Only Human (41 page)

“Any particular reason? You barely know me, and I realize I was an asshole earlier, but I’m hoping you’ve seen the real me this evening.”

I didn’t want to argue about whether he’d been an asshole or not. It’d been supernatural politics and he was the leader of the wolves. Still, he’d taken the fight past a spar, and if I hadn’t been fast and good at defense, he could’ve killed me with the attempted blow to my head. However, this wasn’t why I was turning him down. I smiled, hoping to lessen the impact of my words. “You’re used to people doing what you say. You’re the one in charge. If you haven’t noticed, I have a pretty dominant personality myself. It would never work.”

“I’m afraid I’m confused,” he said, his voice just as soft. “You say you have a dominant personality, and yet I was told this afternoon you’re under the tutelage of James Arrington. This would make you the opposite of a Dom, so why do you talk to me of your dominant personality? You don’t smell as if you’re lying, but it doesn’t add up.”

It seemed an honest question, so I gave him the best answer I could. “Because I’m an alpha female who happens to be a sexual submissive.” Just to be clear, I added, “I’m only submissive when it comes to sex. Nothing else. Who told you about my arrangement with Master James?”

“Marcus, one of my wolves. I put the word out that I wanted to know about anyone you’d dated or were currently dating, and he was obligated to tell me what he knew. Don’t be upset with him. He tried to explain it, but apparently I wasn’t listening well enough. I should go back for the rest of the explanation, I guess.”

I was terribly attracted to him, but I knew being involved with the Master Vampire and Alpha Werewolf at the same time would be worse than bad. It was a recipe for disaster. Plus, the reminder he had the ability to force his people to his will… No. Just,
no
.

I sighed. “Look, I have a lot of respect for you, and I’d like for us to be friends and allies. However, it’s my belief that if we try to date, it won’t end well. Okay? I’m a pretty complicated female, and you seem a pretty complicated male who’s used to getting his way. The two of us trying to make a power exchange work in the bedroom and not everywhere else would be disastrous, I think.”

I stood and took a step towards the door. “Thanks for being a wonderful host. You have access to the workout room at Drake since you help Aaron out some, maybe we can get together and spar, and then have lunch? Not a
date
date, but to spend time together.”

He followed me out to my car and when I slid in, he pulled my seatbelt down and handed it to me. Yeah a nice guy. Bummer, but probably for the best — a relationship with Randall would be too many fireworks. I’m aware I’m a control freak, and he seemed to be one as well. Someone’s gotta give in a relationship, and two control freaks together? No thanks.

Of course, I was aware Abbott fit the same bill, but he seemed better able to bend, and to give me space, when I needed it.

I called Abbott on the way home and told him, “Hey, I was right, I’m really tired, but wanted to let you know I’m headed home. Xiaolan has plans for tomorrow night, but I’ll see if Lauren wants to spend the night with my parents. I feel bad for having to say no tonight, and wanted to see if you’re up for a rain check?”

“Actually, I was going to see if I could work something out tomorrow so I can introduce you to Bran. Perhaps a small impromptu social gathering with Bran and a few of his people, a few of my people, and maybe even Aaron.”

“I won’t know until tomorrow morning if I’ll be able to come. If my parents have plans, or if Lauren doesn’t want to go see them, then I’ll be home with her. I’d hate for you to put it together on my account and then me not be able to come.”

“Tell you what, I’ll invite Bran and a few people I’d like to see anyway, and let Aaron know what’s going on so he can come if you can. I’ll also tell my people I may need their presence, and I’ll let them know for sure when they awaken. This way, if you can’t come then I’ll be able to spend the evening with my friend Bran and a few of his people, and if you can then we’ll still be able to put together a proper social gathering.”

I was impressed he’d found a solution, and told him, “Thanks for being flexible. Call me when you awaken tomorrow afternoon and I’ll let you know what I could work out.”

“How did it go with the wolves, tonight?”

“It was a little magical,” I admitted. “I’m glad I’m human, as I’d never be okay with someone having control of my choices, but I’m a little jealous of the wolves, I think. It’s like a built-in family, isn’t it?”

