One Door Closes (20 page)

He caught up, thought about them for one truly fathomless second, all the fear and fervor and desperation at once. But it was all right. Eventually, he’d be ready, and when it happened, he wanted to go there with Will. He could see it now on the horizon, where before he’d never pictured the potential without shying back.

Easy to face with Will next to him.
With
him.

Will rubbed his thumb back and forth over Calvin’s wrist. It was such an intimacy. It left the very tips of Calvin’s fingers tingling. “Anything you particularly want to try?”

Calvin felt the heat rush into his cheeks again but was unwilling to release Will’s fingers so he could hide it. “Everything. Oh my God.”

“Hey.” Will did let go then, and Calvin’s eyes flew open. But Will just cupped his cheek instead. He shook his head, a shiver of a smile. “Choose one.”

The barrier fell away, and he stared mutely at Will. Time. They both had it. He licked his lips and Will’s eyes hooded. Followed.

“Do what I did to you,” Calvin whispered. “Last night.”

Some spark lit in the depths of Will’s gaze, a solid heat that flushed straight through Calvin. Will leaned to the side, careful not to break contact completely, and searched the sheets by the head of the bed. He extricated the tube and rose onto his knees, bracing one-armed over Calvin. “Open it for me?”

Calvin drizzled the contents over Will’s fingers, enough to drip cold onto his belly and make him flinch. But Will just rubbed his fingertips together absently, taking Calvin in with an assessing gaze. He didn’t reach down until he had Calvin’s full attention, and his pupils dilated when he first touched him, black widening into green.

Will massaged, circling and pressing lightly, just enough to skate heat up Calvin’s spine. He leaned in, Calvin thought for a kiss, but stopped with their faces inches apart. “Want you to push.”

He hadn’t asked Will to do that, had just assumed, because he knew it already, that it was understood. And maybe that had been a mistake, but Will wasn’t waiting for him to flip through it. He slid a finger into Calvin and pulled back out, went in again a little deeper. Calvin tightened his muscles without thinking and everything eased, and then he lost the detail of it, just a tumble of ratcheting sensations.

Will added another finger and stroked up inside him, and, oh, Calvin couldn’t stop the movement then, the thrumming roll of his hips, the rhythm he slipped into, the way Will pushed in even further. Calvin could hear them shifting noisily against the sheets, hear the rasp of his own breathing and...and Will’s. Loud, they were much louder than he—

“Ngh,” pulled from him on a breath. Calvin strained, climbing, unable to stop. The idea that he wasn’t the only one this turned on shot him even higher and he cinched a leg around Will’s, hooking at his knee, relishing the slide of sweat.

He wanted to kiss Will, but he was too far away, leaning down over Calvin’s abdomen and just
watching
him like he was fascinating, his nostrils a soft flare, freckles bright where a flush had painted his forehead. Calvin could see himself dark and erect inches from Will’s chest, and the thought bloomed just as their eyes met.

Will’s brows came up, a silent question, and Calvin jerked out a nod. Bit his bottom lip, clenched his fingers into Will’s shoulder. He couldn’t help clamping down on the sounds. It was too ingrained, holding things back, too long spent with only himself to hear. But Will made him forget to be aware of it. He couldn’t be, not when the look on Will’s face was so honed, focused to a pin’s point upon Calvin and Calvin alone.

Will’s eyes skirted down his body and up again, taking in everything, using it, following each cue as Calvin unwittingly gave it. He leaned in gradually, craning his shoulder down, bending his fingers, a new angle. The air blew out of Calvin in a gust. He thrust helplessly, and just as he was about to come, Will backed off and Calvin slumped instead into the blankets, staring reproachfully up at him.

Will smiled, all teeth, and took Calvin into his mouth without warning, down to the hilt.

“Oh.” It burst from him, not a word at all, but a keen. He clenched his leg fiercely around Will’s, so tight his calf muscle tried to cramp. But Will just kept on, sucking him torturously until the backs of Calvin’s thighs were an unbearable shivering mess, every muscle clamping up. Will pulled off him gracelessly, his gaze was so intent it wrenched all thought away.

