Open Arms (2 page)

Julie paused, her hand on the door handle. “OK. Well, I’ll see you later.”

“Yep.”

Julie left, closing the door behind her. Tammy heard her footsteps walking away, toward the main building and she stood in the living room until she didn’t hear them anymore. Then she retrieved the blanket and pillow from where she had hidden them, crawled back on the sofa, pulled the blanket over her head and closed her eyes. She could only sleep during the day since the attack had happened, and she had sat up all through the night before, staring in to the darkness and shaking.

No matter what she told Julie, she couldn’t believe that she’d be fine ever again.
**
Julie went in to the restaurant to get a cup of coffee to take to her office. Rob Cathay saw her come in and he waved her over.

“Hi, Rob.” Julie sat at one of the scrubbed wooden tables. “How are things here today?”

“Good.” His blue eyes studied his boss. “How are things with you? And with Tammy?”

Julie shook her head.

“Still?” he asked.

“Yeah. She just – she just won’t talk to me. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Julie looked down and fought back tears. “I think she’s lying to me about sleeping and eating and doing OK. I really think she’s just hidden away in that cabin and she’s sitting on that sofa day and night, in the dark, looking at the walls. I don’t know how to reach her.”

“Hey.” Rob touched her arm. “It’s OK. She’ll be OK, Julie. She just needs some more time.”

“She doesn’t even
cry
anymore, Rob. In New York, she couldn’t seem to stop, and here, she can’t seem to start. It’s like she’s completely frozen and numb. Shut down.”

“That happens with trauma, Julie. People pull back in to themselves, try to pretend that nothing happened and everything is normal.”

“I guess so.”

“Really. She’ll get better.” He took her hand. “This kind of thing, it only moves farther away with time. When she’s ready, she’ll talk to someone.”

Julie wiped her eyes and tried to smile. “I hope you’re right.”

“Listen, I’ll go over there this afternoon, to drop off some more groceries and stuff and check on her. Can you let her know I’ll be coming by at around one o’clock?”

“If you want, I can have Constance or Maria do it.”

“No, it’s fine. I like to go for a walk around the ranch after lunch.”

“OK.”

“So, I hate to ask, but are you feeling up to talking about the new cabins? We have lots to go through…if I could put off asking any longer, I swear I would.”

“I know, I’ve been useless for the past month on all of this, Rob. I’m sorry that you’ve been stuck dealing with everything on your own.”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about. Tammy comes first – everything else can wait.”

Julie glanced at Rob, and smiled at him for real. He was just such a
nice
guy, she thought, and not bad-looking, either, in an all-American-boy kind of way. Not her type, but she could see how his blond hair and blue eyes and square jaw would appeal to women. His broad shoulders and strong, athletic physique were testament to his swimming and weight-lifting regime, and his body perfectly combined grace and power.

Add to all that the fact that Rob was actually sweet and kind, and great at his job as Head of Sales, and you had what some people called ‘a great catch’. Why nobody had caught him yet was a mystery to Julie. She had heard something from Mattie about a long-time girlfriend, but she had left the country for work and had no plans to return. That was the last that Julie had heard anything about Rob’s personal life.

“Thanks, Rob,” she said. “Let’s take this coffee and go in to the conference room, OK? I’ll go over the plans with you now, since I have to head to Colorado Springs this afternoon to look at bathroom fixtures for the new cabins.”

“Sounds good,” he said. “Let’s get to work.”
**
At just past one o’clock that afternoon, Rob walked over to Tammy’s cabin with a box of food, some clean sheets and towels, and some fresh flowers.

He stepped up on to the porch and knocked. He waited, listening. No movement inside. He knocked again.

The door opened now, and Tammy stood there in old sweat pants and a ratty sweatshirt, wrapped in a blanket. Her long black hair was tousled and her face was soft and lined with sleep. She stared at him with glazed eyes.

“Oh, my God, Tammy. I woke you up. I’m so, so sorry.”

She blinked at him. “Hi, Rob.”

“Julie said she’d call and let you know that I was coming over now, to drop off some stuff for you.”

She nodded blearily. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, she did. I must have fallen asleep, though.”

“I’m sorry… do you want me to come back later?”

“No, it’s OK. I’m up now.” She stepped aside and waved him in.

Feeling awful, he went in to the cabin and headed straight for the kitchen. He opened the fridge and was surprised to see that it was almost full. All the fruit and vegetables and yogurt were there; the eggs were untouched, the cheese and bread were both moldy. Had she not eaten
anything
over the past week? He opened the cupboards and saw that a few cans of soup were gone, but that was it.

