One Word From You: A Pride and Prejudice Adaptation (20 page)

“
Maybe you guys should go on a different trip,” I said, “Or not at all. It's not like you can't go to Italy any time.”

“
It's the last time we can all go together,” Chrissy said. She blushed a little, and saw fit to add, “Without you, I mean. But you never go on the trips, so that's nothing new.”

I only didn't go because I couldn't afford them.

“
It's fine,” I said, “Honest.”

“
It's not that fine,” Lisa added. She threw her hair over her shoulders, and said, “It's prom this year, right? And it's the last time we can all go to a party together. So you'd better call your Dad, and tell him you need a nice dress. I'm totally not going with you if you're going to wear jeans.”

“
That's not really any of your concern, is it?” I asked, “I never dress up.”

“
Exactly. And you never go on the trips. I get that you're poor, really, but you don't have to advertise it so much when there are boys around. You know that people talk about it behind your back, right? Well they talk about us sometimes, too. Like how we're only hanging out with you because you're a charity case, or like, how bad it is we have to get stuck with you.”

“
Where the hell is all this attitude coming from?” I asked, “This hasn't ever bothered you before.”

“
I don't want you to make us look bad in front of Gideon, okay? If you're not going to Italy then it doesn't matter, there, but I want him to talk to us at prom. You don't have to look better than me, but can you at least try for a while?”

“
Lis', don't be like that,” Chrissy said, “Beth's just not that interested. And you're being way dramatic.”

“
I'm never dramatic,” she declared, and then stormed away.

Chrissy was ready to follow, but I held her in place. Once Lisa was out of sight, I asked, “What did I miss?”

She scuffed her shoe on the floor, then confessed, “Lisa likes Gideon. But she thinks he's more into you. She's just being jealous.”

“
Well, she can do much better. I'm not interested in him, for the record.”

“
I know. I'll talk to her when we're in Italy. You know what she's like. As soon as she's out there, she'll forget all of this.”

“
She'll probably forget by morning,” I muttered. So Chrissy wouldn't think I had anything against her, I patted her shoulder gently, “Go after her. She's probably having a tantrum somewhere.”

I always forgot they were the same age as me. Probably because it felt like I was babysitting them a lot of the time. The fact that I didn't have enough money to join in with school excursions had always been a bit of a sore subject. Not just for me, because I got used to that sort of thing after a while. I wasn't ignorant to the fact that people talked about me, and how I got into the school, and my mother's man-hopping ways. I forgot at times that my friends would suffer some negativity for spending time with me. After a few years, it all became white noise.

But not to Lisa.

I figured that, had she been placed in another dorm in her first year, she probably would have been part of Chantelle's group. Although she had less grace and decorum, they were both very full of themselves, vain, and took an enormous amount of pride in their images. If Lisa was pining after Gideon, and it looked like his eyes were on me instead, then she was going to fling all the resentment she'd ever felt at me back in my face. It wasn't fun, but I could handle it.

Anyway, we had exams to distract us from all that sort of thing.

Soon, she wouldn't have time to be angry at me.

Chapter Nineteen

You must be respected and valued.

The sound of pens frantically scratching in notebooks filled every study room, the library, and each classroom over the next few weeks. I'd never seen my classmates look so stressed, and we were only in the preparatory stages.

Yeah, it was just revision.

We had a huge build up of it before the half term break, and the school trip. Once that was over, the really hard work began. That was when we were doomed to sit our exams, and have pompous strangers in suits decide just how smart we really were, and we’d see if the fortune our parents had spent on our educations had been worth it.

I felt like my head was going to explode if I crammed any more information into it. With all of that going on, I didn't need any other stress. Fortunately, Lisa had mellowed out a bit. That was a little strange, because no one relaxed at such a time, but I wasn't about to complain.

Anything to stop her acting like a brat.

Gideon hadn't pressed me for more Music lessons. I was happy that he'd got the message, and understood we weren't ever going to be best friends. But I missed the distraction they gave from everything. I'd taken to strumming on my guitar more often to pass my free time, of which there was frighteningly little.

I was lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling listlessly. My guitar was resting on my stomach, and I plucked idly at the strings while I let my mind wander into blissful nothing. Meg was listening to another audio book, not at all interested in anything I was doing. If I thought I was bothering her, I'd have stopped.

