And now, this; Mikki. Gone.
Jack felt himself drifting away, as though over calm water, propelled to another place, he had no idea where. But he was alone. Lizzie and now Mikki were gone. He no longer wanted to live. It didn’t matter anymore. There was peace. But there was also nothing else because he was alone.
The water hitting him in his face brought him back. The thoughts of the past retreated, and he was once more in the present. It was still raining. But that’s not what had struck him.
He looked down as Mikki gave another shudder and coughed up the water that had been buried deeply in her lungs.
Her eyes opened, fluttered, opened again, and stayed that way. Her pupils focused, and she saw her dad hovering above her. Mikki put out her arms, gripped her father’s neck tightly.
“Daddy?” she said in a tiny voice.
Jack sank down and held her. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
The ambulance took Mikki and Jack to the hospital to be checked out. Sammy followed in his van with Liam, while Jenna stayed with the boys at the Palace. Jenna had made hot tea for Bonnie, who had watched Jack’s heroic rescue of his daughter from the top of the lighthouse. Now she just sat small and stooped on the edge of the couch, a sob escaping her lips every few seconds.
Jenna had tried to comfort her, while Fred just sat in another chair and stared at his hands. When Sammy called from the hospital and told them they would be home shortly and that everyone was okay, Jenna had finally broken down and wept.
Afterward, Jenna had ventured into Jack’s room; she wasn’t sure why. As her gaze swept the space, it settled on the letters, which were still lying on the bed. She went over, sat down, picked them up, and started reading.
She emerged from the room ten minutes later, her eyes red with fresh tears. She walked over to Bonnie and tapped her
gently on the shoulder. When Bonnie looked up, Jenna said, “I think you need to read these, Mrs. O’Toole.”
Bonnie looked confused, but she accepted the letters from Jenna, slipped on her reading glasses, and unfolded the first one.
The storm, its fury rapidly spent after fully hitting land, had largely passed by the time they returned from the hospital. An exhausted Mikki was laid in her bed with Cory and Liam watching over her like guardian angels, counting each one of her breaths.
Jack told everyone that Mikki had suffered no permanent damage and should be as good as new.
“The doctor said she was one strong lady,” added Sammy.
“Like her mother,” said Jack as he looked at Bonnie.
He passed through the house and went outside and up to the top of the lighthouse. He stared out now at the clearing sky, the sun coming up in the east. He bent down and saw the wires he had spliced the night before. It was a miracle that he had finally spotted the trouble that had befuddled him for so long. Yet a miracle, thought Jack, was somehow what he, however irrationally, had been counting on.
He leaned against the wall of glass and stared out at what looked to be the start of a beautiful late-summer day.
He turned when he heard her.
Bonnie, wheezing slightly, appeared at the opening for the room. He helped her through, and they stood side by side looking at each other.
“Thank God for what you did last night, Jack.”
Jack turned and looked back out the window. “It was Lizzie, you know.”
“What?” Bonnie moved even closer to him.
Jack said, “I’d given up. Mikki was dead. I didn’t have any breath left. She was dead, Bonnie. And I asked Lizzie to help me.” He turned to her. “I looked up to the sky and I asked Lizzie to help me.” A sob broke from his throat. “And she did. She did. She saved Mikki, not me.”
Bonnie nodded slowly. “It was both of you, Jack. You and Lizzie. The match made in Heaven. Two people meant for each other if ever there was.”
He stared at her, surprised by the woman’s blunt words.
From her pocket she drew out the letters. “I think these belong to you.” She handed them back to him and reached out and touched his face. “Sometimes people can’t see what’s right in front of them, Jack. It’s strange how that works. How often it happens. And how often it hurts people we’re supposed to love.” She paused. “I do love you, son. I guess I always have. And one thing I know for certain is that you loved my daughter. And she loved you. That should have been enough for me.” She paused again. “And now, it is.”
They exchanged a hug, and she turned to go.
“Bonnie?”
She looked back.
“The kids?” he said in a small voice.
“They’re right where they should be, Jack. With their father.”
When Mikki opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was her dad. Right after that she saw Liam, peering anxiously over Jack’s shoulder.
“I’m really okay, guys,” she said a little groggily.
Jack smiled and looked at Liam. “Give us a minute, will you?”
Liam nodded, flashed Mikki a reassuring grin, and left the room.
Jack gripped her hand, and she squeezed back. Mikki said, “Sorry for all the excitement I caused. It was really dumb.”
