One Mountain Away (48 page)

She had
never
separated from Ethan.

“Dad,” she said, “I know you’re living with my mother.”

“When did you stop calling Charlotte ‘Mom,’ Taylor? I’m trying to remember. When did she become ‘my mother’?”

“When she stopped
being
Mom.”

“She never stopped. She wasn’t the mom you wanted or even needed at the time, but she never stopped being Mom.”

“I know she’s sick.”

He gave a short nod of acknowledgment.

“It’s…” She tried to give something for a change, something to show she understood, even a little. “It’s good you can be there to help her.” She tried to believe her own words.

“I’m not there to help her.” Ethan spaced the words. “I’m there because I love her. I’ve loved her since the first moment I saw her, and now I realize I’ve never stopped loving that woman, not the woman
you
believe her to be.”

“I’m sorry, but
I’m
the one she kicked out of our house.”

“A lot was said that day in the heat of the moment. It’s time to ask yourself what really happened.”

She was instantly defensive. “I was there. I know what happened.”

“Why did you get pregnant? Have you asked yourself
that?
You knew about birth control. Have you ever asked yourself if you were trying to get even with your mom? Or trying to push the issue of who was in control of your life? You weren’t in love with Jeremy. You hardly shed a tear when he moved on to another girl. And the minute you discovered the pregnancy, you confronted us with it, not with tears and not with a smile, but with a look I’ll never forget. You were waiting for something, watching to see exactly what you’d set in motion.”

Ethan had never asked her this. Until now, she’d never considered he might even be thinking it. She couldn’t react to the things he’d implied, because she had no idea what to say. Was there truth in his words? Had she been so angry at her mother that she had thrown caution to the winds to prove she could do whatever she wanted? Be with anyone she wanted? Even have a baby at seventeen, if she chose?

This was not the first time she’d asked herself those questions, of course, but it was the first time her father had.

“We reap what we sow,” he said, when she didn’t answer. “Everyone in the room that day was guilty of something, and every one of us paid the price. I think I’ve paid my share, so I’m not paying more. I just want to be with your mother again, for as long as we have together.”

“Sam says she has leukemia.”

He nodded.

Again she gave him what she could. “I don’t hate her, Dad. I don’t want her to die.”

He didn’t reply, only pushed his fingers through his hair, something he always did when he was stressed. “You were telling me about Jeremy.”

She was glad she could tell her father something that turned her back into an adult, after the painful foray into her adolescence.

“We talked until nearly midnight. I’ve decided to take Maddie back to Nashville at the end of July. I can meet with the doctors at Vanderbilt and get a feel for the place. Jeremy and I can talk to them together. He’s agreed if I’m not satisfied, we’ll seek a third opinion, then make our decision from there.”

“That’s good news.”

“I hoped you would think so.”

“I know it’s hard for you to change your mind and equally hard to share the parenting.”

She had done enough thinking since her conversation with Samantha to realize this was true. How true she still hadn’t decided.

“You’re more like your mother than you realize,” Ethan said.

Jeremy had told her something similar, but she still wasn’t willing to accept it. “I hope that’s not true.”

The front door opened, and Maddie came outside. Taylor expected her father to cut the conversation short, but he added one last thought.

“I hope it
is
true, Taylor. You have your mom’s strength and determination. I hope they’ll serve you as well during your life as they’re serving your mother at the end of hers.”

* * *

Charlotte would have preferred not to do any business until she felt even better, but “even” better wasn’t something she could count on. When Analiese left, she propped herself up and managed a short conference call with the Falconview executive committee before she lowered her lounge chair again. As she’d anticipated, they had not been happy to learn her plans for the company, but at least they wouldn’t be surprised now.

Ethan returned with lunch and set it up on the table beside her. She was touched that all these years later he still remembered how much she loved Cobb salad. He’d brought one for Harmony, too, and remembering that she was a vegetarian, he’d asked the café to leave off the bacon and substitute grilled tofu for the chicken.