Oh, God…she’s really not eating. It’s just like Julie said.

Tammy was watching him. He turned to her. “What are you eating, Tammy?”

She bristled. “Food.”

“What food? Nothing’s gone except three cans of tomato soup.”

“So, I had tomato soup.”

They regarded each other from across the room.

“I have some clean sheets and towels for you, too. I’ll leave them here, OK?”

“Great. Thanks for stopping by.” She gave him that fake smile.

Rob knew that he should go now, but he was having a hard time leaving Tammy like this. He’d seen photos of her on Julie’s desk and around her house long before Tammy had come to the ranch, and Rob had always thought that Tammy was the most drop-dead gorgeous woman he’d ever seen.

Her humor and love for life had leapt out at him from the picture frames, her smile vibrant and sassy and genuine. She had struck Rob as fearless and fun and amazing. The way that Julie talked about her just confirmed this: even when she wasn’t around, Tammy managed to make Julie loosen up and laugh. Just
talking
about Tammy changed Julie – that’s how strong her positive energy was. She was irresistible and outrageous and everything that Rob wasn’t, with his suits and safe job and predictable life of routine and calm.

The woman facing him now was flat and gray. Rob understood why, he really did. But the gap between the woman in Julie’s pictures and the woman in the living room was vast. It hurt Rob to see her like this; he couldn’t imagine what it must be doing to Julie.

“Tammy. Can I stay for a while? Have a coffee and talk to you?”

She looked startled. “What? Why?”

“Maybe you’d like some company? You’ve been closed up in here for a week.”

“I like it in here.”

“I’m sure you do… but maybe I can hang out for a little bit? Make some coffee and some sandwiches?”

“I’m sure you have work to do, Rob. You don’t need to babysit me. I’m fine.”

That word again,
fine
. Every single time he and anyone else had talked to her over the past two weeks, she was always ‘fine’. He looked her up and down and thought that she was about as far away from ‘fine’ as it was possible to be.

“OK, here’s the deal. I make you some food and you eat it. Once you do, I go.” His eyes were not letting go of hers. “I promise.”

She looked unnerved and backed up a few steps. “I don’t think – I’m not sure – I mean, I don’t really know you –”

“Tammy,” he said gently. “I’m not going to hurt you, I swear. I’m not going to touch you, or even sit near you. You tell me where you want me, and that’s where I’ll be. OK?”

That stopped her. She looked at him, her lovely face confused, her eyes still full of suspicion. “Really?”

“Really.” He turned from her now and started looking through the shelves for coffee. “I’ll make the coffee now. You want Cinnamon or Belgian Chocolate?”

She actually thought about it. “Umm. The chocolate.”

“OK.” He started to measure and pour. “Hey, you want to open that blind a bit? I can’t see much in here.”

Tammy walked over to the large window in the living room and tugged the blind up. She blinked and grimaced. Wow, that glare off the snow was bright.

She turned back to look at Rob again. He was bustling around the cute little kitchen, cutting the fresh bread he brought, adding some meat and cheese and a pickle on the side. The smell of coffee wafted through the air and Tammy became aware of how it smelled in the cabin: musty and stale. Her nose wrinkled and she opened the smallest window a bit. Rob turned around when he felt the cold breeze.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he said. “Get some fresh air in here.”

Tammy stood by the window, her back to the astounding view, and watched Rob. She hadn’t noticed quite how gold his hair was –
well, it would take a bit of sun to make that show up, dimwit
– and how clear blue his eyes were. He was tall and broad and strong. He was handsome and had very white teeth and did good deeds for the housebound. He was, in effect, Captain America. Tammy stifled the sudden urge to giggle. Captain America in her kitchen, making coffee!

Rob turned and caught the look on her face: for a few seconds there, she actually looked a bit like the Tammy in the pictures. He examined her now, feeling anger rising in him. The faded bruises stood out far more clearly in the light, and he could only imagine how badly she must have been hurt for them to still be visible four weeks later. Julie had told him that she hadn’t even recognized Tammy under all the swelling and damage when she first saw her in the hospital; Rob totally believed it.

“OK, coffee’s ready.” He found two mugs. “What do you take in yours?”

“Milk and sugar, please.”

“OK.” He brought the cup over to her and set it on the low table. “You clear up this stuff and I’ll bring the sandwiches and a bowl of fruit. Maybe some water, too.”

Tammy moved the pillow to the chair and folded the blanket, shut the window again. Rob came to the sofa now, and she took an automatic step back. He pretended not to notice.

“There you go. You eat this, and I’ll make some more if you want.”

