OtherSide Of Fear (Outside The Ropes #3) (13 page)

I dropped my eyes from his, running them along his plaid button up shirt. I knew the strength of his muscles underneath, and my palms tingled to touch him.

“I don’t think you should do it, but not because of what she said.” My eyes traveled back up him, till I was caught in his gaze again. “It’ll take you further away from boxing.” I did touch him then, hands sliding around his waist, feeling the lines of muscles underneath. “Working out with you again this morning reminded me of you in the ring.” He stilled under my touch or maybe it was my words. “I like seeing you there, but more than that, I know you love being there. I want that for you again.”

His smile was gone now, but his hands traveled over my arms, a light caress that sent tingles through me, and his eyes were electric, sparking that heat. “I don’t know if that’s possible anymore. It may never happen again.” His words extinguished the fire growing between us, but he gripped me tighter, keeping me still. “I’m trying to be honest.”

“I know.” I tried to smile for him but couldn’t cover my disappointment. “But with the time this club takes, I know opening something bigger and brand new will take even more time. And with everything else… Maybe Alessandra was right about it being too soon.”

He nodded but looked past me, features hardening. I should have left her out of my argument against expanding.

“Maybe. But she’s got her own motives against it. Viktor would support expanding, but then it’s not her project. It doesn’t strengthen the Rusnak’s hold. And with Anatoli getting out soon, she’s trying to reinforce his place.”

“He’s getting out soon? When? I didn’t know,” I interrupted, going rigid. My muscles strained to the point of shattering.

Gage pulled his attention back to me, hands moving up and down my shoulders in comfort. “Maybe. It depends on this new Attorney General. They’re bringing his case back up.” He shrugged, pulling me closer to him. “Babe, don’t worry about any of this for now. It may or may not happen. We can cross that bridge when we get there.”

I fell into him for a moment, absorbing the warmth his arms offered, and resting my head against his chest. The beat of his heart calmed mine.

“Hey, relax, go home.” He pulled back, looking at me. “You’ve been here all weekend, and you’ve got school tomorrow.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m fine. Class isn’t important.”

“It was to you. Go home, it’s late, you need to sleep.”

“Stop acting like a parent.” I jerked back from him.

He whirled me around in an instant and pressed me into the desktop. Pencils and paper and possibly a stapler jabbed into my back as he pinned me with his body. But the fire in his eyes, inches from mine, captured all my attention, making my pulse skip.

“I’m no parent. But you are mine to take care of.” One hand gripped my chin at an angle to meet his lips as they closed over mine.

I fisted his shirt in my fingers, body throbbing for more of him. Each pulse only strengthened my need, reinforced his words, it all belonged to him, and only he could take care of it. He pressed his hardness between my hips, grinding into me, and I moved my hands to his pants, eager to remove the barrier between us.

A knock at his door interrupted.

“Go away,” He yelled, barely removing his lips from mine. The smile on his face only raised my excitement.

“Ivan’s here for you, and Tyson got hurt kicking out some guy.”

Still hovering above me, he groaned. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and his light eyes kept me in place. “You. Stay.”

Pushing back to standing, his fingers straightened the buttons on his jeans and shirt, never taking his eyes off me.

I sat up on the desk, smiling at him. “So I won’t go home early.”

The corner of his mouth curled and he stepped back to me, hands on either side of my legs. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you? You’re so fucking dangerous. I can’t say no to you.”

“Then say yes.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, pecking at his lips before sucking his bottom lip between my teeth.

“You’ve been here all weekend, what’s another couple hours. Just stay out of the main club.” He pointed to me with a stern look as he walked out the room.

We both stayed busy the rest of the evening and into the early morning hours. The club was closed and my work was done, so I waited in Gage’s office, reviewing a paper that was due in my English class. Ian sat on the couch, counting money into different piles for the umpteenth time with Kane.

Covering my yawn with my fist, I pulled my eyes from the computer. “You need help with that. I can recount for you.”

