One Simple Step (Journey Series) (27 page)

I woke up one morning, not even a week after we brought Ariel home, to a note sitting on the coffee table. I noticed Kara’s handwriting right away but really had no clue what it could be. Yeah, there had been signs that she wasn’t happy. She barely touched the baby, and she didn’t seem to have any kind of bond with Ariel. I don’t know if she had planned this all from the start, but it’s like she was
trying
to not get attached.

Even with all of those clues, I still felt like the floor had been pulled out from under me when I read the note, saying that she couldn’t do this anymore and I was on my own. The only good thing that I got out of it is that she thought Ariel had the best dad possible. I wasn’t going to lie, I actually felt a little bit of relief that Kara was out of my life, even though I didn’t want Ariel without a mother. She needed a mother.

My first thought was to get Ally back. The excitement that overwhelmed me at the possibility was unbelievable. But before I could get too worked up, I quickly squashed that thought.

Would Ally want anything to do with me after I had crushed her like that? I had beaten myself up since that day over the way I handled things. Ally didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Above everything, I wanted her to be happy, and maybe I could be the one to bring her that some day, but right then I needed to get my life totally straightened out.

But now, she was here, sitting in my living room, my thumb running across her cheek as she stared back at me with glimmering blue eyes, her blonde hair pulled back tight, her tan skin glowing. She looked even more breathtaking than the last time I had seen her. But she was trying to tell me no. That there won’t be an
us
again. I couldn’t let that happen. I had let her go once. I wasn’t going to do it again.

I slid down to the floor, and placed my body between her knees, gripping both of her hands in mine. “Ally, I’m not saying you would do something like that, just go running back to your ex, I just…I just expected the worst. Every different scenario ran through my head constantly. What you were doing, who you were with, if you were thinking about me, even though I didn’t deserve you to. All I’m asking is for another chance to prove that I’m in this forever with you.” I paused to kiss the top of each of her hands, and I heard a sound that resembled a whimper escape her lips as she looked up at the ceiling, blinking her eyes rapidly. “Things have changed for me a lot. Ariel is the biggest part of my life now, but there’s still room for you. I’ll always make room for you, no matter what. I love you, Ally. Heart and soul, forever and always. Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Nick.” She blew out a shaky breath before looking back down at me, her lips pressed into a tight line. It seemed like she was sitting right on the edge, deciding which direction to turn: to me, or straight for the door.

“I’ll do anything, Ally. Anything.”

She laughed lightly and squeezed both of my hands. “I need honesty, Nick, at all times. If you would’ve just told me about all of this from the beginning, we wouldn’t be at this point. I don’t know where you got the strange idea that I didn’t want kids, but I’ve never once said that. Yes, I didn’t think I would want them for a couple more years, probably, but life happens, Nick. Sometimes you have no control over it, but that’s the beauty.” She paused, biting her bottom lip like she was contemplating what to say next. I wanted to reach up and bite that lip myself, but I didn’t think this was the right time. Yet.

“It’s hard knowing that you had a baby with another woman, though,” she whispered, one tear slipping down her cheek. I hated that I was the cause of them. “And I think I need some time to process that.” She paused, her blue eyes glossy with the tears they hadn’t shed yet. I wanted to comfort her, and I was fighting every urge in my body not to. I could tell I wasn’t going to like what came next.

“I need time to wrap my head around everything, before we can go back to being us…
if
we can go back to being us,” she added, and just when I thought everything was looking better, my heart dropped right back into my stomach from one tiny little word.

If.

“Alright, Al.” I nodded my head, wanting to do the complete opposite. To tell her no, there was no way in hell I was letting her walk out of here, not knowing if there was a possibility I might never see her again. Not knowing if my life would be completely empty. I had my family’s love and support, and my daughter, who was my world, but it just wasn’t the same without Ally, and it probably never would be if she didn’t come back to me.

But I couldn’t tell her no.