Harmony cooed over the salad and the story behind the tomato plant, then promised to eat as soon as she returned from her grocery expedition.

As Charlotte and Ethan ate, he detailed everything he’d brought with him—drawers for the kitchen cabinets that needed sanding and staining, stair treads that needed multiple coats of polyurethane, a pocket door for the bedroom in his own unit.

“I was on the telephone with the executive committee at Falconview,” she said, once it was her turn.

“I guess that’s better than putting on a power suit and bustling through the front door.”

“I think most of the staff are polishing up their resumes.”

“They would leave you in the lurch after everything?”

“Loyalty wasn’t something I encouraged. I made Falconview a one-woman business, and I never gave anyone much of a reason to be loyal. They knew they were always being watched and judged. Now that I’m not right there hanging over them anymore, they’re snapping at one another like pit bulls, trying to see who’s going to be the next alpha dog. It’s my own fault.”

“You don’t sound worried.”

“Falconview will sort itself out. Maybe the company will even go in a new direction once I’m gone. Whenever I’m gone.”

“You’ve made provisions?”

“I’ve made the best choices possible. I’m confident things will work out.”

He seemed to be considering what to say next. “Taylor stopped by my house as I was leaving. With Maddie.”

Charlotte knew if the news had been good, Ethan would have told her right away.

“She knows you’re sick,” he said. “Sam told her.”

When he said no more, she realized there was no more to say. “How’s Maddie?”

“There’s good news there. Taylor’s decided to take her back to Nashville next month and talk to the doctors who want to do the surgery. Then she and Jeremy will decide together what they should do next.”

Charlotte could only imagine what a terrible burden that decision had been, and how Taylor must have agonized over it. She wished her daughter were there right now so she could slip her arms around her.

“They’ll do the right thing,” she said.

“You look tired. Why don’t you see if you can get a little rest?”

“Right. I need a nap after all that chewing and swallowing.”

He laughed and kissed her. “You ate, what? Six bites? I’m leaving the salad here so maybe you can get a little
more
tired chewing and swallowing.”

He left for the garage to unload and assemble the materials he’d collected from his workshop, and she dozed on and off for most of an hour. Then, disgusted with herself for doing so little now that the worst effects of the chemo had worn off, she decided to see what Ethan was up to.

She liked the idea of the garage filling up with his things. If she wasn’t yet ready to make it all the way to the bottle factory, at least she could see smaller pieces of his work.

When she stood she felt light-headed, but she’d been lying in the shade most of the day—clearly too long, if her head was any barometer. Moving around still seemed like a good idea. She stopped in the kitchen to throw out what was left of her lunch and stack her dishes in the dishwasher. Then she made her way through the house to the side door leading into the garage.

She was halfway down the hall when she realized that staying put would have been a better idea. Her legs felt rubbery, and her heart was pounding like a marching band drum line. Silently she kicked herself. She should have sat up slowly, stretched the way Velvet always did when she rose to go outside. She should have waited until her head cleared completely before she even tried to get to her feet.

As the hallway slowly darkened, she leaned against the wall. For a moment she felt confused, as if the rooms in her house had been somehow rearranged. She wasn’t sure she’d been heading in the right direction, and she wasn’t sure where the next doorway lay. She inched along, keeping the wall to her back, to find the doorway and hopefully a place to sit, but when she felt the wall turn to space, she wasn’t prepared.

She flailed, trying to catch hold of anything, then her legs gave way just before the hallway turned as dark as midnight.

Chapter Forty-Three

CHARLOTTE WOKE UP to the sound of beeping. She tried to lift her head, but she was too weak. Slowly, too slowly, her eyes began to focus. She could hear voices, but she couldn’t distinguish what they were saying. They were just far enough away that words were strung together in a monotone.

“Charlotte?” She felt someone take her hand. This voice she recognized.

“Ethan?” She forced herself to focus on his face. “Where…?”

