One Reckless Night (24 page)

 
And she'd had to remind herself quite forcibly that it was wrong to rely on him too much. Wrong, and dangerous too.

 
She was thankful that he'd only held her and not tried to comfort her by making love to her, because she'd read somewhere, once, that tears were an aphrodisiac.

 
She would never forget, she thought, how kind he'd been, and how strong. He'd been there for her all through the inevitable formalities, although he'd never touched her again.

 
He'd been beside her while she spoke to lawyers, members of the Westcott board and accountants, and also her father's own doctor, who told her that he'd advised major surgery two years before.

 
She'd said numbly, 'I never knew.'

 
'He wouldn't let anyone know,' he'd returned grimly. 'He regarded the whole thing as a sign of weakness and dismissed it.'

 
She wished she could do the same with her feelings for Jake. They'd continued to share the suite at the hotel, and it had been torture to lie in the darkness each night, knowing how near he was, yearning for him with every fiber of her being.

 
But the crunch had come when she'd entered the sitting room to find him engaged in a low-voiced telephone conversation. As soon as he saw her standing in the doorway, he'd swiftly excused himself and replaced the receiver.

 
The realization had come to her that he'd been talking to Cindy, reminding her cruelly but succinctly that he had a life of his own elsewhere. A life in which she could have no part.

 
Over dinner that night she'd told him quietly and calmly that she was grateful for all he'd done but that she was able to cope alone from now on. That she would be moving out of the hotel and using her father's London flat as a temporary base.

 
He'd been silent for a while, then he'd said slowly, 'Yes, that .would probably be best.' And there it had been left.

 
She'd been surprised to find that Sir Gerald had not altered his will. She had inherited everything-from his Westcott shareholding down to his racehorses.

 
Plus, of course, this big, echoing barn of a house- where she'd grown up, where her father had lived his lie and made her an unwitting part of it.

 
She'd been obliged to come back to it for the funeral, and to sort out whatever personal papers there might be, but she didn't want to spend the night here. She'd already instructed an estate agent to put it on the market, and would be sending the furniture to a saleroom. Everything, that was, except her mother's portrait.

 
Even now, knowing her mother was alive and well, Zanna found it disturbing. She stared up at it, wondering how her father could have borne to keep it here in this room where he'd spent so much of his time. Or if, in fact, it had been a kind of atonement.

 
She'd said to Jake, 'Will you tell my mother that he called her name?'

 
'No,' he'd said. 'No, I don't think so. Unless you particularly wish it?'

 
She'd shaken her head. 'It's been too long a silence. She'll be happier-not knowing.'

 
And she wouldn't want the portrait either, Zanna decided. That unhappy faceless woman didn't exist any more. The thing would be better destroyed.

 
She would go back to London this evening, she thought. She'd arrange to sell the flat as well, as soon as possible, and rent somewhere while she decided what she was going to do with her life. She was still determined to disappear, but the choice of hiding place had opened up considerably.

 
Her legs were aching, so she went over to the massive desk and sat down behind it. She pulled open the top drawer, but it contained nothing but headed writing paper and envelopes. The other drawers were completely empty-like the house, and the life he'd made for himself, she thought. If there had been some other dimension to his existence, he'd left no clues behind.

 
She was aware of another presence in the room and thought it was Mrs Hanson, bringing her the bowl of soup and platter of more substantial sandwiches that she'd promised.

 
She glanced up and found Tessa Lloyd glaring at her from the doorway. She was dressed totally in black and her usually immaculate hair was disheveled. She looked strange-almost wild, Zanna thought, startled.

 
She forced a smile. 'Hello, Tessa. I thought I spotted you earlier. Did you miss your lift with the others?'

 
The other woman didn't reply. She walked forward until she was standing on the other side of the desk. In direct confrontation, Zanna realized, with sudden disquiet. She pushed back her chair and got to her feet, so at least they were on a level.

 
She said briskly, 'I don't know how you got in, but as you're here may I offer you something-coffee-a drink?'

 
Tessa Lloyd laughed. 'The perfect hostess. The perfect daughter. What a joke. What a bloody joke.'

 
She put clenched fists on the desk and leaned forward. She said thickly, 'How dare you sit there, where he did? How dare you take his place, you slut?'

 
Zanna's heart sank. She thought, I really don't need this.

 
She drew a deep breath. 'I appreciate you're upset, but this is hardly the time or the place...'

 
'No?' The other woman shook her head. 'Do you know how it made me feel, seeing you in church today? Playing the chief mourner, you hypocritical bitch.'

 
'I was his only child,' Zanna said levelly.

 
'And his heiress too. Let's not forget that.' Tessa gave a strident laugh. 'All those fools fawning round you, pretending they didn't know he threw you out. That he was planning to cut you off completely-if he'd lived.' Her face worked, and she pressed one hand convulsively to her mouth.

 
'You killed him,' she went on, her voice rising. 'You know that, don't you, you little slut?'

 
'Heart disease killed him,' Zanna said flatly. 'He should have had treatment two years ago, and refused. And he could have changed his will. I wouldn't have cared.'

 
It was true, she thought. She would have swapped Sir Gerald's entire estate for one sign of genuine love and understanding while he was alive. Or for him to have told her the truth. But she wasn't going to say that to Tessa Lloyd.

 
'That's easily said when here you are, mistress of all you survey,' Tessa sneered. 'He loved this house. After the company, it was the center of his world. Thank God he can't know that you're living in it now.'