“Breathe,” Will urged hoarsely. Calvin shuddered, but did as he was bidden, and thank God, because Will swallowed him back down. This time he hitched back, choked, then righted himself, changed the angle of his fingers
again
and touched his nose to the flat of Calvin’s stomach as he swallowed around him. Calvin’s body jumped—he pushed, more sensation, just a little more—God, everything, and Will gave it to him, sent tremors up and down his body like thousands of fingers. Calvin tried to speak, grabbed for Will’s shoulder and found the side of his neck instead. “
I’m—
”

Will pulled off before the word was completely out, and slid up him again, dragging against his body even as Calvin began to come. The ball of Will’s thumb pressed tight to the tender place beneath Calvin’s balls. The shock blazed up his spine like flames in a rush of oxygen. He arched, legs snapping rigid, a shout spilling from his mouth, but Will squeezed their fingers, pressed Calvin’s arm over his head, bore down, and Calvin flew apart in a brutal rush.

When everything stopped spinning—room, thought, air—his muscles felt like they’d sagged off his bones, deliciously sore from clenching. He licked his lips and found them less swollen than they felt. He was delightfully numb where Will’s fingers had been, on the verge of soreness whenever...whenever his body decided it could bother. His hand bumped off Will’s arm twice before he could get his fingers to grip.

When he pulled, Will came willingly, all the heat sending reverberations over Calvin’s flayed nerves. He groaned, arched into it. Will embraced him with the care of experience, tucking both arms under Calvin’s shoulders and keeping most of his weight off him, to the side.

Calvin had no idea what to say, or if he could say it. When he opened his eyes, Will’s hair hung in a straggly sweep over his forehead. Calvin curled his fingers in it and released, curled and held.

Will leaned in until his mouth was right next to Calvin’s ear. “That’s one down.”

Calvin couldn’t stop the laugh. It caught sharply between them, Will grinned outright, and suddenly they were both snickering, Will’s face pressed into the sweaty curve of Calvin’s neck. Calvin kissed the side of his face once, twice, then just pressed his lips there and shook with the enormity of it.

* * *

The afternoon sun was creeping up the lawn, coaxing the evening’s chill with it when Will finally climbed into the driver’s seat of his truck. An hour ago, Julia had carried tangles of cable up the stairs, and the drone of the electric sander denoted the back porch receiving its finishing touches. Calvin waited till Will cranked down the window, then shut the door and leaned on folded arms against the sill.

“Come back for dinner tonight. I’ll make spaghetti.”

The way Will’s cheeks flushed was surprising. “What time?”

Calvin looked down the road. He had maybe five minutes before the kids from group started showing up. The day felt far too short. It was always his days off that went fast, and this one had gone by especially quickly. “Six-thirty?”

Will huffed and swung his head around to eye him. Calvin ducked until the lower half of his face was hidden by his sleeve. But Will just untangled Calvin’s hand from the crook of his arm. He squeezed Calvin’s fingers. His hair was still wet from the shower. “What should I bring?”

“Yourself.”

Will snorted and Calvin grinned helplessly, straightening away from the car door. He waved at nothing. “French bread.”

Will caught him again and tugged gently until he was back up against the door. The kiss was brief but full, so much more significant than the first one Calvin remembered from the night before. He leaned in, sought more, but Will was already pulling back into the seat. Their fingers were still tangled.

“Sourdough,” Will said, starting up the truck. The rumble cut off Calvin’s chuckle.

He waited until Will had backed into the street, then walked up onto the porch, watching Will’s taillights draw off. He felt especially awake, aware of the way his blood pumped, the constant judder in his belly. It didn’t fade, even when Will’s truck disappeared.

He could still taste Will on the inside of his lips.

The first trio of kids arrived at the gate right on time, climbing out of a single car. They were followed almost immediately by a boy on a bike, pacing Glenna’s skateboard, and they each waved as they made their way up the drive and into the house toward the kitchen.

Behind Calvin, the front door opened again. Devon sidled to the railing and rested his elbows atop it. He took a long swig from the bottle in his hand. “Group’s getting bigger.”

“A little bit, yeah.”

Devon swirled his water. “I’m heading out tomorrow.”

Up to Seattle for his shoot. “I hope you get what you need.”

Devon grunted his thanks and looked out at the darkening lawn. He didn’t say anything for a while, though Calvin had the sense he kept drawing breath like he was about to. Finally—

“Will was here really early this morning.”

