ONE SMALL VICTORY (13 page)

Putting her mind to something more positive,
Jenny realized that it felt incredibly good to have a normal day at
work. Maybe she’d even try for a normal day at home later. Surprise
the kids with a real dinner again. Even Scott had complained about
frozen pizza the other day. That used to be number one on his
essential food groups list.

When the door burst open, she was surprised
to see the object of her musings walk in. Actually, he stormed in.
The man who’d bought the roses, quickly skirted around her son and
was out the door before it banged shut.

“Scott. What are you doing here? Jenny
glanced at the clock as if for verification that he should still be
in school.

“Just what in the hell were you doing the
other night?”

His words and tone stunned her into a
momentary silence. This was her son? Yelling at her? Even Mitchell
appeared shocked. She noticed his face pale before he made a
discreet exit to the back room while Jenny struggled for words.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t believe it.” Scott paced as he
talked. “Dan said it was you. But I said no. It couldn’t be my Mom.
Then Tracy overheard us and said she’s seen you, too.”

“Saw me where?”

“Different places downtown. Talking to a
couple of scumbag drug dealers.”

Jenny was torn between an impulse to slap him
for shouting at her and needing to diffuse this before it escalated
beyond control or explanation. Mitchell would have had to go two
blocks away not to still be hearing this. How many more lies was
she going to have to tell?

“If you’ll just calm down, I can-”

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this one.”

She covered the distance between them in two
quick strides. “Listen, young man. I’m still your mother. And you
won’t use that tone with me. Not now. Not ever. You got that?”

She was pleased when Scott had the good sense
to take a step backward and keep his mouth shut. Now all she needed
was to come up with something that would sound plausible to Scott
and to Mitchell. There was no doubt in her mind that he was as
anxious for an explanation as her son was. Might was well tell the
lie now. If she dressed it in enough parental sarcasm, maybe they
both would buy it.

“Okay,” she said. “You want to know about the
other night? Out of the kindness of my heart I’ll tell you. Yes, I
was downtown. And sometimes I go to the Dairy Queen. Do I talk to
any drug dealers? I don’t know. I might have. I talk to quite a few
people. I don’t ask what they do for a living. Does this satisfy
your raging curiosity?”

Again Scott remained silent, but Jenny could
see the muscle in his jaw twitch.

“I can take the silence as a yes?” she
asked.

She could see a battle raging on his face,
but he finally nodded.

“Fine. And the next time you have a question,
wait until I get home. You will never, ever, embarrass me like this
again.”

The force of her words seemed to diffuse
whatever internal energy was building in Scott. He let out a breath
with an audible whoosh.

“Now go back to school before I get a call
from the principal.”

Scott went out the door, this time closing it
quietly. Jenny turned and almost ran into Mitchell.

He considered her for a moment, eyes wide
with curiosity. “Were you really talking to drug dealers?”

“Don’t start.”

“Whoa.” Mitchell held up both hands. “I’m not
accusing, or interrogating. But you have to admit that the
explanation you just gave your son was a bit lame.”

Jenny tried to push past him. “It’s none of
your business.”

“Pardon me?”

Jenny stopped and saw the surprise on his
face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so sharp. It’s just—”

“Stop. No more vague responses. Something’s
going on. I can sense it. Hell, everyone can sense it.”

For Mitchell to take that tone with her,
Jenny knew he was really upset. She looked away before his anguish
prompted some verbal indiscretion.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“I can’t.” She kept her gaze averted. “I’m
sorry. I just can’t.”

They stood in a frozen tableau for a long
moment, then Mitchell sighed. “I’m only pushing because I’m worried
about you.”

“I’m okay.” She gathered some paperwork from
the counter so he wouldn’t see the lie in her eyes. “Nothing is
going on.”

“I hope not. We all care too much to let
something happen to you because you are in the wrong place at the
wrong time.”

The kindness in his tone threatened to undo
her, and Jenny struggled to maintain some semblance of composure.
She touched the corner of her eye where moisture pooled, then
willed the tears to retreat.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said when she
was able to force words past the lump in her throat.

