Once Upon a Caveman (11 page)

She
flicked him off, just because she could.  The guy bugged her.

Rhawn’s
eyebrows soared, apparently recognizing the gesture and boggling over the fact
she’d use it on the chieftain.

“You’re
having some kind of PMS freak out.”  Warren told Lucy with his typical level of
tact.  “Just let me handle this, okay?  It seems pretty clear they like me
way
more than you.  I’ll talk to these hillbillies and they’ll get us to some kind
of radio and we’ll go home.”

“Warren…”

“You
won’t change my mind, so shut up.”  He interrupted.  “I’m staying right
here
until helps comes, where it’s safe and warm and chicks with big knockers feed
me fruit.”

“Good
plan.  And you’ll be a hell of a lot warmer under six feet of molten lava.”

“
The
rescue team will be here before that happens!
”

All
around them the Clan grew quiet, watching them shout at each other.  Dozens of
identical sets of blue eyes switched back and forth between them, growing more
and more wary.

Notan
snapped another translation order at Rhawn.

This
time, Rhawn ignored him.  He straightened away from the wall, his gaze fixed on
Warren, as the “god” loomed over Lucy.  Brown eyes were cataloging every move
he made, waiting for Warren to take another step forward.  “The Savior has been
drinking, Lucy.”  At least, Rhawn had figured out how to pronounce her name.  “Do
not get too close to him.”

“You
shut up the hell up, too!”  Warren jabbed a finger at him and almost
overbalanced.  “No one asked for your opinion, Krull.”

“The
woman is not a threat to you.”  Rhawn told him quietly.  “Not at the moment. 
There is no need to try and intimidate her.”

“That
bitch wouldn’t be intimidated by a cannon.”  Warren retorted.  “What?  You
think she’s going to fuck you if you act like some hero?  Is that it?”

Rhawn’s
jaw tightened ever so slightly.

Lucy
rolled her eyes.  “Good thinking, Warren.  Piss off the only guy here who knows
our language.”

“You
seriously trust Encino Man here to know
anything?
”

“Over
someone too stupid to realize that Caribbean islands don’t have sabretooth cats
on them?  You bet I will.  At least,
he’s
not an idiot.”

Rhawn
glanced at her, looking surprised.

Several
clan members shrank into the corners of the cave, watching her like she was a
demon.  Notan said something else, sounding more agitated than before.  Rhawn
spared him a frustrated look and snapped something back.

“What’s
he saying?”  Lucy demanded.

“He
wishes to know if the
Ardin
is beginning.  I have told him no.”  Rhawn
headed closer to her.  “You should come back to my cave with me, Lucy.”  He
nodded towards Warren.  “He is not thinking clearly.  You will be hurt.”

Lucy’s
eyes narrowed in sudden thought.  “The
Ardin
is the fight thing, right?”

“Yes.” 
Rhawn seemed to make up his mind about something.  He took a deep breath and moved
so he was slightly in front of her, shielding her from Warren.  “Come with me,
now.  I will protect you from him, no matter the consequences.”

“She’s
not going
anywhere
with you.”  Warren declared with drunken propriety. 
“I see the way you look at her.  I know what you’re thinking.  But,
--newsflash!--
I’m
Savior of Atlantis. 
I
get the chicks.”

Rhawn
stared at him for a beat, like he was trying not to say something snarky.  Trying
really,
really
hard.  …Then he said it anyway.  “And yet she spent the
night in
my
bed, rather than here at your side.”

Lucy
shot him a glare.  “Really?”  She challenged in exasperation.  The guy might be
some kind of scientific genius of the Paleolithic, but he wasn’t great with the
whole “people skills” thing.  “You’re
really
going to start with that macho
shit, Rhawn?”

He
glowered at her, irritated that she was irritated.  “Do I not get points for
telling the truth?  You would prefer that I lie?”

“Points?” 
She echoed blankly.  “What are you talking about?”  Then she remembered telling
him he’d earned “major points” back in the cave.  He must have taken her
literally.  Was he serious?  “Wait, you think there’s actually a
point
system
and you’re going to win some…?”