“
Hey,” Jenny said as she came through the door, “Aren't you packing?”

“
What?” I asked, snapping back to horrible reality with a jolt, and sitting up so suddenly that the instrument almost found its way to the floor.

She nodded towards the other cases in the room, where my friends had been fretting over what they should wear in Italy. I was just taking everything back with me that needed washing. I hadn't been as meticulous in my choices as they had, and as such, had thought it could wait until the last minute.

That, and time had run away from me.

I'd been so into working, that I hadn't realised the half term was creeping up on us so quickly. The two weeks would fly by, maybe even more than the single week for the younger students, who hadn't yet earned the privilege of such a long break prior to the end of the school year. They still got a break, but it wasn't abroad. I figured that, despite claiming to raise up some of the best young ladies in the country, the school still didn't trust a massive group of pre-teens in a foreign country.

How wise.

I heard Lisa and Chrissy giggling together before I saw them. They stopped in the doorway, whispered something to each other, and then entered the room in almost total silence. If that wasn't suspicious, I didn't know what was. Something was going on, and I didn't know if I was brave enough to ask what.

Instead, I opted for a safer course of conversation, “Do you guys know what you're going to do in Italy?”

“
Shop,” Lisa said, cutting off whatever Chrissy had been about to say. Lisa beamed at me, “I'm going to get all the best things while I'm there.”

“
Yeah, me too,” Chrissy said. She was suddenly very interested in folding everything she owned perfectly, and stowing it neatly in her case.

I raised a brow at Jenny, and she just shrugged. We knew the pair of them were weird, but they were being even more freaky lately. It could have been the excitement of a holiday. I knew if I was going to Italy I wouldn't be able to hide how happy I was. It was the one place I really, really wanted to visit. If I was able to have a gap year, and could find the cash, I was going to take a long trip across Europe and end it there.

If I did, I might never come back.

Jenny threw a t-shirt at me. It fell short, and landed on the floor. She'd never really been good at throwing. I looked down at it, and then back up at her, as if asking what exactly had been the point of that. She came to collect it, and dropped it on my head. She said, “You need to pack, too. What time's your cab in the morning?”

“
Seven. Train's at eight. I've got loads of time.”

“
Want me to help?”

“
Definitely,” I said.

She laughed, and I put Chrissy and Lisa out of my head. After all the years we'd spent together, I still didn't fully understand them. I didn't think I ever would. They were partners in their own little world. While I cared about them both, I knew that I wasn't going to be as close to them as I was to Jenny. Meg was in her own little bubble, too. I loved her as well, but she didn't need any one of us. At least, that's how I saw it. I might have been wrong. I'd proven I wasn't the best at reading people. Otherwise I'd have figured out Gideon's true nature earlier.

I shuffled over, and made space for Jenny to join me on my bed. She started folding the clothes I'd piled up at the foot of it. Without saying a word, I leaned in, and pressed my forehead between her shoulder blades. She looked back at me, and asked, “Are you going to miss me?”

“
Shut up.”

“
I'll bring you back something nice,” she said, “I promise.”

“
Just take a lot of pictures, and remember how things smell and taste.”

“
Smell?”

“
You know,” I sat up, “Like if the markets smell like spices, or more like fresh flowers. That kind of thing.”

She closed her fingers over my hand, “I'll do my best. I'm sorry you can't come with us.”

So was I.

Dreams didn't have expiry dates. Mine could wait a little while longer, so long as I kept in mind that it had to happen for me. The next morning, while everyone else who could afford it was loaded into a coach bound for the airport, I got into the back of my lonely cab.

I was so used to making the journey to and from school by myself, that I did it all on autopilot. It wasn't until I was back in my room that I fell out of that mode, and was free to feel the full depressing truth of being poor. My friends were going to spend a fortnight in my ultimate paradise. And I was going to spend those days listening to a bunch of mechanics griping about their customers, and the lack of expensive vehicles to work on.

Perfect.

It wasn't until the light dwindled outside that my Dad knocked on my bedroom door. He didn't wait for an invitation, having never learnt the meaning of respecting a girl's privacy what with my being away most of the time. Still dressed in his greasy overalls, he wiped his hands on an equally filthy rag while he regarded me.

