Orchestrated Death (37 page)

‘Playing the dilettante bachelor.’

‘Yes. And it is an act, to an extent. He watches himself doing it, you know, polishes up his performance. Norma’s a bit like
that, too, only her act is being a tough guy. And there are some who drink, or take drugs, and some who just get brutalised.’

‘And then there’s you,’ she suggested.

‘I don’t know really how I coped with it. I think, by believing that it was all worthwhile. But somehow from the beginning
of this case it didn’t work. I minded too much, and I don’t know why, unless maybe it was just the last straw. But then I
met you.’

She became very still, watching his face.

‘You said once that I didn’t see you as part of real life, and I think in a way you were right.’

She heard the words with a sense of foreknowledge and despair. He had asked her here to tell her it was over, too much a gentleman
to do it other than face to face.

‘You were my place to hide,’ he went on. ‘I see it now. I think I half knew it at the time, and it was very wrong of me to
use you like that, but I can only say in my defence that my need was very great. I was right on the edge of a precipice and
you were all I was holding on to.’

She nodded again, unable to speak. She couldn’t believe that he was going to let her go, now that they had found each other
against all the odds; but she knew, and she had always known, that nothing was more likely.

‘I’ve had time to think while I’ve been here. It’s a thing
people hardly ever have, isn’t it? Time on their own to think things out properly. Maybe that’s why people so often get really
basic things wrong. I’ve never really been on my own since I got married.’

He was coming to it now, she thought. She started to smile, and then realised that was inappropriate. He looked at her very
seriously, and it made him look absurdly young, like an earnest sixth-former about to express his conclusion that what was
really wanted was world peace and harmony.

‘But down here I’ve had complete peace and quiet, with just Dad. He’s very restful, you know – not a great talker. I’ve thought
about everything – most of all about you. And I think that in spite of the way things have happened, you’re the only real
thing that’s happened to me in – well, in the whole of my adult life, really.’

He smiled at her, and reached across for her hand, lifting it to his lips and kissing it – the tenderest gesture a lover can
make. She thought it probably wasn’t the time to say much more than that yet, so she got up and went around the table to him
so that they could get their arms round each other, which was what they both needed most just at that moment.

Mr Slider came into the kitchen just when dusk was beginning to make it worthwhile to pull the curtains and switch on the
light, and found Joanna peacefully making tea and boiling eggs while Bill watched the toast. The table was laid and the kitchen
was warm and welcoming.

‘Hullo, Dad. Get anything?’ Bill said over his shoulder.

Mr Slider, who was occupied with pulling off his boots on the mat, only grunted. Joanna looked round and met his unsmiling
gaze from under his eyebrows, but he nodded to her gravely and courteously.

‘Went up to Hampton Wood in the end,’ he said, padding over to the table in stockinged feet and sitting down. ‘Got a couple
of wood pigeons. Make nice eating by the weekend.’ Joanna brought over the teapot, and he offered her the correct, modern
courtesy. ‘Have a good drive down?’

‘Yes, thank you.’

‘Ah. That you burning the toast, Bill?’

‘Sorry, Dad.’

Father and son sat opposite each other, and Joanna sat between them, and looked from one to the other. They were so alike
it made her feel oddly tearful. Mr Slider’s grey, close-cropped hair grew in exactly the same way as Bill’s honey-brown; his
softly aged face and secret mouth must once have looked exactly like those of the man she loved. Most of all, there was in
the lines of the older man’s face, in the way his mouth curved and in the bright regard of his eyes, the look of a man who
has loved another human being completely and successfully, a sweetness that no subsequent loss can eradicate. She liked him,
and felt she would have done even if he had not been Bill’s father.

Bill and Joanna carried the conversation while Mr Slider made his meal with the economical movements of a man who has earned
it. Eventually when they had all finished, Mr Slider pushed back his chair and said, ‘Why don’t you go and lay the fire, Bill?
Joanna and me’ll do the washing up.’

Bill gave a comical grimace and went off obediently, and Joanna began to clear the table with a sinking heart. I’m going to
be warned off again, she thought; and I shall mind what this lovely old man says to me.

‘I’ll wash and you dry,’ Mr Slider said. ‘Don’t want you getting dishpan hands.’

He was a slow and methodical washer, and managed to make the little there was go a long way. After the first few plates he
looked up and saw her expression and gave her an amused and quirky smile.

‘No need to look like that, girl. I’m only his father. I got nothing to do with it.’

‘I don’t think that’s entirely true. Bill values your opinion.’

‘Told you that, did he? Ah, well, we’re a lot alike, Bill and me, except that I’m handsomer. And I’ll tell you something – I
like you.’

‘I like you too.’

‘Well, that’s a start.’ He went on washing. The next time he looked up it was gravely. ‘It’s a bad business, this. Bad for
everyone. There are no winners when a man’s torn between two women, and one of them’s his wife. I was lucky. I loved Bill’s
mother, and I married her, and I never wanted no
other. People talk a lot about why marriages break down, but there’s only one reason – people stop loving each other, or they
never did in the first place. Do you love Bill?’

‘Yes. But I would never -’ She stopped, embarrassed.

