One Look At You (20 page)

After half an hour, the car crawls to a stop and I see that I’m right in front of the apartment.

“My stop,” I say lightly.

The chauffeur opens the door and Tony alights, extending a hand to help me as I step out. He gets my luggage and escorts me to the door.

“Thank you for a lovely weekend,” I say, after which I tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

“Can’t you do better than that?” he asks, his dark eyebrow arched mischievously.

“Haven’t you had enough of me?”

“Never,” he says playfully. He bends to kiss me on the forehead and turns to go back to the limo.

He waves quickly from inside the car and I smile in return. I fish out my house keys from inside my purse and let myself into the apartment.

“Livie!” I see Jen running from her bedroom to my side. She hugs me so tight that I fear my ribs will crack. “It’s so great to see you,” she says as she looks at me closely.

“Uhm, good to see you, too?” I say a little uncertainly. “Why are you being weird, Jen?”

“Nothing. Can’t I give my long-lost friend a welcome hug?”

“Too much,” I say, my nose crinkling with amusement.

“I just wanna know if you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve never gone away for the weekend – except to go visit your mom. And when Tony’s driver showed up, I actually didn’t feel okay packing for you, but then Tony’s note was so disarming… so I did.”

“Thanks, Jen. It was a spur of the moment thing. I didn’t know he had plans. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s not so much uncomfortable as doubtful. I mean you’ve never done anything like that, so I wasn’t absolutely sure being an accomplice to your boyfriend was the right move for me to make,” she says drily.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Jen,” I tell her in a slightly harsh tone.

“Oh really? How shall I refer to him then?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to label anything.”

“Okay, when you go to work tomorrow, won’t it be uncomfortable for both of you, seeing as you have no label for your relationship?”

“Jen, I can’t presume to be something I’m not. He’s still married. He’s still my boss. Maybe it was a weekend fling. I don’t know…. Please, I really don’t want to think about this now.”

“C’mon, I’ll bring you to bed and sing you a lullaby.” She puts her arm around me and walks with me to my room.

“Goodnight, Jen. Thanks for everything.” This time, I embrace her.

“Sweet dreams, Liv.”

As she turns around to go to her room, I say, “What happened to my lullaby?”

Her face creases into a smile and I blow her a kiss.

I’m all thumbs, trying to button the fifth outfit I’ve tried on this morning. We’re going back to work today and I literally don’t know what to expect. Can we go back to being boss and assistant, just like that? I’m so out of his league and so out of my depth. I’m scared that my feelings will show, and then he’ll know I’ve made the fatal mistake of falling for him.
Shut up, Liv! You can’t even think it. He must never know.

I look at my bedside clock and see that I’m running out of time. After I put on my pumps, I hurriedly retrieve my purse and get in the car. Everything is at a standstill on the five and the ride to work is pretty slow. By the time I step into the building, I’m so wound up that I don’t even bother to greet anyone in the elevator.

I get to my desk at ten minutes to eight. I sigh with relief when I find out that Tony isn’t in yet. I’m actually one of the early ones at the office, so I can take a few deep breaths, settle in, and then wait for the place to turn into a madhouse.

People start to trickle in at a quarter past eight. I start looking over my emails and responding to them. I should be happy that Tony still hasn’t made an appearance, but worrying about what to say or do when he does come in just makes it worse than actually having him here and getting it over and done with.

Finally, at nine, Tony breezes in as the elevator doors close behind him. He’s in a dark blue suit, a plain white shirt, and a red power tie. His arresting good looks seem to be even more evident this morning. I say “Good morning,” in a soft voice and, after a curt nod in my direction, he goes straight to his room.
What was that about?

After about ten minutes, he buzzes me. “Can you please get me Margaret?” I call her and connect her to Tony immediately.

I check his calendar and am relieved to see that he has back-to-back appointments this morning, and a meeting with bankers this afternoon. People will be flitting in and out of the office and he’ll be gone after two. At least I can breathe easily. Of course, I understand that I got myself into this situation and should therefore extricate myself out of it. If only it were not a case of easier said than done. I let out a sigh of frustration.

