One and the Same (4 page)
Authors: Abigail Pogrebin
I ask them to try to describe their closeness. Jessica says, “I feel like
thatӉ
she points at her sisterâ”is just an extension of me. That's
me
over there, experiencing something different. Like astral projection, kind of.”
“She's my other half, you know,” Jennifer chimes in. “If something
happened to her, I don't know what I'd do. It's like slicing part of you in half. No one can make me madder; no one can make me happier.”
What about the perennial twins question: Were they competitive? “Oh definitely,” says Jennifer. “I had to be better at it all, man.” She looks at Jessica. “I couldn't let you beat me.”
They even liked the same boy, and Jessica ended up marrying him. “We were freshmen in high school,” Jessica recalls. “He flirted with a lot of girls.”
“He did,” Jennifer confirms. “He was flirting with me and he was flirting with her and I got mad that he picked her, but I was happy for her. The Lord brought them together.”
Complicating matters, Jennifer had to chaperone her sister and the boyfriend she'd lost on every one of their dates. “The poor thing had to be the third wheel,” Jessica recalls. “Because we were only fifteen when me and him started dating, and my Mom and Dad wouldn't let us be separated. It was like, âNo, she's got to go with you.'”
Every date?
“Pretty much,” Jessica says, a little embarrassed.
“That wasn't fun,” Jennifer says grimly.
I wonder if it was wrenching for Jennifer to watch her sister end up with her crush. “No, not at all,” she insists. “As soon as he asked her out, I'm like, âOkay, y'all were meant to be.' I was the maid of honor.”
These sisters seem to be lucky enough to have found romantic relationships (Jennifer has a boyfriend) despite their twinship. But for some reason, Twinsburg seems to draw a number of twinsâpredominantly maleâwho have never been married.
“I almost married once,” says Sam Zarante, fifty-one, dressed neatly in a button-down shirt. “Marie, my fiancée, didn't understand my being a twin. She thought my twin brother, Dave, and I were too close.”
“I'd be over, visiting, a lot,” Dave acknowledges.
“So it would be the three of us, not two,” Sam adds. “He'd be competition for her.”
Because she was never going to match their closeness?
“She didn't understand it,” Dave says.
“I loved her,” Sam states.
“I liked her,” Dave chimes in. “I liked Marie. She was a good one.”
“We did things together, the three of us,” Sam recalls. “But after awhile, it came out: a little resentment. She wanted me to be her number one, you see. And I understand that. But I liked having him around.”
I ask when Sam and Marie broke up. “Oh, it's been awhile now,” Sam says.
Nineteen eighty-four. That was the last big relationship either twin had. For years, they've lived together in an Illinois suburb.
“Now, Abigail,” Dave says, addressing me suddenly. “I have to admit: I'm looking for someone to marry.”
“Maybe you'll find her here,” I venture.
“Maybe.” Sam laughs a little too hard.
“We came here for the first time years ago,” Dave explains. “And my ma was thinking we'd be meeting some twins, you know!” He has the same laugh.
“Maybe that's what you need,” I suggest. “Other twins.”
“Maybe they'll understand.” Dave nods. “As a matter of fact, one year, we got the address of two girls, and they were in North Carolina: Bridget and IngridâI still remember their names. And we wrote them and they never wrote back!”
There are no data on whether identical twins are more or less likely to marry, but when it comes to divorce, research shows that identical twins are more alike in their patterns than fraternal twins. A 2001 Boston University survey looked at eight thousand identical and fraternal male twins (all Vietnam veterans) and concluded that genetics play a role in divorce, based on the finding that identical
twins mirrored each other more often (that is, if one identical twin got divorced, chances are so did the other).
The survey's author, psychology professor Michael Lyons, explained that identical twins might make similar relationship choices because they share traits that inform their romantic interactions. For instance, depression, alcoholism, or belligerence (all inheritable) can contribute to conflict in a relationship, which, in turn, can lead to a split.
Sandy Miller has her own theory: “A lot of times being a twin causes divorce because spouses don't understand the closeness.”
