Out of Exile (7 page)

Every day he'd worked himself to exhaustion. The family had pulled together and there were only two guest cottages left to repaint. One of them would probably be done by the time they returned to the ranch this afternoon. When they'd left for the doctor's appointment, Abby and Luke had already been painting.

Matthew had stayed away from the guest cottages and let his family take care of them. Instead, he had spent his days out at the old barn where Cal Simmon, the contractor in charge of the renovations, had begun work.

Matthew had offered his services as a laborer. He'd helped carry and tote, hammer and saw. He'd worked hard enough that each night he'd fallen into bed exhausted. And still he thought of Lilly, dreamed of her.

He entered the doctor's office. Nobody sat behind the receptionist's desk, and Lilly was the only per
son in the waiting room. Clad in a turquoise sun-dress that did dazzling things to her eyes, she looked up from the magazine she'd been reading and smiled at him.

“Did you get your business taken care of?” she asked as he sat in the chair next to hers.

He nodded, trying not to notice the familiar scent of her, fighting against a visceral response. He knew now that the scent she wore was strongest between her breasts and just beneath each of her ears. “Has anyone said how much longer Clara is going to be?” he asked.

“No, but it shouldn't be too much longer.”

He stared at the door through which Clara would come, aware of Lilly's gaze lingering on him. This was the first time they'd been alone since making love. He'd gone out of his way the past four days to make sure they didn't have any time alone.

“You've been avoiding me,” she said softly.

“I've been busy,” he replied, not looking at her.

“No, it's more than that.” She closed the magazine and set it on the coffee table in front of them. “You don't have to worry, Matthew. Just because we made love doesn't mean I'm going to somehow turn into a sappy, clinging woman desperate for a relationship with you. I know you don't want to get married, and you know I don't want to, either.”

“I don't want to discuss it,” he replied stiffly.

“Tough,” she shot back.

He turned to look at her then. Her eyes sparked with irritation, and her chin was thrust upward like
a pugnacious fighter. “I told you that it was a mistake.”

“Fine, it was a mistake, but you don't have to punish me forever.”

“I'm not punishing you,” he scoffed. “I told you, I've been busy.”

“Too busy to share a simple meal with me? You've missed dinner every night this week.” She leaned toward him, enveloping him with her scent, enflaming him with her nearness. “What are you afraid of, Matthew? Afraid you might just want to repeat our mistake?”

He was saved from having to reply by Clara and Dr. Johnny Howerton exiting the examining rooms. As they entered, both Lilly and Matthew stood. Matthew offered his hand to the doctor.

“Johnny, good to see you again,” he said.

“You, too, Matthew.” They shook hands. “Well, she appears to be in pretty good health,” he said. “We did everything we could do here in the office, but I've scheduled some additional tests for next week at the hospital.”

“What kind of tests?” Lilly asked, a worry wrinkle creasing her forehead.

“I'd like to get an electrocardiogram and an echo-cardiogram on her. Neither test takes long, but at her age and with the little ‘spells' she's told me she's had, I'd like the tests done just to be on the safe side.”

“A bunch of nonsense,” Clara said a moment later as they left the doctor's office. “I'm perfectly healthy,” she exclaimed. “I just get a little dizzy
every now and then. I've always been a little dizzy.”

“We're still going to see to it that you get those tests,” Lilly said as she placed an arm around the old woman's shoulders.

Clara nodded, then looked at Matthew. “Matthew, dear, would you mind stopping at the grocery store before we head back to the ranch? There are a few things I'd like to pick up.”

“You know you're welcome to anything that is at the ranch. We have freezers full of meat and pantries filled with canned goods.”

She nodded. “And I thank you for that, but it's enough that you're allowing me to stay in the cottage rent-free. I insist on buying my own food.” Pride stiffened her back. “I like to think I'm taking care of myself at least a little bit.”

“Fine, we'll stop by the grocery store,” he said curtly. What he wanted more than anything was to get back to the ranch and get some much-needed distance from Lilly. In just the brief time he'd spent with her today, renewed desire for her had reawakened with a vengeance.

Within minutes Matthew was parked in front of the grocery store, and Clara disappeared inside. Matthew got out of the car and walked to a bench in front of the store and sat down. A moment later, to his irritation, Lilly joined him there.

“Aunt Clara's pride has taken quite a beating,” she said, and stretched her tanned, slender legs out before her.

