Our First Christmas (17 page)

“We work together,” Dani said. “That's all.” Oh no. Why was her voice cracking? It wasn't her fault that Sawyer was so good-looking. Dani held her breath. Didn't it mean something that he was jealous? Finally, Nate gave a nod, then continued walking. They stopped at the creek and looked out at the sailboats in the distance. Ghost trees towered just behind them, their stark branches backlit by the lights from the grounds. A twenty-foot pier jutted out along the creek. Nate continued to lead Dani away from the crowds. Her stomach was in knots as she watched his broad shoulders. He looked good all dressed up. Toward the end of the pier he stood and put his hands on the railing. So many memories of Nate. She always thought they would have time. To work things out. At least a second chance.

“You've really messed me up, coming here,” Nate said quietly. Tears sprung instantly to Dani's eyes. He still had feelings for her. There was still a chance.

“I'm not here to cause trouble,” Dani said carefully.

Nate turned his beautiful green eyes on her. “It wasn't easy for me to actively ignore all your calls, and texts, and letters,” he said. “And I didn't do that to hurt you, either. But you ended it, Danielle. You ended us.”

“I postponed us.”

“I didn't see it that way. Heck. The whole town didn't see it that way.”

“I know. I know and I'm sorry.”

“I'm not the same man I was two years ago.”

I know, she wanted to shout. You're more like the man I wanted. The man willing to leave Wilmington for love. “I had to try. Before it was too late. I had to tell you that I still love you. If I could take that night back—I would have said yes. I would have stayed here and—”

“And what, Dani? Write articles for
Star News
or
Encore
?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Because you're too good. Not that our local papers aren't good. But you deserve a much bigger audience.”

“What?”

“Your articles. They're very, very good.”

Dani hadn't expected this. It made sense, of course it did, that Nate would read her articles. But somehow, because of the walls he'd put between them, she just assumed he hadn't even thought of her, let alone read her articles. “You read them?”

“Of course.”

“It's kind of just a fluff magazine—”

“But your work isn't. I can tell you're pushing the limits as much as they'll let you. I really liked the piece on the homeless vet and his dog.”

Perry, and Boots. She was proud of that one. She wrote about how that dog was a better human being than most of the people who stepped around them. The dog loved unconditionally, without judgment. Sawyer was with her on that one. His pictures were absolutely beautiful. They captured the humanity of a man and his best friend, sticking it out on the streets. “I can't take all the credit,” she said.

“The photo,” Nate acknowledged. “That was his?” Dani nodded. “You always did like the artistic type,” he said.

“I told you. There's nothing going on between me and Sawyer.”

“It's none of my business.”

“Nate. I can't tell you how happy I am that your art is taking off. Anya was right about one thing. I would never do anything to stand in the way of that.”

“I know you tried to tell me I needed to go somewhere with a bigger audience,” Nate said. “I guess part of me thought you were just biased.”

“But Anya was different,” Dani said. “Because she's an art curator.”

“We didn't start out romantic, of course. It was a fluke she was even here. They were filming a period piece and they needed her expertise with the artwork featured in it. She happened upon me on the beach, believe it or not.”

“Building one of your sculptures,” Dani said. Oh, she could believe it. She could picture it.

“I really threw myself into my work after you left. To be honest, some of what I was doing was quite dark. I guess women go for that kind of thing.” He laughed. Dani laughed along with him, and they continued laughing until they looked at each other and it came to a dead stop. A sense of shame invaded her. Just a few minutes ago she had been thinking about kissing Sawyer. Now she wanted to kiss Nate. She was too deprived of affection. She'd better not sit on Santa's lap. What was wrong with her?

She knew exactly what it was like to kiss Nate. He was a little hesitant, a little polite, but not at all a bad kisser. Why, he had to be good. They had done it many, many times. Why couldn't she do it right now? Why did this woman, who had only known her Nate—what?—a year? Less? Why did she get to claim the boy Dani had loved her entire life? Why couldn't she just take a few steps forward, put her arms around his neck, and pull him in for a kiss?

Nate looked for a moment as if he might not resist it. Then, he suddenly looked up, and Dani heard laughter.

“There you are,” Anya sang out. Sawyer and Ruth were at the far end of the pier, but Anya was running toward them at a sprint. It was as if she knew another woman had been about to kiss her fiancé. Anya grabbed Nate's hand. “Come. Let's have a photo in front of the swans.” She began to pull Nate along the pier. Dani didn't realize she was holding her breath until Nate looked back. She waited to feel that spark. A rush of warmth, anything, as Anya pulled him away. She held a smile until she felt someone concentrating on her. She looked up to see Sawyer watching her. He didn't look happy. And it made her feel ashamed. And then angry. This was her life. Her future at stake.