There are clearly many happily married twins at this fiesta, but for some reason, the lonelier onesâthe more twin-entwined twinsâmake a stronger impression. They're reminders that the idealization of twinship, so common in our culture, can have chinks. The intense intimacy can saddle a twin at the end of the day, because he or she isn't equipped for single life, because no one else has ever come first, because for so long, having each other felt like enough. Of course it's possible for twins' interdependence to morph smoothly into independence, but this was only my first hint of many that the transition is rarely uncomplicated, let alone smooth.
There are exceptions, like the Ganz twins, who make twin fusion seem not only joyous but profitable: They've made a business out of their impassioned twoness. Other twins similarly appear utterly grateful and unambivalent about having a built-in best friend. But some others remind me that, to varying degrees, twinship can cost a twin his or her self-sufficiency, and even his or her singularity.
After milling about the fairgrounds for hours in the heat, I feel queasy. It could just be the smell of Italian sausage, the sight of so many Doublemint pairs, or the simple truth that I don't see myself in a sea of people like me. Maybe I envy their jollity; maybe I'm baffled by it. For whatever reason, I'm aware of a certain claustrophobia, unsure whether to stay for the twins talent show or head for the airport
early. I call Robin, out of habit, not explicitly to seek her advice. She gives it to me anyway. “Come home,” she tells me. “Just come home.”
ABIGAIL:
Do you remember Becky Greenberg's Halloween party?
ROBIN:
No.
ABIGAIL:
Are you kidding? That was a major event for me: She invited you and not me.
ROBIN:
Really?
ABIGAIL:
You don't remember feeling sorry for me?
ROBIN:
No.
ABIGAIL:
I don't think you went to the party in the end.
ROBIN:
Really? I boycotted?
ABIGAIL:
I think you did. Thank you for that.
ROBIN:
You're welcome.
⢠â¢
GEE WHIZ
In January 2008, a British married couple discovers they are actually fraternal twins who were separated at birth. They are forced to annul their marriage.
In 2006, Lech and Jaroslaw Kaczynski make history as identical twin leaders of one country: They are president and prime minister, respectively, of Poland. The brothers avoid joint appearances so that people don't focus primarily on their twinship.
In 1955, studies show that a tracking dog can find one identical twin once he has sniffed the other.
In April 2008, a biracial British couple gives birth to fraternal twins one black, one white, the odds of which, doctors say, are a million to one.
Elvis Presley's twin, named Jesse, was stillborn. Presley never discussed it in public.
Identical twins Mike and Bob Bryan, age thirty in 2008, are doubles tennis champions known for chest-bumping each other after winning shots. They were NCAA champions at Stanford and have won every Grand Slam tournament at least once.
Identical German twins Oskar and Jack were separated at birth in 1933; Oskar had been raised Catholic in Nazi Europe, Jack as a Jew in the Caribbean. When they were reunited twenty-five years later in 1979, they found they had the same
speech patterns and had the same habit of flushing the toilet before using it.
Mothers of twin pandas often reject one infant, which means the favored twin survives.
In May 2005, Minnesota becomes the first state to pass legislation guaranteeing parents the right to say whether their twins should be in separate classrooms or together. Kathy Dolan, a Queens mother whose twins were forcibly separated, leads the charge to make sure other states follow suit.
Identical twin sisters meet identical twin brothers at Twinsburg in 1998, get engaged the same day, marry in a joint ceremony, and one couple gives birth to identical twin boys.
Becky and Birdie Jo Hoaks of Hoopeston, Illinois, who used their identical twinness and their youthful, androgynous appearance to commit crime sprees in small towns, are finally arrested at age thirty-three after sixteen years of swindling.
As of 2009, Massachusetts boasts the highest twin rate in America because it requires its insurance carriers to cover infertility treatments more generously than do other states.
Twins from Erie, Pennsylvania, lose exactly the same amount of weightâ160 poundsâafter gastric bypass surgery in 2005.
In April 2008, New York twins Kent and Kevin Young perform “telepathy art,” where they solve crossword puzzles onstage by one sending mental clues to the other.