Warren
cut her off.  “Lucy didn’t sleep with you, dude.  You know how many guys she
balled in high school? 
None
.”  He made a circle with his thumb and
forefinger and held it up as a zero.  “You really believe she’d turn
me
down a thousand times and let
you
touch her?  I was quarterback of the
team!  Anyone else would’ve been
happy
to give me a blowjob.”  He nodded
wisely.  “I think she’s frigid or something, ya know?”

Rhawn’s
eyebrows arched in something like amusement at that idea.  “I think she’s
not
.” 
He said with the utter confidence of a guy who’d been making her body do hot,
wet things since she was eighteen.

Lucy
flashed him a glower.  “Nothing that happens in a dream even counts.”  She
snapped, annoyed by the world at large.

“I
disagree.”

Lucy’s
eyes narrowed at his smug tone.  “Just zip it, Rhawn.  And Warren, stop
embarrassing yourself.  I turned you down because you’re a repellant little
toad and you know it.”

“Yeah,
but that was before I became a god.  Now you
have
to do what I say and I
say you should stay away from him.”  He pointed at Rhawn.

Rhawn
didn’t agree with that, either.  In fact, he was looking more determined now. 
“You cannot keep her from me.”  There was an underlying note of steel to his
voice that had Lucy glancing at him in surprise.  “And there is no power in
this world that can keep
me
from
her
.”

“I
can do whatever I want!”  Warren waved a hand around the cave, reveling in his
Flintstone
-ian
empire.
 
“Look at all the people who love me!  I’m like the biggest guy
on campus, a-hole.”

Anniah
the wood nymph didn’t understand a word they were saying, but she still looked
like she agreed with everything Warren said.  She frowned at Lucy, clearly
annoyed that her precious Savior was so upset.

Lucy
rolled her eyes.  “You stay out of it, Pebbles.”

Rhawn
still wasn’t backing down from his stupid argument with Warren.  “Lucy is
unclaimed.”  He bit off.  “I have the right to approach her and not even you
can change that.”

“Well,
I’m
fucking claiming her, then!”

“You’re
not
claiming her.”  Rhawn snarled, stabbing a finger at Warren.  “
No
one
will Choose this woman but me.  Not while I’m still alive to fight for
her.”

Lucy
glanced at him in confusion.  “What are you doing?”

He
sent her a quick glance, brown eyes glowing hot.  “I’m about to challenge a god
for you.”

Her
eyebrows climbed up her forehead at that bewildering news.  “What?  Why?”

Rhawn
shot her a frown, as if that question was the weirdest thing he’d heard all
day.  “Because you are
mine
.”  He said simply and refocused on his
pissing-match.  “I have waited for Lucy and I will
not
give her up.”  He
took a step forward and Warren took a step back.  “In the Clan, you must
challenge if a woman is contested.”  And it sure sounded like he was contesting,
even believing that Warren was a supreme being.  “Do you wish to challenge me
for her?”

Lucy
looked between them, amazed that this was happening.  “Are you two out of your
minds?
” 
She pointed at her own chest.  “I’m a fucking
person
, here.  Neither one
of you can just throw a few punches and declare me the prize.  I’m not going to…”

Warren
cut her off, again.  “Yeah, I’ll fight ya!”  He gave a woozy “bring it on”
gesture.  “I’ll whomp your pretty boy face.  Once she knows what she’s missing,
she’ll be the Brooke Shields to my blond guy for as long as we’re stuck here in
Blue Lagoon
.  I mean, she’s not as
hot
as Brooke, but…”

That
did it.

Lucy
looked over at Rhawn, sick of the chauvinist posturing.  She’d deal with this
crap herself.  “Tell your Clan that the
Ardin
has arrived.”

“What?” 
He spared her a concerned frown.  “No.  That is a very bad idea.”

“
Tell
them!
”  Lucy bent down to scoop up a stray rock.

Rhawn
didn’t need to translate her words to Notan.  The old man and half the Clan had
already fallen to their knees, praying.