“It is. The same appeal applies to my breed of vampire. My people are blood bound to me, much as Randall’s are to him.” He hesitated and asked, “Did Randall ask you out?”

I wasn’t expecting him to ask, but I answered honestly. “Yes, and I politely turned him down. Sort of. I did offer that perhaps we could meet at Drake Security and maybe have lunch, but made it clear we’d just be spending time together, not a date. I told him I didn’t think a romantic relationship between the two of us would work.”

“Why would it not work?”

I couldn’t make out his tone. He wasn’t snippy, wasn’t defensive, but… not exactly friendly, either. Treading carefully, I answered, “Because he’s vanilla. Or I’m assuming he’s vanilla, as he’d heard about my arrangement with James Arrington but didn’t seem to understand. Plus, he’s used to people doing as he says. The two of us together would be a disaster waiting to happen.”

“I’m used to people doing as I say,” he pointed out, his voice quiet.

“Yes, but you seem to understand me, and you seem to be okay with the fact I’m probably not going to do what you want just because you want me to. Well, except for, you know. But, in everyday life, I don’t get the feeling you’ll try to tell me what to do.” I was pulling into my driveway, so I told him, “I’m home now so I should let you go so I can get some sleep. I still haven’t had a chance to work on your checklist. I will, I’m not just putting it off.”

“Everything in good time. Sleep well, my darling.”

I went in, checked on Lauren, and found her awake in her bed reading on her Kindle. I asked her if she wanted to crawl into my bed and talk a little and she nodded yes. We get plenty of time to talk, but it’s usually when we’re on the move — when we get ready in the morning, during breakfast, in the car on the way to school, and while we fix, eat, and clean up from dinner, but it was also nice to just chill out and chat, sometimes.

I put my flannel pj’s on and we ended up with Lauren lying between Smokey and me, while Lauren jabbered away about school and friends, and I listened. She mostly talked about what was going on with her friends — who was being nice and who was being mean. You couldn’t pay me to go back to high school.

It was late when we fell asleep, and when I woke up it was only Lauren and I in bed, and Smokey at the top of the steps, just outside my bedroom door.

I usually carry her to her own bed, but I’d been more tired than even I realized.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I took Lauren to my parents’ house around two. They were going to get her to rehearsal at the theater, and then take her to church on Sunday.

My mom doesn’t approve of the way I’m raising Lauren. I’m not anti-religion so much as I’m of the opinion you shouldn’t limit yourself to only one religion — you should learn about as many of them as you can, and then make up your own mind about what is and isn’t true. Over ninety percent of the planet grows up to believe what their parents taught them, but if only one religion can be right, and if you’re damned if you don’t believe the right thing, then whatever religion you’re born into basically decides whether or not you’ll be damned. Something doesn’t feel right about that to me. Not for a loving God, anyway.

So, I don’t mind Lauren going to church with them occasionally. I’m exposing her to a bunch of religions, which includes allowing my parents to expose her to theirs. It took me years of therapy to recover from the damage done to me by the fire-and-brimstone church they took me to as a small child, and I was making sure Lauren didn’t suffer the same fate. Making their church off limits would back-fire, though, so I let her go occasionally.

I rarely have time at home alone, so when I returned to the house a little after three, I used the time to work on creating and reabsorbing my weapons. I instinctively knew it shouldn’t hurt to take the energy back into me, but hadn’t been able to figure out why I sometimes barely felt it and other times it hurt like a bitch.

When Abbott called around four, I told him I was free from now until around noon tomorrow when Xiaolan and I would meet my parents and Lauren for lunch. He was at the coterie house and invited me to come over.

“Sure,” I told him, “but I’ll need to stop by the house and change later before the social gathering. I can come in my jeans now, though.” 

“You want to come in your jeans?”

It took me a minute to realize what he meant, and I chuckled. “Do you want me to come see you or not?”

“Of course, my darling. I’ll see you in a few minutes?”

The routine to get into the house was starting to seem almost normal, especially since the guards knew me now.

