Only for You (9 page)

“
Don’t,” I warn
her.

“
So you’re going to punish
me,
punish us
,
because of your mother’s actions?”

I glance away, unable to
hold her gaze any longer. Her nana’s house catches my eye. It’s
cozy, decorated with Christmas lights, with nothing out of place.
It looks homey, perfect for a family. Perfect for any family not
like mine.

Finally, I turn my
attention back to Rae. “Look, my family’s not normal, healthy, or
anything like yours. Hell, I’m not normal. None of us are. We’re
fucked up, screwed up…
But,
if we’re really lucky, Parker won’t get some girl
pregnant and drop out of school to get a full-time job, Kelly won’t
end up pregnant like my mom at seventeen, or with some loser who
beats the shit out of her, because if he does, then I’ll go to jail
for killing him.”

“
Why do you say stuff like
that? Like your family’s entire future is written in stone
statistics?” she cries.

“
Because it’s true, damn
it.” I unbuckle my seat belt and hers, grabbing her by the
shoulders. “You think I’m going by statistics? You think I’m just
making shit up in my head? Well, here’s one really dirty, dark
secret that no one knows about, except Crystal. The first girl I
ever had sex with got pregnant. She couldn’t tell her parents, so
she told my mother, and my mother took her to a clinic in
Charlotte. When Crystal came back, she informed me that she’d just
done the world a favor by ridding it of another Morgan
bastard.
That
’s
how much she hates me. That’s how much she hates my dad. I was
fifteen years old.
Fifteen.
The worst part though, was that the girl I got
pregnant thought my mom was doing her a favor.”

“
I didn’t even know she
was pregnant. I never had a choice, never got the chance to be
there for her or even try to help,” I add, barely keeping it
together. “Women, every last one of you, are on my shit list. All
y’all do is go around bitching about how bad men treat you, never
realizing that you’re treating your sons exactly the same way. But
we’re supposed to take it, right? Because we’re men and it’s what
we deserve.”

Rae’s face goes as white as
the rare snowfall we had this morning.

In my head, I know not
every woman thinks or acts like my mother, but my head isn’t the
one in charge right now. It’s my heart, or what’s left of it. And
this is how I’ve been treated my entire life by Crystal, no matter
what I do or say to her. No matter how hard I try to get her to
love me, or for fuck’s sake,
tolerate
my presence.

“
I—I—”

“
Just get out,” I say,
letting go of her. “Just get the hell out of my life.”

She shakes her head, her
kissable mouth mutinous. “I don’t want to go.”

I reach across her and open
the door. “Get. Out.”

“
Or what? You’ll hit me?”
She tips her nose in the air.

“
This isn’t the time to
make a point about what morals I have in certain areas of my life.”
I press on her back, inching her closer to the door. “Get out of my
Jeep, Rae.”

“
No.” She scoots forward
and climbs over the console in the middle before I know what’s
happening, landing in my lap with an awkward thud. “I’m not
leaving, and you can’t drive like this.”

I let my head fall against
the seat. This act of defiance is equal parts funny and
heartbreaking.

“
Last time you said I gave
up without a fight. This time, I’m not giving up at
all.”

I cup the back of her head,
fixing my gaze on her. She thinks she’s won. I can see it in her
pretty eyes. “You don’t have to give up, because there’s nothing
between us. I’ve had my fun, fucking around with a pretty little
thing like you, but you’re not worth the trouble. No piece of ass
is.”

“
Are you serious?” She
blinks at me. Despite her bravery, her mouth is
trembling.

I cave, like a sandcastle
under the tide rushing in, unable to keep up the pretense. I’ve
never treated a girl like this, and I’m not about to continue this
reaction to my problems and hurt her any further. Breaking up with
her is one thing, but lying to her about what she is to me—entirely
another.

