One Day Soon (41 page)

I wrapped an arm around his waist. I was worried he would collapse. “Di’s right, Yoss. It’s freezing out here. We should find somewhere warm. And we don’t want to deal with the police—”

“I’m not going anywhere until I find Bug. You guys can go. That’s fine. But Bug’s my brother. I won’t abandon him.” He looked down at me, his eyes bright. “I
won’t,
Imi,” he whispered.

I didn’t want to mention the very real possibility that Bug was still inside. That he wouldn’t be coming out again. Yoss wasn’t ready to hear that.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I told him. Yoss gave me a sad smile, framing my face with frigid hands. He leaned down and kissed me. Not hard. Just enough.

“Thank you, Imi,” he murmured against my mouth.

“Shane, Karla, and I will head to the bridge and try to find someplace we can sleep for the night. We’ll ask around some more. But Yoss, I think you need to prepare yourself for—”

“Shut up, Di!” Yoss snarled and she shut her mouth in surprise. She didn’t say anything else. The three of them left and Yoss and I did another sweep around The Pit.

Still no Bug.

“We’ll wait here. This is where he’d look,” Yoss said, settling down on the other side of the parking lot, far enough away from the building to be safe, but we could still see everything that was going on.

I huddled down in my thin jacket and pulled my hood over my head. The snow was cold underneath me as I sat beside Yoss. He took a pair of gloves from his pocket and handed them to me.

“No, you need them,” I protested.

“I’d rather you be warm,” he insisted, pulling them onto my hands. He pulled me into his chest and we sat there, looking for our friend. While the snow fell and we froze slowly.

“He’ll show up.” Yoss sounded so convincing.

I didn’t believe him.

And I knew that, deep down, he didn’t believe himself.

Present

“I
have met your mother before,” Yoss said as we drove through Lupton.

“What?”

“A long time ago.” Yoss fiddled with the stereo, stopping on an oldies station that was playing an Alice in Chains song I hadn’t heard in forever.

“You need to explain that one, Yoss,” I said.

“It was after you graduated from college. You had just moved back to Lupton.”

My hands gripped the steering wheel, hardly able to believe what I was hearing.

“I don’t understand,” I murmured weakly.

“I saw you that day, unloading boxes from your mom’s car. I spoke to your mom after you had gone inside. She said you were doing well. That you had a job in the city.” Yoss picked at a spot on his jeans.

“Why didn’t you wait to speak to me? To let me know you were okay?” I demanded, my voice rising. I was in shock. Total and complete shock.

“Look, Imi, you were doing good. You had graduated from college. You had a job. You were smiling and laughing. I remember your laugh most of all.” He paused and glanced out the window. “I was still on the streets. Still making money the only way I knew how. But you—you had done something with your life. I didn’t want to fuck that up.”

Yoss turned back to me, his eyes serious and stern. “Because I knew that if you saw me you’d move heaven and Earth to be with me. And the man I was then couldn’t allow that.”

I was so damn angry. Furious.

How could he have done this to me?

Why?

“You made decisions that had to do with me
for
me and that’s not okay, Yoss. I had no idea what happened to you. Where you went. If you were all right. Do you have any idea what that did to me?” I asked, my voice trembling.

Yoss’s brows furrowed. “I never meant—I thought—” He shook his head. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did. But it seems every time I make a choice with good intentions it ends up being a bad idea.”

I loosened my grip on the steering wheel, forcing myself to relax. I was torn between wanting to scream at him and wanting to cry. So much time wasted. So many years spent wondering.

I glanced at him and he was chewing furiously on his bottom lip, looking upset.

“It was probably the right thing to do,” I said finally, surprising both of us.

Yoss looked at me, confused. “It was? But you just said—”

“I would have followed you anywhere, Yoss.”

And we both knew
that
was the problem.

“I should have let you know I was okay though. I shouldn’t have made you worry for so long,” Yoss conceded.

So many what ifs.

What if he had never left me?

What if I had convinced him to leave town?

What if he had taken the time to talk to me that day at my mother’s house?

What if he had made a different life for himself?

But what was the point in all of that? It changed nothing.

I let go of the anger. Slowly.

“I’m sorry, Imi,” Yoss said quietly.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

My apology wasn’t for anything I had done. It was for the circumstances those kids from years ago had found themselves in. It was an apology for things I had no control over.

We drove the rest of the way to river in silence.

“I haven’t been in this part of city in a long time,” I commented, parking my car along the river and getting out.

The piece of land that stretched from the railroad tracks down to the water was all but deserted. One lone fisherman stood on the bank, casting a lure. It was one of the most beautiful parts of Lupton. Here among the trees and flowers you could feel completely removed from the noisy, busy city.

The river curved around a bend that I knew led to the swimming hole where I had spent long summer days trying to forget the reality of my life. This is where I fell in love with Yoss.

This is where I fantasized about futures and happy endings.

Feeling chilly, I zipped up my coat up under my chin even though the sun was shining and the air was warmer than it had been.

“It’s just through the woods. It’s a bit of a hike,” Yoss warned.

“I’m up for it. Lead the way,” I said, following behind him as we made our way down the embankment and followed the flow of water that cut its way through the field.