I needed to give her time, even if everything in me was saying to do the complete opposite, even if all I wanted to do with my time was spend it with her. I had just thrown a lot at her all at once, though, and honestly she was handling it pretty well for the most part. I just needed to have faith, that what we had together was something she couldn’t live without either.

Ally

I felt a huge lump of guilt sitting on my chest as I pulled back into my spot at the apartment complex. Resting my head on the steering wheel, I played through everything that happened at Nick’s house. Seeing him again lifted some of the depression that has been squeezing at my heart, but once everything had been aired out, it all settled back into place.

I wanted to give in to him right away. It would have been so easy to, but I couldn’t. After everything that happened with Teddy, I was wary of everything and everyone. Nick had seemed to be truly sorry, and I think I believed everything he said, but the part about Kara living with him nagged me the most. I didn’t even want to think about
that.

I could understand where Nick was coming from by not telling me. Somewhat. If I put myself into his situation, I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have done the same exact thing.

But now Kara was out of the picture, for good. At least I hoped so, even though I hated to see a little girl without her mother. Who would just leave their newborn daughter like that? Who could really do that?

I sat back in my seat, staring at the gray ceiling like it was going to give me some kind of answer. My phone started rattling around from the center console, and I glanced at the screen, a small smile creeping onto my face when Leah’s name popped up.

No, the ceiling wasn’t giving me answers, but Leah could, or she could at least help me along.

“Hello.”

“What’s wrong?” she asked, even before the word was fully out of my mouth. How could she know that something was wrong just by hearing one simple word leave my lips?

“How do you know something’s even wrong?” I flipped down the visor, pulling the mirror open to examine my eyes that were a lovely shade of red. I only let a few tears slip in front of Nick, but as soon as I shut my car door behind me, I couldn’t hold them in any longer.

I really wasn’t sure what had me crying. Was it what Nick told me? Or was it because of the decision I had to make?

“Ally, I just know, now spill.”

I sighed loudly, but she just replied with a huff, and soon I was retelling her the whole story. She already knew about the whole breakup with Nick, I had been talking to her at least once a day since everything happened. I think she was afraid I was going to finally crack or something, and really, I was surprised she hadn’t made a trip down here. Even though I didn’t need her to, I would’ve loved it anyway.

“You’re quiet,” I said, clutching the phone so tightly, I’m sure my knuckles were white. What Leah was about to say would be influential in my decision, though I knew I needed to make it solely on my own. Leah’s opinion probably mattered more than anyone else in my life.

“Well, Al, it is a little bit to take in. Obviously. So, Nick is a dad? Wow, that sounded really weird to say.”

“Um, no kidding. It’s really hard to hear, too.” I don’t think it had really sunk in. What he was doing, though, really made him an even better guy in my eyes. Not many men his age would be stepping up to play the role of both parents, but he was doing just that, and seemed to have the job down pretty well.

“I’m sure,” she muttered. “Ally, I know you want me to tell you what to do, but I’m not gonna.” I opened my mouth, but snapped it shut when she kept on talking. “Yes, Nick screwed up. Royally. He should’ve told you from the get go what was really going on, but the fact is, he didn’t. And no one can change that now. His life is changed forever by that little girl, and you need to figure out if there’s room for you in it, too. You also need to figure out if you can forgive him for everything.”

“And how do I do that?” I asked, rubbing my forehead that was currently throbbing, feeling weighted down from all the pressure.

“I have no freakin’ clue, Al.” My shoulders sagged at her answer, and I moved my hand to the door, guessing that I might as well go inside and think things over, or just go to sleep and forget everything for a while. That option sounded a whole lot better. “I think you just need to ask yourself, Ally, can you see your life without Nick in it? Will you be happy or will you miss him every day? Maybe you’ll find someone else, but will you be wishing it’s Nick the whole time?”

