Open Minds (9 page)

Latin flew past, which meant English with Raf was next. The class was half full, with no Raf, which gave me a disturbing sense of relief. I took an empty seat between two students, leaving no room for him.

A moment later Raf appeared at the door and paused to say goodbye to someone. The set of Raf’s shoulders told me he was already mad, but his jaw clenched when he saw I hadn’t saved him a seat. He passed by without a word and sat near the back of the class.

I rubbed my face and stared ahead at Mr. Chance. His ineptitude with the mini-mic caused an annoying crackle in my ear. I crept into his mind, slow and gentle. I didn’t want to jack him accidentally, so I lingered at the edge, listening to the ear bud play a halting echo of his thoughts. I took it out, shoved it into my pocket, and focused on my essay about Hester’s thoughts on the scaffold. At the end of class, I was packing my stuff and didn’t notice Raf until he stepped into my view with the oversized sneakers that were fashionable for Portuguese Soccer Gods.

Emotions warred across his face. “Why aren’t you wearing your hearing aid?” he asked. Raf was dangerously observant. Had he seen me take notes without the aid?

I stood and fished the tiny bud out of my pocket to show him. “The battery died.” I wondered how many lies I would have to tell today. And every day.

“Oh.” His face brightened. “Well, you can copy my notes during free period.”

I didn’t need the notes, but now I had to pretend that I did. “Um, that’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”

“At least meet me for lunch. I only want to talk.”

Lunch?
I was supposed to meet Simon for lunch. “I, um, was going to go for a run at lunch.”

“Kira.” He said my name like he was scolding me. “You can’t keep avoiding me.”

I recognized his Stubborn Portuguese voice, and I felt the same tug as I had with my mom. I longed to tell Raf everything, spill all my secrets. Let him help me figure this crazy thing out before it got any worse.

“Okay. I’ll see you at lunch.”

How I would manage this, I had no idea. Maybe I could catch Simon and change our plans. I shuffled out of English and glimpsed Simon at the far end of the hall, hanging out with two boys and the blond girl from yesterday. As I approached, he studiously ignored me.

An argument raged in my head. If I jacked into his
friends’
heads, he couldn’t pretend that I didn’t exist. But there were three of them, and I’d have to jack all of them at once. I stared at Simon. The weight of my zero status hung on me as he refused to look my way.

I spun and stalked off the other direction.

The morning flew by on anxiety-hyped wings. I lingered at the edge of the cafeteria, scanning the room and hoping to flag down Simon before Raf found me. Simon was missing in action, but Raf waved from his seat in the middle of the cafeteria. I would have to explain to Simon later why I ditched him, but he wouldn’t want to be seen with me in the lunch room anyway.

The wide circular lunch table seated ten, with chairs still sticky from last period’s lunch. Two students on the opposite side pretended not to watch as I slid into the seat next to Raf. I did a final check of the cafeteria for Simon and wondered what I could possibly say to Raf that would make any sense.
Guess what, Raf? I can control minds!

My fingers drummed the table top. Maybe I should let him go first. “You wanted to talk?” His tortured face only made me jumpier. “What?”

He gripped his knees. “Kira, I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” I said. “Sorry for what?”

He dropped his voice so it wouldn’t carry over the quiet rustlings of the cafeteria. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you in the chem lab. I thought that maybe… well, I couldn’t tell. I guess you didn’t want me to.” He was biting his lip and his pain was tearing into my heart.

“Raf, it’s not that I didn’t…” His ink-pool eyes filled with hope. I traced the non-slip pattern on the table. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to…” This was impossible to say. He leaned closer, so I rushed to get the words out. “If things were different, I mean.”

“Different?” He tipped back, his dark eyebrows knitting a frown. “Different how?”

I looked away from Raf, and caught sight of Simon leaning against the Blue Devil mascot painted on the far wall of the cafeteria. His crossed arms and angry stare brought back his icy words.
You’re not the only one with a secret.

All thoughts of telling Raf the truth flew away like birds scattering before an approaching cat. What would Simon do? I couldn’t chance finding out. I fisted my hand on the table and then flattened it, debating which lie to tell Raf. The one where I was a zero? Or the one where I read minds? The truth wasn’t an option, and the lies were all I had. I looked Raf in the eyes and told him the only truth I could. “If
I
was different, Raf.”

His nose wrinkled in disgust. “Is that what this is all about? Because you haven’t changed? I don’t
care
about that, Kira!”

His incredulous tone attracted the attention of students two tables away, and his thoughts must have been rippling through their minds as well. I kept my voice quiet, but I couldn’t help being harsh. “Well you should! I’m not like you.” His mouth hung open. I balled my fists and was tempted to pummel the truth into him. Because that
was
the truth and he had to know it, as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise. Instead, I ground my hands into the tops of my legs. “You’re going to go to college and meet the future Mrs. Lobos Santos and live happily ever after. And I’m not. I’m not normal like you. I’m never going to be.” The bare truth of that burned a hole through my chest and tears stung my eyes.

I tried to blink them back. Simon now stood at attention, his hands clenched at his side. Panic climbed up my back.

“You could still change, Kira,” Raf was saying. “And it doesn’t matter anyway!” A sudden urge to move gripped me. Before Simon could do something worse than glare at us, I had to get away from Raf. I rose so quickly, I stumbled across the chair.

Raf got up to stop me from leaving. He moved close, hovering over me, as if he could impress me with his height or sincerity, but all I saw were the puppet strings that Simon could cut in an instant.

Raf’s voice trembled. “You’re my best friend, Kira.”

I edged away from him. “You’ve always been my best friend, Raf.” Fear made my voice sharp. “But that’s all we can be.” The broken look on Raf’s face was more than I could stand.