“Good. And when you are ready to talk, I’ll
be here.”

The lump grew to a boulder, and Jenny gave a
brief nod before skirting around him and heading to the bathroom in
back. Inside, she leaned against the door, then slid to the floor.
Tears coursed a warm path down her cheeks, but she did manage to
still the urge to sob. She’d already caused Mitchell enough grief.
He didn’t need to hear her cry.

~*~

Steve looked up in alarm as Gonzales burst
into his office waving a piece of paper like it was on fire. “What
the hell is this?” Gonzales asked.

“I don’t know, Boss. Are we playing some kind
of guessing game here?”

“Don’t be a wiseass.” Gonzales slapped the
paper onto Steve’s desk. “She’s applied for a concealed weapon
permit. This is our part of the background check.”

“Who she?” But even as he asked the question
a part of him knew the answer.

“Our fuckin’ undercover lady.”

Steve sat back in his chair, stunned. He knew
the Chief was furious. He only said fuck when he was beyond
mad.

“We gotta pull her.” Gonzales dropped into
the chrome and vinyl chair in front of the desk. “A fuckin’
gun.”

“I think pulling her would be a mistake.”

The look Gonzales shot him made Steve wish he
could take the words back, but his gut told him he was right. She
was in too deep to abort the whole thing now.

“I’ll handle it.” Steve did his best to sound
convincing. “Make sure she doesn’t take this any further.”

“And you figure she’ll just quietly go
along?”

“Maybe not quietly. But she’ll cooperate.
This is too important to her to risk blowing it.”

Gonzales snatched the paper and stood up.
“Just remember whose ass is on the line if she does something
stupid.”

Steve nodded and waited until his boss was
out the door before releasing a big sigh. Just how much could he
risk for this woman? And why did he feel so compelled to back her
in the first place?

~*~

“So what did she say?” Caitlin lengthened her
step to try to keep up with Scott who was striding down the
sidewalk like he was on a forced march.

“Some sarcastic Mom thing.”

“Wait a minute.” Caitlin grabbed the back of
Scott’s coat. “Will you please stop and talk to me.”

He slowed his steps.

“You don’t really think your Mom’s, like,
doing drugs?”

“Why not? Everything else is fucked up in my
life.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that.”

He stopped and faced her. “What? You some
kind of prude?”

Almost before the words had spilled out,
Scott knew they were wrong. He saw a wince of pain on her face
before she turned away. It wasn’t the language she’d objected
to.

“Well, not everything in my life.” He tried a
light caress across her shoulders, but she shrugged away. Damn! Is
nothing going to go right?

“Hey, I’m sorry.” He reached for her again,
but she took another step away. Then she turned and faced him.

“I know it’s been hard. Losing your brother.
But it’s been months. I just wish we could have one day without you
being in some weird mood.”

Scott had to bite down hard to stem the anger
that rose like bile in his throat. That was totally not fair.
They’d had plenty of days... “What about the dinner and dance last
week? They were pretty mood free.”

“If you don’t count dissing the waiter.”

“He brought us cold food.”

Caitlin sighed and glanced away again. In the
heavy silence between them, Scott became aware of two squirrels
chattering in a nearby tree.

“I don’t want to fight,” Caitlin finally
said. “I hate it when we fight.”

“Me, too.”

This time she didn’t move away when he put
his arm around her waist. They started walking again, and the
squirrels scampered further up the tree as they passed.

“Maybe it didn’t really mean anything. What
Dan saw,” Caitlin said.

“Sure.”

Scott knew that wasn’t true. But if Caitlin
needed to believe it, he’d let her. He wouldn’t voice the little
fears that assaulted him every time his mother explained what she
was doing.

Maybe if he just tried to ignore the whole
horrible mess, it would all go away. His mother would go back to
her old routine of working and taking care of them. It would be
like none of this ever happened.

Yeah. Right. Except Michael is never coming
back.

He swallowed hard and looked up at the
expanse of bright blue sky. The glare was merciless and he closed
his eyes. Better. He didn’t have to think in the dark.