“
Something up?” he asked bluntly.

“
No.”

“
Want dinner?”

“
Not really.”

“
I can order in,” he offered, “Fish and chips?”

I groaned, “No, Dad. I just said I didn't want dinner.”

“
Look, I know it sucks that I can't afford to send you to Italy. I'm sorry, but -”

“
Dad, that's not -”

“
I'm just saying, Ms. Ayers did offer to pay for -”

“
I don't want her charity, Dad!” I snapped, “I want to make my own way, like you! Anyway, it's none of her business. She's just Jenny's Mum, not mine.”

“
Madeleine respects you. She doesn't think of it as -”

“
I'm tired. Can you please let me go to sleep?”

He hesitated, but I didn't want to talk to him about it any longer. Even if he asked more questions, or lectured me, it would all go ignored. Deciding it was best to withdraw, Dad walked out, slamming the door behind himself. It wasn't the reunion I wanted, but he didn't understand how I felt. To him, it was just a polite gesture. But to me, it was just a reminder that I couldn't pay for anything without help.

By morning, I realised I'd been kind of harsh.

Dad was already down in the garage when I woke up, and I didn't think he'd be in any mood to speak to me after what I'd said. I took my time showering, getting dressed in a comfortable old t-shirt and jeans, and made myself breakfast. From the dishes resting in the sink, I deduced that Dad had already eaten without me. He must have been irritated not to wake me.

I wasn't going to spend my two weeks off having a family drama. I didn't have the patience, or the energy. That, and Jenny wasn't around to make me feel better afterwards. It was impossible to handle all the bad stuff without her. I pulled on my shoes, grabbed my hooded jacket, and hurried downstairs.

“
Going to the beach,” I announced to Dad on my way past the office.

He finished his call, and hurried out after me. Dad put his hand on my shoulder to stop me, and then took it off quickly. I figured he didn't want to seem intimidating. As if he ever could. He wasn't that kind of a man. He cleared his throat, then scratched at the back of his neck, “What happened last night -”

“
I don't want to talk about it,” I said shortly, “Sorry, and everything. I should go. You have work to do, right?”

“
Right. Do you want to come along? I just got a call from a guy who works at that big estate just outside of town. He said the family are coming in a few days, and the gardener can't sort out the grounds without a working ride-on mower. Apparently, I'm their best hope of getting the thing repaired.”

“
You want me to spend all day watching you work on a tractor?”

“
Mower. And, no. You can walk around the gardens and things. No one ever gets to go in there, so it'll be something to tell your friends.”

I wanted to go to the beach. All my friends lived in massive houses, so telling them about one wasn't going to impress them. But if it would make up for the way I'd spoken to Dad, then I didn't have much choice. I forced a smile to show I agreed, but I couldn't make myself say it. I mean, I wasn't that good an actress, and it was just come off as being really fake.

He didn't complain about my very obvious reluctance, and went to let the others know that he'd be working away from the garage for the day. That meant Eric was in charge. I just hoped he didn't burn the place down before we got back or anything. Dad threw his tools into the back of his pick-up, and I got up into the back so I wouldn't have to share the cab with him.

Dad had a tendency to sing along to the radio.

Off key.

Loudly.

Yeah.

The town I lived in was a coastal town, and one of the most south-westerly points on the map. It had a train station with a single platform, because we were literally the end of the line. Only one way in or out. We were surrounded by beaches, and the vast expanse of the ocean. On the outskirts there were rolling fields, with patches of dense woodland dotted across the land.

Pembourne Manor was one of the many houses owned by the obscenely wealthy people who liked to holiday in our neck of the woods. It had about a million bedrooms, a lot of land that wasn't farmed even though the community needed the money it would generate, and was only ever fully occupied in the summer. The rest of the time, a few members of staff got to enjoy it, so long as they kept it in good order.

It was a pretty good deal, actually.

The gates were usually locked. It was hardly a tourist attraction, but they didn't even let anyone walk around the gardens which was kind of a waste. When I was a kid, I thought that royalty might have lived there. Because, to me, it seemed like a castle. But that was the old house. Then it burnt down, and something new got built in its place.