One to Hold (3 page)

“What’s that smell?”

My face flushed bright red, and I pulled away. She caught my long hair and pulled it to her nose. “That’s a
very
nice man-scent if I’ve ever smelled one.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what it is. Just some old cologne.”

“Not
your
old cologne. What else happened after you finished your drink?”

Jumping off the bed, I quickly grabbed yoga pants, a bra, and a tank before stepping into the bathroom.

“Melissa?” Elaine was hot on my trail. I pushed the door closed, but she caught it in a crack.

“I just slow-danced with some guy,” I lied, coiling my hair into a knot at the top of my head. “It was nothing.”

“Just slow danced? He wears a lot of cologne, then.” Her voice rose. “Unless it was more like dirty-dancing.”

She had no idea. I turned on the shower, holding my hand under the spray to test the temperature. “Seriously, let’s just drop it,” I said. “You know I’m not interested in meeting anyone. And anyway, I’m not available.”

“Maybe not emotionally available.”

I pulled the glass shower door closed. “Not available in any way.”

Warm, oil-coated hands slid down the length of my back, pushing all the pain down and out through my torso. I lay on a crisp white sheet atop the firm massage table, entirely naked except for a second sheet draped across my bum. Water trickled softly in the desktop fountain, creating a relaxing ambience, and soft beach noises played on a track overhead. The room was dark, and incense lightly filled the air.

I’d never been one of those people who moaned and groaned through massages, but I was on the verge today. When the female masseuse began working on my thighs, the fresh ache from last night’s unexpected workout flooded my mind with memories of Derek. I wanted to see him again. I wanted his huge fullness inside me again, stretching me and coaxing every sensitive spot. I wanted to shoot over the edge in another incredible orgasm with him. But what I’d said to Elaine was true. I was
not
available.

Still, he hadn’t asked me for a commitment, and from what I could tell, he wasn’t looking for anything. One week, he’d said. We could share one week of pleasure, couldn’t we? It could be our little secret. Or was I too old-school for that?

The masseuse gently helped me roll over, keeping the second sheet over my private parts. Her expert hands moved to my shoulders, pushing the stress away as her strong thumbs circled, traveling up my neck to my scalp. I remembered the sensation of Derek’s lips, his scratchy beard traveling down my neck to my breasts. Moisture was growing between my legs, and I could feel my nipples harden. Luckily the sheet was doubled thick across my chest.

The masseuse gently placed her palms flat against my shoulders.

“Rest until you’re ready to come out, Ms. Jones,” she said softly before leaving me alone in the small, dark room.

With my eyes closed, I remembered his touch. My hands were flat on the table beside me as I lay on my back. I remembered him gripping my bare buttocks, squeezing them as he rocked me against the curtain, covering my body with his. I remembered pulling off my bra and his ravenous kisses, his gentle bites. I remembered his thick fingers pushing inside me, and instinctively, my hands slipped to my now-tingling clitoris, massaging circles over the sensitive spot. With my eyes closed, I felt his enormous cock push inside me, and in that instant, my body shook with the orgasm I’d provoked. My legs trembled, and I pressed my lips together to keep from moaning loudly.

I wanted him again. Oh, god, even if I wasn’t available in any way, I wanted him again so badly.

Out by the pool, I lay back in the lounge chair, hiding behind dark sunglasses. My hair still had residual oils in it from the massage, but I hadn’t washed it. Behind the magazine I held, I casually lifted a lock and sniffed his warm cologne lingering in it.

In my head, I scolded myself. What was I doing? I had to stop this immediately. I slammed the magazine down and stripped off the terry robe I was wearing. In my red bikini, I was still mistaken for being younger than thirty. My stomach was flat, and my skin was tight. No cellulite on my thighs, and my favorite exercise, running, kept my derriere lifted. I’d always just called it good genes, although this last year of pain had taken the once-happy glow from my eyes. My former, easy smile seemed permanently a thing of the past. It was a big part of what made observers think I was younger, and now it was gone. Stolen from me.

Stepping up on the diving board, I fixed my chin. I strode across the plank and did a perfect jackknife dive into the pool, allowing the cooling water to wash away the final remnants of last night. I was
not
available in
any
way.

Twilight in the desert was a beautiful sight.

Elaine and I held glasses of wine as we watched the huge sky turn from blue to pink to dim purple, the fire-pit in the center of our circle of lounge chairs keeping us from getting chilled. As always, I was amazed how the temperature could drop from the 100s to the 70s so fast.

“Wasn’t today perfect?” my friend asked as she stretched out, covering herself with one of the complimentary Indian-designed blankets folded across the backs of each chair.

“Perfectly relaxing,” I agreed, taking another sip of my wine and forbidding my mind from drifting to the small bar situated between the two halves of the sprawling resort.

He would be there waiting, I was sure of it. And I wondered what reason he would tell himself when I never appeared. He was an amazing lay, and I knew he knew it. I’d been clearly satisfied last night. I took a deep breath and exhaled, drinking another, longer gulp of wine. I couldn’t imagine what he’d think.

“Still nothing from home?” Elaine asked, studying my profile.

A missed call had been on my phone, and I’d listened to Sloan’s message, demanding to know where I was as I fought the pain his voice now twisted in my gut. I was making a mistake, he kept saying. I was being too hasty, too judgmental. Every message was a lecture in why I shouldn’t trust my instincts. I pushed his words and their meaning behind me.

“Nothing important,” I said.

“You know, Mel, we’ve been friends for years.” She sat forward in her chair, tightening the blanket around her shoulders. “Something’s different today. Won’t you tell me what it is?”

