Our Husband (a humorous romantic mystery) (6 page)

The person entered the stall next to her and closed the door. She dropped ash into the toilet and watched it dissolve and sink to

the rusty bottom.

"Beatrix, it's Natalie." The sterile walls magnified the woman's voice tenfold.

Beatrix crooked her neck and confirmed the sensible suede Hush Puppies she'd noticed earlier. The woman had good taste

in clothing—too bad she couldn't say the same about her taste in men.

"Do you have an extra cigarette?"

Surprised, Beatrix took a quick drag and exhaled straight into the air. "Do you smoke?"

"No."

Beatrix smiled wryly, then reached into her purse hanging on a metal hook and extracted another smoke. Stooping, she

handed the slim cigarette and the lighter underneath the divider. "The lighter sucks."

"Thanks."

The lighter sputtered, then she heard Natalie exhale and a thin ribbon of bluish smoke appeared over the stall. Beatrix

leaned against the tiled wall and considered the unseen woman thoughtfully. Perhaps if they'd met another time, in another

place, under different circumstances, she and Natalie might have become friends. Something about her...

A jolt of realization slammed into Beatrix. No wonder she felt drawn to the woman—aside from her dark hair, she bore a

striking resemblance in her looks and demeanor to Blanche, her estranged friend... the woman from whom she'd stolen

Raymond eons ago.

The bathroom door opened, and Beatrix frowned as she recognized the annoying shuffle of wooden clogs.

"It's me—um, Ruby." The framework of the stalls shook, announcing she'd claimed the final cubicle. Beatrix didn't feel

inclined to acknowledge her, and apparently Natalie shared her regard.

"That hot chocolate went straight through me," she sang, and proceeded to empty her tight little bladder. The flushing toilet

sent a shudder through the fixtures. "Anybody got an extra cigarette?"

Beatrix blew three perfect smoke rings. "Does your mommy let you smoke?"

"She lets her strip," Natalie offered.

"Good point." Beatrix withdrew another cigarette and handed it to Natalie under the stall.

She must have passed it on, since Ruby mumbled, "Thanks," and the snap of the weak lighter reached her ears.

"Good thing there's no smoke detector," Natalie said.

"One third of all smoke detectors have dead batteries anyway," Ruby said. "Will we be in trouble if they catch us

smoking?"

"All we'd have to do is explain the situation," Beatrix assured her in a dry tone. "I'm sure the police would ignore three

firebugs in lieu of snaring a bona fide bigamist."

"You mean Ray could go to jail?" Ruby's voice rose in alarm.

"Prison," Natalie corrected.

"Where the women are scarce and the men are frustrated," Beatrix added.

"What if we don't press charges?" Ruby asked.

"Speak for yourself," Beatrix muttered.

"It doesn't matter," Natalie said. "The state will file charges."

"Which state?" Ruby asked.

Between a series of little puffs, Beatrix smiled. "Hopefully, all of them."

They smoked in silence for several minutes. Beatrix reached the end of her cigarette and begrudgingly dropped the butt

into the commode. But instead of exiting, she lowered the cover and sat down. Slipping off her shoes, she took an inordinate

amount of pleasure in the coolness of the tile against her stockinged feet. Perhaps she would have her dressing room tiled.

"What do you think his chances are, Doctor?" she asked finally, twining her fingers together.

Natalie sighed. "Well, he has no history of heart disease."

Beatrix nodded for her own benefit and squinted at faint initials scratched in the door. "He had a physical three months

ago, and told me everything was fine. Of course, now we know truthfulness is not his strong point."

"No, he was telling the truth," Natalie said. "I gave him the physical."

"Ah."

"Heart disease is the number one killer in America," Ruby offered.

"What gives with the public service announcements?" Natalie demanded.

"I like trivia," Ruby said simply. "Ray says I have a knack for it."

"Well, knock it off," Natalie retorted. "Beatrix, do you know if either of Raymond's parents had heart problems?"

"They both died of cancer when he was a child," Beatrix said.

"I thought it was a boating accident," Ruby said.

"He told me they were sightseeing in a helicopter," Natalie added, clearly perturbed.

Beatrix snorted. "They probably disowned him for lying."

"But is Ray going to make it?" Ruby asked.

"The fact that he's alive at all is a good sign," Natalie said, sounding weary. "The chances of survival go up with each

passing hour."

"What caused his heart attack?" Ruby asked.

Beatrix rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. "Perhaps the man's body was taxed beyond his sexual capacity."

"He was still having sex with
you
?"

"Yes," she answered through clenched teeth.

"We all need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases," Natalie informed them.

Beatrix blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Don't take offense. Raymond might have been sleeping with other women we don't even know about."

"I caught the crabs once from a toilet seat at work," Ruby announced.

Beatrix immediately began to itch. "Great," she muttered, throwing up her hands. "That's just what I needed to hear!"

"But I got rid of them before I knew Ray," Ruby insisted. "The little boogers drove me crazy—I had to shave and

everything."

"That is
so
much more than I wanted to know," Beatrix declared.

"I think the shock of seeing all of us together provoked his heart attack," Natalie said.

"I'm sure the pompous ass never even considered the possibility of being caught," Beatrix asserted, then laughed. "I have

to admit, the whole sordid episode has a poetic ring to it."

"What are we going to do if he dies?" Ruby whined.

Beatrix harrumphed. "Even worse, what are we going to do if he lives?"

"Speaking of which," Natalie said, "we'd better get back. It's almost time for visitation."

Heaving a labored sigh, Beatrix stood and stepped back into her shoes, then reached for the toilet handle. They flushed

away their cigarette butts in perfect synchronization, triggering a crooked smile on her face.
A fitting tribute to our husband
.

