Otherworldly Bad Boys: Three Complete Novels (9 page)

“Are you still fantasizing about him?”

“Yeah.” Dana hugged herself. “I’ve tried the exercise you told me. The, um...”

“Orgasmic reconditioning?”

Dana nodded. “I’m having trouble with it.”

“You want to talk about that?”

“Well, I switch the fantasy to something not about him right at the last minute, like I’m supposed to. But then I can’t... finish.”

Chantal raised her eyebrows. “Not thinking about him essentially halts your orgasm.”

Dana nodded. “But then the minute I think of him again... everything works fine.”

Chantal considered. “You know what? I don’t think you should worry too much about that. There are other more aggressive techniques we could try, like aversion therapy, but I’m rather confident this is all going to resolve on its own. I think that engaging with Cole Randall, while he’s imprisoned and can’t hurt you, would be good for you.”

“Good for me?”

“In your mind,” said Chantal, “he’s still the man who had absolute power over you. Who imprisoned you. In reality, he’s only a man. And now he is imprisoned. Seeing him in a different way may help you to see that he doesn’t have power over you anymore, which I think will ultimately help rid you of the fantasies.”

Chantal theorized that Dana fantasized about Cole sexually because she could control him in her fantasies, and it was a way for her subconscious to work through her fear of him—by making him safe.

“So,” said Dana, “you think seeing him is okay?”

“I think it might be beneficial,” said Chantal. “Overall, I think being back at work, readjusting to your normal routine, is the best thing you can do for yourself. This man has taken too much of your life away from you already. You need to fight to get it back.”

Dana sighed. “Tell my partner that.”

“You want me to put this in writing?” said Chantal.

“I was joking.”

“I realize that, but I’d be happy to write down my recommendations, if you’d like,” said Chantal. “Are you getting resistance at work?”

“No,” said Dana. “Not really. Avery was with me when I went down to see Cole. He watched me talk to him. He was disgusted with me.”

“And you? Were you disgusted with yourself?”

Dana shrugged. “I feel like I should be.”

“No,” said Chantal. “You need to cut yourself slack. You won’t make any progress if you’re constantly punishing yourself.”

CHAPTER FIVE

“Hollis says he won’t do the story unless he can interview Cole Randall,” said Dana to Ursula. She and Avery were standing next to Ursula’s desk.

Ursula shuffled a stack of papers and slid them into a manila folder. She sighed. “You can’t convince him otherwise?”

Dana shook her head. “I don’t think so. He got a little huffy when I asked. He said he didn’t do public relations stories. If he can interview Cole, I guess he thinks he’d getting both sides of the story.”

“Do you have any idea how many journalists have asked to interview him?” Ursula said.

Dana didn’t. “No.”

“Well, I’ll give Hollis access,” said Ursula. “I can’t make Randall talk to him, though.”

“I’ll let him know,” said Dana.

“Speaking of Randall,” said Ursula, “how did your meeting with him go?”

“Guy’s playing games,” spoke up Avery. “He didn’t have anything to say.”

“That’s not exactly true,” said Dana. “He
is
playing games, but he gave me some things to think about.”

“What things?” said Ursula.

“He says the two killings are connected,” said Dana. “And he strongly hinted that they may not have done it of their own volition.”

Ursula’s shoulders sagged. “How could that be possible? They knew how to control their wolves. They had to have done it on purpose. They’ve admitted that, haven’t they?”

“Well, neither of them will actually talk about what happened,” said Avery. “But Randall’s reaching. I think he wants to get Gray back down there to talk to her again. He’s making up anything that he thinks will entice her.”

Ursula spread her hands. “What do you think, Gray? Is he manipulating you?”

“Probably,” said Dana. “But that doesn’t mean what he says isn’t true.”

“I got an update from your shrink,” said Ursula. “She says that interacting with him is good for your recovery.”

“What?” said Avery.

Ursula turned to him. “You disagree, Brooks?”

“I think...” He shot a look at Dana. “Guy’s creepy, boss. After what Gray went through, I don’t think she should ever have to see him again.”

“Chantal says that I won’t get past my issues until I can face him,” said Dana.

“So, you’re saying that you could handle it, if it meant you had to talk to him again?” said Ursula.

Could she handle it? Did it matter? She wanted to see him again. Dana nodded. “Yes.”

“Why should she have to, though?” said Avery. “There’s no reason to dig into these guys. They’re murderers.”

“I agree with you.” Ursula flipped through a few folders on her desk, thinking. “But maybe we have to play it safe. After all, we lock people up here without a trial, without due process, without lawyers. So, we need to investigate thoroughly any hint that they may not have acted purposefully.”

Avery sighed. “But what is there to look into? Wolves who know how to control themselves only shift on purpose.”

“Maybe not,” said Dana. “Maybe there’s something else going on here.”

“You two look into it,” said Ursula. “But go at it from the angle that you’re looking for evidence that they’re murderers. And the minute you find something compelling, we’re done with this. Got it?”

* * *

Dana started her tracker apprenticeship when she was nineteen. She and Cole had both gone into the training after the massacre. Dana hadn’t been able to conceive of the idea of leaving the Sullivan Foundation. Since contracting the lupine virus, they were the only people who’d actually been nice to her.

The Brockway Massacre had been national news. As the only survivors, she and Cole had gotten a lot of press. Everyone knew they were werewolves. That meant most people were afraid of them. Dana didn’t really see herself fitting back into normal society.

