One Pink Line (24 page)

“Well, you do have their help, thankfully, and I’m sure Grace would have yours if she needed it. What’s your plan as far as work goes?” he asked me.

“I have three months off, unpaid, and then I’m going to put her in daycare. I have two places in mind, one is near my apartment and the other one is closer to work.”

Ethan and I talked for another hour before Grace woke up. He followed me around as I excavated her from the crib, changed her diaper, gave her a bottle, burped her and eventually put her back to rest.

“Not much of a party girl,” he observed.

“Nope, things are pretty routine around here. Eat, burp, poop, and sleep. Try to contain your jealousy.”

“It shouldn’t be too hard.”

Ethan stayed until she woke again around midnight, and I could barely keep one eye open to continue chatting with him. I was sad to let him go, but I knew he had to leave. We hugged goodbye, and held each other so long by my door that I nearly fell asleep in his arms.

“Goodnight, Syd.”

“Goodnight, E, call me tomorrow okay?”

“You bet.”

Ethan spent the rest of his visit to Chicago inserting himself into Grace’s routine, and making sure I was taken care of as well. He brought me food, rented movies, and rubbed my head as I snored away on his lap. He never mentioned Robin, and I never asked about her again. When it came time for him to go back to Boston, I felt like a senior in high school again, watching him pull out of my driveway for the first time.

“Shhh, don’t cry, Syd, you know I can’t stand when you cry,” he said, standing in my doorway, about to leave.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so emotional lately,” I said. “There’s this Be Like Mike, commercial with Michael Jordan that I see every night, and all these kids are so happy, and he’s like…Mike, you know and all inspirational, and I burst into tears every time it comes on.”

Ethan looked at me like I wasn’t making any sense, and laughed.

“Anyway,” I continued, undeterred. “It’s been great having you around. I wish you could stay,” I said and widened my eyes and mouth in an effort to tame my tears. “And, Ethan,” I shifted gears. “I also want to say, in person, how sorry I am.”

He just smiled at me, knowing exactly what I was apologizing for.

I straightened my shoulders and continued. “Despite the beautiful little girl that is sleeping in my room, I want you to know how much I truly regret cheating on you, lying to you, and most of all…taking you for granted. You deserved none of it, and it kills me to think of ever hurting you like that.”

Ethan nodded, pulled his sleeve over his hand and used it to wipe my face. “It’s okay, Syd, thank you,” he said and kissed the top of my head. “You have a lot going on here, and someone who needs you to be strong for her. I’m a phone call away, and will come back and visit my two favorite gals as soon as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded.

Ethan went back to Boston, and I went back to being Grace’s mother. But the time I’d spent with him that first weekend meant so much to me, because I felt that we’d reconnected. Maybe not on a romantic level, but there was a bond between us that would never go away, and I still loved him. I never stopped loving him, and never stopped hoping that he would fall back in love with me as well.

Three months and one week after Grace was born, I returned to work. Kendra came with me at seven-thirty in the morning the Monday I dropped Grace off at Happy Faces daycare near my apartment, and we both held onto each other as one of the caretakers walked away with my daughter in her arms. Kendra and I stared through the glass observation window for about twenty minutes drying our eyes and telling each other that she’d be fine.

I brought three framed pictures with me, and a brag book filled with snapshots of Grace in every possible position, to work that first day back. Midge had actually bought a gift for Grace from everyone in the customer service department, and had it waiting on my desk when I arrived.

Keri was the first to greet me with a hug. “It’s great to have you back, and you look fantastic. I can’t believe how quickly you’ve lost the weight.”

“Thanks, I’m feeling much more like myself lately. Minus a social life that is.”

Keri had tried to visit me during my maternity leave, but something always came up. “Well, I’m glad you’re back. Midge has been pretty much the same, and Trevor has become a huge bore. Was it hard to leave her this morning?” she asked.

“It was soooo hard,” I told her. “You should have seen my sister and I standing there blubbering like we were sending her off to war.”

“Awww,” she said and rubbed my back. “Will Panda Express for lunch ease the pain?”

