ONE NIGHT (11 page)

our plates.

‘Dessert?’ I said

‘No way. I’m too full,’ Priyanka said, placing her hand on her neck to

show just how full. She is way too dramatic sometimes, just like her mom. Not

that I dare tell her that.

‘Okay, one kulfi please,’ I said to the waiter.

‘No, order gulab jamun, no?’ she said.

‘Huh? I thought you didn’t want…okay, one gulab jamun please.’

‘Same. We haven’t had a cry fest since last week’s showdown, so that

alone is a reason to celebrate. Maybe I will have half a gulab jamun.’

‘And what happened last week?’

‘Last week? Oh yes, my uncles were over for dinner. So picture this:

dinner ends and we are all having butterscotch ice cream at the dinning table.

One uncle mentioned that my cousin was getting married to a doctor, a

cardiac surgeon or something,’ Priyanka said.

The water came and gave us the gulab jamuns. I took a bite.

‘Ouch, careful, these are hot,’ I said, blowing air out ‘Anyway, what

happened then?’

‘So I’m eating my ice cream and my mother screams “Priyanka, make

sure you marry someone well settled”.’ The latter phrase was said in falsetto.

‘I’m going to be a team leader soon,’ I said and fed her a slice of gulab

jamun.

‘Relax, Shyam,’ Priyanka said, as she took a bite and patted my arm. ‘it

has nothing to do with you. The point is how could she spring it on me in front

of everyone. Like, why can’t just have ice cream like the others. Why does

my serving have to come with this hot guilt sauce. My younger brother,

nobody says anything to him while he stuffs his face.’

I laughed and signaled for the bill.

‘So what did you do then?’ I said.

‘Nothing. I slammed my spoon down on the plate and left the room.’

‘Major drama, you are no less,’ I said.

‘Guess what she says then, to everyone, “This is what I get for bringing

her up and loving her so much. She doesn’t care. I nearly died in labour when

she was born, but she doesn’t care”.’

I laughed uncontrollably as Priyanka did an outstanding imitation of her

mother. The bill arrived and my eyebrows shot up for a second as I paid the

four hundred and sixty three bucks.

We stood up to leave and the grumpy family’s voices reached us.

‘What to do? Since the day this woman came to our house, our family’s

fortunes have been ruined,’ the old woman was saying. ‘The Agra girl’s side

were offering to set up a full clinic. I don’t know where our brains were

then.’

The daughter-in-law had tears in her eyes. She had not touched her

food. The man was eating nonchalantly.

‘Look at her now, sitting there with a stiff face. Go, go to hell now. Not

only did you not bring anything, now you have dumped these two girls like

two curses on me,’ the mother-in-law said.

I looked at the little girls. They had identical plaints with cute pink

ribbons in them. The girls were holding one hand of their mother each. They

looked scared.

Priyanka was starting at them. I noticed they had ordered kulfi and

wondered if I should have done the same and at least saved my now scalded

tongue.

‘Say something now, you silent statue,’ the mother-in-law said and

shook the daughter-in-law’s shoulders.

‘Why doesn’t she say anything?’ Priyanka whispered to me.

‘Because she can’t,’ I said. ‘When you have a bad boss, you can’t say

anything.’

‘Who will pay for these two curses? Say something now,’ the mother-in-

law said. The daughter-in-law’s tears came down faster.

‘I’ll say something,’ Priyanka shouted, facing the mother-in-law.

The grumpy family turned to look at us in astonishment. I looked for a

deep to hide myself from the embarrassment.

‘Who are you?’ she husband asked, probably his first words during the

entire meal

‘We’ll worry about that later,’ Priyanka said, ‘but who the hell are you/

her husband I presume?’

‘Huh? Yes I am. Madam, this is a family matter,’ he said.

‘Oh really? You call this is a family? Doesn’t look like a family to me,’

Priyanka said. ‘I just see an old shrew and a loser wimp who are troubling

these girls. Don’t you have any shame? Is this what you married her for?’

‘See, here is another one,’ the mother-in-law said. ‘Look at the girls of

today” don’t know how to talk—look at her, eyes made up like a heroine.’

‘The young girls know how to talk and behave. It is you old ones who

need to be taught a lesson. These are your granddaughters, and you are

calling them curses?’ Priyanka said, her nose a cuter red than before. I

wanted to takes picture of that nose.

‘Whom are you madam? What is your business here?’ the husband said,

this time in a firmed voice.

‘I’ll tell you who I am,’ Priyanka said and fumbled in her handbag. She

took out her call center id card and flashed it for a nanosecond. ‘Priyanka

Sinha, CBI, Women’s Cell.’

‘What?’ the husband said, in half-disbelief.

‘What is your car number?’ Priyanka said, talking in a flat voice.

‘What?’ Why?’ the bewildered husband asked.

‘Or should I go outside to check,’ she said and glanced at the keys on

the table. ‘Santro, isn’t it?’

‘DGI 463. Why?’ the husband said.

Priyanka took out her cell phone and pretended to call a number.

‘Hello? Sinha here. Please retrieve records on DGI 463...yes...Santro…thanks.’

‘Madam, what is going on?’ the husband said, his voice quivering.

‘Three years. Harassing women in punishable for three years. Quick

trial, no appeal,’ Priyanka said and started t the mother-in-law.

The old woman pulled one of the twin granddaughter onto her lap.

‘What? Madam this is just a f-f-f-family affair and…’ the husband

stammered.

‘Don’t’ say family!’ Priyanka said, her voice loud.

