Opposite Sides (52 page)

“
England
should not have declared war on us. We were attacked!”

“
By whom?” A
look of shock flashed across her face. She was genuinely taken
aback by what he had just insinuated.

“
Poland.
Polish forces attacked East Prussia.”

“
How do you
know that?” She sounded shaken and breathless.

“
Dr Goebbles.
When we tried to defend our borders, your government declared war.
I even heard your declaration on the wireless!”

“
You
attacked?” The indignity in her voice was strong. “Get your facts
correct. Your leader ordered your troops to advance into Polish
territory. You attacked first! Come on, Hans, you would have known!
Your lot smashed your way through Poland destroying everything in
your path. You set out to destroy the place!”

His ears were closed.
Anger had made him deaf to her words. He did not like it that Jan
was so forceful. It was too much like the battles they had
before.

“
The strategy
of warfare is for men!” He retorted, spitting the words out in
defiance. “Men are the generals and commanders. Keep out of things
you don’t understand!”

He had expected the old
Jan to rise against him again. Instead, she moved a step further
away and this time looked mournfully him like a plaintive
pup.

“
Oh, Hans,
how you’ve been fooled. Propaganda. You said we should not believe
everything we hear. Oh dear, I fear you have been taken in by
deceit and lies.”

He had not thought of it
like that. He knew the official versions that came daily in the
broadcasts were a stretch of the truth but the papers that arrived
on his desk from the Abwehr, pointing out the failings of those on
the opposite side, he had considered to be much closer to the
truth. He had thought of his superiors as being honourable men who
were more loyal to their country than to the leader and men like
Ott. As the seed of doubt entered his mind, he was angry with
himself and ultimately with what Jan had just pointed
out.

“
Why did you
have to come into a war zone, Jan? You should have stayed in
England! Stayed with your aunt and with Andrea!”

“
Wait a
minute, Hans. I was sent, like you. And, secondly, you were the one
who left your daughter. Without me and aunt, she would be in an
institution. I think more of her than you do, and she’s not even my
child.” The eyes behind the glasses blazed. The muscles around her
mouth were taut. “I would hate to see the child brainwashed and
turned in to a little Nazi, like you. Thank goodness she is still
in England!”

He was going to say
something but the warnings of men like Pfinger made him change his
mind. If anything did get back to the top brass, Hans knew his life
would not be worth living.

Jan was also at the point
of losing control of herself. In her emotional turmoil, all that
she had endured came gushing to the surface, overwhelming every
sensible response in her mind and body.

You should
have stayed back in England!
His words
played with her mind.

“
Do you
really think I didn’t want to stay?” Tears began to well up in her
eyes. “Aunt and I love Andrea. Aunt’s like a grandmother to
her.”

“
Neither of
you can replace Caroline,” he said dryly.

“
By law we
can,” she retorted.

His eyes narrowed as a
nagging doubt as to his connection with Andrea surfaced.

“
What do you
mean by that?” His eyes narrowed as he waited for her to
retaliate.

“
Andrea
Grace. Oh, work it out, Hans. You could never have legal custody of
her. Not now, not ever. The authorities would never allow
it.”

He reeled back from the
realisation of what Jan was trying to tell him. It had become a tug
of war for possession and he was angry that Jan seemed to have
won.

“
What? How
could you!”

“
Andrea
Grace, Janine Grace . . . the authorities think there may be
something in that.”

“
The Grace
family did not even recognise Andrea as their granddaughter. They
did not want anything to do with her. And her mother was their own
daughter!”

“
It is your
fault the authorities regard Andrea as an orphan. Can’t you see
that?” In an automatic gesture, she pushed her glasses hard against
the bridge of her nose. She was frustrated and angry at the same
time.

“
What could I
have done?”

“
You should
have married Caroline before Andrea was born, that’s
what.”

“
I did what I
could. I sent you money for her. Doesn’t that count?”

“
You still
should have stayed and looked after her. In England.”

“
And you
should have stayed in England and done your nursing there. You have
no right being here. None what so ever!”

Jan’s nostrils flared and
her eyes flashed like incendiaries. She pushed her glasses firmly
backwards and he knew he had now pushed her over the brink. She
shook her brown hair free from her nursing cap which fell on the
floor, and at the same time, her cheeks glowed with flames of anger
she now felt.

“
Maybe, this
will show you what I think of your treatment of your daughter, Hans
Resmel!”

The flat of her hand
slapped his cheek, leaving a red blotch on its surface. He was too
astonished to react. Never, in his entire life, had he been treated
like this, not even by Jan when they were younger. But they were
not children now: he was an officer and she his prisoner. To have
struck any officer, a German officer, was one of the most serious
of offences and carried one of the worst kinds of punishment. Such
prisoners usually disappeared very quickly and even the most
inquisitive of war correspondents could not uncover their
whereabouts. Jan Turner was poised over a very dangerous
precipice.

Hauptmann Resmel quickly
regained his composure. He reached behind him for his cap and
carefully put it on. He straightened the front of his uniform and
slowly drew in a deep breath to control his nerves. He said
nothing. He did nothing other than stare at her. He just stood and
stared.

Slowly the realisation of
what she had done got the better of her and Jan slumped down on to
the chair. She cradled her head in her hands as a flood of tears
fell unheeded onto her lap. Hans had never seen Jan so emotionally
broken up. Her vulnerability shook him up.

“
I think we’d
both better forget that outburst of yours,” Hans said quietly. He
touched her on her shoulder, aware of her shaking body vibrating
beneath his hand.