“Thanks.” She sat and reached for a sandwich. She saw that her hand was shaking and quickly pulled it back, tucked it in to the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

Rob saw it too. He sat down in the second armchair and picked up the sandwich she had been reaching for. He put it on a plate and set it down in front of her. “Here you go. Eat, Tammy.”

“OK.”

And she actually did. She ate the sandwich, then another, then another. She drank her coffee. She ate an apple for dessert and had a few glasses of water.

The whole time, Rob sat in the armchair across from her, sipping his coffee with milk and looking out the window. He didn’t talk, and didn’t expect her to, either. When she finished eating, he stood up silently and cleared the table. He washed the dishes and left them in the draining board. He wiped down the counters, and folded the cloth neatly.

Tammy sat on the sofa watching him. It felt surreal to her, this guy just showing up to make her coffee and lunch, then tidying up on his way out. She was starting to feel sleepy again, and she blinked hard.

He turned around now. In his hand he had a vase of flowers: yellow and red and white. She stared at them, puzzled. He brought the vase to the table, set it in front of her.

“For you,” he said. “Take care, Tammy.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

And he was gone. Tammy was left sitting on the sofa in a patch of brilliant sunlight, inhaling the rich chocolate aroma of the coffee and staring at the flowers.

In that moment, something shifted in her. For the first time in four weeks, she felt a small spark of something familiar. She realized it was joy.

Chapter Two

“She did?
Three
sandwiches? Right in front of you, so you’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” Julie contemplated that for a minute. “And you didn’t have to force them down her throat?”

“Nope. She just ate them. Well, I mean – after I told her I wouldn’t leave until she ate something.”

Julie grinned at him. “Good job.”

They both looked up as Jake came in to the Big House, bringing a gust of freezing wind with him. He glanced at them, taking in Rob quickly, before his gray eyes focused on Julie, seeing nothing at all in the room except her for a few seconds.

It was amazing, Rob thought, how Jake and Julie could be all alone when other people were present. He looked at them look at each other and felt his usual pull of wanting what they had.

Jake took off his coat and boots. “Hey, Rob.”

“Hey.”

“How was the trip down to Colorado Springs?” he asked Julie.

“Not bad. I found a few things, but I need to negotiate on the price. What they’re asking for bathroom tiles is pretty crazy. You’d think the damn things were made of gold.”

Jake walked over to Julie, gave her a kiss. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. He smelled of hard work and crisp air and leather. “How are things at the stables?”

Jake sat down on the sofa next to her, shrugged. “OK. Nothing going on, really. We’re taking the horses out to exercise every day, and everything’s under control.” He looked at Rob. “Everything OK here? Am I interrupting a meeting? I can go and start dinner, if you want to talk.”

“Actually, Rob was just telling me that he got Tammy to eat some lunch today.”

Jake leaned back, his blue t-shirt pulled tight against the muscles of his broad chest. “Yeah? How’d you manage that?”

“I’m still not totally sure.” Rob pulled at his tie. “Listen, Julie… I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t try again tomorrow. Go back, make some food, stay put until she eats.”

“Really? You’d do that?”

“Sure. If you don’t mind, I mean.”

“Why would I mind?” Julie said.

This was the part that Rob had been trying to figure out how to bring up all afternoon. “Well, you’re her best friend. And I know that you’ve been going there every day, and she hasn’t been very – uh – very cooperative with you. I was just worried that maybe you’d be a little bit – um – maybe upset?”

Julie’s brow was wrinkled in confusion. “Upset? That you’d drop by and see Tammy?”

“No,” Jake said quietly, seeing exactly what Rob was trying to get at. “Upset that he can get Tammy to eat when you can’t. Maybe she’ll open up to him in a way that she won’t for you. He’s afraid that may hurt you.”

Julie was silent.

“It’s just that, sometimes when people have been badly hurt, they can’t talk to the people they’re closest to at first,” Rob said. “Tammy knows you love her, Julie, and she needs that unconditional love and support from you, but she also needs something else.”

“What? What does she need?”

“She needs someone who can shake her up a bit,” Rob said.

“What do you mean?” Julie looked alarmed. “This isn’t about tough love here, Rob. She’s not strong enough to take that kind of thing.”

“I know. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about someone who she isn’t totally sure about, someone who can maybe force her out of the box that she’s closed herself inside.”

Julie’s face was very pale. Jake noticed and put his arm around her. “Julie?”

“I’m fine, I’m OK.”