“Yes, it was,” he agreed. “But we were all under a lot of pressure.”
“So the lighthouse finally worked?”
He let out a long breath. “Yeah. If it hadn’t…” His voice trailed off, and father and daughter started to weep together, each clutching the other, their bodies shaking with the strain.
“I can’t believe how close I came to losing you, baby.”
“I know, Dad, I know,” she said in a hushed voice.
They finally drew apart.
“So what now? We still go with Grandma?”
“No, you’re staying right here with me.”
Mikki screamed with joy and hugged him again.
“Does Liam know?” she said excitedly.
“No, I thought I’d leave that to you.” He rose. “I’ll go get him.”
As he turned she said, “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“No matter what happens in my life, you’ll always be my hero.”
He bent down and touched her cheek. “Thanks… Michelle.”
Later, as he stood by the doorway watching the two teens excitedly talking and hugging, Jack first smiled, then teared up, and then smiled again. She was clearly not a little girl anymore. And Jack could easily see how fast her life, and his, would change in the next few years.
Later, as Jack walked along the beach, a voice called out, “I’m going to miss you Armstrongs when you go back to Ohio.” He turned to see Jenna walking toward him.
“No, you won’t,” said Jack, “because we’re staying right here.”
She drew next to him. “Are you sure?”
He smiled. “No, but we’re still staying.”
She slipped an arm around him. “I’m glad things have worked out.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“You’re way too generous with your praise.”
“Seriously, Jenna, you helped in a lot of ways. A lot.”
“So what are we going to do about the budding romance?”
“What?” he said in a startled voice.
“Between our kids.”
“Oh.”
She laughed, and he grinned sheepishly.
“I think we take it one day at a time.” He looked directly at her. “Does that sound okay, Jenna?”
“That sounds very okay, Jack.”
A little over two years later, Jack sat on the beach in almost the exact spot he and Mikki had occupied the night he’d realized he had so much to live for. The house was quieter now. Mikki and Liam had just left for college. She’d aced her last two years in high school and gone out to Berkeley on a scholarship. Liam the drummer had cut off his hair and was at West Point. Though they were a continent apart, the two remained the best of friends.
Cory was working part-time at the Play House and learning the ropes of theater management from Ned Parker. Jackie had started talking full-blast one morning about a year ago and had never stopped since. Although, Jack noted with some measure of fatherly pride, his favorite toy was still the monster truck.
He got up and made his way to the top of the lighthouse. He hadn’t been up here since the morning after almost losing Mikki. He stepped out onto the catwalk and looked toward the sea. His eyes gravitated to the spot where father and daughter
had fought so hard for their lives. Then he looked away and up to a clear, blue summer sky.
Lizzie’s Lighthouse. It worked when I needed it to.
Jack had two very important things to do today. And the first one was waiting for him down the beach. He left the lighthouse and set off along the sand. His hands rode in his pockets; the words he would say slipped through his mind. As he drew closer, Jack realized that he had just traveled over a half mile by beach and a lifetime by every other measure.
She was there waiting for him by prearrangement. He slipped his arms around Jenna and kissed her. And much like he had done two decades before, Jack knelt down and asked a woman he loved if she would do him the honor of becoming his wife.
Jenna cried and allowed him to slip the ring over her shaky finger. After that they held each other for a long time on that South Carolina beach as a gentle breeze rippled across them.
“Sammy’s going to be the best man,” Jack said.
“And Liam will be giving me away,” Jenna replied. “I love you, Jack.”
“I love you too, Jenna.”
They kissed again and visited for a while, discussing plans. Then Jack walked back to the Palace. His pace this way was not quite as brisk. The distance seemed a lot longer going back. There was a reason for this.
The first trek had been to create a bridge for his future.
This trip involved him making a painful separation from the past.
He reached the beach in front of his house and sat down in the sand. He pulled out a photo of Lizzie and held it in front
of him. It was still nearly impossible for him to believe that she had been gone nearly three years. It just couldn’t be. But it was.
He traced the curve of her smile with his finger while he stared into those beautiful green eyes that he always believed would be the last thing he would see in life before passing on. While Jack had just asked another woman to marry him, and this seemed fitting and right in so many ways, he knew that a significant part of him would always love Lizzie. And that this too was fitting and right in so many ways.