 
'That's enough,' Zanna said sharply. 'You'd better go-'

 
'When I'm ready.' There were flecks of spittle on the other woman's lips, and Zanna closed her eyes in revulsion. The other woman must be ill, she thought desperately, nearing a breakdown of some kind. But what could she do? Even with her hands over her ears she couldn't shut out Tessa Lloyd's voice, with its anger and hate.

 
'It was bad enough he had to endure knowing that you were nothing but a tart-a little whore. At least he's been spared the desecration of seeing your filthy bastard grow up here.'

 
She gasped suddenly, and was silent.

 
Zanna, cringing mentally from the onslaught, heard in total astonishment a familiar voice say quietly and grimly, 'I'd say that's more than enough. Will you leave of your own accord, or do I have to get the police?'

 
Zanna's eyes flew open. Jake was standing beside Tessa Lloyd, his hand gripping her arm. His dark eyes were blazing from his pale, set face. The other woman recoiled visibly.

 
'Who the hell are you?' she demanded hoarsely.

 
'I'm Miss Westcott's future husband,' Jake said. 'And the father of the bastard you spoke of so eloquently.'

 
Zanna's legs were suddenly shaking under her. She reached behind her for the chair and lowered herself into it.

 
He went on, too evenly, 'I presume you came in your own car? I suggest you leave by the same means.'

 
Tessa Lloyd stared up at him. The angry flush had died from her face, and with it the malign energy which had possessed her. Now she seemed crumpled. A shadow of herself.

 
'You don't understand,' she said tonelessly. 'I-I loved him.'

 
 
'I understand love,' Jake said curtly. 'But not the kind of twisted emotion you and your late employer indulged in.' Without relinquishing his grip on her arm, he took her to the door.

 
'Mrs Hanson?' he called, and said when the housekeeper appeared enquiringly, 'This visitor is leaving now. Perhaps you'd see her to her car and on her way.' He waited until the two women had disappeared from view, then came back into the study, closing the door behind him.

 
He looked frowningly at Zanna. 'Are you all right?'

 
'Yes.' She was shaking inside, her heart thudding unevenly. 'At least-I think so. I-I didn't expect that. I mean-I knew she'd never liked me particularly...'

 
'I would say that was an understatement,' he said dryly.

 
'Well-thank you for helping.' God, that sounded inane. 'But what are you doing here?'

 
'I arrived during the funeral,' he said. 'I told Mrs Hanson I needed to talk to you alone, and she kindly let me wait in the kitchen.'

 
'Oh,' she said, and swallowed. 'I-I thought you'd be on your way back to France.' Back, she thought, to Cindy.

 
'I'm sure you did,' he said harshly. 'Tell me something, Suzannah. Did you ever intend to break the news to me that you were expecting our child?'

 
Zanna lifted her chin. 'How do you know it's yours?'

 
'Because I've had you in my bed,' he said. 'And I know you bear no resemblance to the whore, slut or tart that your recent visitor so picturesquely described. You were sweet, giving, and incredibly innocent. Nothing will ever convince me the baby you're having isn't ours. So, stop playing games and tell me why you said nothing.'

 
'Because it was too sudden.' Her voice shook. 'It didn't mean anything. It couldn't. It was a one-night stand. The sort of casual sex you're not supposed to have any more. A mistake, as you told me yourself.'

 
'Yes,' Jake said slowly. 'It was a mistake, quite clearly, because my hunger for you-my greed-totally misled you about my ultimate intentions. I shouldn't have swept you off your feet and into bed like that. I should have kept my head and to some extent my distance-courted you properly.'

 
He shook his head. 'But I felt as if I was in a dream. I was terrified that I'd wake and find you weren't real. I felt I had to make you mine, to take you and put my mark on you in some totally primitive way.'

 
He paused, then, 'I'm not proud of it, and when you left as you did I regretted very bitterly that I hadn't been more patient-more in control. Maybe if we had that night over again I'd do things differently. I-I don't know.'

 
He flung back his head, his face strained. 'As for it being just casual sex-my God, darling, people can live together for twenty years without ever experiencing the kind of physical and emotional harmony, the completeness we had that night. Every time we kissed or touched we were telling each other it was love, it was real and it would be for ever. I thought you knew that as well as I did. That's why I was so shattered when I woke and you were gone. Why I moved heaven and earth to find you.

 
'Only I was determined that when we did meet again I'd play it cool. Go back to square one and woo you correctly. I told myself that bringing you and Susan together would be a perfect beginning.' Jake shook his head ruefully. 'But when we did meet up, I was the one being kept at a distance. You'd built this fence around you which said "Intruders-Keep Out" and I didn't know what to do-how to get near you. You blocked me at every turn.'

 
Zanna bent her head. 'I thought you just wanted a physical relationship. I knew I couldn't cope with that.'

 
'God, I've been so stupid.' His voice was bleak with self-accusation. 'I should have guessed about the baby that day in the gallery, when you fainted at my feet. I suppose I was just too glad to see you to think straight. And, frankly, it was one consequence of that night I hadn't even considered.'

 
He groaned softly. 'My real nightmare was that either I'd made you hate me or, even worse, that I'd totally misread the situation and you were completely indifferent to me-that all the love, the caring was on my side alone.'

 
'No,' she said huskily. 'It was never like that. I was in love too, but it just took me longer to recognize the fact. And I did want to tell you about the baby. When I found out I was pregnant, I drove straight to Emplesham to find you.'