I licked my lips, chewing over Leah’s words. What she said made me think, made me think about my life without Nick. Yes, I had gotten by without him after the breakup, but there was still an empty void only he could fill. Was I going to let him fill that again, or would I be able to live with that empty feeling for the rest of my life?

I removed my hand from the door, shifting my car into reverse while holding my phone with the other. “Thanks, Leah. You really are the best friend a girl could ask for.”

“I know,” she answered quickly, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “So, I’m guessing you’re going back to Nick’s?”

That psychic ability of hers was honestly a little scary. “Do you have a freaking camera in my car or something?”

When I knocked on Nick’s door not even an hour after leaving, he answered looking defeated. I hated that I had left him looking that way, but I needed time to think. Even if it was probably the shortest time in history needed to think something over.

“Back so soon?” he asked, raising his eyebrows, lips curving slightly up, though he didn’t quite let them form a smile. I’m sure he was wondering why I came back here so quickly. Maybe to tell him that we were completely done? I think if I had come to that decision, I wouldn’t have had the nerve to face him. However, since that wasn’t the case, I was glad I would be the one to make him smile again.

Chapter 28

Nick

After Ally left, I felt empty again. I felt like after she went out that door, I was never going to see her again. I walked into Ariel’s room, looking at her perfect little face as she slept peacefully, and that made me smile slightly. At least I had her. That’s all I really needed, I kept trying to convince myself over and over again.

I watched her for about twenty more minutes, laughing quietly as she smiled in her sleep, convinced that she must be dreaming about her daddy. I carefully crept out of the room; not wanting to wake her, sleep normally didn’t happen that often with Ariel. Maybe it was my lack of experience, or maybe it was because my mom had warned me against constantly holding her, but she seemed to only be comfortable in my arms. I loved it, but it did get a little draining sometimes.

I collapsed on the couch, flipped on the sports channel but hit the mute button, thinking about everything that happened with Ally. I wanted her to be a part of our lives, but I wasn’t so sure she wanted to. I guess only time could tell, but time was a real bitch, and I hated waiting. Would it be days, weeks,
never
, that I would hear from Ally?

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts and I rolled off the couch, scratching at my chest as I pulled the door open, and feeling my heart stop when I saw Ally standing on the front porch. I pressed the tips of my fingers into my eyelids, reopening them to see that she was still standing there, a small smile on her face as she stared back at me.

“I think I’m ready to talk.”

I silently backed up a step, letting her pass by me and deeply inhaling that flowery scent of hers that I missed so much.

She stopped in the kitchen, turning around to face me, as she wrung her hands tightly together. I could tell she was nervous, and that had me worried. Was it because she was going to tell me things were over for good, no going back?

“Honesty, Nick,” she started, and I tensed at the word. I never meant to not be honest with Ally. But the fact was that I had lied, even if it was to try and protect her. “If you can agree to always be honest with me, no matter what, I would like to be a part of your life again,
both
of your lives again. I don’t know what the future holds, but I really do want you in mine. And Ariel,” she added, laughing. “Sorry, I’m still not used to the idea of you actually having a daughter.”

I was…stunned. No, that wasn’t even the word for it. There really wasn’t one word that could do the feelings running through me justice. She was giving me exactly what I wanted, exactly what I needed to hear, and I couldn’t comprehend what that really meant.

I couldn’t help myself any longer. I leaned forward, smashing my lips against hers, my tongue eagerly entering her mouth so I could taste her. I had missed her taste so much. I couldn’t get enough as she twined her arms around my neck, pulling me close. She moaned into my mouth as my hands slipped underneath her shirt and I ran them along the smoothness of her skin. I wanted to touch every part of her body, memorize every inch, and explore everything that I had missed.

“Nick, wait.” She weakly pushed at my chest, and I pulled back slightly, leaning my forehead against hers. “I think we should take things slow.”

“Slow?” I repeated, the word tasting sour on my tongue. I didn’t think I could take anything slow with Ally.