~*~

Jenny hung up, glad that the kids weren’t
home yet. There was no way that conversation would have been quiet.
Fury still burned her cheeks and she paced the kitchen, trying to
figure out what to do now.

Steve had been unyielding. No gun. No way. He
was sending the paperwork back to the dealer with an explanation
that the customer changed her mind.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” She jerked the
refrigerator open and pulled a cola out.

When she turned around, she saw Alicia in the
doorway. “How long have you been there?” Jenny asked.

“I heard you say bad words.”

Shit.

“I’m sorry, Honey. I’ve just had a rough
day.”

“You said we should never say bad words. No
matter what.”

“You’re right. Should I just ground myself to
my room?”

The sound of Alicia’s laughter was like a
balm. Jenny had definitely been missing that lately, and she felt
some of the weight of her dilemma lift.

She was about to ask Alicia what she wanted
for a snack when the phone rang. She picked up, wondering if it was
Steve calling again. Had he changed his mind? “Hello.”

“Mom?”

“You were maybe expecting someone else?”

When Scott didn’t respond right away, Jenny
wondered if there was something wrong or did he just not appreciate
her brand of humor. “You okay?”

She heard the distinct sound of a sigh, and
it was so much like Ralph’s she had a hard time stifling a
knee-jerk reaction. Luckily, Scott spoke first. “Can I eat dinner
at Caitlin’s tonight?”

“It’s kind of short notice isn’t it?” Jenny
asked. “You sure it’s okay with her parents?”

“Mom!”

“Okay, okay. I only worry that they have no
clue what it takes to feed a teenage boy. Caitlin looks like she
eats less than Jenny Craig.”

Another deep sigh from the other end of the
line told her that he didn’t find that attempt at humor any funnier
than the previous one. Ever since that day he’d questioned her at
work, their relationship had been like a fresh sore. Easy to
irritate and needing a lot of care. Humor was usually a good balm
for any difficulty, but of late Scott wasn’t accepting any offer of
healing.

Jenny felt a tightness in her chest, like
someone had reached in and was squeezing her heart. She touched her
breastbone lightly. Just what I need. A freakin’ heart attack. But
she knew it wasn’t a heart attack, at least not in the strict
physical sense. It was an attack of an entirely different kind. And
this one wouldn’t kill her. It just left her emotions mortally
wounded.

“Mom?”

“Sorry. Got distracted there for a
moment.”

“Is it okay to go with Caitlin?”

Jenny took a deep breath and let it out
slowly. “Sure. Mind your manners. And remember to leave something
for the dog.”

Scott groaned again, but this time there was
a little chuckle mingled in. The pain in Jenny’s heart eased.

Soon.

Soon it would be okay. She would finish
playing Wonder Woman, and then she could explain it all to him.
Things would be okay again. They had to be okay again. Jenny didn’t
think she could bear to lose another son.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“Please don’t ask me to explain. I simply
can’t.” Jenny faced her friend across the expanse of fine mahogany.
How many times had they sat here in Carol’s kitchen sharing a cool
drink and whatever was important in their lives? More than Jenny
could even count, but never before had she made such a request.

“It’s not a cup of sugar you want to borrow,
Jen.”

“I know.” Jenny stirred her tea, using the
maneuver to avoid eye contact.

When she’d first gotten the idea to ask Carol
about using one of Barry’s guns, she’d tried to examine it from
every angle. Could she bluff her way through an explanation of why
she needed one? Was the friendship still strong enough that Carol
would back her on this? They’d survived a lot of ups and downs over
the years, but Jenny could still see the hurt and anger that had
filled Carol’s face the last time they’d been together. She also
remembered how many times she called to apologize before her friend
had finally picked up.

Carol had been chilly then and still was when
Jenny had called earlier today to see if Carol had time for a
visit. The chill had started to thaw during the ritual of offering
and accepting tea and the initial small talk.

Then Jenny had made her request.

“Is it your business?” Carol asked. “You need
protection?”