‘Madam,’ the mother-in-law said, her tone now sweet, as if someone

had soaked her vocal cords in gulab jamuns, ‘we are just here to have a meal.

I don’t even let her cook see, we just had—’

‘—Shut up! We have your records now. We will keep track. If you mess

around, your son and you can have lost of meals together—in jail.’

‘Sorry madam,’ the husband said with folded hands. He asked for the

bill and fumbled for cash. Within a minute, they had paid and left.

I looked at Priyanka with my mouth open.

‘Don’t say anything,’ she said, ‘let’s go.’

‘CBI?’ I said.

‘Don’t. Let’s go.’

We sat in the Qualis I had borrowed from the call center driver.

‘Stupid old witch,’ Priyanka said. I started to drive. Five minutes later,

Priyanka turned to me. ‘Okay, you can say what you want now.’

‘I love you,’ I said.

‘What? Why this now?’

‘Because, I love it when you stand up for something that you feel for.

And that you do such a horrible job of acting like a CBI inspector. I love it

when you want to order the cheapest dishes only because I’m paying for

them. I love the kohl in your eyes. I love it when your eyes light up when you

have gossip for me. I love it that you say you don’t want dessert and then ask

me to change mine so you can have half. I love your stories about your

mother. I love it that you believe in me and are patient with my career.

Actually, you know what, Priyanka?’ I said.

‘What?’

‘I may not be a heart surgeon—but the one little heart I have, I have

given it to you.’

Priyanka laughed aloud and put her hand on her face. ‘Sorry,’ she said

and shook her head, still laughing. ‘Sorry, you were doing so well, but for the

heart surgeon line. Now, that is seriously cheesy.’

‘You know what,’ I said and removed one hand from the steering wheel

to tweak her nose. ‘They should put you in jail for killing romantic lines.’

#11

‘I can’t believe this,’ Radhika said and threw her mobile phone on her

desk, breaking up my Pandara Road dream.

Everyone turned to look at her. She covered her face with her hands

and took a couple of deep breaths.

‘What’s up,’ Priyanka said.

‘Nothing,’ Radhika said and heaved a sigh. She looked upset, but also

younger at the same time. Five years ago, Radhika must have been pretty, I

thought.

‘Tell no,’ Esha said.

‘It’s Anuj. Sometimes he can be so unreasonable.’ She said and showed

her phone to Esha. On the screen was an SMS message.

‘What is it?’ Priyanka said.

‘Read it out,’ Radhika said as she fumbled through her bag for her anti-

migraine pills. ‘damn, I only have one pill left.’

‘Really? Okay.’ Esha said and started reading the message:

’Show elders respect. Act like a daughter-in-law should.

Goodnight.’

‘What did I do wrong/ I was in a hurry, that is all, Radhika mumbled to

herself as she took her pill with a sip of water.

Esha put a hand on her shoulder.

‘What happened?’ Esha asked softly. Women do this so well: a few

seconds ago she was squealing in excitement over Ganesh, now she was

whispering in concern over Anuj.

‘Anuj is in Kolkata on tour. He called home and my mother-in-law told

him “Radhika made a face when I told her to crush the almonds a bit finer”.

Can you believe it? I was running to catch the Qualis and still made her milk,’

Radhika said and started to press her forehead.

‘Is this what mom and son talk about?’ Priyanka said.

Radhika continued, ‘And then she told him, “I am old, if the pieces are

too big they will choke my food pipe. Maybe Radhika is trying to kill me.” Why

would she say something so horrible?’

‘And you’re still knitting a scarf for her?’ Vroom said, pointing at the

knotting needles.

‘Trust me, being a daughter-in-law is harder than being a model,’

Radhika said. The pill was starting to have an effect: her face was looking

calm again. ‘Anyway, leave my boring life and me. What’s up? Ganesh calling

soon or what?’

‘Are you okay?’ Esha said, still holding Radhika’s arm.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Sorry guys, I overreacted. It’s just a little

miscommunication between Anuj and me.’

‘Looks like your mother-in-law likes melodrama. She should meet you

mother,’ Priyanka said.

‘Really?’ Radhika said.

‘Oh yes. She is the Miss Universe of melodrama. We cry together at least

once a week. Though today, she is on cloud nine,’ Priyanka said. She pulled

the landline closer to her.

My attention was diverted by a call flashing on my screen.

‘I’ll take it,’ I said, raising my hand. ‘Western Appliances, Sam speaking,

how may I help you?’

It was one of my weird calls of the night. The caller was from Virginia

and was having trouble defrosting his fridge. It took me four minutes to figure

out the reason. Turns out the caller was a ‘big person’, which is what

Americans call fat people. Hence his fingers were too thick to turn the tiny

knob in the fridge’s compartment that would activate the defrosting

mechanism. I suggested that he use a screwdriver or a knife. Fortunately, that

solution worked after seven attempts.

‘Thanks you for calling Western Appliances, sir,’ I said and ended the

call.

‘More politeness, agent Sam. Be more courteous,’ I heard Bakshi’s voice

and felt his heavy breath on my neck.

‘Sir, you again?’ I said and turned around. Bakshi’s face was as shiny as

ever. So oily, he probably slipped off his pillow every night.

‘Sorry, I forgot something important,’ he said. ‘Have you guys done by

the Western Computers website manual? I am finally sending the project

report to Boston.’

‘Yes sir. Vroom and I finished it yesterday.’ I said and took out a copy

from my drawer.

‘Hmm,’ Bakshi said as he scanned the cover sheet.