One Step at a Time (48 page)

‘Bad time is right. Can’t you leave it for a while? How is Howard going to manage downstairs without you?’

‘He won’t have to, Benjamin,’ Mrs Dalton said quite sharply. ‘I’ll stand in for Amy while she’s away.’

‘We’ll manage fine.’ Howard smiled at Amy. ‘Of course you must take Grace away to recover fully. Don’t be such a misery, Ben.’

But he was still irritated. ‘She couldn’t have chosen a more awkward time to disappear.’

Angered now by his continued sharpness towards her, Amy glared at him. ‘Grace has been ill. I didn’t choose the time. She is my child and I’ll do whatever is best for her. I have always known you as a sympathetic, kind person, Ben. That person is still inside you somewhere, but you’ve buried him, and until
you find him again, I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself. I will work long and hard for our business, as I did before, and I don’t need you to remind me how important it is. But in this instance, Grace comes first.’

Amy was relieved to see that Mrs Dalton had left the shop with Grace, so she ran out to catch them up.

‘I’ll take her,’ she said when she reached them. ‘She’s heavy.’

‘She weighs hardly anything at all. I heard that little spat back there, and I hope you gave Benjamin a piece of your mind?’

‘I did. What’s wrong with him, Mrs Dalton? Just lately he seems so unhappy.’

‘He’s got a bee in his bonnet about something, and it’s making him snarl like a bear with a sore head.’

Amy couldn’t help laughing. Mrs Dalton was full of sayings like this. ‘Perhaps I’m getting too defensive, but Ben can hurt me more than anyone else I know.’

‘That’s because you care for him so much. Take Grace to her grandparents, and stay there with her. That will keep you out of Benjamin’s way. We can only hope he’ll have sorted himself out by the time you get back.’

‘I know it’s not a good time to go away, but I must put Grace first, and she needs a rest and some country air.’

‘Of course she does; you both do.’

*

It was a glorious day. The sun was shining, the war in Europe was over, and they were about to open their new shop. It was the kind of day that brought people out of their houses and, with a bit of luck, the King’s Road would be crowded with shoppers. The opening had been set for ten o’clock, and they had decided to make a big show of the event, in order to attract the public. Ted wasn’t opening his shop until the afternoon so he could be there. The shop they’d had before the war had been a success, so they were confident that this one would be as well.

Everyone was milling around in the kitchen, dressed in their best clothes. The men were wearing suits; Mrs Dalton was resplendent in a blue and white dress, complete with hat in the same sky blue. Amy had a simple short-sleeved dress in lemon, and Grace was wearing pink, with a pink ribbon in her hair. She looked very pretty, but still rather pale.

‘Are you all right, darling?’ Amy stooped down in front of her chair. ‘It’s going to be a long day again.’

‘Don’t you worry, Amy. I’ll bring her back with me after the opening, and she can have a nice rest this afternoon.’

‘Oh, that’s very kind of you, Mrs Dalton.’ Amy was relieved.

‘Not kind at all.’ She smiled at Grace. ‘I love looking after the little mite.’

‘Will you do that, darling? Mummy will have to stay at the shop all day.’

Grace nodded, seeming quite happy about the arrangement.

Howard frowned. ‘She’s still looking a bit peaky.’

‘I know.’ Amy worried her bottom lip. ‘I’m hoping the country air will put that right.’

‘I hope you’re going to wipe that scowl off your face for the opening, Benjamin.’ Mrs Dalton spoke sharply when he still didn’t look pleased about Amy going away at this time. ‘You’ve worked very hard to get it ready, and you should be proud of yourself, and everyone here, not looking bad-tempered enough to spoil everyone’s day.’

Grace was listening, wide-eyed, and Amy could understand her surprise. No one had ever heard Mrs Dalton lecture Ben like that. He looked as shocked as the rest of them.

‘Sorry.’ He held up his hands. ‘Of course Amy must take Grace away.’ Standing up he lifted the little girl out of her chair, swinging her high until she squealed in delight. ‘We’re going to put a ribbon across the door of the shop, and we’d like you to cut it for us.’

‘Why?’ She slipped her arms around his neck, settling in his arms.

‘So the customers can get in. Will you do it for us?’

Grace nodded enthusiastically, the long bow bouncing in her hair.