“Nah, I’m just double counting, checking Kane’s numbers. You focus on that paper, college. I expect to see an A plus at the top of that shit.” He was banding the money piles up and sliding them into a duffle. Then he looked up at me with a grin. “We can hang it up on the bar. Motivate some of them bi— I mean girls.” He cleared his throat, covering his slip in words as he stood. He turned back to Kane. “Clean this up. I’ll meet you at the car in ten, just got to run this by Gage.” He lifted the bag over his arm and left the room.

Kane picked up the extra bands and markers from the table, stopping in front of me as I stifled another yawn.

“You got a lot left to do?” He was squat, and his quiet, light voice didn’t match his build.

“Nope.” I turned off the computer screen and leaned back in the chair. “But I have to wake up early and drop it off.” I was half asleep already, eyes stinging with exhaustion.

He cocked his head, hand digging in his pocket. “I’ve got something if you need help with that.” He pulled out a little pouch from his pocket, gesturing it to me.

I was too stunned, reactions too slow, and he took that for acceptance. He poured the powder on Gage’s desk and then grabbed something from his pen cup to line it up like he was comfortable doing this here.

“What the fuck,” Gage’s hard voice jolted me from my trance. I jumped out of the seat as he stomped into the room followed by Ian.

Kane stepped back, eyes wide and confused. “We were only—”

“I fucking see what you were doing.” But he wasn’t looking at Kane, his fire was directed at me.

I shook my head, coming around the desk, unable to form words. He pulled me out of the room, pushing me to the wall just outside the door. The force wasn’t painful, but it was rough and my own anger flared in return.

“Stop jerking me around.”

“You are to never fucking touch that stuff. I’m not playing about this Regan. Do you hear me? Never.” His grip tightened as he ordered.

“I’m not the one who uses here. I didn’t do anything.”

He pulled away, dropping my arms. His anger grew before my eyes, making him larger. He jerked his head once in a nod and then stormed back into the room.

I followed as quick as I could, but he already had Kane pinned to the wall, forearm over his throat. “This shit’s done. I don’t want to fucking see you around here again you piece of shit. I—”

“Stop, dude. Let him go.” Ian pulled on Gage’s shirt, trying to get between them. “He didn’t know. We do this shit all the time.”

Gage released Kane and turned on Ian, shoving him away. “Get the fuck off me.” He turned back to Kane who was bent over, sucking in air. “And you, get the fuck out of here. Now,” he roared.

Kane scurried out of the room, and then Gage turned his attention back to Ian. “You let every damn person out there know, she’s off limits; none of them can do that shit with her—not even you.”

“Dude, calm down.”

“I’m fucking serious, Ian.”

“I can tell. All right.” He glanced at me with wide eyes as he passed by, exiting the room.

Gage didn’t turn to me at first. He stared at the empty wall where Kane had been. “I could have killed him. I wanted to. If you would have taken that shit, I would have.”

I looked back to his desk, but the lines were gone, a smudge where they use to be.

“Is it you don’t want me trying it with someone else, or you don’t want me doing it at all?” I spoke low, not wanting to reignite his anger but wanting to understand what really sparked it.

His eyes narrowed, brows furrowing, and he stepped closer to me, voice low and serious. “I don’t want you touching that shit at all. I’ve brought you down enough, I’m not going to let you go down that path.”

I didn’t step back like I wanted to. He wasn’t erupting, but this quiet, cool anger simmering in him was intimidating.

“But you do it still? Ian said so, and Kane seemed comfortable to whip it out in your office. How far down that path are you Gage?”

He raised his head, fist curling in his hair as he took a few breaths.

I could see his words building and braced myself for the truth.

“I’ve been trying to stop since last week, when we said we’d do this together.” His eyes dropped from mine as he stepped closer.

“Forget about before.” I remained still, not ready or willing to give comfort yet. “But look at me and tell me, since our talk, how many times?”

“Only once. Thursday when I called you at school, I had just used. I regretted it, that’s why I called.” His voice was speeding up as he stepped closer to me and reached for my hand, trying to convince me. “I’m sorry.”