“Hard day?”

It’s Mrs. Dobbs, one of our oldest suppliers. She recently lost her husband and has decided to close their business. She’s here to talk to Tony about the last few details that need to be ironed out.

“Not exactly, Mrs. Dobbs. Just wondering where my head was.”

“Sometimes you have to let the heart take over.” She smiles sweetly as she says this and, for a second, I’m tempted to think she knows what’s going on in my life.

“I wish it were possible in this case,” I reply politely. “Anyway, let me guide you to Tony’s office.” I briefly announce her presence to Tony, and then quickly leave them in private.

I want to focus on the monthly reports but my mind keeps wandering off. My spreadsheet has only one column filled out, and the rest of the formulas aren’t even in place yet. Tony comes out with Mrs. Dobbs and, after bidding her goodbye, he says, “Livie, a word.”

I immediately stand up and go to his office. He’s standing behind his desk and, though he’s carefully schooled his features, I can sense he’s upset about something. I wait for him to speak.

“Livie…” He pauses for a long time and a cold knot forms in my stomach.
This is it
.
He’s finding a way to give me ‘the speech.’
He swallows nervously and I can’t take it anymore.

“Livie…”

“Tony, don’t say anything. I’m a big girl. I know what’s coming.” I say this all in a monotone, with no marked feeling.

He looks momentarily confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Please, there’s no need to cushion the message. Let’s just be black and white about it.”

“Okay. I just wanted you to know that…” This time, he’s interrupted by the opening of the door. We both look at the intruder and I feel a shudder of humiliation.
I should have seen this coming.

“Olá, meu amor,” the beautiful Izabel glides through the room, impeccably attired in an ecru skirt and black blouse. Her hair is perfectly coiffed in a French twist. Her only jewelry is a labyrinth single-loop bracelet with diamonds, and her engagement and wedding rings.

“Your assistant wasn’t at her desk so I just came in,” she says with a bedimpled smile. She stares at me for a few seconds, her eyes narrowing for a moment. “You’re my Tony’s assistant?” She comes closer to shake my hand. “Glad to meet you at last.”

I shake her hand almost limply and my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, but with a quick look at Tony and a soft “Mrs. Avery” in her direction, I practically run to the door.

You’re not gonna cry. You’re a big girl, remember?
Maybe I’m all cried out or my pride wouldn’t let me, but I do manage to get back to my desk and act like nothing’s happened. Inside of me I’m now seething with rage. He has to hide behind his wife’s skirt? Really?! He could have just leveled with me. Instead, he chooses to rub it in my face.
Screw him!

Torturous thoughts run through my head while they’re alone inside his office.
Stop it!
Is he kissing her? Does he have his hand inside her top?
Shut up!
I’m beside myself with anger at my inability to stop thinking about him. I stand up to get a drink of water from the water cooler, but I see Michael Hopkins, Tony’s next appointment, rushing to my desk.

“Olivia, how are you? I’m so sorry I’m late. Massive traffic jam. Won’t bore you with the details.”

“That’s alright, Mr. Hopkins. Tony’s occupied himself. Please have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here.” He sits down on one of my visitor chairs and takes out his phone to check messages.

I’m loathe to disturb the Mr. and Mrs., but I can’t let Mr. Hopkins wait indefinitely. I ring Tony on the intercom. “Tony, Mr. Hopkins is here to see you.”

I hear what sounds like a Portuguese cuss word and he says in a sullen tone, “I’ll be with him shortly.” That’s exactly what I say to the gentleman in front of me, and then he turns his attention back to his phone. I, on the other hand, do nothing but count the seconds until the happy couple comes out.

After the interminable wait, which really is no more than ten minutes, Izabel comes out and gives Tony a peck on the cheek while looking straight at me. I don’t know if she suspects anything, but it seems like she’s trying to get across a clear message to me – hands off!
No, it can’t be. I’m imagining things.
I’m the gum stuck beneath her shoes – her thousand dollar stilettos. So it’s totally ridiculous for her to even give me a moment’s thought.
Oh, Livie, you don’t matter at all. Never have. Never will.

