One Word From God Can Change Your Family (7 page)

The fourth thing you need to do—and this may well be the most crucial—is this: When you’re praying for your children, be sure to ask God to change you as well.

I know parents who’ve gone through these steps, praying that God would send their children back and He did. But when they got back home, the parents hadn’t changed a bit. They jumped right in the middle of them and ran them off again.

Don’t let that happen. Instead, soak your heart in the gentleness and the compassion of God. Let God turn you into someone so full of the love of Jesus and so full of His presence that your kids don’t want to leave home.

Even with all this, be warned, your children may not turn around overnight. So until they do, be like Abraham and call things that be not as though they were. Say, “I’m not moved by what I see or hear. I’m not moved by what I feel. I’m moved by what I believe and I believe what God says!” Say that along with the scriptures I’ve outlined—not just occasionally but literally night and day. Then dig in your heels and stand. Grab hold of God’s Word and refuse to let go of it where your children are concerned—and sooner or later, that Word will grab hold of them!

Chapter 11

Vikki Burke

Aim Your Child Like an Arrow

“As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.”

—Psalm 127:4

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth." (New American Standard).

Those 15 words in Psalm 127:4 paint one of the most powerful portraits of parenting illustrated in the Bible. It reveals the awesome privilege God has given parents: the privilege of fashioning their children into obedient, faithful and responsible adults. God’s plan and desire is that our children be trained for success—and He’s called us to do it. He’s called us to prepare them like a skilled craftsman fashions an arrow.

You see, God created children to win. They were born to be successful by the working of God’s Word in their hearts and lives. And the word works in their hearts when parents develop and nurture a hunger for God’s Word in them. Only then can a parent truly aim them for the success God intended them to achieve.

Unfortunately, too many children have been conditioned to lose...maybe not intentionally, but they have been conditioned by a form of child abuse that gets little attention. They have become victims of neglect.

Several years ago the Duke of Windsor visited the United States and when asked what impressed him most in this country, his much-publicized response was, “The way American parents obey their children.”

His comment was as tragic as it was humorous. But he described quite accurately the consequences of neglect that many children suffer.

If a parent doesn’t aim a child—teach a child—to hunger and thirst after God, then the child will seek outside influences to meet the need the parent should have met. It leaves the child to raise himself and miss the mark of all that God created him to be.

You’ve probably seen this kind of behavior. It’s all around us. It is the root of much teenage delinquency and it causes children who are not getting the attention they crave from their parents through normal means, to get it otherwise. It is child abuse in one of its most devastating forms.

Instead of being left to flounder and fail, constantly missing the mark of what they were created to be, God wants children to be taught His Word by parents who demonstrate it moment-by-moment in their lives:
“And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up”
(Deuteronomy 6:6-7,
New American Standard).

How important is it that we take this command seriously? I have found the answer in the Bible account of two fathers who acted quite differently. Lot (Abraham’s nephew) and Noah (several generations before Lot) faced similar circumstances and challenges in raising their families in wicked and corrupt generations—much like we often feel today. Each of them had choices to make, choices that either made them strong in aiming their children, or weak.

When put to the test, Lot failed in his choices—particularly two of them. His first mistake came when his uncle, Abraham, gave him the choice of where he wanted to live. Rather than choose a godly place, he chose to settle near Sodom, a city known for its wickedness. The Scripture says it was
“where the men were wicked and sinned against the Lord”
(see Genesis 13:5-13).

Then, he developed a tolerance for sin and hesitated to obey God, a behavior that did not impress on his family the importance of God’s Word.

The Bible says that when the angels told Lot that the city of Sodom would be destroyed,
“Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, and said, ‘Up, get out of this place, for the Lord will destroy the city.’ But he appeared to his sons-in-law to be jesting”
(Genesis 19:14,
New American Standard).

Lot’s family did not respond to his direction—direction he had received from God. Why would they do such a thing?

Part of the answer is in verses 15-16:
“When morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, ‘Up, take your wife and your two daughters, who are here, lest you be swept away in the punishment of the city.’ But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand...and put him outside the city” (New American Standard).

The failure of Lot’s family to respond to his instruction should have come as no surprise. Lot himself was not quick to obey God’s Word. His choices demonstrated to his children neither a hunger for God nor a respect for God’s direction.

Because of these choices, his own family didn’t take him seriously. Lot was more of a joke to his family than a man of integrity to be followed. Later, as Lot and his wife left the city, Lot’s wife disobeyed the command to
“look not behind thee”
and was destroyed. Though spared because of Abraham’s stand in covenant with God, Lot lost his wife and other family members. And he received the greatest dishonor a parent could—his family mocked his instructions and did not respect his authority.

As a parent, Lot had failed in the responsibility God made so clear to Abraham,
“For I have chosen him, in order that he may command his children...to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice...”
(Genesis 18:19,
New American Standard).

Generations before Lot, however, another parent, Noah, faced similar challenges and succeeded:

Noah was another who trusted God. When he heard God’s warning about the future, Noah believed him even though there was then no sign of a flood, and wasting no time, he built the ark and saved his family. Noah’s belief in God was in direct contrast to the sin and disbelief of the rest of the world—which refused to obey—and because of his faith he became one of those whom God has accepted
(Hebrews 11:7
, The Living Bible).