“
I . . . I
don’t know what came over me. I’ve never done that before. I
thought I was over everything . . . it was just seeing you . . .
and all that about Andrea . . . and . . . ”

She sobbed bitterly into
the palms of her hands. Her tears tricked between her fingers and
made her nursing apron wet. He had never in his life seen Jan
Turner so upset.

She raised her face and
he could see that her tears had made her cheeks and the top of her
uniform wet. She wiped her hands several times down each side of
her uniform skirt before she was able to regain any
composure.

Hans waited patiently.
His body had relaxed again. He had learnt to be patient when one of
the new recruits broke down under the frightful burst of eneny
fire. Slowly, he walked to the door and stood with his hand on the
handle.

“
It is best
that you leave, Jan. Go. Forget it ever happened.”

She could not believe it.
He had shown her no real animosity and had just indicated that what
had passed between them, would remain between them. Until tomorrow,
perhaps. But eight days passed before she was called back to his
office.

“
New orders
have come through. Tomorrow, I leave for Germany. You see, we are
both pawns. We do what our masters demand and we have no
choice.”

There was no anger in his
voice, nor displeasure in his face. He spoke his words with care,
looking at her most intently. His change of manner totally
surprised her. She stood by the doorway, her body bent over with
despair.

“
I suppose we
do.”

“
Jan, we
cannot keep having these outbursts with each other.” He reached out
and placed an arm around her shoulders. “The world may be at war
but you are no enemy of mine. We’ve known each other too long for
any real animosity to come between us. After all, you said there
was Andrea. I realise the child means a lot to you. She means a lot
to both of us and we both want her to be safe and I am pleased that
you’ve taken an interest in her.” Jan remained quiet. She wanted to
hear what he had to say, for perhaps his words would give her some
indication of hope. He continued, “What happened the other day will
never go outside these walls. Your outburst never happened. I’d
like it to stay that way.”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t
know what came over me. Something just snapped. Like the old days.
I thought I had got over all that. I was angry with you . . . and
myself. Maybe it was the shock of meeting like this or because of
this blasted war. I didn’t ask for this to happen. I guess you
didn’t, either. But both of us have been thrown into this conflict.
Oh dear,Hans, I don’t want us to be like that photo on my aunt’s
wall.”

“
Ach,
ja
. I’d forgotten that photo.” He smiled
at the recollection. It seemed detached from him for it was taken
in another world, and yet . . . . He expressed his thoughts out
loud as he remembered. “Each one on the opposite side. Neither
surviving to see the end. I hope that will not be the same for
us.”

“
Do you have
to go?”

“
No choice.
Duty must prevail! We all have to follow the rules!” He spat the
words out with contempt. Jan moved a step closer towards him and he
could feel the warmth of her body through his tunic.

“
I hope aunt
doesn’t hear those words. They have quite a frightening meaning
today. I am resolved to live through this, Hans.” She put her hand
deep into her skirt pocket and pulled out a photograph. It was of a
child, happy and laughing. About ten years old. “Here, take this,”
she continued handing it to him. “Hold on to Andrea. She’s the only
link we have with each other now. I’d rather like to think of us as
. . . ”

“
Friends?” He
suggested.

Jan hesitated for a
minute or so. She had wanted to say that they were more than just
friends but in the present conditions, she was prepared to accept
that as being so.

She nodded and he tucked
the photo into his identity card and put it back in his top pocket.
Then, he took her hand in his and raised it to his lips. “We can
still be friends, even now, Nurse Janine Grace Turner.” He smiled
warmly at her and she felt that old tingling feeling rekindle her
fervour for him. “You know, until now I never knew your middle name
before,” he laughed.

“
My mother’s
maiden name.”

“
Like
Caroline’s?”

“
Yes, like
Caroline’s.”

“
We can
certainly never be enemies, then!” His words were earnest, yet
firm. He thought of the short time he had had with Caroline. He had
loved her so much. And then as his mind wound back the years, a
sudden revelation took hold. It was that look again, that hint of
something he had been unable to grasp. Now it was staring him in
the face. It was the Grace look, the same way Caroline had looked
at him and now he could see it in Jan. It came as a cruel
connection, for now he was able to recognise it, a most terrible
war was tearing them apart and there was nothing they could do to
prevent it from happening. He took Jan by the hand and squeezed it
emotionally. “For a few minutes, let us forget the war.”

When he finally released
her hand, she let it drop limply by her side. She smiled, a warm
soothing smile and he felt the pleasure of a deep friendship bind
them together.

“
Now Second
Lieutenant Turner, let us celebrate our friendship, and forget the
war.” His tone was lighter, his manner more genial. He reached into
the cupboard behind his desk. “May I offer you some something to
drink?”

She found she could not
speak; no words would come out of her mouth. His actions had
astonished her; she was completely taken by surprise. He filled two
mugs with wine and they sat side by side: a young English army
nurse and a German officer. Together, they sipped the wine. She had
not tasted anything so good for a long time.

“
Is it French
wine?” she asked.

“
Italian.
It’s flown over when there’s room.”

When he had emptied his
small glass, he got up and walked behind his desk. She heard him
open a drawer and there was the faint rustle of paper. He walked
back round and handed Jan a brown envelope.

“
You may need
to use this. Take great care of it. It’s your ticket for safety, if
you ever find yourself in a difficult situation. I’ve written a
letter . . . written out an order . . . stating that your safety
should not be compromised. If you are to be moved from this camp or
if you have any cause for alarm, just show this to any officer and
you will be well looked after. There are orders and rules. From the
ordinary soldier to the highest officer of the Afrika Korps,
Generalleutnant Rommel himself. Orders are obeyed. To the letter.
This letter. It’s the least I could do.” He laughed at his
pun.