Out of Darkness (21 page)

“That’s pretty hot that your desk drawer has a false bottom,” Tyler grinned. “Means you’re mysterious and dangerous.”

“If only,” she giggled.

Going through all the information she had, she pulled out a small black book. “This has all the phone numbers I used. Let’s see.”

She went through them as he looked over her shoulder. “There,” he pointed. “That one is the same. Who was that to?”

He watched as she swallowed loudly. “That was my contact for the Vojnik. The one who didn’t show up that night.” Her face became deathly pale, and she ran for the bathroom, throwing up everything she had in her stomach.

Tyler was torn between following her and trying to decide if he should leave her alone. Wanting to be near her won out, and he ambled into the bathroom, wetting a washcloth for her. He sat next to her on the floor, pressing the coolness to her forehead.

“You okay?”

“No,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I’ve lived here in this clubhouse with that man for months. He’s smiled at me and told me he thought I was better.” Tears came to her eyes, and she angrily pushed them away with violent strokes of her fingertips. “This whole time…he knew.”

An anger that Tyler had never felt before washed over him in waves. He wasn’t sure how to control this anger. Earlier in life, he would have gone out and found a fight, beating another man until he almost died. At this point, he was ready to admit, he was too old for that.

“I don’t want to stay in this clubhouse with him anymore,” she declared, holding her arms across her stomach.

“I don’t either,” he admitted.

That was the bitch of the whole thing. If he wanted to prove that William was behind this, he would have to stay. He would have to collect evidence and keep his head down. Maybe they would have luck for once and the man who raped her would appear. Now that they knew who ordered it, Tyler knew the guy had to still be around. William demanded loyalty and ease of access. If this man had done this once, William would require him to do something equally heinous again.

“What do you want to do?” Tyler asked, his voice hoarse. It felt like she was leaving him, and his breath came in great gasps. His hands shook and he felt sick to his stomach.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she cried.

“But you feel safer doing that.” He finished for her.

“Could I go to your house?” she asked, tears streaming down her face.

Her world was crumbling again. She had thought that she had found a home here, a place to belong. And now it was being taken away from her. Everything that she thought was the truth was just an illusion.

“No,” Tyler cupped her face in his hands. “None of what you and I have shared has ever been an illusion.”

She must have said that out loud, but she didn’t remember it. That was the scariest thing of all. This had thrown her completely off.

“I care about you, Mer, I’m never gonna let anything happen to you again.”

She closed her eyes, reveling in his hands on her face. She wanted to believe him. With everything she had, she wanted to believe that he
could
keep her safe. Never before this had she ever thought he
couldn’t
. But now she had doubts. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

“Don’t do this,” he begged her. “I can see you shutting down on me right now. This isn’t changing anything between the two of us. This is just a temporary roadblock. This is nowhere near the end of us.”

Tears spilled over her eyes again, and her face screwed up in a look of utter despair. “Then why does it feel like it is?”

“Because you’ve had a shock, baby. I’m not letting you go,” he promised, putting his arms around her. He held her so tightly against him that his muscles shook.

“Neither one of us knows the future,” she argued.

“I do, and mine is with you. I understand that you need some time. I get that. I’ll put you up at my house. Give me a few hours to get Travis over there to wire some security for you. William doesn’t know about that house, so you
will
be safe there. I’m warning you, I’m not giving up on us. Don’t you give up on us.”

It felt like such a hopeless situation to her. Things had changed on her in the blink of an eye, much like it had the night she’d been raped. It felt like the biggest setback of her life.

“I think I need to call Doc Jones,” she whispered.

“If that’s what you need to do, then by all means do it! Do you need me to take you there?”

She hated this. She hated pulling away from him and seeing the hurt in his eyes, but he was too close. He was too close to the hurt, too close to the danger.

“No, I can take myself,” she whispered, trying to ignore the pain in his eyes.

He knew her well enough to know that she’d stubbornly dug her heels in and she wasn’t budging. “Let me at least give you my truck. It’s got a tracking device on it, that way I know where you are if I need to. You haven’t driven your own car in months, who knows if it’s ready to be driven. It’s winter and it could snow. Let me put you in something that I know you’re safe in. At least give me that much.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

He reached into his pocket and pulled a key ring out. Handing it to her, he smiled sadly. “I was gonna give this to you tonight anyway. It’s keys to my house and truck. Anything that’s mine is yours, and I wanted you to know that. Go get your stuff together, and then I’ll show you which truck is mine.”

Grateful for the exit strategy, she ran from the room before she could sob. Life wasn’t fair, and it had never been more unfair than at this exact moment. Haphazardly, she threw articles of clothing into her bag. It didn’t matter if they matched or not, she just wanted out of this clubhouse. On her way back out of the room, she noticed one of Tyler’s hooded sweatshirts sitting on the dresser. Pulling it up to her nose, she realized he must have worn it recently because it smelled like him. Without another thought, she put it into the bag along with everything else.

“You ready?” he asked as she walked out of his room.

