes shone. ‘I’m pregnant. I did the test last night. Raimondo wants me to wait a few weeks to tell everyone but you’re not everyone.’

Laurel was stunned. ‘You were pregnant when you got married?’

‘No, I was not!’ Dani’s voice was an outraged squeak. ‘And keep your voice down. Do you think I want my brothers to beat Raimondo to a pulp? This is a honeymoon baby.’ She looked content and pleased with herself.

‘But you’ve only been married for two weeks.’

‘Three.’ Dani laughed. ‘You obviously weren’t wasting time looking at your watch when you were in Taormina. I’ve been married for three whole weeks.’

Laurel stared at her.
Three
weeks?

But—dear God, Dani was right. It had been three weeks. Which meant that—

She felt the blood drain from her face and dimly saw Dani’s concerned frown.

‘Laurie? Are you OK?’

‘It’s the heat,’ Laurel muttered. ‘I might go and lie down for a while. I don’t feel well.’

‘What do you mean, you don’t feel well?’ Dani’s face lit up. ‘Maybe you’re pregnant too. Oh, my God, that would be awesome.’

‘No! I mean—that isn’t possible.’

‘Why not? You’ve been having sex non-stop for the past three weeks. Here—’ Dani dug around in her bag and pressed a slim packet into Laurel’s hand. ‘I bought two and I don’t need this one. You take it.’

It was a pregnancy test.

Laurel’s mouth was dry.

Why would a woman who couldn’t possibly get pregnant need to take a pregnancy test?

‘I don’t need this. I can’t be pregnant.’

‘That’s what I thought,’ Dani said happily. ‘Turned out I was wrong. Look, do you want to—’

‘I have to go and lie down.’ Her head spinning, Laurel walked away from her friend, bumped into a chair and stumbled down the steps to the beach.

She couldn’t be pregnant.

Ten minutes later she was sitting in the empty villa, staring at a positive pregnancy test and swallowing down the bitter taste of fear.

It was happening all over again, except this time she’d skipped the moments of anticipatory joy and jumped straight into deep, dark terror.

Hand shaking, she rummaged in her bag for her phone and punched in his number.

When it went straight to voicemail she felt a rush of panic because she’d so badly wanted him to answer. ‘Cristiano?’ She tried hard to keep her voice steady but somehow it came out as a desperate whisper.
Oh, God, she was going to sound needy and pathetic.
And then she remembered that his phone was off because he was finalising the Sardinian deal. How could she have forgotten that? He didn’t have time to nursemaid her. It wasn’t fair of her to put him in this position. The urge to beg him to come home was almost desperate but she tightened her grip on the phone and forced the words through the panic. ‘I just called to wish you luck in your meeting.’

Cristiano was about to go into the most important meeting of his life when his phone rang.

It was Santo, calling with a final set of figures for him.

Armed with everything he needed to close the deal, Cristiano ended the call and then noticed that he had a message waiting.

‘Cristiano?’ Carlo looked at him expectantly and Cristiano nodded, checking his voicemail as he walked through to the meeting room.

He stopped dead as he heard Laurel’s voice.

‘Cristiano? I just called to wish you luck in your meeting. ‘

She must have called in those same few minutes he’d been talking to Santo.

He frowned, oblivious to the men around the table, all waiting for him to start the meeting. Why would she be calling to wish him luck?
He’d seen her that morning and she’d wished him luck in person.

‘Cristiano?’ Carlo’s voice was more urgent this time but Cristiano lifted a hand to silence him.

‘I need to make a call. Excuse me.’ Leaving Carlo to keep the conversation going, Cristiano stepped out of the room and dialled Laurel’s number but there was no reply.

Cursing under his breath, he checked his watch. She was supposed to be sitting by the pool gossiping with his sister.

Frowning, he played the message again and this time he heard the change in her tone.
The long pause between saying his name and wishing him luck.

He played it again.

‘Cristiano?’

Something was wrong.

He called his sister but, predictably, her phone was engaged.

‘Cristiano?’ Carlo was standing in the doorway. ‘What the hell is going on? They’re waiting for you. It’s taken five years to get to this point.’

Cristiano tried Laurel’s number one more time but her phone was switched off.

Laurel never phoned him when he was working.

She’d only ever done it once before.

Following an instinct that he couldn’t even identify, Cristiano was already on his way out of the door. ‘You’ll have to handle this without me.’

His lawyer looked stunned. ‘But—’

It was too late.

Cristiano was gone.

Laurel was sitting in a shivering heap on the floor of the luxurious bathroom when the door to the villa crashed open and she heard Cristiano thundering her name.

Purposeful footsteps echoed in the distance and then the bathroom door flew open.

He swore when he saw her. ‘What’s happened? What are you doing in here?’

Her teeth were chattering and she felt pathetically relieved to see him. ‘You came.’

‘Of course I came, although next time I’d rather you avoided the cryptic and went straight for the direct approach. Your message was total nonsense.’ Brows locked together in a concerned frown, he scooped her off the floor and carried her through to the bedroom. She expected him to deposit her on the bed but he didn’t. Instead he sat down, holding her securely on his lap. ‘Now tell me what’s wrong,
tesoro.
Is it your asthma?’

‘No.’ She couldn’t stop shivering but instantly she felt better inside just because he was there.

‘Laurel?’ He held her firmly while he waited for her to talk, but talking wasn’t easy.

Her teeth chattered. Her insides churned. She felt horribly sick. Sick?

Oh, God.

‘I’m pregnant.’

He turned to stone. ‘I thought you told me—’ ‘I told you what they told me. That I couldn’t get pregnant. They said it wasn’t possible.’ Her voice rose and he spoke to her softly in Italian, his own fears carefully hidden as he tried to calm her.

‘Laurel, I know you’re afraid but it’s going to be all right. You have to trust me. This is
good
news,
angelo mia.’

‘No.’ Her eyes pooled with tears. ‘I can’t have a baby, Cristiano. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m capable of having this baby. Last time—’

‘This time will be different.’ He said that with an absolute
certainty that at any other time would have driven her to tease him for his arrogance but right now she was past teasing. ‘You don’t know that.’

‘And you don’t know that it won’t be.’ He smoothed her hair with hands that were strong and capable.

‘The doctors told me I couldn’t get pregnant. They said it wasn’t possible or I would have made you use contraception.’

‘So I don’t think those will be the doctors whose advice we are seeking now.’ He didn’t release his hold on her as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Her breath juddered. ‘You need a new phone.’

‘I am quite attached to this one. The crack in it reminds me of what is important in life.’ He dialled a number, spoke in rapid Italian and then ended the call. ‘I already told you I had done some research. This doctor I have found has extensive experience of your condition. I am arranging an appointment immediately.’

‘What if he can’t fit me in?’

‘It’s a she,’ Cristiano said mildly, ‘and if she can’t come to us then we will go to her.’

For the first time since she’d discovered she was pregnant, Laurel felt herself relax slightly. ‘You were in the middle of a meeting. I can’t believe you came.’

‘Did you really think I wouldn’t?’

‘Today was so important to you.’ She felt a rush of guilt. ‘I’ve ruined everything.’