“If you can't say anything nice—”

Sawyer nodded, mimed zipping his lips shut, then took a mock bow. Dani huffed past him. She'd never met someone so infuriating in her entire life. Just when she thought she was out of reach, Sawyer grabbed her arm and swung her around. She slammed into his chest, and before she could think, let alone talk, his lips were crushed on hers, and he was kissing her so hard he took all her breath away. An intense hunger ripped through her, and Danielle began to press harder against Sawyer and really kiss him back. Just as suddenly as he started it, he stopped. He stepped back and gently pushed her away as if she had made an unwanted advance on him.

“What was that?” she said, trying to sound offended, even though inside she was reeling. She had no idea a kiss could literally make her dizzy.

“The Ghost of Christmas Present,” he said. “Just thought you two should meet. Before you do something incredibly stupid. Something you can never take back.” There it was again, that intense look, almost a warning.
I like you. I'm right here. But if you go after Nate too hard, you're going to lose me.

“Fine,” Danielle said.

“Fine,” Sawyer said.

This time he let Danielle stalk away. She just prayed it wasn't obvious as she tried to walk a straight line that she was shaking. Absolutely vibrating from head to toe.

“A sailboat? Nonsense,” Ruth said. “You'll stay with me.” They were standing by their prospective cars outside Airlee Gardens. It felt odd to Dani that she would be getting into a rental car and driving herself back to a sailboat instead of getting in Ruth Hathaway's Mercedes with Nate. Ruth, to everyone's surprise, loved to drive. She was putting on her black driving gloves as she spoke. She never got in her car without them. Nate would be in the passenger seat with Anya all alone in the back. That used to be Dani's place. And it used to drive her crazy. She and Nate used to get in little arguments about it.
Why can't you sit in the back with me?

But I feel like a child with my parents riding up front!
She wondered if Anya minded. For once it was nice to note something that she didn't have to put up with anymore. And not only that—she couldn't get her mind off Sawyer and that kiss. And how she wanted to do it again. Strictly as a point of research. She'd never had a kiss that electric. Her curious mind wanted to know if it would happen again. She just wanted to see whether or not it was a fluke.

“Did you hear me?” Ruth said to Dani. “You're staying with me.”

“But you said the guest rooms were getting made over, Nanna,” Nate said to his grandmother.

“I did?”

“And that's why Anya's parents couldn't stay with you?” Nate gazed intently at her.

“Oh yes. I did.” She turned to Anya with an apologetic smile. It looked extremely pained.

The reporter in Dani kicked in as she watched the exchange, fascinated. Ruth had turned away Anya's parents. She suddenly felt ashamed for using the British stuff against Anya. Sawyer was right. It was prejudice, plain and simple. And Dani couldn't remember Nate ever correcting his grandmother. He didn't want Anya's feelings to be hurt, and he was taking Anya's side. Dani waited for the hurt to come. Strangely, it didn't. She was actually kind of proud of Nate. “It's all right,” Dani piped up. “The sailboat is kind of nice. And large. It has several very separate bedrooms.” She glanced at Sawyer. He gave her a sarcastic thumbs-up.

“Grandmother's right. It's not appropriate—” Nate started to say.

“Appropriate?” Dani said. “In what way?”

Nate glanced at Sawyer, then looked away. “I can try to find another place for Anya's parents so you can have your house back,” he said.

“But they checked into every option,” Anya said. “And they're settled in the house.”

Dani put her hand on Anya's arm. “Of course they are,” she said. She turned to Nate. “I'm telling you, I'm fine on the boat.” Nate didn't get to marry Anya
and
get jealous over Dani!

Ruth stepped in again. Apparently, she didn't like Dani with Sawyer, either. “It's just that I think the maintenance on the rooms may be finished. I didn't have the room ready for a couple, but I think I can squeeze in little Danielle. Why she takes up no space at all. And she's hardly a guest, she's more like family.” Ruth held her arms toward Dani as if she was going to rush into them.

“Actually. Staying on a boat is part of the article,” Dani said. “It offers a unique perspective.”

“She is very dedicated to her work,” Sawyer said without missing a beat. “A true professional.”

“Well, I'd love to see this sailboat,” Anya said. “Maybe the four of us could have a nightcap and you could give us the tour? Unless you'd like to come along, Mrs. Hathaway?”