“
No.” I wrap my arms
around her, holding her close. “No, damn it. I’m not serious. I’m a
no-good piece of trash that says shitty things to the girl he loves
most in this world. You’re right, baby. I’m scared as hell, about a
lot of things.”

“
Don’t be scared of me, of
this,” she whispers, her entire body shaking in my arms. “We’re
tougher than anything the world can throw at us, especially when
we’re together.”

Chapter Nine

Cole

It wasn’t easy to leave Rae
at her Nana’s house, with only an apology and a kiss for being an
ass. It seems all we do is fight and make up. Something that I know
bothers her.

Something that sure as hell
bothers me.

But as I drive away, all I
can think is that I missed my chance to make a clean break, to make
Rae hate me and therefore go back to her old life with arms wide
open. Maybe even back to Jaxon—though I doubt that one.

However, it doesn’t mean he
won’t try to get her back. I saw the look in his eyes when they
sang together. No matter how engaged he is to Callie, my brother
wants Rae.

When I get back home, my
mother, Ford, Parker, and Kelly are sitting at the kitchen table,
eating slices of the homemade pumpkin pie Rae had brought
over.

“
What did I
miss?”

“
What took you so long?”
Parker asks, finishing up the last of his.

“
Had to take Rae
home.”

“
Her Nana’s isn’t that far
away,” Ford points out.

Crystal pins her gaze on
me. “She’s Violet Givens’ granddaughter?”

“
Yeah, and—?”

“
Miss Violet was always
nice to me. She made Kelly’s coming home from the hospital outfit.”
Not what I expected my mother to say, but today is full of
surprises. “Guess you screwing her granddaughter is better than the
thank you card I forgot the send.”

Now that, I totally expect
from her. “We’re not done talking, Crystal.”

Parker comes to stand in
front of me, his green eyes serious. “I don’t want to know, Cole,
and it’s not your place to find out for me.”

“
So you want to go through
life, not know anything but what she chooses to tell
you?”

“
You’re Brent’s, so is
Kelly,” Crystal says.

Ford chokes on his pie.
“Excuse me?”

Parker echoes
him.

Crystal bites her lip and
then places her hand on Ford’s. It’s the most contrite I’ve ever
seen her. “They’re yours, but I didn’t want you sticking around. I
know you would have. You would have done the right thing by us, but
I was too messed up with wanting Cole’s daddy and other
things…”

Ford’s face turns dark.
“Damn it, Crystal. I asked you... I believed you when you said you
didn’t know who their dads were.”

“
That was your first
mistake,” I point out.

“
Shut up, Cole,” Crystal
snaps.

Ignoring my mother and me,
he stares at Parker and then at Kelly. I knew Ford was a Hispanic
dude, but I never thought he was
The
Hispanic
Dude
.

Parker abruptly rises from
the table and comes to stand beside me.

“
I’m sorry,” Ford says to
Parker. “If I had known…” His words trail away. He and my mother
exchange a look.

“
I’m sorry,” Crystal
whispers and my gaze flies to her face. She actually
sounds
sorry. “And I
understand if this is something… if what I did makes you
leave—”

Ford shakes his head,
leaning over to take my mother in his arms. “I’m not happy, but I’m
man enough to admit that I should have done more.” He turns to the
three of us gathered near the table, Kelly sitting and Parker
standing, his face ashen. “When we get back, things will be
different on my part, at least.”

“
But your last name is
Ford,” Parker says, his voice all thin.

“
Actually it’s Flores, but
my granddad changed it when he emigrated from Cuba,” Ford says. “He
wanted to sound more American.”

“
So there’s a possibility
that I could be related to Pit Bull?” Parker grins.
“Sweet.”

I know my brother. The more
outrageous stuff he says, the worse he feels. And all of this is my
fault.

“
Could be worse,” I say
and Parker gives me this are-you-shitting-me look. “You really
could be Everett’s.”

A ghost of a smile
flickers. “Yeah, guess you drew the short stick on that
one.”