Seeing her daughter in Ben’s arms like that brought a lump to Amy’s throat, and, just for a brief flash, she saw John there. The pain ripping through her
was too much to bear and, running from the kitchen, she stumbled into her bedroom, shaking. Dear God! Would the hurt never go? She had loved two men in her life. One was lost for ever; the other she couldn’t have because he only saw her as a sister. The tears tumbled from her eyes, and had to be quickly scrubbed away when there was a knock on the door.

Mrs Dalton came in. ‘Are you all right, my dear?’

With a helpless shake of her head, Amy mopped up the rest of the tears. Before she could stop herself, the truth came spilling out. ‘I’m getting John and Ben muddled up. When Ben picked up Grace just now, I saw him as her father. They looked so right together, and I could picture us as a complete family. I’ve always loved Ben, you know that, but now it’s a different kind of love. I’ve tried not to show it, but he must have guessed, and that’s why he’s snapping at me.’

Mrs Dalton sat next to her and took hold of her hand. ‘I don’t think he has any idea that your feelings have changed towards him. Now, you dry your eyes, then we’ll open the shop, and you can go away. A bit of peace and quiet in the country will help you sort out your feelings.’

‘Yes, you’re right.’ Amy blew her nose, and then smiled. ‘When I come back I’ll be able to laugh at this silly notion. I’ve been so worried about him since he came home, and I’m feeling tired after Grace’s illness. My imagination is running riot.’

‘I’m sure that’s all it is.’ After patting her hand again, Mrs Dalton stood up and looked down at Amy,
speaking gently. ‘Don’t be upset, my dear. You can love twice, but each one will be different. And each one will be special. You don’t have to feel disloyal to John; he would be happy for you, and approve of Ben as a father for his daughter.’

Amy looked up in astonishment. ‘You’re talking as if this could be one day, but that’s impossible. It’s as if he doesn’t like me any more. Haven’t you noticed how he does his best to keep his distance from me?’

‘I’ve noticed.’ Mrs Dalton headed for the door, and then paused, looking round. ‘You must ask him about that sometime.’

Amy watched the door close, and huffed out a ragged sigh. She had no intention of doing that. With the tension there was between them, it was better if she kept out of his way.

They were causing quite a stir in the road, and had gathered a sizeable crowd to watch the cutting of the ribbon. Charlie, Stan, Helen and the children were there; so were Ben and Howard’s parents. Everyone had come to support the occasion.

‘OK, Grace.’ Ben took her hand. ‘Let’s cut the tape together, shall we? And when it’s done, I’d like you to say in a loud voice, “I declare this shop open.” Do you think you can do that for us?’

‘Yes, Uncle Ben.’

Amy watched as her daughter held the small pair of scissors and, with Ben’s help, managed to cut the ribbon.

Turning her to face the crowd, he whispered, ‘Now say that it’s open.’

She came over all shy when she saw everyone looking at her. She muttered the words, looking at her feet.

Ben stooped down beside her. ‘Keep your head up, Grace, and say it again.’

‘It’s open!’ she blurted out, and then made for Amy as fast as she could.

‘That was wonderful, darling. Look at all the people streaming in to see what we’re selling.’

The day surpassed all their expectations, with a steady flow of customers and quite a few sales. It augured well for the future, and they were all in high spirits when they closed at six o’clock. Ben, Howard, Ted and Stan decided to go somewhere for a meal and then to the pub for a drink. They invited Amy as well, but she was anxious to get home to Grace, so she refused. She hadn’t missed the brief flash of relief in Ben’s eyes at her decision to go straight home. It was becoming clear to her that he didn’t want to be around her any more than he could help, and that hurt dreadfully.

‘Mummy!’ Grace rushed to her as soon as she arrived back. ‘Did you have lots of people?’

‘Lots and lots.’ She bent down and kissed her daughter, happy to see her more rested. ‘We’re going to Granny and Grandpa’s tomorrow, so we must pack our things this evening.’

‘Ooh, I must take my dolly. Granny said she’d make her a new dress.’

Mrs Dalton cast the little girl a fond glance. ‘She’s looking forward to going away.’

‘Yes, and her grandparents can’t wait to have her there for a whole week.’ Amy set about peeling the potatoes. ‘We only need to cook for us, because the men are eating out.’

They’d had their meal and cleared up by the time the men returned in quite a happy mood. Mrs Dalton tutted when she saw their expressions, glazed from a pint too many, and put the kettle on to make a large pot of tea.

There was a great deal of laughter and talk about their first day back in business, and even Ben’s gloom appeared to have lifted, but Amy didn’t linger round the table with them. It was Grace’s bedtime, and she wanted to be ready for an early start in the morning.