The example Noah set before his family was that he
“trusted God,”
even though there was no physical evidence to verify what he had heard. His stand of faith—trusting God for deliverance from the coming destruction—gave his children the opportunity to have his example as a pattern for their faith, and to learn to trust him as their spiritual authority.

Notice that Noah “wasted no time” in obeying God. If he had hesitated like Lot, he would have jeopardized the lives of his entire family.

Noah’s faith stood in direct contrast to the rest of the world
“which refused to obey.”
So, do you sometimes feel like you are the only one who believes God’s Word? The only one with high standards for your children, surrounded by people whose beliefs are in direct contrast with yours? Well, you’re not alone! Just keep being like Noah, who determined to obey God, regardless of what other people said or thought.

Genesis 6:8-9 says,
“But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.... Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his time; Noah walked with God” (New American Standard).
Notes in the
New American Standard
version translate the word
blameless
as “complete,” “perfect,” or “having integrity.” Noah’s blameless walk apparently had a significant effect on his children. Though it had never before even rained upon the earth, they followed him in building the ark.

What brought Noah this degree of respect from his children? The kind of respect that enables a parent to properly aim a child? He committed his life to responding to God’s Word, and he faithfully trained his family to do the same. Because he lived uprightly, in obedience to God, Noah’s entire family was delivered from destruction. He received the greatest honor a parent could—his family respected him enough to follow his instructions.

Noah succeeded where Lot had failed—he lived a life of faith that held up God’s Word as the standard. God’s Word must always be the target toward which you aim your child. Regardless of the skill of the archer, if he doesn’t know where the target is, he will never hit it!

All it takes to miss God’s best is to fail to love Him, hear His voice and hold fast to Him:
“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days...”
(Deuteronomy 30:19-20,
New American Standard).

No one purposely lives under the curse. But many people find themselves there by default.
Default
means failure to do something, or the absence of something needed. Failure of a parent to love the Lord by obeying His voice will expose the family to the enemy’s deceptions and attacks—even if the cause is ignorance or indecision.

Notice how important your decision is:
“This is your life and the length of your days.”
Not even God can tell you how to live. Only you can decide that. The everyday choices you make, and lead your children to make, last the rest of their lives.

God’s Word must always be your target. With practice your children will learn it’s not impossible to hit the mark. Hebrews 5:14 says that
“solid food is for the mature, who because of practice, have their senses trained to discern good and evil” (New American Standard).

Keep your children on target by developing in them a hunger for the solid food of the Word. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to
“train up a child in the way he should go.”
The Hebrew word
train
has its origin in a word which means “palate, roof of the mouth, taste.” This verse is referring to an ancient custom for weaning a child by developing his taste for solid food. According to custom, the mother would chew her food well, then put a dab of it on the palate of the child’s mouth. Soon the child preferred the solid food to the milk.

In a similar way, you have been given the same responsibility regarding your child’s hunger for God’s Word.

So make the decision that you will take the time and effort to develop your child’s palate to prefer God’s ways. If you don’t, that taste will be developed by others—others you probably don’t prefer.

For example, the television has become a modern day baby sitter that can cultivate attitudes of rebellion and defiance. The media is doing its best to shape the thoughts of young people to adopt liberal views of sex, homosexuality, drugs and violence. They are pressing to desensitize the minds of anyone willing to absorb their filth. Don’t let the television raise your child.

And avoid letting your children spend the majority of their time with other children. This serves only to reinforce the foolishness bound in their hearts (Proverbs 22:15).
“He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm”
(Proverbs 13:20,
New American Standard).
Your children need your help in uprooting foolishness and replacing it with wisdom. They need time with you, listening to you, receiving your counsel and advice on matters in their lives.

Aiming your child like an arrow is a conscious, willful act. Look again at Deuteronomy 6:7:
“...You shall teach [these words] diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (New American Standard).

Diligence. It’s a decision backed by a commitment to hold fast to that decision. Making the firm commitment to teach your children
“when you walk (or drive!) by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up”
simply means making the most of every conversation.

Just because you’re a Christian and attend church faithfully does not guarantee your children are being taught your values. You cannot expect your children to get the direction they need from a couple of hours a week in church. The primary responsibility of aiming your children does not belong to the church. It belongs to you. Aim them at God’s Word, then be certain to check them at regular intervals to be certain they are still pointing in the right direction.

Let everyday situations become teaching times. Be open and responsive to the Holy Spirit to use these situations, not in a condemning way, but in an encouraging, uplifting manner. God alone knows the motivation of your child’s heart, and He alone can reveal to you the most effective way to reach him or her. As the Scripture says,
“...Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice”
(Ephesians 6:4,
The Living Bible).

Be certain your children are aware of your availability, no matter what you’re doing. They should know they are most important to you, and you will stop anything to meet their need.

Make it a practice to talk about the Word in all your activities. When you take a walk or go to the park, use that time to develop an appreciation for God’s creation, the birds, the beauty of the trees, the wild flowers, even the clouds in the sky.