‘No, I don’t suppose you would.’ He fished out an egg spoon and rubbed it minutely. ‘Terrible stuff for sticking, egg yolk.
No, you’d never try to make up his mind for him. I never would either. I don’t think you can make other people’s decisions
for them, or you shouldn’t. The trouble with Bill is he’s too sensitive.’ He smiled suddenly, and his eyes seemed very blue.
‘I know all parents say that. But Bill always was a worrier. Conscientious. He always tried to see both sides of everything,
and be fair to everyone, and it gets in his way, see? His conscience runs ahead of his feelings and muddles him up. There,
I think that’s clean. Haven’t got my close-up glasses on, so you’ll have to keep an eye on me.’

She took the spoon and dried it without looking at it. ‘What do you think he’ll do?’ It was foolish to ask, but everyone wants
reassurance from time to time.

‘I don’t know. I wish I could tell you, because, to be honest about it, I like you, and I never liked Irene. She was never
right for him – too sharp and go-ahead and looking at the prices of things. His mother though she’d sharpen him up, but I
said to her, he’s sharp enough in his own way. He sees more than most people, that’s all. I’ll tell you this much -whatever
he does decide, it won’t be easy for him. He’ll take a long time deciding, and it’ll hurt him. It’ll hurt you, too,’ he said,
looking at her appraisingly, ‘but I reckon you can take it. And you wouldn’t want him, would you, if he was the kind of man
that could decide a thing like that easily?’

‘No. I suppose I wouldn’t.’ It wasn’t much comfort.

They worked in silence for a while until Mr Slider said, ‘There, last spoon, and that’s the lot. You’re a good little worker.
And I tell you what.’ She met his eyes and he smiled. ‘I reckon Bill’s got his head screwed on the right way. It may take
a while, but I reckon he’ll get it right in the end. And now I’m going to take my bath. Will you still be here when I get
back?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said, uncertain how long her visit was meant to last.

‘Ah, go on, you don’t want to be rushing off to London when you’ve just got here. Why don’t you stay the night? We’ll have
a bit of supper later, and play a hand of cards. Do you play cribbage?’

‘Yes, but –’

‘That’s all right. I’m past the age of being shocked. You stay and welcome. Fair enough?’

‘Fair enough,’ said Joanna.

She had to leave the next morning, early. She and Slider walked back down the lane together in silence.

‘What’s going to happen to us?’ she asked at last. ‘Have we got a future?’

‘I hope so. I want us to have. Is that what you want?’

‘I thought you knew that by now.’

He frowned. ‘I want to be honest with you. It’s going to be hard for me. I’ve been married a long time – I can hardly imagine
not being married, now. And then there’s the children – most of all, there’s the children. They don’t deserve to be made unhappy.
Well, Irene doesn’t either. It’s not her fault.’

She listened to the hackneyed, deadly words, and all the arguments she might have raised passed unuttered through her mind.
If he could not see them for himself, there was no point in her saying them.

‘But on the other hand, I just don’t think I could bear to go on without you now. You’re too important to me. And if I want
you, I shall have to do something about it, shan’t I?’

She nodded, grateful for a man too honest to suggest he might have it both ways.

‘What I want to ask you, and I know it will be hard for you, is to give me time. It will take me a while to work my way through
this. Can you be patient? I’ve no right to ask you really, but –’

‘I’ll be patient. I’m thirty-six years old, and I’ve never been in love with anyone before. Just be as quick as you can,’
she said.

He stopped and faced her and took her hands between his bandaged ones and could find nothing to say.

Looking down at their joined hands she said, Tell me something?’

‘Anything.’

‘What on earth were you doing, trying to rescue a dead bogus vet from the flames?’

He began very slowly to smile. ‘I never even thought about it. It was a purely instinctive reaction.’

‘You idiot! I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ he said. They resumed their walk towards her car. ‘Did you know they’re promoting me?’ he said a little
further on. ‘Now that Raisbrook isn’t coming back, they’re making me Detective Chief Inspector.’

She looked at him quizzically. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before? You must be pleased. But I thought you said they weren’t very
happy with you?’

‘They aren’t promoting me because they’re happy with me. It’s a kind of consolation prize, because they aren’t going to follow
up the Austen case. No, not even that, less than that – it’s a kind of booby prize. I’ve been a bloody nuisance, so they hand
me a month’s leave and a promotion to keep me quiet.’

She didn’t know what to say. ‘At least Irene must be glad,’ she said at last.

‘Irene always said they didn’t value me. She was right about that, at least. Even when I get promoted, it’s a kind of failure.’

‘Don’t,’ she said, but he stopped her and gripped her hands.

‘Oh Joanna, I’m so afraid I’m going to fail you.’

She tried to smile. ‘That isn’t your fault. It’s me. I’ve been a stray so long, it’s hard for anyone to see me as anything
else. A stray is no-one’s responsibility, you see. You might play with it when it comes up to you in the park, but you don’t
take it home.’

He looked distressed. ‘Don’t talk like that. Listen, it’s going to be all right. It’ll take time, that’s all. Be patient with
me.’

He took her to the car and watched her get in and fasten the seatbelt, and then he kissed her goodbye through the window,
and she drove away. She waved to him before she turned the corner: jaunty and afraid, essentially no-one’s dog.