Matthew didn't reply. He focused his gaze toward the street as tension welled up inside him.

“Why don't you call her Aunt Clara?”

“Excuse me?” Despite his reluctance, he turned to look at her. “What are you babbling about?”

His words seemed to do nothing to deter her. “Aunt Clara,” she replied. “You always refer to her as just Clara.”

“And your point?”

She shrugged. “Just curious.” Her gaze lingered on him. “You don't like her very well, do you?”

“Don't be ridiculous. She's an old woman. She's my aunt. Why shouldn't I like her?” he countered.

“I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. You seem cold and distant with her.”

“Lilly, not everything is deep and psychological, and I think the biggest problem you have is that you think far too much.”

“You're probably right,” she agreed easily. “I've always thought too much…especially about the people I care about. But you wouldn't know about that, right?” There was an edge of sarcasm to her tone.

Matthew leaned his head back and drew a deep breath. The woman was absolutely impossible. “Lilly, I don't want to fight with you,” he said wearily.

“And I don't want to fight with you,” she replied softly. She touched his arm, her eyes beseeching as she gazed at him. “I'm worried about you, Matthew. You seem so angry all the time.”

“Hell yes, I'm angry.” He stood, unable to sit another minute. “Somebody has spray-painted cot
tages, stolen property and tried to poison my horses. I'd say I have a right to be angry.”

“Yes, you do,” she replied and also stood. “As long as your anger is directed in the right place. What worries me is that I don't think it is.”

Again she placed a hand on his arm and this time he grabbed it and held it away from him. He knew she had no idea that her simplest touch was torture for him, stirred a desire that suffocated him with need.

“You're right, Lilly. I'm an angry man, and the best thing you can do is stay away from me. Stay the hell out of my head and out of my life.” He released her hand and walked back to the car.

He climbed into the driver's seat, grateful that she hadn't attempted to come after him, but had disappeared into the store.

“T
ell me about your father,” Lilly said to Johnna the next day. The two women had been working together for the past hour, finishing up the painting in the last guest cottage.

Johnna looked at her in surprise. “Why on earth would you want to know anything about him?”

Lilly shrugged and scratched the end of her nose with the handle of her paintbrush. “Matthew mentioned that he was difficult.”

“That's a surprise. Matthew never talks about Father. And if he told you Father was difficult, then he managed to utter the understatement of the century.”

Johnna set her paintbrush down, stretched her arms overhead, then frowned at Lilly. “He was a mean man, Lilly. I can't remember a day of my childhood that I wasn't afraid. We were all afraid
all the time. Of course, Matthew probably wasn't as afraid as the rest of us. He was the good son, pouring father his drinks or getting his slippers. I don't remember him getting the beatings the rest of us got.”

“Is that why the three of you seem so close and Matthew seems so separate from you?” Lilly asked curiously.

Johnna's frown deepened. “Matthew is separate from us because he chooses to be. He's always been stern and unyielding, but since father died, he's been so…so…”

“Angry?”

Johnna nodded. “Yes. Exactly. He wasn't so bad before father's death. But now you can see it in his eyes all the time, feel it rolling off him. More and more he reminds me of Father.” Johnna eyed her in speculation. “Don't go there, Lilly.”

“Go where?”

“Don't try to get close to Matthew. He'll only hurt you in the end. He doesn't want to let anyone into his life. I think, somehow, of all of us, he's the most scarred.”

Lilly smiled at Johnna reassuringly. “Don't worry, I'm a big girl and I'm not looking to get into his life. I have a perfectly satisfactory life of my own back in Dallas. I was just curious, that's all.”

“Yeah, well, you know what they say about curiosity…”

Lilly laughed. “I'm not a cat so I'm not real worried about those kind of consequences.”

Their conversation turned to the Halloween party
April was planning. Although Lilly didn't mention it to Johnna, she'd made the decision not to stick around for the party. Once Aunt Clara had her tests and got the results back, Lilly intended to leave to return to Dallas.

Her mind had been changed the day before, when Matthew had grabbed her arm and told her to stay out of his head and out of his life. She had realized at that moment there was no point in her hanging around here any longer than necessary, that Matthew was as lost a cause as Danny had been.

By noon they had the cottage painted and together they piled the brushes in the sink. “We need to get these clean because I've got to get out of here,” Johnna said as she looked at her watch. “I've got to be in court later this afternoon.”