“Don't be silly. You young people have fun. I'm sure Nate and Danielle have a lot of catching up to do.” Ruth's gaze slid from Nate to Dani and back again. All that was missing was the bat of her eyelashes.

“Good night, Nanna.” Nate kissed her on each cheek.

“Danielle, will you and Sawyer be joining Nate and Anya tomorrow night for ‘A Stroll Through Christmas Past'?” Ruth called out before getting into her car.

“Oh, we wouldn't miss it,” Dani said.

“That's wonderful. I've volunteered as one of the tour guides.”

“That's perfect,” Dani said. That was the tour where Ruth always got worked up about how the “English Invaders” had “almost destroyed Wilmington.” How would Anya react to that? Dani couldn't wait to find out. She forced herself to stop smiling.

“We're entertaining now?” Sawyer whispered to her as Nate and Anya got in the back of the rental car.

“It's the South,” Dani said. “Get used to it.”

They stopped at a market and bought a couple of bottles of wine. Nate got out his wallet to pay and then Sawyer stepped up to the plate and the two of them argued about who would pay until Sawyer bought another two bottles. Were they fighting to impress Dani, or Anya? Dani knew it was childish, but she so hoped they were fighting over her.

“We're going to get absolutely blotto,” Anya said. Her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands. Danielle peered at her to see if she was joking. Miss Prim and Proper get blotto? So much for it being a shotgun wedding. Maybe Dani had judged her a little too hastily.

Nate was right, the cars were back and it was difficult to find parking. Dani finally had to settle for several blocks away. They walked toward the river. Sawyer and Nate were having what appeared to be a discussion ahead of them, and Anya and Dani strolled pleasantly behind. It was as if they were on a double date. Many of the little boutiques were lit up, staying open later to catch holiday shoppers, and lights glowed from within restaurants. Dani loved all the little decorations: wreaths on street lamps, Christmas trees in store windows, and even a red plume on the horse pulling the carriage. And for a few seconds, it felt normal. That Anya was with Nate, and Dani was with Sawyer.
I like Sawyer,
Dani thought to herself, trying it out.
I'm with Sawyer
.

“What are you getting Nate for Christmas?” Dani asked. She was curious. She had always bought Nate a T-shirt and a CD. Last Christmas she planned on greeting him in a sexy little Santa outfit, with a copy of the Kama Sutra. That probably would have been a disaster. Sawyer, on the other hand, would have loved the gift. Immediately she saw herself on the sailboat with Sawyer. In the Santa outfit. A red lace bra and thong, and a Santa hat. And the red heels, don't forget those. She imagined Sawyer sitting on the sofa. She, standing in front of him, hands on hips. His grin would light up the block. But every time she wondered what Nate would have thought of the gift, she couldn't picture it. She could only see him grabbing a blanket from the sofa and covering her up.

Making love with Nate had been nice, very nice, but even though she didn't have the field experience to back it up, Dani was worried that their lovemaking was not as passionate as it should be. Nate was so . . . quiet. And quick. He had a beautiful body and she loved touching him, and kissing him, but more often than not, he seemed to think it was something best to get over with, like brushing your teeth. And, she hated admitting this, but Nate had poor circulation. So his hands and even lips were always cold. Sometimes it was like kissing an ice cube. Which might have been nice if he had liked exploring her body with it, but he was rather shy in that department, too. Everything they did was so—clean. And she'd been too young to tell him how she really wished it would go. That she wanted clothes torn, and hearts hammering, and sheets sweaty. That she wanted to scream out, and thrash about, and maybe even do it more than once in one evening. That she wanted him to hunger for her. That she wanted to see a certain look in his eye—

Oh. The look Sawyer could give her from across a room. She liked that. Even if she got back together with Nate this evening, there would be times, for sure, that she would close her eyes and imagine Sawyer giving her that look. Just to remember what it felt like, knowing someone desired you so much that one lingering look from him could raise your body temperature to a feverish degree.

That couldn't have been why she turned down Nate's marriage proposal, could it? Oh God. Was she secretly some kind of sex maniac? Nate was the only lover she'd ever had. There were opportunities in New York, of course, loads of them. But she had always felt as if she'd be cheating on Nate. Even when he wasn't speaking to her. She felt ashamed and deathly curious to know what Anya and Nate's sex life was like. She couldn't imagine Nate any other way than he was with her. Maybe Anya liked it quiet and quick. Keep Calm and Carry On.

