Our Now and Forever (Ardent Springs #2) (10 page)

Chapter 10

Caleb stepped toward his wife. “Excuse me?” he said, certain he’d heard her wrong.

“I can’t do it,” she said, her voice rising several octaves. “I can’t keep pretending like this.”

Making up a story had been her idea. He’d been willing to tell the truth, even knowing that he’d look like the hapless jerk who couldn’t keep track of his own wife. Or that locals would assume he’d done something to send her running. What a few strangers thought of him didn’t mean anything so long as he had Snow back where she belonged.

“We don’t have to lie,” he said, taking her by the arms. “Snow, baby, calm down. It’s going to be all right.”

“No, it isn’t,” Snow growled, pushing against his chest. “And I don’t want to calm down. You can’t charm us out of this mess.”

Now he was really confused. “This isn’t a mess,” he said, determined to remain calm. “This is our marriage. We haven’t done a great job of it so far, but we’ll figure it out.”

Snow stomped into the bedroom. “When is it going to sink into that thick skull of yours that I’m not right for you?” she asked, turning and throwing the jeans he’d left on the bed at his chest. “We’re not
right
together. There’s no fixing us, Caleb. There never should have been an us to begin with.”

Ignoring the jeans that puddled onto the floor in front of him, Caleb kept his voice calm. “What happened to the Snow I left at the store this morning? Where is all this coming from?” He’d suspected there’d been more to his wife’s leaving eighteen months ago than she’d admitted to so far. Now he was certain. “Help me understand what’s going on.”

Shaking her head, Snow said, “I keep messing up your life.”

“No,” he said, stepping over the jeans and taking her in his arms. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true,” she mumbled with her face pressed against his chest. Her tears warm on his skin. “How do you not hate me?”

In their short time together, Snow had never struck him as emotionally erratic. They’d been back together less than twenty-four hours, and trying to follow her moods was like being stuck in a pinball machine. “Honey, I could never hate you.”

“Oh, yes, you could,” she said. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

Pulling back far enough to look her in the eye, Caleb pressed damp curls away from her face and smiled. “I promise you, there is nothing you can do that will change how I feel about you. My being here right now should be proof of that.”

Snow sniffled. “But you don’t know everything.”

He placed a kiss on her forehead, then one on each eyelid. “Whatever I don’t know doesn’t matter. We’re going to be fine,” he said, giving in to temptation and dropping kisses along her jawline.

“We aren’t going to be fine,” Snow said, even as she slid her hands into his hair. “We’re prolonging the inevitable.”

“You can say that until you’re old and gray,” he mumbled, rubbing his thumb along her bottom lip. Her full lips were one of the first things he’d noticed about his wife. Lips that were made for kissing. “But I’ll still be right here.”

To seal the promise, Caleb did what he’d been dying to do since he’d walked into her little shop on the corner the day before. He slid his lips across hers as his arms tightened around her tiny waist, lifting her off the floor. To his great relief, Snow welcomed the advance, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back. Caleb had thought to go slow, to ease his way in and savor every second.

But Snow wasn’t interested in slow and easy. She wrapped her legs around his hips, sending his towel to the floor as her mouth opened over his. She tasted like sugar and tea and he couldn’t get enough. She flung the towel he’d draped around his neck to the floor and tightened her hold as Caleb took three steps and pressed her back against the wall.

When he deepened the kiss, Snow arched against him, a soft cry echoing around them.
This
was where they were good.

“Caleb, we can’t,” Snow said, pulling back and pushing against his shoulders. “This is wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong about this,” he said, nipping at her bottom lip.

Snow put two fingers over his mouth as she pressed her head back against the wall. “Please,” she said, the desperation in her voice enough to drag him out of the fog. Her eyes were pleading as she said, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

He didn’t know what she meant. Keeping his hands off of her was the hardest thing he’d ever done. “I want you, Snow. And I know you want me.”

“We agreed,” she said. “This isn’t going to help us figure things out.”

Caleb exhaled and let Snow’s feet touch the floor. He was hard as a rock and letting her slide down his body wasn’t helping him gain control.

“I need a minute,” he said, his eyes closed as he stepped back to give her space to leave.

“Caleb,” Snow said, her voice soft and apologetic. She waited for his eyes to open and meet hers before she said, “You’ll understand this someday.”

He didn’t feel all that understanding at the moment. “I doubt it,” he said, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Snow sat tucked into the corner of her couch, knees to her chest, staring at Caleb’s boots by the door. The last ten minutes played through her mind over and over. She didn’t even recognize the woman playing her part. The goal had been to make her husband want to leave, but without warning she’d shot right over to psycholand.

If he walked out of the bedroom carrying his bag and heading for the door, she would not be surprised. Part of her wanted to explain. To apologize, but for what? For screaming then crying then climbing him like a woman desperate for the last coconut on a deserted island? Caleb was right, she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And she’d almost given in.

She
still
wanted to give in. To kiss Caleb until he forgot how much she’d turned his life upside down. But they’d have to come up for air sometime. And her secret would still be there. The threat from his mother would still be hanging over her head. No matter what, Caleb could never learn the truth. Not because he’d never forgive her, but because she wouldn’t hurt him like that.