I WATCHED HIM FOR ANY SIGN OF hesitation, for any sign that he would say more. His head was down, his hand gripping mine. It took him a moment to raise his eyes to me.

“Only once. That’s the truth?” My voice was soft, my chest too tight to speak louder.

His nod eased some of the tension, and I could take a full breath, but only for a moment before the next thought hit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I pulled my hand from his.

He stiffened, shoulders rising, lips pressed together, and lines etched deep between his brows.

For every second that passed without him talking, I stepped away, the ocean of uncertainty in my gut swelling.

His hand lifted, telling me he didn’t know what to say.

“That’s it.” I mocked his simple gesture, raising and dropping my hand. “You won’t open up to me about this but expect me to believe what you say? Expect me to listen to what you say?” My voice gained power as I spoke, the storm in me building, churning up.

I darted to his desk, digging through the drawers that would open, but found nothing suspect. Frustration mounted as I stirred around things I already knew were there. “Unlock this.” Stepping back, I pointed to the bottom drawer that wouldn’t budge.

“What are you going to do?” He was hesitant, but already pulling out his keys and stepping to where I was. Sliding the key into the lock, he twisted and a soft pop filled the silence. He stood between the drawer and me with his arms crossed. “This is stupid. You going to do the same thing to our house? Search everything? How often? What will that prove?”

His words were like sticks, poking me, only provoking more anger.

“Maybe if you’d actually talk to me, tell me things, I wouldn’t have to.”

“That’s what I was doing right now. I told you what I did. But see, this,” he swept his hand through the air gesturing to the length of me, “is the reason I didn’t tell you that day. I already have enough on my fucking plate without adding this to it.”

I stepped back like he hit me. “Fuck you. Don’t you dare put this on me. I’ve been nothing but supportive, I’m freaking out cause you hide so much shit Gage. If you would tell me these things—”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He swiped his had over his face as he spoke, “I’m sorry.”

“You always are.” I was shaking as I looked him over. He was sitting on the edge of his desk, still blocking that drawer. I turned to steel. “Move. Now.”

He lifted his brow, head shaking with disappointment. Still facing me, he stepped to the side and opened the drawer. “Fine.”

It rolled open on smooth tracks, its own momentum keeping it sliding even after Gage’s hand was gone. The manila folders in the front were in neat order, all lined up and labeled.

“Don’t mess it up. But look at whatever the hell you need to believe what I say.”

The heaviness in his voice weighed on me, but I crouched down on the balls of my feet as I looked through the drawer. My finger trailed over the tops of the folders. Then I reached the last one and pulled them all forward to check behind it. There was a leather binder and small metal box.

I grabbed the box, lifting it out as if it might explode. Gage made some sound, but I didn’t dare look up at him. It wasn’t locked, and I undid the latch, opening it. Disappointment or relief knocked me down, so I sat on the ground. The box held business cards and scrap pieces of papers with different names and numbers. Nothing more.

I took a few breaths, set the box back, and closed the drawer. Drained of fight, I looked up to him.

He sunk down and sat on the floor beside me. After a moment he bumped me with his body. “Feel better?”

I shook my head, silent. I felt sick.

“I’m stopping. I promise.” He put his hand on my knee. “I should have told you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I told you now, doesn’t that count for something,” he was quick to respond.

I raised my knees up to rest my head on as I looked over at him with a shrug. “I want it to. I hope it does. But…” I wrapped my arms around my legs, trying to bring warmth back to my limbs. “I’ve felt on the outside for so long now. This weekend has been better. I don’t want to go back to before.”

He slipped his arm around my back, folding his body around me. “This weekend has been good. Scary as fuck, but good.” He brought his fingers to my chin, raising my head to look at him. “Having you around is always better. I’m trying here. I really am.”

His eyes shown with the truth I should have seen before. He really was trying, but I still needed more.

“You’ve done good here, and I liked having you close by.” He pressed his lips to forehead, speaking into my hair as he gripped me. “We should keep this schedule on the weekends.”

It felt like I won by default. He lied, so I got my way. But either way, I was taking it. I let myself relax on him, too exhausted to pull away.