“I think it might.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

I
t only took me three weeks before I was able to drop Grace at Happy Faces without shedding a single tear, and needless to say, Grace was oblivious to any of it. Two days a week, my mom came downtown, picked Grace up early from daycare around three-thirty, and brought her back to my apartment for me. Those were my favorite days, because when I’d get home a little after six o’clock, there’d be dinner on the table, and a happy, fed, changed, sleepy baby in her jammies waiting to greet me. I used to tell my mom that she made the best husband. The other days were draining to say the least:

By the time Grace was six months old, she actually looked forward to going to Happy Faces. She’d perk up as soon as I’d walk in the door and hand her off to her favorite caretaker, Miss Courtney. Courtney was my age, and had studied child development at DePaul University in the city. She was going for her Master’s degree and hoped to be a child psychologist one day. She loved Grace, or at least she made me feel like she did, and that was all I really cared about.

“Stop me if I’m prying,” Courtney said to me one evening at pick up. “Are you married?”

“I’m not,” I shook my head and satisfied her curiosity.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, it’s just that you seem about my age, and well, I’m always so interested in the kids’ home situations.”

She probably knew the answer to her question before she asked me, because all she would’ve had to do was check Grace’s file, but it didn’t bother me. I much preferred it when people would question me directly about my situation, rather than just assume and make judgments without the facts to back them up.

“I don’t mind at all, I appreciate that you’re interested in her, and me. Her father and I don’t have any contact. He was a friend from college, and, lets just say he chose to look the other way.”

She tilted her head. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Please don’t be sorry, it’s fine.” I took Grace from her. “She’s as happy as a clam, and has a huge fan club already,” I said and kissed Grace on her puffy, pink cheek.

“I’m sure she does, she’s such a sweetheart,” Courtney said, and I truly felt her affinity for my daughter.

“Would you ever like to babysit for her; are you allowed to do that?” I asked.

“We aren’t allowed to, unfortunately, but my younger sister is a freshman at Northwestern, and she’s always looking to make extra money. She loves kids almost as much as I do. I would be happy to ask her for you,” Courtney offered.

“My budget is a little tight and I’ve relied solely on my parents to watch her on the
very
few occasions I’ve had weekend plans, but I’d love to have a back-up. Please give her my phone number if she’s interested.”

I really didn’t have the money to be hiring babysitters, but I figured the less I had to rely on my mom, the better, and I had put a couple hundred dollars away for social emergencies.

“Will do, thanks,” she said, then grabbed a clipboard off the wall and headed back to the office.

Courtney’s sister, LeAnn, called me the next day and came to meet Grace and I the following weekend. She was as cute and lovable as her sister, and I couldn’t help but feel grateful that there were people like them that existed in the world. LeAnn, too, was studying child development and getting her Bachelor’s in Education so she could teach middle school kids in the Chicago public school system one day. I, on the other hand, spent most of my days trying to sort out the superficial problems of weary hotel guests, like why the curtains in their room don’t close all the way, or why the television rotated more to the left than the right.

Ethan was coming home on July 30
^th
for his parents’ anniversary, and he’d sent me an invitation to their party. I had Taylor find out if Robin would be there, and she heard from Andrew Harrington that she wasn’t coming in with Ethan to the party.

“Andrew says they’re not dating anymore,” Taylor informed me one afternoon while I was at work.

“Is that right?” I said in my most professional tone, doing my best to pretend I wasn’t on a personal call.

“That’s what he told me. Have you talked to Ethan lately?”

“I’m so sorry, Miss, we apologize for any inconvenience.”

“I hate when you’re at work,” she snorted in annoyance. “I guess he found out she cheated on him with an old boyfriend of hers. He heard a message that some guy left on her machine or something,” Taylor told me.

“I see,” I said and dropped my head down. Poor Ethan. It killed me to be one of two girls that cheated on him.

I vowed to be at that anniversary party. And if he was truly single again, I was going to sit him down, tell him how I felt, and do everything I could to make him understand how amazing he was.