“I’m sorry, Julie. I really didn’t mean to upset you…”

“You didn’t, Rob. I think you’re right.” She looked at her hands. “Tammy is like my sister, I’ve known her since we were ten years old. We’ve been through hell together, but something about this is different for her. This time, I can’t seem to get her to tell me anything. I don’t know why. But maybe you can shake her out of this – this zombie state that she’s trapped in.”

“Julie, I’m not going to hurt her, or bully her, or scare her.”

“I know,” she said. “You’re not even capable of acting that way.”

Jake touched the back of Julie’s neck. “So, what do you think, baby?”

“OK,” Julie said. “You spend some time with her, see if maybe she’ll open up to you a bit. I’ll trust you.”

“OK.”

“Just – please be gentle with her.”

“I will. I promise.”

**
The next day, Tammy was on the sofa, staring at the floor. She was thinking about maybe getting up and making some tea, but the kitchen seemed very far away.

There was a knock at the door and she jumped. She hadn’t heard any footsteps approaching; did that mean that someone had shovelled the area around the cabin?

“Who is it?” she called from the sofa.

“It’s Rob.”

Rob?
Tammy blinked in the direction of the voice. “Umm. OK. I’ll be there in a minute.”

She got to her feet, feeling a bit unsteady, and went to the door. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw that she appeared to be wearing a fright wig: her black hair was sticking up everywhere and looked terrible.
When did I last shower? Three days ago?
She saw a hair tie on the floor and bent down to retrieve it. She pulled her hair up and back and checked the mirror again. OK, that was a bit better. Nothing to be done about her pallor and circles under her eyes and the bruises. She’d just have to tough it out.

She opened the door and screwed up her eyes against the sun and sky and snow. “Hi.”

Rob stared down at her, taking her in. She looked awake, at least. “Hi.”

“Are you bringing me some more groceries? ‘Cause I still have lots from yesterday.”

“Nope.” He produced a brown paper bag. “I have lunch.”

“You what?”

“I have lunch, courtesy of Manny.”

“Oh, Rob. Thank you, but I’m not hungry. And I have lots here.”

“Let me at least bring it in for you, OK? I’ll plate it up, and maybe leave it on the counter to cool a bit.”

Tammy looked at him, a bit exasperated.
God, does this guy really not understand the meaning of the word ‘no’?

“It’s freezing out here, Tammy. Let me in just for a minute. OK?”

“OK, OK.” She swung the door open and Rob came in.

He handed her the bag. “Take that for a sec.” He bent down and untied his boot laces, then hung up his coat. He took off his tie and undid his top button with a sigh of relief. He took the bag back from her. “Thanks.”

She trailed behind him as he went to the kitchen. “So, what did Manny make, anyway?”

“Pasta.” Rob found a plate and put it on the counter. “With chicken and sundried tomatoes and a bit of basil.”

“Yeah?” That sounded pretty good, actually.

“Yeah. It’s excellent.” Rob found a large serving spoon and fork and started to transfer the food from the container to the plate.

Tammy stood and watched him. He had rolled up the sleeves on his crisp, white dress shirt and she saw golden hairs glinting on his muscular forearms. She saw some gold curls peeking through the top of the shirt, and she suddenly found herself wondering if he had golden hair all down his chest.

Rob looked up at her, caught her eye. “So what do you think? You want to try a bit?”

She blushed, thankful that he couldn’t tell what she’d just been thinking. “Yeah, OK.”

He nodded and handed her the plate. “I’ll get you a glass of water. Go sit.”

She went over to the dining room table and sat down. Huh. This was the first time she’d actually used this table. She looked down at the plate in front of her, and was surprised at how damn good it looked. She picked up the fork and dove in, feeling truly hungry for the first time in weeks.

Rob watched her from the kitchen. She looked terrible, still. He was sure that she was barely sleeping, not showering. He remembered Christine in the weeks after her attack and he winced. She’d been terrified to close her eyes, scared of being naked in the shower. Both things had made her feel incredibly vulnerable, and she just couldn’t get past it. Not until Rob had shown her that she could be vulnerable but still safe.

Tammy looked over at him. “Hey, are you having some too?”

“Sure. I’ll join you.” He spooned up a bit, and walked over to the table. He sat across from her. “How is it?”

“Great.” She had scarfed down about half of it already, she was shocked to see.

Rob poured her a glass of water from the carafe and set it in front of her.

“Thanks,” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

They gazed at each other for a second, and Rob noticed for the first time the unique color of her eyes: a startling light purple. In the pictures he’d seen of her, they looked blue. The violet looked gorgeous against that creamy skin and contrasted with all that black hair. The bruises on her cheeks and chin were almost the exact same color, but the ones around her eyes were a light green. He felt anger rising in his chest again, remembering what Christine had looked like after that asshole had finished beating her in that parking garage.