“As I’ll ever be.”

He grabbed her hand as they walked out of the clubhouse. They made their way to the garages that housed club members’ cars, and he opened the one that had been deemed his. A very manly black Chevy stood in front of her. Dark window tinting and chromed out, it fit him like a glove.

He opened the door for her and helped her in before throwing her bag into the passenger seat. Using his large hands, he turned her to face him and stood between her parted thighs.

“I’m not letting you go, I hope you know that. I understand why you have to go for now, and it’s breaking my heart, but I do understand.”

She took a shuddering breath. “You’re way more than I deserve, Tyler Blackfoot.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m exactly what you deserve, and I’m not letting you forget it. I’ll give you a little bit of time, but be prepared. I’m not leaving you alone. I understand that you need to come to grips with this, but expect me in a few days.” He leaned in, giving her a soft kiss.

He shut the door before she could say anything else and tapped the window to let her know it was okay to leave.

Putting the key in the ignition and driving away from the clubhouse was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“M
eredith, I’m surprised you called me so soon.”

The next day she was in Doc Jones’ office, breathing deeply and trying to control the emotions that had plagued her all night. “I was too, to be honest with you.”

“What happened?”

“You cautioned me about trying to find who did this. You told me that I may not like the answer and that it may bring up other things. I foolishly thought you were just being overly cautious,” Meredith explained, tears already coming to her eyes.

In the past eighteen hours, she’d tried to stop the emotions. She had tried to stop the crying, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t deny the depths of the feelings she had for Tyler and how it had broken her heart that she’d left him.

“I take it you found out something that has been difficult for you to comprehend?”

“What we talk about here is privileged, right? You don’t discuss this with other people?”

Doc Jones took her glasses off and sat forward in her seat. “I’m bound by federal patient confidentiality laws Meredith. What we say here will not go beyond these walls. That is one thing I can promise you.”

She took a deep breath and forged on with the story of what had happened. “We found out that William Walker, the President of Heaven Hill, might have ordered the rape on me.”

Sitting back and breathing heavily, she reacted. “That’s a hell of a shock.”

“You’re not kiddin’. I’ve lived with that man since it happened. I’ve been alone with him on numerous occasions. I’m best friends with his would be daughter-in-law. I feel so stupid and betrayed.”

“Those are not uncommon feelings, Meredith. You’re justified in what you feel.”

It helped to have someone vindicate what she felt, but it didn’t shake the loneliness or the sadness that had plagued her since she’d left Tyler in her taillights.

“So because that is William’s clubhouse – I left it. I left Tyler there and told him I couldn’t stay anymore.”

The sympathy was immediate in Doc Jones’ eyes. “That had to hurt both you and Tyler deeply.”

“It did – it has,” she cried. “But I just don’t know how we get past it. William is always going to be there unless we can find a way to bring him down. I have this feeling of utter despair right now, and I saw the anger in Tyler’s eyes. It was murderous. I don’t want to be the reason he’s angry.”

Her mouth set in a thin line, Doc Jones took a deep breath. “Do you really think you’re the
reason
he’s angry, Meredith? Do you really think he’s angry
at you
?”

“I know he’s not angry
at
me, but I don’t want to cause him to have feelings that might get him in trouble.”

“That’s what you do when you care for someone. You stand up for them, and you tell the world that they are yours. That’s what he’s doing. Don’t punish him because he cares for you. You would do the same for him if the roles were reversed.”

Meredith knew that Doc Jones was right. If someone had hurt Tyler, she would be the first person in line cussing and throwing punches at them. It was just hard to deal with, the fact that she’d lived with such rose-colored glasses on.

“I guess I’m angry with myself,” she whispered.

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Why are you angry?”

“What kind of a person lets themselves be used like this? I made myself a pawn in a game that I knew would have no winners.”

“But you never asked to get raped, you never asked to be beaten. You cannot take the blame for what others did to you, Meredith. That’s not the way to handle this. Do not let these people off the hook. They did something wrong and they must pay for it. Remember that
you
are the victim here.”

Meredith heard everything that the doctor said, but it was hard to let go. She still felt responsible.

“I can see it in your eyes. If you feel the need to be responsible for something, take responsibility for the fact that you started the game. That
is
something you can take responsibility for. Know that you’ve learned a life lesson that many others have to learn over their lifetimes. But 99% of the people who learn this lesson are not raped. Let yourself off the hook for that.”

Breathing came a little easier as Meredith thought about what the doctor said. Letting herself take responsibility for some portion of this made her feel better. It didn’t completely absolve her, but it did give her purpose. It did give her a feeling of contentment.

“You’re right. I’m glad I called you, I do feel better taking responsibility for my role. I’m gonna have to do some groveling with Tyler. I completely pushed him away.”

“You were trying to protect yourself, and Tyler probably understands that,” Doc Jones patted the other woman’s knee. “He has great insights on the human psyche.”

“That he does, especially mine. I’m sure he’ll forgive me, but I’m a little embarrassed to face him again.”