Chapter 4

Ruby watched the swirling water in the toilet and pictured her dreams disappearing with the soggy brown cigarette. Just a

few hours ago, she was newly wed to the most handsome, thoughtful, successful man she'd ever known. Now she was playing

third fiddle to a bitter old woman and a skinny lady doctor, both of whom, in her opinion, were not exhibiting a very sharing

spirit.

Glad the fragrant cigarette had calmed her queasy stomach, she smoothed the skirt of her yellow gauze dress. Ray liked for

her to wear feminine, frilly clothes—when she wore clothes. His call from the hospital had interrupted preparations for a

special homecoming. She'd Velcroed together ruffled calico curtains for their bedroom, and planted pink begonias around the

base of the mobile home Ray had presented to her the week after they were married. Double-wide, with wall-to-wall carpet—

Ruby still marveled at his generosity.

Swinging open the stall door, she lifted her chin and joined the other women at the counter, each claiming a sink, each

avoiding eye contact. Ruby moistened a paper towel and dabbed at her wayward makeup. She felt flashy in her bright outfit

next to the prim, subdued clothing of her counterparts. No matter—Ray had told her he liked her style, that a woman should

flaunt her good taste.

She checked her teeth, flicking out a speck of barbecued chicken, then blew her nose thoroughly. And to prove that she,

too, had manners, she washed her hands carefully, removing gunk under her pink stick-on nails for good measure.

"I saw on a soap the other day where a man had a heart attack and woke up with amnesia," she offered into the booming

silence.

Beatrix stopped drying her hands and stared, then tossed the paper towel into an overflowing trash can. "Raymond should

be so lucky."

Ruby dried her hands and ventured a smile at Natalie as she walked through the door that Ray's second wife held open.

The dark-haired woman didn't respond, but at least she maintained an expression more friendly than Beatrix's, who looked as if

she were sucking on a Triple Ripple Sour Ball. In fact, Natalie was sort of pretty, like a "before" picture in a
Seventeen

magazine makeover. With a little eyeliner and some strawberry lip gloss, she'd probably be dynamite.

Once in the hall, Ruby hung back, half because she didn't want to get in Beatrix's way, half because she'd forgotten from

which direction they'd come. As expected, Beatrix marched ahead like she was the Queen of New England or something.

Natalie quietly fell in behind her, and Ruby brought up the rear, limping. Her new clogs were rubbing her toe ring. "Do you

think we'll give him another shock if we go in at the same time?"

"That's the plan," Beatrix tossed over her shoulder.

Ruby stopped in her tracks. "You're not serious."

Natalie turned and gave her a flat little smile. "No, she's not serious. They probably won't let all of us go in at the same

time."

Experiencing a surge of sisterhood, Ruby clambered up next to Natalie and whispered, "Do you think she'll even let us

look through the window?"

"You can't really blame her for being so upset," the doctor said in a low voice. "I'm numb—I can't imagine how this must

be affecting her."

"Well, between me and you and the fence post," Ruby whispered emphatically, "if she's this witchy all the time, I can see

why Ray went shopping for another wife."

Natalie's face paled. "I guess that doesn't say much for me, either, does it?"

Too late, she realized she'd stuck her size-nine-and-a-half foot in her mouth. "But I—"

"Just be quiet," Natalie said, her deep blue eyes watering. "This is hard enough for all of us without you calling even more

attention to yourself."

Heat rose in Ruby's cheeks as Natalie wheeled and lengthened her stride to catch up with Beatrix. Choking back a sob,

Ruby followed them, but tears clouded her vision. She accidentally stepped on a licked-down piece of hard candy, turning her

ankle painfully. She yelped, then kicked off the clogs and scooped them up before hobbling ahead in her bare feet.

When she rounded the corner, both women were being led by a nurse through a glass door at the end of the hall marked

INTENSIVE CARE-AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.

She hurried forward, stumbled, then recovered. "Wait!"

The nurse glanced her way, but the other women disappeared through the door without hesitation.

"I want to see Ray, too!" she cried as she skidded to a halt on the waxed floor.

The sweet-faced nurse glanced at the clogs in her hands and smiled, but shook her head as she closed the door. "Only two

visitors per patient at a time—intensive care is extremely crowded, ma'am. We have rules."

"But I'm his wi—" She halted as the nurse's head snapped around. She didn't want to get Ray in trouble with Johnny Law.

"Daughter," Ruby amended quickly. "I'm Ray's daughter."

"I'm very sorry," the nurse murmured. "Perhaps his other visitors will come out a few minutes early and let you go in."

Her shoulders slumped. "I doubt it. We don't exactly get along."

The woman touched her arm. "I'll try to get you in next time."

Ruby nodded miserably, then turned at the sound of the door reopening. Beatrix and Natalie, both red-faced and tight-

lipped, emerged and bumped past her without so much as a howdy-hoo.

"What's wrong?" she called after them. "Ray's all right, isn't he?" They didn't answer, so she pled with the nurse. "Can I go

in now? Just for a few minutes?"

The nurse held up her finger, then disappeared behind the door, only to reappear a few seconds later wearing a sorrowful

expression that Ruby decided was mandatory for graduating from nurse and doctor school. "Apparently, Mr. Carmichael's heart

rate accelerated past a safe range during visitation. No other visitors are allowed until a specialist sees him. I'm sorry."

Tears clogged her throat as she trotted down the hall toward the waiting room.

Beatrix and Natalie stood at opposite ends of the small room, their backs to each other, their arms crossed.