He looked down first, focusing on his plate of food. He had no appetite now, but he forced himself to take a bite. He sensed her still looking at him and he kept his eyes down, not wanting to spook her.

Tammy was watching him eat, wondering why she was noticing things about Rob today. His forearms, his chest, his hands. He suddenly looked much less like some generic Boy Scout on a good deed and much more like a strong man, a man with an edge.

“Rob?”

“Yeah?” He glanced at her.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What? Eating lunch?”

“No. You know what I mean.”

He was silent. His reasons and motivations were both muddy and crystal-clear, his personal interest in her all mixed up with a genuine desire to help someone in trouble. So he told her the truth, but not all of it. “Because ten years ago, my younger sister was attacked and I remember what she went through. I just want to be here for you, if I can.”

Tammy stared at him. She hadn’t been expecting
that
as an answer. “What – what happened to your sister?”

Rob leaned back a bit in his chair. It pained him to talk about this; he hated even
thinking
about it. But if he wanted Tammy to open up and talk to him and Julie about what had happened to her, he’d have to show her that talking wouldn’t kill her, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

“My sister’s name is Christine. She lived in Denver, and she was twenty-two years old and she worked as a receptionist in an office building downtown. She left work this one day and was attacked as she walked through the parking garage to her car. The guy – he didn’t know her. He had just come in off the street and hid out, waiting for a woman to walk by.”

Tammy swallowed hard. An image of a man hiding behind a restaurant dumpster in an alley came to her out of nowhere.

“He snuck up behind her when she was unlocking her car. She never saw him coming. He smashed her head on the roof of her car and pulled her down on to the ground. He – he kept her face-down the whole time.”

“Wait,” Tammy said. “You mean – she was – that he –”

“Yes. He raped her.”

“Oh, God,” Tammy whispered. “Oh, Rob. I am so, so sorry.”

“After the rape, he beat her within an inch of her life. He only stopped when someone else came in to the garage and started walking towards them. He jumped up and ran. I’m absolutely convinced that if that other man hadn’t come along when he did, Christine would have been beaten to death right there.”

The man hiding behind the dumpster had a knit hat. A green hat. Tammy got to her feet. “Stop.”

Rob stood up too. “Tammy?”

She turned away from him, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

“Tammy, are you OK?”

She went over to the sofa and sat down. She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself. She started rocking back and forth, trying to catch her breath.

Rob knelt down in front of her, not touching her. “What do you need me to do?”

“Go. Just go. Please.”

“No. I’m not going to do that.”

“Just
go
, Rob, OK?” It was getting harder to talk.

“No. I’m staying right here with you.”

She felt hysteria rising as she realized that he really meant it – he wasn’t going to leave. He was actually going to see her like this, and there was nothing she could do about it. Her breath was coming faster now, her body shaking wildly.

“Tammy, listen. You’re having a panic attack.”

She closed her eyes.

“I’m not going to touch you. But you have to calm yourself down. You have to slow down your breathing.”

She opened her eyes again. “I can’t!”

“You can.” He moved closer. “You just need to focus, OK?”

She shook her head.

“Listen to me. Just listen. I want you to pick one thing in this room, OK? One thing to look at, to focus on. Can you do that?”

She looked up at him.

“Trust me, Tammy. Find one thing and look at nothing but that.”

She looked at the table in front of her, saw the vase of flowers that he’d brought her the day before. She focused on the largest one, a bright red dahlia. She nodded.

“OK. Now look at it, and try to take a deep breath. Don’t let yourself breathe out until you breathe in for three seconds.”

Her fingers gripped her elbows. He saw her knuckles were white as she dug her nails in to her own arms, shaking from the effort of trying to breathe.

“That’s good, Tammy. Do it again. Breathe in for three.”

She closed her eyes.

“No. Don’t take your eyes off the point of focus, Tammy. Open your eyes.”

She did, looked at the flower again. Breathed in for three, her breath caught, and she pulled in some more air.

“That’s better. Again.”

She felt her lungs opening a bit now, her chest expanding. She took a breath, held it, breathed in again. The short, sharp exhalations were easier to control now. She stared at the dahlia and breathed in and breathed out, her mouth dry, her head starting to spin.

“OK. I’m going to touch you now.”

She jumped back.

“I’m just going to uncross your arms. OK? You’ll find it easier if your body is open. I’m going to touch your arms. That’s it. I promise.”