“
Cole,” a little voice
whispers, and I turn my attention to my baby sister. She’s still
sitting at the table, her wide-eyed gaze going from me to Parker to
Ford, then back again.

Walking to her, I kneel by
her chair and hold out my arms. “You okay, bug?”

She goes to me, without
hesitation, and I stand up. “I don’t want a new daddy, just you and
Parker.”

Ford clears his throat. I
glare at him and Crystal. “I think we’ve had enough drama for
today.”

“
I think it’s time for us
to leave,” Ford says, rising from his chair. He pulls out my mom’s
and she looks up at him, adoration all over her face. “We have a
lot to discuss on the way.”

“
You always did know
what’s best for me.”

“
No, you know what’s best
for you, only you choose to ignore it because it’s too
hard.”

“
I’ll try harder,” she
says softly. “For you.”

It could be worse. She
could still be fixated on my dad or the next hit. She could want to
take Kelly and never come here again.

Ford shakes his head. “No.
Not for me. Only for you. And that’s another thing you’re going to
learn at Winding Creek. Now, give Cole the money.”

She digs into her pocket
and pulls out a folded piece of paper, spreading it out and placing
it on the table. It’s a certified check from one of the local
banks. “This is what I took from you, minus what I’m using to pay
for Winding Creek and what I’ve been living on.”

I hadn’t forgotten about
the money she stole from The Double Deuce. Despite her owning it,
she’d never worked in it and so, when she cleaned out the bank
account and ran, I never thought I’d see it again. And I sure as
hell never thought she’d be paying me back.

It’s why I didn’t bring it
up in the first place. Better her say or get what she needs, and
then leave, than argue and fight over what she took.

“
Thanks,” I mutter, then
grab the check and shove it in my pocket. As soon as the bank is
open, I’m depositing it.

They move to leave, but
Crystal pauses beside me. She tips up my chin, staring at me. “You
turned out all right, huh?”

If she wants me to forgive
her of the sins she’s committed against all of us, it’s not
happening. At least not today. Maybe not even twenty years from
now. Right now, I’m okay with that.

“
I’m me.”

She looks me up and down.
“Yeah, you are.” Then she pats me on the cheek, the most physical
contact I’ve had from her in years, and the little boy inside of me
wants to go after her. Wants to hug her and ask her why. But the
man I’ve become won’t let him, because neither of us will like her
answer.

The three of us watch as
Ford leaves with our mother. None of us says good-bye, but Kelly
waves.

Parker shuts the door. We
all sort of shuffle into the living room and fall onto the couch.
He clicks on the television, and I keep Kelly in my lap. She’s
snuggled against me, and not going anywhere anytime
soon.

“
Gladiator okay with you?”
Parker asks, not really looking for my approval. He just wants
things the way they were. Like me.

“
Yeah, I’ll cover up the
bug’s eyes at the bad parts.”

“
I’ll try to mute the bad
words.” He fiddles with the remote. “You want to text Rae and see
if she—”

“
We’ll see her Sunday, at
her nana’s house.”

He nods, not bothering to
argue. He was only asking to be nice anyway.

Kelly relaxes against me,
her oh-my-god-o’clock waking up time finally catching up to her. I
smooth my hand down her hair and back. She lets out a little sigh,
her mouth parting as she drools on my shirt.

Despite the movie playing,
a silence settles in the room, neither uncomfortable nor
uncomfortable. It’s just there. This is how it’s always been with
us Morgan kids—alone in a silent house.

Alone but for each other,
even on Christmas.

*** *** ***

Violet

I didn’t get to have lunch
with Cole, Parker, and Kelly the next day. My mom went into labor
on Christmas Day, and I got the phone call right after Cole dropped
me off at my nana’s house. Later that evening, after I’d booked a
flight for two—Nana and me—to Nashville, I texted Cole the news and
my plans. He hadn’t seemed too upset at not being
included.