My eyes flickered to hers, and for a moment, I considered telling her about the amazing man who’d appeared at the bar last night. Who’d only wanted me, even with all the shiny, happy options twisting and giggling on the dance floor. He’d singled me out. Crossed the bar to be with me.

With damaged me.

Even in the old days when I was whole, no man had ever approached me that way. All of my relationships got serious after the groundwork of friendship had been laid. Either I’d had a project with a man, and after our personalities had meshed, we’d grown into dating. Or even back in college—I’d been in clubs, socializing for weeks with guys before they’d asked me out. It wasn’t that I wasn’t attractive, and I’d had my share of sexual encounters. I was just never the girl men sought out from across a room crowded with other options.

Until last night.

I felt special, but at the same time, it made me hesitant. Was it possible I was singled out because I was an easy mark? A woman alone, clearly unhappy would easily fall victim to the charms of such a handsome seducer.

Again, these were the not-so sunny thoughts my now-cynical brain conjured when I thought of myself and love. Would I ever be open again or would my heart forever be searching for the hidden truth, the other side of the coin?

“I’m tired,” I exhaled, unfolding my legs from beneath me. “I think I’ll turn in early tonight if that’s okay.”

With her question unanswered, Elaine frowned as she watched me rise. “You’ve been dealt some heavy disappointment this past year,” she said. “Try not to give up, okay?”

I nodded, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. “Don’t stay up too late. Mani-pedis in the morning?”

She smiled and nodded. “The calf massage will make you come in your chair, from what I’ve heard.”

I laughed. “You’ve heard a lot about this place.”

“Bulletin board reviews. They’re unexpectedly erotic.”

Chapter 3 – The Additional Option

Calf and foot massages kept pedicures at the top of my list of all-time favorite spa-treatments. It was the one procedure that almost made me forget my “silent spa” etiquette. Holding the magazine, I leaned my head back in the chair and closed my eyes. The gentle kneading of my tired lower leg muscles had me conceding to Elaine—this week very well could break me out of my funk. Even without the Derek encounter.

My eyelids drooped with fatigue. Last night, I’d tossed and turned for an hour before finally falling into a restless slumber. I kept seeing his blue eyes turned dark navy with desire. For me. The thought made me shiver. Until 2 a.m., all I could do was wonder if he was still there. How long would he wait? Was I making a huge mistake?

Elaine returned about an hour later, and my sterner nature prevailed. I remained in my own bed, in my own room the entire night. Today, she was a little bleary herself.

“What kept you out so late?” I asked, wondering if she might’ve had her own decadent encounter.

“Fell asleep on the lounger by the fire pit,” she said, propping her newly buffed and polished feet on the empty tub near mine. The clinician had finished my massage and was now scrubbing my heels with a pumice stone. “It’s so gorgeous here, I might never go home.”

I thought of Baltimore and how I hadn’t wanted to move there a year ago. I’d lived just outside Wilmington, on the North Carolina coast for years, and I loved it there. But Sloan had insisted a change of scenery would help us, and when his father died, he needed to be closer to his family’s business.

Since I’d gone freelance with my marketing work, and we were moving to another bustling, urban location, there was no reason to fight the move. Other than I loved my hometown. Elaine was there, along with all my old friends.

“I know this is only Day 2, my friend, but I have a confession to make,” she said, giving me a serious look. My brow creased. I couldn’t imagine what she was about to tell me. “I can’t eat another meal of raw foods.”

I snorted a laugh, rubbing my forehead with my hand. “What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s sneak over to the dark side and order a burger in the main restaurant.”

I hesitated. Crossing from the spa resort to the main hotel would increase my chances of running into Derek again. But if he were tied up in conference meetings like he claimed, it was possible we could get in and out without being seen. Still, the thought of bumping into him after my no-show last night made me uneasy.

“Maybe we should just drive into town,” I suggested. “I think there’s some big thing going on next door and it’s probably crowded.”

She played with the massage-chair controller while she waited, and didn’t notice my worried expression. “A banker’s convention,” she said, not looking up. “Can you imagine a bigger snooze-fest? Probably a bunch of accountants.”

“Probably,” I said, remembering Derek saying he was in upper management. “But I’m sure there are other executives there as well, don’t you think?”

She glanced up at me then. “Sounds interesting. Maybe we can meet someone and have a little bonus treatment. Some sexual healing?”

“What about Brian?” Elaine’s boyfriend back home had been a fixture in her life for years.

She shook her head. “That book’s coming to a close, I think.”

I sat up quickly, “You never told me this. What happened?”

“Nothing.” Her lips pressed together. “And that’s just it. I don’t feel anything toward him. It’s been five years.
Five years!
And I still can’t imagine marrying him.” She released an exhale. “Sadly, it seems he is not my one true love.”

Reaching across the space, I clasped her hand. “I’m so sorry, Lainey. I had no idea. I’ve been so self-absorbed.”

Her hand covered mine with a squeeze. “Please. You’ve had damn good reasons to be preoccupied. And honestly, I can’t even work up the energy to cry over it. I just want to be done. I think he feels the same.”

I shook my head, but she winked. “So let’s find something new, yes? A desert memento?”

The clinician was finished with my feet and slipping the thin foam flip-flops against my now-smooth soles. “At least let me get changed first.”

The mid-day Arizona heat swirled around us as we walked from the spa lobby across the short, circular drive to the huge, main complex. The resort consisted of three large towers and was all bronze glass, blending nicely with the terrain. Palm trees lined the drive and rocky fountains stood in front of each entrance. I’d slipped on a black skirt and beige tank top and pulled my hair into a low, side ponytail that sent dark curls spilling down my chest. Elaine was wearing a little green dress that made her green eyes glow, and her straight blonde hair hung loose down her back. We both wore flip-flops to preserve our bright salmon pedicures.