‘Say goodnight to everyone, Grace.’

She trotted round to each person in turn, a broad smile on her face. ‘We’ve got to pack our bags,’ she told them excitedly. ‘We’re going on a train tomorrow.’

Amy was surprised to see Ted and Howard already in the kitchen when she got up at six-thirty the next morning. ‘My goodness, what are you doing up at this hour?’

‘We’re coming with you. You can’t manage Grace and your cases on your own.’

‘That’s very kind of you, Ted, but I’m only taking
one small bag. I’ll be all right.’ They were so thoughtful, but she didn’t want to spoil the only day they had to relax.

‘We’re taking you.’ Howard put bread under the grill to toast. ‘Get Grace and I’ll see to your breakfast. You’re always looking after us, but you’ve had a worrying time with Grace, and we’re going to spoil you today. Off you go and get your little girl ready.’

By the time Grace was washed and dressed, Ben and Mrs Dalton were also up.

‘Are you coming on the train with us as well, Uncle Ben? Mummy said Ted and Uncle Howard are coming.’

‘It doesn’t need three of us to carry your cases, and I’ve got too much to do.’ He softened the sharp tone of his voice with a smile.

‘Oh.’ The disappointment showed. ‘You didn’t paint our picture like you said.’

‘No, but I’ll do it while you’re away.’

Grace drank her warm milk, watching Ben over the rim of the cup. Her expressive eyes said quite clearly that she couldn’t quite fathom out this big man, but she liked him. Putting down the cup, she stood up. ‘I’m ready, Mummy. Can we go now?’

‘Have a nice rest, my dear.’ Mrs Dalton kissed Amy’s cheek. ‘And don’t worry about a thing.’

‘Bye, bye, Uncle Ben.’ Grace was lifted up for a kiss. When she was on the ground again, she reached for Ted’s hand, her smile wide with excitement.

‘I’ll be back in a week, Ben.’ Amy stepped forward
to hug him in the way she had always done. When he stepped back, putting distance between them, she stopped, her hands falling to her sides. He was stepping away from her mentally and physically now, and it wounded her.

‘Mummy! We’re going.’

Sighing deeply, she turned away from him and walked out to the front door, where her daughter was waiting impatiently.

44

Two days later, Ben was pacing the studio, unable to sleep or work. That step back he’d taken had been involuntary, done in self-preservation. Having her close to him was torture. His hands itched to run through her unruly hair; to draw her close and breathe in the fresh clean smell of soap and something else that was intrinsically her.

He had hurt her. It had shown in her lovely eyes and, like a fool, he had stood there and let her walk away without an explanation. In the past he would never have acted in such a cruel way. Coming back to civilization had been, and still was, difficult to adjust to. Seeing the change in Amy had knocked him for six, as Mrs Dalton would say.

Howard wandered into the studio, and stood in front of the canvas on the easel, a deep rumble of amusement running through him as he studied the painting. ‘You’ve captured mother and daughter to perfection, but what made you paint them curled up on the bed like that?’

‘I saw them in that position. Amy was telling Grace a story.’ Ben shoved his hands in his pockets, not looking happy.

‘Aren’t you pleased with it?’

‘Hmm, it’s coming along quite well.’

‘Then why the long face?’ Howard cast his friend a curious glance. ‘What’s the matter, Ben? And don’t try to deny it; we’re all aware that you’ve got a problem of some kind. Why don’t you tell me?’

‘I’ve hurt Amy by snapping at her.’

‘We know that too. Why you’re doing it is a mystery. What has she done to you?’

‘She’s grown up.’ Ben gave a dry laugh. ‘All the time I was in the POW camp, I kept a picture in my head of a young, immature girl. And when I saw a woman with a small child, I was knocked completely off balance. She’s changed so much.’

‘Of course she has. We all have.’ Howard frowned. ‘What’s your point? Are you saying you don’t like her now she’s all grown up?’

‘Like her!’ Ben propped himself against the bench, shaking his head. ‘Of course I like her. The problem is I like her too much.’

The frown disappeared from Howard’s face, and he tipped back his head and laughed with pleasure. ‘You’ve fallen in love with her. That’s wonderful. You’re made for each other. But you certainly hid it well. I’ve known you all my life and I never guessed.’

Ben scowled. ‘I’m glad you think it’s so funny. How do you think she would react if the man she’s only ever considered as a friend suddenly grabbed her and made passionate love to her?’