Twin stars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen become millionaires at age ten.
In June 2008, ten sets of twins are born in one month at a Salt Lake City hospital, four of them within the same twenty-four-hour period. One doctor there compared the hospital to Noah's ark.
In 2007, identical twins Dan and Walter Christ, eighty-two, celebrate their sixtieth anniversary with their wives, identical twins Betty and Jane, seventy-five. The couples each have one daughter, live in the same house, dress alike, and walk everywhere, since none of them ever learned to drive.
Pop-rock duo Tegan and Sara, identical lesbian twins from Canada who have a cult following and have toured with Neil Young and Rufus Wainwright, say they need to live on different Canadian coasts to stand working so closely with each other.
In 1979, identical twins separated at birth are reunited at age thirty-nine and discover that their adoptive parents each happened to name them James, that they both chose careers in law enforcement, married women named Linda, gave their first sons the same name (one spelled James Alan, the other James Allan), divorced their wives, married women named Betty, named their dogs Toy, drink the same beer (Miller Lite), smoke the same cigarette brand (Salem), and suffer the same migraines.
In 2002, seventy-year-old twin brothers are killed on their bicycles on the same road in northern Finland, two hours apart.
EMBRYO TO END ZONE:
TIKI AND RONDE BARBER
⦠we came into the world like brother and brother; And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another
.
â
The Comedy of Errors
, William Shakespeare
Tiki Barber, retired running back for the New York Giants, knows that he wouldn't be so famous if he wasn't an identical twin whose brother, Ronde, is a star cornerback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
“Without even trying, people will take an extra look,” says Tiki, sitting in his office at NBC News, where he is now a correspondent for the
Today
show. Dapperly dressed in a striped pink-and-white shirt with cuff links, Barber is syrup-voiced and affable. “No twins have been as successful in professional football as we have. In sports, or any kind of endeavor, part of the reason you do it is for recognition; we got that notice by default, just because there's two of us.”
I tell him his and Ronde's looks don't hurt (they were
People
magazine's “Sexiest Athletes” in 2001).
“Yeah,” he says, smiling that brilliant Barber smile. “We take care of ourselves. We got a good education, we don't get in trouble, and for many years we were both at the peak of our respective careers.”
When I meet Tiki's brother, Ronde, a month later in Florida, he's
in his twelfth year with Tampa Bay. He saunters up to the family restaurant he's recommended, dressed casually in jeans, a long-sleeved multicolored T-shirt, and aviator sunglasses. Both brothers are suave, obviously strong, and short for professional athletesâfive ten. Both also appear guardedâa remnant, perhaps, of extreme childhood shyness, which they independently describe as paralyzing.
“We were very shy, to the point where, if I didn't know you, I wouldn't look at you, much less talk to you.” Tiki smiles. “So Ronde was my comfort, you know? We were always right next to each other because it made us feel comfortable. My mom used to say that we had this âtwinspeak.' All it really was, was mumbling and talking very low and intimating certain things; he understood what I was saying, because we had the same thoughts.”
“We wouldn't talk to anybody,” Ronde confirms.
Which is not to suggest they're bashful today.
“There's one thing I know about myself and Tiki: We have a very distinctive charm about us,” says Ronde. “I don't pretend that's not the case. I feel like I can charm anybody.”
No argument there.
“Not intentionally,” he continues. “It just kind of comes outâthe Virginian in me, the politeness, the kind of person my mom raised us up to be. People love that.”
But he's realistic about why he gets so much attention.
“I've said more than once, âIf I didn't have a successful twin as a running back for the New York Giants, how many people would really know about me?' There is not a city in America that I can go in and people not think that I'm Tiki.”
Tiki doesn't correct strangers when they call him Ronde. “Unless people ask if they're mistaken, I let them think they got it right. They'll call out, âHey, Ronde, what's up?' I say, âGood!' Unless it's someone who I know
knows
Ronde. Then I'll correct them. Otherwise, if they have no clue, I won't.”