“I guess it’s too cold to go swimming,” I laughed.

“Unless hypothermia is your thing,” Yoss snorted. We broke through the trees and I could see the swimming hole, a part of the river that was significantly deeper than the rest. “I haven’t been swimming since you and I were here last,” he said, stomping over brush and limbs strewn across the ground.

“Why not?”

Yoss shrugged, holding up a branch up so that I could duck underneath it. I came up short, our chests brushing together. I craned my neck to look up at him. It was darker in the woods and incredibly quiet. Almost as if we were in another world.

Yoss sighed and took a step back. “It’s just down this path.” He pointed to well-worn footpath that cut through the thick trees. We continued walking in relative silence until we reached a clearing cut through the woods. In the middle stood a falling down house. At one time it was obviously beautiful. But time had forgotten about it.

It was the perfect place for Yoss.

Where he could disappear.

“How did Gail and Perry find this place?” I asked as we made our around the back of the house.

“I’m not sure. They never said and honestly I didn’t really care to ask. It was a roof over my head.” Yoss stopped suddenly and braced his hands on his knees breathing deeply. “Just give me a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, noting the fine sheen of sweat on his face.

“I need to catch my breath, that’s all,” Yoss snapped and then grimaced. “I’m sorry, ignore me. Clearly fresh air makes me cranky.” He laughed. It was strained. He straightened after a few minutes and we continued to the house.

“You know, when you first mentioned Gail, it sort of sounded as though you were together,” I chuckled. He had told me she was with his friend Perry, but part of me wanted to make sure.

Yoss’s breathing was still heavy but he seemed okay now. He gave me an amused look. “I wasn’t with Gail. I told you that already.”

“Did you live with anyone else?” Why was I digging like this? It was stupid. What did that have to do with now? With him and me?

We stopped by the back door. Yoss’s turned the knob and looked down at me before going inside. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Imi. Not in
that
way. Not for love.”

I swallowed thickly, my throat uncomfortably tight. “It’s been fifteen years, Yoss. You don’t need to bullshit me. I don’t expect that you haven’t cared for someone else since we were together.”

He touched my face. Just for a moment. The pads of his fingers pressing into my skin. “It’s true.” His eyes burned into mine. “You were the last.” I couldn’t look away from him. “You were the only.”

He dropped his hand and stepped into the house. My body trembled with the barely suppressed emotion that only he could elicit.

“It’s so dark in here,” I said, tripping over something as I followed Yoss.

“No electricity of course,” Yoss replied, weaving through rooms with familiarity.

I couldn’t make out much of the place where he had been living except that it was cramped and smelled like mold and rotten garbage. There wasn’t a lot furniture. A couch. A small table and chairs. There were piles of clothes in the corner of what I assumed was the kitchen. All of the appliances had been removed at some point and the cabinet doors hung off the hinges.

“It looks as if no one lives here,” I observed as we walked up the creaky stairs leading to the second floor.

“It’s hard to say. It doesn’t look much different from when I was here a couple of weeks ago. No one’s here right now at least,” Yoss said, walking into the first room on the right.

“This was your room,” I said, trying to mask my horror. I could see a moth eaten wool blanket thrown over a stained mattress in the middle of the floor. Yoss had again fashioned shelves out of cinderblocks to house his collection of odds and ends. A battery operated camping lamp stood on top of a pile of books.

Yoss didn’t respond. He found an empty trash bag and started shoving clothing inside. “There’s not much I want to take. The rest of this shit can stay.” He picked up something purple and shoved it quickly in the bag.

“Wait a sec,” I called out, reaching into the bag and pulling out an old pillow in the shape of a fuzzy, purple heart. “How do you still have this?” I asked in disbelief. I could see where part of the polyester fabric had been burned and it still bore the evidence of the fire that had ruined our lives.

“I went back for it. Well not just this, other stuff. But it hadn’t been completely destroyed. So I took it,” Yoss explained as if it were no big deal.

“I can’t believe anything survived that fire.” I carefully put the pillow back into the bag, touched and aching that he had been holding onto my something that had belonged to me for all these years.

“You went back to The Pit?” I asked, watching him gather up his meager belongings.

“Yeah, I did. A few weeks later. I just wanted to have look. Maybe find some of Bug’s stuff to give to his family. I didn’t expect much. So much had been destroyed.” I felt a pain in the center of my chest at the mention of our friend. “I couldn’t find any of his stuff. Where he had been sleeping.” Yoss took a deep breath, as if to steady himself. “There was nothing left.” His eyes were wet when they met mine. “He never had a chance.”

I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and took his hand. He squeezed my fingers, holding on. “Anyway, it was strange, but the area where we had been sleeping wasn’t too bad. Sure, the smoke had ruined some of it, but a lot of stuff was okay. The pillow. Your clothes. Even your toothbrush. It was all there. I hadn’t lost
everything
.”

“Yoss…”

“Okay, well I think I have everything I want. Let’s get out of here. I don’t want to stay here longer than I have to.” Yoss glanced around the room, a look of shame on his face. “I tried, you know. I really did try to do something else. To be something more.”