“Then go,” Lilly said. “I can do the cleanup here.”

Johnna hesitated. “Are you sure?”

Lilly shoved her toward the door. “Go on, get out of here.”

Johnna flashed her a grin. “Thanks, Lilly.”

As Johnna left the cottage, Lilly went back to the sink and began to rinse out the brushes and paint pans. As she worked she thought of what Johnna had said about Matthew.

He'd been the good son, the one who had tried to control the violence in the house by making sure there was nothing to get angry about. But, of course, he couldn't make things right, hadn't been in control of his father's rage.

It must have been horrible, growing up in a house
where you never knew what might set off a violent man, being so afraid all the time. Lilly's heart broke not only for Matthew but also for his brothers and sister. Still, they had managed to get past the old wounds, open themselves up to others. Why couldn't Matthew?

“Whoa! I didn't know you were in here.”

Lilly whirled around from the sink to see Eddie entering the cottage. “Hi, Eddie. I'm just cleaning up paintbrushes,” she said and shut off the faucet.

He nodded. “The boss man told me to do a final check on everything in the cottages, then lock them up tight.” He frowned. “Damn shame what somebody did to all these.”

“Yes, it was,” she agreed.

“I heard you were from Dallas,” he said, and leaned against the small table.

“Yes, I am. You ever been there?” She grabbed a rag and dried off the brushes.

“Years ago. I worked a ranch just outside of Plano. Nice place, not as hot as it is here.”

She gathered up the brushes and pans. “So how do you like working here for the Delaneys?” she asked.

“It's all right. When you're a ranch hand one place is about as good as another.”

“Well, I'll just leave you to your work,” she said, and with a smile, left the cottage.

She put the paint supplies away in a storage bin in the stables, then walked toward the house. What she wanted more than anything at the moment was a hot shower, then some lunch.

The house was silent when she entered, and she assumed Matthew was out in the field working somewhere. She went up to her bedroom, grabbed clean clothes, then went into the bathroom and within minutes stood beneath a hot spray of water.

She knew she was foolish for wanting to help Matthew, especially when he so clearly didn't think he needed and didn't want any help. She suspected that part of her need to do something to ease the shadows in his eyes had to do with the tragedy that had forced her to take a leave from her job.

But what worried her most was the part of her need to see those shadows dissipate that had nothing to do with her professional interest. As a woman she would love to see those beautiful gray eyes of his clear and lit with happiness. She'd love to hear his laughter ringing out frequently, see his body relaxed instead of racked with tension.

She shut off the water in the shower and grabbed a towel. Drying off, she told herself that Matthew Delaney was not her concern and in a week she'd leave here…and him to go back to Dallas.

She would return to her life and forget the boy she had spent those distant summers with, forget the man she'd made love with so passionately.

Dressed in a clean pair of shorts and a pale-pink T-shirt, she left the bathroom. She stopped at the dresser and grabbed her hairbrush and began to brush the tangles from her wet hair.

She stroked the brush several times through her hair, then paused as she heard a strange noise. She stood still for a moment, trying to identify the odd
rattling noise. It seemed to be coming from someplace behind her.

Gazing into the mirror, she looked past her reflection and studied the room. Nothing looked amiss. Certainly she was alone. So what on earth was making that weird noise?

She turned away from the mirror and froze as her gaze fell to the bed. There, coiled in the center, a huge rattlesnake eyed her with wary intent, its rattle sending a warning of imminent attack.

For a moment Lilly couldn't breathe, was afraid that in taking a single breath she would force the snake to spring toward her. Ice-cold fear shimmied up her spine as she stared at the serpent in horror.

She had no idea how it had gotten on her bed, and at the moment didn't care how it had gotten there, she simply wanted it gone.

It felt as if time stood still. Long, torturous moments passed as Lilly remained frozen in place.

Not knowing what else to do, still afraid of moving a muscle, Lilly opened her mouth and released the scream that had been momentarily trapped inside her. The snake coiled tightly, rattling frantically, and Lilly screamed again.

The door to her bedroom burst open and Ned Sayville flew in. “Wha…”

In an instant he saw the problem. He froze next to Lilly. “Give me your shoe,” he said, not taking his gaze off the snake.

“My what?” she whispered.

“Your shoe…your sandal.” He stretched out his
hand. The snake's rattle seemed so loud now it filled the entire room with the ominous sound.