“Come on.” Anya grabbed Danielle's hand. “I have to show you,” she said. She threw her arms up in the air and waved at Nate and Sawyer even though they were way ahead of them. “Oh lads!”

Sawyer glanced back, caught Dani's eye, and smiled. And Nate's eyes sought out Anya's. Dani smiled back at Sawyer
. I like you,
she said silently.
Okay?
This was crazy. Was it just the Christmas wreaths and the gentle glow coming from the restaurants that was giving her a sense of buoyancy? How was it that she didn't feel jealous of Nate and Anya?

“I'm taking Danielle on a little detour. We'll see you lads back at the boat.”

“All right,” Nate said.

Sawyer caught Dani's eye again. “Be nice,” he said.

“Yes, Santa,” Dani said.
Although something about you makes me want to be very, very naughty.

 

Danielle and Anya stood in Nate's studio. They were in the back room standing in front of an easel. A white sheet covered something propped on the easel. Anya whipped it off. It was a sixteen-by-twenty framed photograph. Anya on the beach. The wind was slightly blowing her hair back. Her head was tilted, her eyes sparkling, and her mouth open in a smile. She was holding a starfish across her engagement finger.

“Wow,” Danielle said. Was this girl in love with herself or what?

“This was me a few moments after Nate proposed and I said yes,” Anya said. “He said this was the happiest moment of his life.”

“Oh,” Danielle said. “Wow.” There was a giant lump in her throat. Instantly, she was back on the boardwalk, begging Nate to tie his shoe, pretend he wasn't kneeling on the ground to ask her hand in marriage. What was she doing? She didn't deserve a second chance.

“You must think I've gone mad,” Anya said.

“No. It's lovely. Nate will love it. I'm sure of it.”

Anya grasped Dani's hand. “I hope so. I can't wait until our flat is filled with photos of the two of us. That's how you know you're a couple, isn't it? When the mantle is filled with lovely photos?”

All these years with Nate and Dani suddenly couldn't remember them in any photos together. Not romantic ones anyway. There were group photos, Nate and Dani at the galas throughout the years, things like that. Nothing Dani would want to frame and put on a fireplace.

“Sawyer is an excellent photographer,” Anya said. “Does he only do commercial work, or does he have an artistic bent, as well?”

“I don't know,” Dani said. “He's never mentioned it.”

“And you've never asked?”

Although Anya's tone was genuinely curious, Dani suddenly felt like such a rotten person. She had been totally self-absorbed. She didn't know much about Sawyer at all. Except that he was sarcastic, and frustrating, and sexy, and a hell of a kisser.

“We'd better head back,” Dani said.

“Do you want to see my wedding gown?” Anya asked. She pointed at a closet door. “It's just in there.”

“Maybe another night?” Dani asked. The lump in her throat had spread to her stomach.

“Of course. I'm sorry. I'm just so excited, and my girlfriends aren't here to share it with.”

“Wouldn't you rather get married in London?” Dani asked. “With all your mates?”

“All my mates?” Anya laughed. “We're going to have a huge celebration in London. I'm going to wear my gown again and everything. Tradition is much more important to Ruth, so we wanted to at least give her that.”

“But why rush it? Why not wait a year or so?”

“Why would we do that?”

“Look, it's none of my business. But you haven't known Nate very long.”

“When it's right, you don't need to wait. When it's right, you can't wait to begin your life with the person you love.”

They walked back in silence. Dani couldn't get the wedding dress off her mind now. She was dying to know what it looked like. Was it anything like the dress she would have worn? Dani would have gone with something Southern. Satin, and lace, and a long train.

Once on the boat, Nate handed each of them a glass of wine. The girls gravitated to the deck while Nate and Sawyer retreated to the cabin. Danielle wondered what on earth they would find to talk about. Then again, she was wondering the same about her. Getting to know Anya might mean getting to like Anya.

“I don't think Ruth likes me,” Anya said, barely a sip into the wine.

“Ruth can be intimidating,” Dani said. “I didn't think she liked me at first, either.”

“Really?” Anya said.

“Really,” Dani said.

“How did you finally get her to like you?”

“You got engaged to Nate,” Dani blurted out. Anya's eyes were as wide as saucers. Dani couldn't believe she just said that. Then, Anya burst into laughter. Finally, Dani did, too.

“I can't believe it,” Anya said after they calmed down. “Even after you . . . Sorry.”

“Even after I publicly broke Nate's heart?” Dani could tell from the look on Anya's face that that was exactly what she almost said.