What really hurts is how he just cast me aside the very next day. He couldn’t even wait for at least a decent amount of time before getting rid of me. I know he never intentionally misled me, but no matter how hard I try to recall our conversations and the way he behaved the past few days, I just can’t believe how badly I’ve misjudged things. He’s not the man I thought he was, and I feel a heaviness centered in my chest. I pretend to study my computer screen while I hear Tony exchange pleasantries with his visitor. Izabel steps into the elevator and I’m alone once again.

Knowing that Tony’s next appointment is still a few minutes from away, I go to the water cooler to get a drink. I really don’t feel like going back just yet, so I lean against the wall and hang around, hoping no one will come and try to make small-talk with me. Luckily, no one is around and I’m mercifully left to my thoughts.

I sip the water as slowly as I can. I figure that, the longer it takes, the less time I spend at my desk.

“Hi Livie.” A familiar voice greets me and I swivel to see Cassie coming my way.

“Oh, hi!”

“You look pensive. How’s your day coming along so far?” Cassie asks with an infectious smile.

“Pretty good,” I lie through my teeth.

“Oh, of course,” she replies.

I frown at her response. “What do you mean, of course?”

She pauses, uncertain if she should continue. “I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Tony was talking to Margaret earlier about expediting the background checks of some candidates. I guess that means he’s in a hurry to hire his personal assistant.” She looks at me, trying to sense my reaction.

I fake a laugh and say, “Oh that’s what you meant. Yeah, Tony has more time now to vet the candidates so he’s decided to go full speed ahead.”

She looks relieved. “Good. The sooner he does that, the sooner you can go back to your old desk.”

“True,” I agree, though my heart says otherwise.

After filling up her thermos with water, she says, “See you later, Liv.”

I smile back.

Bastard!
Did he orchestrate my exit right after he brought me home or even while we were being intimate? I hate him!
No, you don’t.
Yes, I do.
No, you don’t. You allowed yourself to hope and, when you do that, you blind yourself to the truth.

On my way back to my desk, I allow my subconscious thoughts to surface.
C’mon, Livie, you were Fred in Super Chicken. You knew the job was dangerous when you took it. He didn’t have to do or say anything. You welcomed him with open arms. You wanted him.
So this is all on you.

As his last morning appointment goes through his door, I swiftly get up and take my purse. I run to the elevators and make my way down to the street level so I can grab a walk and take in some fresh air.

I’m not having lunch. I just want to be as far away as possible from him. I have no idea where I’m going, but that’s a lot better than being close to him and acting like I don’t care. My cell phone rings and I see that it’s Jen.

“Jen?”

“Livie. Thank God you picked up.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure? You sound frantic, so something must be going on.” I try not to sound impatient because Jen easily panics.

“I wasn’t running late this morning so I decided to drop by Mel’s apartment to return the curling iron I borrowed months ago.”

“Okay,” I encourage her to keep telling her story.

“Well, she opened the door, and when she saw it was me, she acted strangely. She kind of half-closed the door and didn’t even let me in. Just grabbed the curling iron, thanked me, and shut the door.”

“Huh. Maybe she was in a hurry, late for work or something.” I’m making up excuses, but it does sound weird, even for Melanie.

“That’s what I thought until I saw the car parked in front of the building.”

“What car?”

“It was Mark’s BMW Roadster.”

“So? That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Livie, are you being dumb? She didn’t want to let me see that Mark was at her apartment.”

I’m still skeptical, but I do see why Jen’s theory makes sense. “Even if he were, they could just have been having a private conversation and didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“No, no, no. She acted so guilty and was so abrupt with me. I can’t be wrong.” Jen sounds a bit hysterical.

“Calm down, Jen. Look, even if you’re right, it’s none of our business.”

“What the freak? This is huge, Liv. Two of our friends are dating and they’re keeping it a secret. Plus, it wasn’t so long ago when Mark was supposedly madly in love with someone else. How is this not freaking you out?”

“Wait a minute! Mel was very unhappy when Mark was seeing Alicia. She thought he was rushing big-time. Now, it kinda makes sense.”