There was also the matter that her mother had died in the gymnasium that night, and she had nowhere else to turn. Her father was alive, but she’d had very little contact with him. He’d skipped out before she was born. She had only spoken to him a handful of times, exchanged a few letters. He hadn’t been a real father to her, and she didn’t even consider turning to him after it happened.

She assumed that the SF was as natural a fit for Cole as it was for her. His parents were alive, but Cole said they were terrified of the fact he was a wolf and uncomfortable being around him. His younger sister had been in the gym that night, but he’d been unable to save her. He thought maybe his parents resented the fact he’d saved Dana instead of his sister.

But one week into the apprenticeship, Dana found out that Cole was quitting the SF.

She was surprised. She’d been fairly certain that he was as committed to the SF as she was.

When she found out he planned to leave the SF, she went to see him.

She’d been crushing on Cole since right after the massacre. Maybe it was because he’d saved her life. Maybe it was because he had an uncanny ability to echo whatever she was thinking, making her feel connected to him.

But there had never been any time for the crush to develop into anything more. Right after the massacre, they’d spent a lot of time together, but they’d been almost immediately separated to go through the training to control their wolves.

After that was over, they’d both committed to extra training to become trackers. It was intensive and exhausting, and it took years rather than months. Though she and Cole were in the same place and often struggling to conquer the same obstacles in their training, the process was so introspective and labor-intensive that they were often too tired to spend much time being social.

By the time he was quitting, Dana wasn’t even sure if her crush on him wasn’t only a memory of a crush. Still, she wanted to know why he was leaving. She was going to miss him, even if she hadn’t seen him that often.

She found him in his apartment. He hugged her when she came in the door. “Dana! How are you?”

She liked the hug, but it was over quickly, and she wasn’t sure if she was meant to read anything into it. Maybe it was only friendly. “I heard you were quitting the Sullivan Foundation.”

He let her into his apartment. There was a six pack of beer sitting on his counter. “I am. Got someone to buy me these to celebrate.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t want a beer, do you?”

She shook her head. “You know I can’t.” Alcohol was off limits. Control was paramount. “Besides, we’re not even old enough.”

He laughed, picking himself up a can and popping it open. “Dana, you were always a stickler for rules, weren’t you?”

“If they’re good rules,” she said. “Is that why you’re leaving? You want to drink beer?”

He took a long drink. “That’s only part of it, really.” He gestured to his couch. “You want to sit down?”

She did.

“You could say that drinking beer is a symptom of a larger problem,” he said.

“Rules?”

He considered. “Artificial rules.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“It’s like they force us to keep a whole part of ourselves under control. All the time. And I don’t think it’s just the wolf. I think it’s making me less human too.”

Dana was confused. She had no idea what he was talking about.

“I feel fake all the time,” he said. “I feel like there’s something inside me that’s bursting to get out, and by pushing it down, I’m strangling part of who I am. It’s like living in prison.”

“Really?” She couldn’t relate to anything he was saying. Controlling the wolf was freedom to her. As long as it couldn’t come out, she knew she was herself. She thought of the animal as an interloper that had crept into her body without her permission.

He looked at her. “You don’t relate at all, do you?”

“No.”

He drank more beer. “I thought maybe you would. Sometimes it seems like we think the same things. Sometimes you say things out loud that I’ve thought for years.”

“You too,” she said.

“But not this time.”

She studied her hands. “Not this time.”

He shrugged. “Oh well.”

“I don’t even think I understand what you’re saying.”

He leaned forward, grinning at her. “Well, maybe I’m making it more complicated than it actually is. The truth is, Dana, it’s disgusting. I don’t like looking at all the mutilated bodies. I lost my breakfast once.”

“My trainer says everyone throws up at first.”

“Did you?”

“Not yet.” She felt a little proud of her iron-clad stomach.

He laughed. “And, yeah, I want to drink beer. I want to go to college. I want to live my life. I’m not cut out to be a tracker.”

That made more sense to her. She wondered if he’d only said all that strange other stuff because he was embarrassed. It wasn’t a very macho thing to admit that gore disgusted him. She appreciated that he’d been honest with her. “I’m going to miss you. I thought maybe we’d even end up as partners someday.”

“I thought...” He bit his lip, gazing into her eyes. Then he looked away, blushing. “Dammit, Dana, can you come back when I’ve had enough alcohol to be braver?”

She wasn’t sure what he meant again, but his blush had somehow traveled to her, like it was contagious. She could feel heat in her cheeks. “We should, um, we should keep in touch.”

He smiled at her. “Definitely.”

But they didn’t really. Their lives went in opposite directions. She sometimes thought about writing to him, but she didn’t. And he didn’t write either. Or call. Or text.

If he hadn’t started killing people, she might never have seen him again.

* * *

Dana closed the door on the conference room where she’d been meeting with Beverly Martin, the second of the deliberate rogue werewolves. She and Avery had decided that the best place to start with Ursula’s order to look into the possibility that it wasn’t murder was to talk to each of the rogues. Hoping that gender solidarity might count for something, she’d taken Beverly, and Avery had spoken to Arnold.

Actually, near as she could tell, Avery was still speaking to Arnold, because he wasn’t out in the hallway waiting for her.

She took a deep breath, looking up and down the wing of the maximum security floor.

Cole was down here. He was further down the hallway. Up front, there was a cluster of conference rooms. Cells were further down.

She felt a crawling itch of desire make its way down her spine. She wanted to go find Cole.

Of course, she had no reason to see him, no excuse to talk to him again. She just wanted to.