Calvin didn’t know Devon well enough, and the awkwardness was still potent. But that might have been a smile shivering there at the edge of his mouth. Devon took another lazy drink and Calvin felt himself flush hard. He lifted his chin, turning decisively back to the yard.

The front door banged shut yet again and Danny appeared between them, forcing Calvin over. He frowned at Devon. “So?”

Devon straightened, eyeing their youngest brother, then glanced at Calvin. His eyebrow went up and he gave Danny’s foot a pointed prod with his boot.

“Hey.” Danny looked down, tripping backward, then shoved Devon’s shoulder, but there was little force in it, and Devon was definitely smiling now. It was rather a pleasant sight. Calvin knew immediately that when it was gone, he would miss it. Devon bumped Danny again with the same deliberate focus, then pushed away from the railing.

“Need to pack.”

On his way back in, he stepped aside to let Glenna pass with the boy who had arrived with her, the newest member of the group. They had their hands full. Bags of carrots, Goldfish crackers, celery sticks, saltines and a bottle of ranch dressing, barely keeping it all steady under the sodas they carried. A Yoo-hoo balanced atop Glenna’s pile, and Danny plucked it off.

Glenna stopped in her tracks, defeat on her face. “Aw.”

Danny popped the top. His smile was smug as he toasted Glenna and savored his first sip. His eyes flicked Calvin’s way in definite challenge.

Calvin just rolled his eyes. He held out a hand to stop Glenna’s progress. “Too cold today. Want to set up in the library instead?”

“Yeah,” Glenna grumbled, still watching Danny with something very near a pout. She headed back inside with her stash, and Calvin heard her directing the rest of the kids to the other side of the house. The new boy followed her, still too near the group’s sideline to do more than crack a smile at their conversation. Almost everyone had arrived. Three latecomers were just entering through the gate. Within moments, two girls were jogging up the steps with their backpacks in hand, talking about...oh God, prom dresses. Prom was coming up.

“So, have fun with
that
,” Danny said after they passed by, tapping his bottle and looking entirely too pleased.

The real debate was whether to let them get the dance out of their systems first, or use it as an incentive for later. Not all the kids would be as thrilled about the upcoming social event. Tag Sommersby, following behind the girls in his oversized coat, was staring after them and looking more than a little ill.

Prom later. Bonding first.

Most of them had fairly accepting families, but not all. The new boy, for one, could be here without his parents’ knowledge. Calvin had no idea, and it was something he needed to find out. The kid was definitely younger than eighteen, and as much as Calvin might want to encourage a child’s sense of independence, legal repercussions were not something he could afford right now.

Something in the boy’s face looked a little too hunted for comfort. Calvin could use what he’d planned as a way in, tell them all how out of control he’d felt once. How it was okay to feel that way. It didn’t make one defective. They weren’t the only ones to feel it, and he wouldn’t be the only one to make it out the other side.

And if any of them were on medication, he could offer them a safe space to talk about it. Maybe it would be better to give them the option of coming to him on their own time. He didn’t know if they would admit to anything so potentially stigmatizing in a group.

“Plans?” he asked Danny, who was eyeing the planter boxes at the end of the yard with a dogged glint in his eye.

“Yeah.” Danny waved absently and hopped down the steps, heading in the direction of the shed. Calvin watched him until he disappeared inside, then went into the house.

In the library, they were messing around with who got which chair, and pouring various snacks into paper cups. They settled quickly once Calvin came in, and for a few minutes all that could be heard was crunching, slurping, demands for this bag or that. Finally, the chatter began to overwhelm the food consumption, and Calvin cleared his throat.

“I hear it’s dance season.”

One of the girls clapped her hands, opening her mouth to no doubt launch into the subject full throttle. Calvin held up a hand. “I know you want to talk about it, and I don’t have a problem with that, but I’m going to ask that we save it for the end of the meeting.”

A couple of them exchanged glances. Tag’s eyes were fixed on Calvin’s face, and Glenna watched him expectantly from the floor by the couch. Calvin took one last second to draw his thoughts together.

“We have a newcomer.” He gave their newest addition a smile. “I’m Calvin.”