It had been bad enough explaining everything to her mother, who was relieved to finally hear Snow’s voice, but disappointed in the choices her daughter had made. Snow didn’t tell her mother everything. She didn’t want her to know about the tainted blood comment. Nor did she admit the messages her family had received in the last year and a half had come through Vivien.

The fewer people who knew that tidbit the better.

One thing was for certain. The idea of the one-month trial period would end tonight. Even Caleb wasn’t optimistic enough to think anything could change between them now. If he chose to stay the night, Snow would sleep on the couch and try not to think about watching him drive off in the morning.

She was contemplating how little sleep she would get when Caleb stepped out of the bedroom. He was wearing gray sweatpants with a black T-shirt. His feet were bare and his hair still damp. Without a word, he sat down beside her on the couch.

“You okay?” he asked, which was the last thing Snow expected him to say.

“I’m not sure,” she answered truthfully. She didn’t know what end was up at this point. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing she could think to say.

Caleb leaned forward with his elbows on his knees as he scrubbed his hands down his face. “What happened after I left you at the store this morning?” He turned her way, blue eyes intent. “We were good. Something changed that.”

Snow yearned to tell him the truth, but while relieving her conscience would take the weight off her shoulders, knowing the truth would only hurt Caleb. Protecting him was the least she could do.

“I called my mom today,” she said, wanting to tell him something. “She was pretty upset.”

“You haven’t called her all this time?” he asked. “I checked with her every month or so, and she said all she could tell me was that you were okay.”

He’d called her mother every month. Snow couldn’t believe he’d never given up.

“I sent messages through a friend.” She shrugged, shame washing over
her as she added, “I didn’t want her to have to lie to you. If she didn’t
know
where I was, then she didn’t have to lie.”

A tear slid down her cheek, but Snow ignored it. Why hadn’t she recognized what she was doing by asking his own mother to lie to him? Snow had been so desperate to get away, she hadn’t thought of anyone but herself.

To her surprise, Caleb leaned back and took her hand. “I need to understand why you ran away, Snow. Tell me what I did to make you go.”

She squeezed his hand, unable to resist the source of strength. “I told you—”

“No,” he cut her off. “Don’t give me the not-compatible crap again. In the four months we were together, we never argued. If there was something wrong, you should have told me.”

Pulling her hand from his, Snow shifted until she was facing him and tried to explain. “Caleb, life is one easy day after another for you, but that isn’t reality. Not for all of us. If I had told you I had concerns, you would have said everything was fine. Brushed it off as nothing we couldn’t deal with, but your idea of dealing with something is ignoring it.”

Tilting his head back, Caleb spoke to the ceiling. “You really don’t think much of me. It’s a wonder you married me at all.”

“You’re a great guy, but—”

“But I’m a shallow jerk who never listens to you.”

“That’s not—”

“When?” he asked, draping an arm across the back of the couch. “When did you tell me you had concerns and I didn’t listen?”

Snow racked her brain searching for an answer. In truth, she’d kept much of her thoughts to herself during their brief time together. “I said I was worried that the houses we were looking at were too much for us.”

“And I said once we had kids, they wouldn’t feel so big.”

“But we never talked about kids.”

“Of course we did,” he said. “When we talked about the house.”

Shaking her head, Snow said, “We didn’t talk about the house either. You said we’re going here and we’ll have kids, but I never said anything. I didn’t feel like I had a vote.”

Caleb rubbed the stubble on his chin, looking as if she’d landed a right hook. “You don’t want kids?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Snow closed her eyes and tried to find the right words. “I went from enjoying dating a new guy to being that guy’s wife. It’s a miracle we didn’t both suffer whiplash from how fast things happened. Sneaking away wasn’t the right way to handle the situation, but I was running on instinct, and all I knew was that I couldn’t get my bearings and I couldn’t stay.”

“I never had any doubts,” Caleb said. “I didn’t think you did either.”

With a sad sigh, she said, “I’m not sure
doubts
is the right word. We were still getting to know each other when we landed in Vegas. I never considered we’d come back married.”

“You say that as if I dragged you to the chapel.”

“I take full responsibility for getting caught up in the whirlwind and going along with it. It wasn’t until the dust settled that I realized what we’d done. That’s when the panic set in.”

Rubbing the top of her knee, he said, “I’m sorry that you went through that alone. And that you thought I wouldn’t listen to you.”

In Snow’s experience, men didn’t apologize often. She was relieved to have her misgivings finally out in the open, and that Caleb understood that they’d made a mistake. This was the closure they needed.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said, some of the suffocating weight she’d been carrying for so long lifting away.

“At least now we know what we need to do,” Caleb said, taking this much better than she’d expected.

“Yes, we do.” Finally, they were both on the same page.

“We have to go back to dating.”

Snow threw her hands in the air, which Caleb fully expected.

“Hear me out,” he said, leaning forward. “You’re saying that since we cut to the chase too fast, we should call the whole thing off. But who’s to say if we’d kept on dating for, say, six more months, that we wouldn’t still be married right now?”