Bonnie had been correct about that. Lizzie and Jack had been meant to be together forever if ever two people were. Only sometimes life doesn’t match what should be. It just is. And people have to accept it, no matter how hard it may be.
You should respect the past. You should never forget the past. But you can’t live there.
And now he had something else to finish. Something very important.
From his windbreaker he pulled out a single piece of paper and a pen. His hand shaking slightly and the tears already sliding down his face, Jack Armstrong touched the pen to the paper and began to write.
Dear Lizzie,
A lot has happened that I need to tell you about.
An hour later he finished the letter with, as always,
Love,
Jack
He sat there for a while, allowing the sun and breeze to dry his tears because for some reason he did not want to wipe them away by hand. He folded the letter carefully and placed it in an envelope marked with the number seven. He put the envelope and the photo of Lizzie in his pocket and walked toward the house.
When he reached the grass, he turned and looked upward. His mouth eased to a smile when he realized what he was looking at. Today, he’d finally found it, after all this time searching.
Right there was the little piece of the sky that contained Heaven. He somehow knew this for certain. Ironically, like so many complexities in life, the answer had been right in front of him the whole time.
“Pop-pop!”
He turned to see Jackie flying toward him. The boy gave a leap, and Jack caught him in midair.
“Hey, buddy.”
“What are you doing?”
Jack started to say something and then stopped. He turned so they were both looking out toward the ocean. He pointed to the sky. “Mommy’s up there watching us, Jackie.”
Jackie looked awestruck. “Mommy?” Jack nodded. Jackie waved to the sky. “Hi, Mom.” He blew her a kiss.
Then Jack turned back around and carried his son toward the house. Right before he got there, he slowly looked back at that little patch of blue sky.
Good-bye, Lizzie.
For now.
Dear Lizzie,
There are things I want to say to you that I just don’t have the breath for anymore. That’s why I’ve decided to write you these letters. I want you to have them after I’m gone. They’re not meant to be sad, just my chance to talk to you one more time. When I was healthy you made me happier than any person has a right to be. When I was half a world away, I knew that I was looking at the same sky you were, thinking of the same things you were, wanting to be with you and looking forward to when I could be. You gave me three beautiful children, which is a greater gift than I deserved. I tell you this, though you already know it, because sometimes people don’t talk about these things enough. I want you to know that if I could’ve stayed with you I would have. I fought as hard as I could. I will never understand why I had to be taken from you so soon, but I have accepted it. Yet I want you to know that there is nothing more important to me than you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. And the happiest day of my life was when you agreed to share your life with mine. I promised that I would always be there for you. And my love for you is so strong that even though I won’t be there physically, I will be there in every other way. I will watch over you. I will be there if you need to talk. I will never stop loving you. Not even death is powerful enough to overcome my feelings for you. My love for you, Lizzie, is stronger than anything.
Love,
Jack
Dear Lizzie,
Christmas will be here in five days, and I promise that I will make it. I’ve never broken a promise to you, and I never will. It’s hard to say good-bye, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. Jackie came to see me a little while ago, and we talked. Well, he talked in Jackie language and I listened. I like to listen to him because I know one day very soon I won’t be able to. He’s growing up so fast, and I know he probably won’t remember his dad, but I know I will live on in your memories. Tell him his dad loved him and wanted the best for him. And I wish I could have thrown the football to him and watched him play baseball. I know he will have a great life.
Cory is a special little boy. He has your sensitivity, your compassion. I know what’s happening to me is probably affecting him the most of all the kids. He came and got into bed with me last night. He asked me if it hurt very much. I told him it didn’t. He told me to say hello to God when I saw him. And I promised that I would.
And Mikki.
Mikki is the most complicated of all. Not a little girl anymore but not yet an adult either. She is a good kid, though I know you’ve had your moments with her. She is smart and caring and she loves her brothers. She loves you, though she sometimes doesn’t like to show it. My greatest regret with my daughter is letting her grow away from me. It was my fault, not hers. I see that clearly now. I only wish I had seen it that clearly while I still had a chance to do
something about it. After I’m gone, please tell her the first time I ever saw her, when I got back from Afghanistan and was still in uniform, there was no prouder father who ever lived. Looking down at her tiny face, I felt the purest joy a human could possibly feel. And I wanted to protect her and never let anything bad ever happen to her. Life doesn’t work that way, of course. But tell her that her dad was her biggest fan. And that whatever she does in life, I will always be her biggest fan.
Love,
Jack