He squeezed her hand to show he understood. “You’re in the hospital. You came in through the emergency room, and right now you’re in intensive care.”

She was swimming through fog to reach him. He still seemed miles away, and she couldn’t focus on asking another question.

“Dr. Granger’s here. I’m going to let him talk to you now, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Phil swam into view, silver hair, furrowed brow. He was older than Ethan, ready to retire, she remembered. Next year?

“How do you feel?” he asked.

She really didn’t know. “Funny…”

She couldn’t put his next words together, the way she knew she should. She heard “transfusion,” and “blasts,” and something that sounded like “relapse.”

She put together what she could and came up with what seemed a logical conclusion. “I’m…dying.”

This time his words were clear. “I’m afraid you’re very weak.”

“Why…transfusions?”

“We’re trying to stabilize you while we decide what to do next.”

The fog was lifting now. She could hear and understand words. She also thought she could hear the subtext. “Trying…” She cleared her throat. “But probably…not?”

He didn’t answer directly. “We have a couple of options. We can get you feeling better, then send you home in a day or two, hoping you improve enough for another cycle next month. After that we’ll see where we are. Or we can keep you here and try something a lot more drastic. I won’t lie to you, though—if you choose that option, the chances you’ll survive the first round of the treatment are slim. In fact, I’m not even sure we can get your insurance company to agree to it.”

She heard Ethan’s voice. “What makes you think she can make a decision like that in the condition she’s in?”

Phil’s voice faded, as if he had moved to another part of the room. Silently she cheered Ethan for being her advocate, but when he came to her side and took her hand, she answered his question herself.

“Phil and I have talked…” She sighed, wishing this were easier. “He knows.”

Ethan squeezed her hand. “What does he know?”

“I want…to go home. I want whatever time…” She couldn’t finish.

Phil said something, and Ethan answered, then turned back to her. “You’re a fighter, Lulu. You’re sure?”

Slowly she threaded her fingers through his. “I know how to pick…my battles.”

She could see his face clearly now, and she saw the sorrow there. She also saw that he understood her choice, although he wasn’t ready to let go.

“We just found each other again,” he said, so softly she had to strain to hear him.

She gave him the only comfort she could. “Aren’t we blessed?”

* * *

Ethan was drained when he came into the waiting room. Harmony jumped to her feet. “Ethan?”

He faced her and shook his head. “She’s awake, but there’s not much they can do except stabilize her for a while. The only other option’s too likely to backfire and not likely to help. She’s not willing to go that route.”

He could see that Harmony couldn’t imagine going
any
route. She was so young, and she hadn’t imagined things could come to this so quickly.

He understood how she felt. Only that morning Charlotte had sworn she felt better. They had made love, tenderly, carefully, but with all the feeling he could ever have hoped for. She had eaten, dressed, spent the day lying by the pool. After breakfast she had even played with the puppies. She had felt better, seemed better, and that hadn’t helped any of them prepare for what had happened.

Harmony began to cry, and Ethan put his arms around her.

“We’re going to bring her home, honey. We’ll be able to say goodbye when we need to. But I don’t want her to die here.”

“They won’t let me in to see her. I’m not family.”

“I’ll talk to the doctor when he comes out, but for now, go home and get some dinner, please? We don’t want you getting sick. You’ve got a baby to take care of.” He squeezed her and let her go. “Promise me, okay? I can’t worry about you, too.”

She managed a watery nod. “I’ll come back afterward.”

“I’ll make sure they put you on the visiting list.” He found himself pushing his fingers through his hair, and he made a point of dropping his hand. “Will you do me a favor? They don’t want us using cell phones on the floor. When you get home, will you call Reverend Ana and tell her what’s going on? And maybe Sam?”

She waited, clearly sure he planned to say more, but he made no mention of Taylor. He wasn’t going to have Harmony call his daughter. He wasn’t even sure that
he
would. He didn’t know what he could say that he hadn’t already, and short of demanding Taylor show up, he was out of options.