Abbott opened the door as I stepped onto on the bottom landing, pulled me to him as he closed it, and his lips were on mine before I could tell him hello.

As always with him, my knees went weak and I leaned into him, holding on for dear life. No suit jacket today, he wore dress pants and a dress shirt, but no tie. With no lapels to grab, my arms went around his neck and I didn’t fight the kiss. He had full control and I was along for the ride as his tongue once again ravaged me.

It was Abbott who ended the kiss this time, and I knew he could likely smell how aroused I was, not to mention hear my racing heart. I felt warm all the way to my toes.

He kissed my cheek, his smile sweet and not cocky, and said, “Come, sit down. I thought we’d take this opportunity to go over the checklist.”

A laptop sat on a small station situated so it could easily hover over your lap, and there were wheels so you could move it. Once I sat down he positioned it over my thighs, and I noted the checklist was on the screen.

I began answering questions, making a note of them on the laptop as I talked to him about each item. I tried to be as matter of fact as possible, and some of the activities were easy to talk about with no embarrassment or emotions — like talking about which implements I like the most, and which I dislike. However, some of it is always hard to talk about, even if it’s someone you’ve been with a while — like the kinds of objectification that work for me.

So many people have misconceptions about the lifestyle, and are surprised to learn a good Top works within what the bottom likes and dislikes.

These negotiations are about telling the Top what turns you on and off, what is a hard limit (as in, it’s never going to happen), and what is a soft limit (as in, I can’t really see myself doing it, but over time if enough trust is built between us then it might be possible later).

A Top needs to know what your automatic turn-offs are — if being called a slut or a whore does it for you then great, but if name calling kills the mood for you, he needs to know before the scene starts.

It’s also important to give him an idea of what you can take physically, and which parts of your body can take more pain as well as which tend to be a bit wimpy.

Once you negotiate the boundaries then the Top has free reign within those boundaries, and the bottom cannot tell the Top what to do at that point. To do so is called “topping from the bottom.”

It should surprise no one that I’m
very
good at topping from the bottom when a Dom lets me get away with it. Most men don’t even realize I’m doing it, but as soon as I manage to gain control, I lose respect for them and that’s pretty much it. It takes a very strong Dominant personality to Top me, though I didn’t think it was going to be a problem with Abbott. Still, I warned him, “I need someone who won’t let me Top from the bottom. I don’t mean to be bratty, but I always have to test the waters, so please don’t be upset with me when I do.”

He pulled me to him, kissed my forehead, and said, “You’re safe with me, my darling. I won’t let you take control.” He held me tight and added, “You can fight your submission all you need. I’ll hold the boundaries strong so you can settle into it.”

I think I may have fallen in love with him a little at his promise, and I relaxed in his arms for several long moments before I sat up and went to the next question.

When we reached the section about anal stuff I sat back, but kept staring at the screen as I told him, “There’s something you need to know before we hit this section.”

I saw his raised eyebrow in my peripheral vision, and turned my head to look at him as I spoke.

I couldn’t pull it off, though, so I looked down as I said, “When I was growing up, my mom had this... obsession... with suppositories. Anytime I was sick she was sure there was a suppository to fix it. I was sick to my stomach a lot, so she probably had to give me suppositories then because I’d throw the medicine up if it was oral. However, she insisted on sticking a suppository up my bottom even when my stomach was fine. Did you know there are Tylenol suppositories? I got them every time I had a damned fever.”

I squeezed my eyes closed and gave him the rest. He needed to know, needed to understand my hang-ups. “There was this ritual of taking off my pants and panties, lying over her lap, and her sticking it as far up my bottom with her finger as she could. And it had just come from the refrigerator so of course it was cold. And then I had to lay across her lap like that for a long time while it felt like I had to go to the bathroom, with her telling me if I pushed it out she’d just put it right back. I had to squeeze my ass together and hold it in while my bowels cramped with wanting me to eject this cold piece of foreign matter out, all while laid over her lap and being warned not to push it out. So, I guess you could say I have some issues around anal play.”