Rhawn
barely glanced their way, all his attention on Warren.  “Lucy, the Savior and I
will…”

Warren
frowned in confusion, talking right over Rhawn.  The guy’s constant interruptions
were typical and annoying.  “What the hell is the
Ardin
…?”  He didn’t
get a chance to finish the question.

Lucy
pegged the stone at his greasy head.

Junior
year, the school counselor had convinced her to join the softball team in order
to pad her college applications.  Lucy had been the pitcher.  The rock slammed
into Warren’s skull with a precision that would’ve made old Coach Leaky proud. 
The “god” toppled backwards like a cow someone had tipped over in a field and
laid there unconscious.  Lucy wasn’t worried about the long term effects.  He
was too sloshed and useless to die.

The
Clan screamed in panic as he fell.

Anniah
scampered over to kneel beside him, checking his wounds.

“Varsity
team, baby.”  Lucy raised a hand over her head and looked at Rhawn who was
gaping down at Warren’s splayed form.  “Uh-ho, guess who just won the
Ardin?
”

His
gaze slowly traveled to hers.

Lucy
smirked at him.  “Too bad, so sad.  Looks like your Savior isn’t going to be
saving anybody, caveman.”

“You
hit him with a rock.”  Rhawn sounded stunned.

She
made a face at his tone.  “So?  You slammed that big guy with the dreadlocks into
a stone wall, back in that bamboo cage.  Compared to that, I’m almost a
pacifist.”

“But
you
hit the Savior with a rock. 
That is not how the
Ardin
is
supposed to go.”

“Well,
I’m the evil god, remember?  Cheating’s in the job description.  Now unless
somebody wants to try and steal my new throne, I’m in charge.”  She arched a
brow.  “Are any of
them
going to stand against me?”  She gestured
towards the stunned and whimpering Clan.

“No.”

“Are
you
going to stand against me, Rhawn?”

Please
say no.  Please say no.

Lucy
would lose if he chose the other side.  She knew it.  Rhawn was the only one
here with the brains to see through her little “god” trip.  For so many years,
she’d dreamed of this guy.  Her instincts and body all told her he was
special.  That he was here with her for a reason.  That she could depend on
him.  Her mind had a real hard time accepting those ideas, though.

Lucy
never had been one to just take things on faith.

Rhawn
studied her for a beat.  “No.”  He finally whispered.  “I will still try to
stop your evil plans, but I am pleased the Savior lost this battle.”  His gaze
flicked to Warren.  “The challenge ended when he fell.”

Lucy
blew out a relieved breath.  “Sure did.  And I’m the champion.”

Those
beautiful brown eyes met hers.  “I mean his challenge to
me
.”

“Yeah,
well, you were doing plenty of ‘challenging’ yourself.”  Warren had deserved
someone getting in his face, but Rhawn had escalated things pretty fast.  “What
the hell were you thinking trying to “claim” me or whatever?”

“I
was thinking that I’ve claimed you.”

“Well,
I’m thinking you’re
wrong
.”  She snapped.  “And believe me, we’re going
to talk about that sexist display, just as soon as I’m done conquering the world.”

“There
is nothing to talk about.  The challenge is decided.”

“Just
shut up and let me rule my doomed kingdom, okay?”  Lucy clapped her hands
together in satisfaction. 
Finally
something was going right.  “So, just
to be clear,
who’s
Queen of Isle of Misfit Toys?”  She asked her new
followers.

“You
are?”  Rhawn guessed.

“
I
am.”  She agreed.  “Tell the others the good news.”

“Believe
me, they know.”  In fact, he had to raise his voice to be heard over their
piteous moans of despair.

“Tell
them anyway.”  The only way Lucy was going to survive this was making them all
too scared of her to rebel.  In a fair fight, Rhawn or Warren or anyone else
here could take her down.  She
had
to assert herself fast or she’d be
dead.  “Tell them I’m a wrathful bitch, who will sink them into the sea unless
they do
everything
I say.”