I left him standing in the middle of the cafeteria.

chapter FOURTEEN

I tore through the cafeteria door and blindly stumbled down the hallway.

I tried not run past the few loitering students, but my legs were so strung with tension I could have sprinted all the way home without stopping. I turned a corner, but Simon caught up to me. A sudden tug at my elbow spun me to face him.

“Well.” The glare still chiseled his features. “I understand things a little better now.”

“Understand what?” I jutted my chin out and refused to be intimidated.

“Why you’re so afraid to jack into your boyfriend’s head.”

My stomach did backflips. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Not for lack of trying.” His words were biting, his smile cruel. “But you almost killed him when you jacked him. Didn’t you?”

A tremble ran up my arms.
How did he know?
“You were in Raf’s head.” The accusation hung between us like a poisoned dagger.

“Of course.” He didn’t quite sneer, but it felt like a slap anyway.

I stifled my anger.
He was in Raf’s head. From across the cafeteria.
No one read minds that far. “You didn’t… did you jack him?” My mind rewound over Raf’s words. It didn’t make sense for Simon to force Raf to say those things.

“No.” Simon’s dark look was back. “I was waiting for
you
to do it.”

My shoulders sagged and the fight drained out of me. “I couldn’t.”

The hardness on his face dissolved, and he heaved a heavy sigh. “You’re not
like
him, Kira. You’re never going to be like him. We’re
different
. Eventually you’ll have to jack into his head and control him like everyone else. That’s who we are.”

I clamped my eyes shut. What good were crazy mind powers when they forced me to control or lie to the people I loved?

Simon touched my cheek. “I know it’s tough,” he said. “But you need to accept it.” His fingers were warm under my chin. “You’re a mindjacker and that’s not going to change. Jacking is what you’re meant to do.”

I drew in a deep breath. I could feel the rightness of Simon’s words, even if it twisted my insides. All those years of wishing hadn’t changed me into a reader. And Raf would never change into a jacker either. We were stuck with who we were.

Students trickled out of the cafeteria and headed for class. They had normal lives and bright futures like Raf. Simple problems like who to date and how to pass their classes.

I will never be like them.
My breath leaked out as I contemplated jacking all of them. Every day.

Simon glanced down the hall. “It’s time for class. Promise me you’ll try. With
everyone
.”

I hesitated. The last time in math class hadn’t exactly ended well. “What about Taylor?”

“If she starts thinking trash about you again, I’ll knock her out myself.”

I gave a short laugh. “All right. I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl.” He beamed a smile that seemed to lift me. We walked to class, and Simon lingered close this time. We took seats in the back of class, and I knew what he expected.

Mr. Barkley stood at the board in his starched, white shirt. I crept into his mind, just enough to hear his thoughts.
Linking in
, was what Simon had called it. Mr. Barkley’s mind-scent was like crisp apples on a fall day, and his whispering voice in my ear bud spoke a perfect echo of his thoughts.

I always knew he was treating me right.

I wasn’t sure what to do next.
You can hear my thoughts
, I told him.
I’m saying hello
. I made the command soft, closer to a suggestion. Mr. Barkley gazed across the rows of chairs and searched for my face. When he found it, I smiled.
Good afternoon, Mr. Barkley
.

His eyes flew wide and he almost spoke aloud. Then a smile lit his face and filled his thoughts.
Good afternoon, Ms. Moore.
He continued the lesson without the whispering commentary. I slipped the hearing aid out and stuffed it in my pocket.

I had more important things to do today than review tangents. I slowly linked into every mind in the class, first the ones nearby, then the rest, but still avoiding Taylor. I linked a mild echo of Mr. Barkley, so that each student believed they heard my thoughts. No longer a mental blank spot, I was part of the chorus of background voices that filled the classroom with mental noise.

It became clear why the silence that made my skin itch was so essential. The cacophony of voices was almost too much to bear. Any audible sound would have been a cymbal crashing on top of the discordant symphony reverberating in my head. How much had I missed, how much life had passed me by while I was an unknowing zero?

I garnered a few brief stares. A thought wave rippled through the class, pulsing my name as everyone became aware that I had changed.
They think I’m a reader.
A rush thrilled my body, a high that made me float in my seat.

I had become visible.

Simon smiled his approval, but then tipped his head toward Taylor. She peered around the other students to find the source of the chatter. I drew in a deep breath and linked into her mind. She thought I was some strange enigma. If she only had any idea. I nudged her mind to let her hear the whisper of my mind’s presence.

I thought you were…
she thought.

I changed.

Thoughts of Raf and me flitted through her brain. Then she started mentally humming a song. This earned her frowns and irritated thoughts from her neighbors, who were closer to her and heard it louder. I shot a quizzical look at Simon.

He whispered, “She can’t keep you out if you jack all the way in.”

I had no desire to go deeper into Taylor’s mind. I shook my head, and he just shrugged.

Mr. Barkley finally noticed Taylor’s humming. Without turning around, he had a thought that riveted the class.
Is there a problem, Ms. Sampson?

She immediately stopped the noise.
No, sir.

Mr. Barkley’s lecture echoed in every mind, but stray thoughts flitted by as well. Random ideas about lunch or homework, and a surprising number of fantasies like Taylor’s, starring the thinker’s most recent crush. Everyone’s thoughts were open to me, with the exception of Simon. His linked thoughts echoed in the other minds, but they were simple repeats of Mr. Barkley.

The mind-scents of the class blended like a wild country potpourri.

I spent the rest of class pretending to take notes, while trying to juggle a classroom full of minds. When the bell finally rang, my body ached from the tension of maintaining the illusion that I was a reader. I stretched out the kinks as we gathered our backpacks.