Lilly raised her foot behind her and grabbed her sandal, then handed it to Ned. She held her breath and watched in horror as he approached the bed. “Ned…wait…”

“Shhh, I know what I'm doing,” he said, then jabbed the sandal toward the snake.

Instantly it struck, sinking its mouth into the foam rubber of the shoe, and at the same time Ned grabbed it around the back of its neck and head and pulled it up off her bed. Her sandal fell to the floor.

“It's all right now,” Ned said.

Lilly gasped in relief and followed him as he carried it down the stairs and out the front door, where they met Matthew and several other ranch hands rushing toward the house.

“What the hell?” Matthew exclaimed.

“It was on her bed,” Ned explained. He walked the snake some distance from the house, then bent down and released it.

“Are you all right?” Matthew asked, his gaze fierce and intent on her.

She hesitated a moment, then nodded, wishing he would take her in his arms and pull her tight against his broad, safe chest. But he didn't.

“What happened?” he asked Ned as the man returned to the crowd that had gathered.

Ned shrugged. “I was working out here pulling weeds like you told me to, and I heard her scream.” He looked at Matthew worriedly. “I didn't think…I just ran inside.”

“No, it's fine, Ned,” Matthew reassured him, and clapped him on the back. Ned visibly relaxed.

“I'd just like to know how a snake got all the way upstairs,” Ned said thoughtfully.

“So would I.” Lilly fought off a shiver, then walked over and took Ned's hands in hers. “Thank you, Ned. That was a very brave thing you did.” She released his hands.

His cheeks flushed red. “Ah, it wasn't nothing…just a little old snake.”

“You didn't see anyone go into the house?” Matthew asked him.

“No, but I'd only been here a minute or two before I heard her scream,” Ned explained. He shot a shy smile to Lilly. “She's got a good set of lungs on her.”

Lilly laughed, aware of the sound of a touch of hysteria in her laughter.

“All right, everyone back to work,” Matthew said to the workers who were milling around. He turned and looked at Lilly. “We'd better go up and check your room, make sure there are no other surprises there.”

“All right.” With one more grateful look at Ned, Lilly followed Matthew back into the house and up the stairs to her bedroom.

They searched under her bed, in the closet, beneath the dresser, looking for anything that didn't belong there, for anything that might be a threat. But they found nothing.

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked, a touch of gentle concern in his voice.

She nodded and pulled the bedspread from the bed. “I'm fine. It was just frightening to see that…that…thing on the bed when I finished taking my shower.”

“You don't know if it was there before you took your shower?”

She shook her head and held the spread against her chest. “It might have been there. I don't know. I didn't pay any attention.” She looked down at the spread in her arms. “I have to wash this. I can't imagine crawling beneath it tonight until it has been washed.”

Matthew took the spread from her. “I'll carry this downstairs,” he said.

Together they walked back down the stairs, neither of them saying a word. When they reached the kitchen, Matthew went into the laundry room as Lilly sank down into a chair at the table.

Even though the threat was gone, her legs felt shaky, and fear still swirled around inside her. She closed her eyes, imagining what might have happened if she hadn't seen the snake…if she'd backed up closer to the bed, unaware of the danger there.

She heard the sound of the washing machine being started, then Matthew returned to the kitchen. Instead of joining her at the table, he leaned against the island, his eyes dark and fathomless.

“I'll get to the bottom of this, Lilly. I promise you,” he said.

She nodded. She knew his sentiments were right, but she also knew it was probably a promise he wouldn't be able to keep. Nobody had seen anything
unusual. Nobody had seen anyone creeping into the house carrying a snake.

Why would somebody want to put a rattlesnake in her bedroom? Who might want to harm her? And for God's sake why?

“We've always been pretty lax around here at locking things up,” Matthew said. “That's going to change. I'll go into town this evening and get a couple of extra house keys made for you and Clara. From now on whenever you leave the house, lock it up.” His gaze lingered on her for a long moment. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“I'm fine. Just a little shaky. Seeing that snake on my bed was the most terrifying moment I think I've ever had.”

He continued to look at her, then sighed and raked a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration that had become familiar to her. “Lilly…about yesterday…I'm sorry if I was a little rough on you.”

“No, I'm sorry.” Pleasure swept through her at his apology. “I can be a real pain sometimes. I pick and prod into things that aren't my business and for that I apologize to you.”

A whisper of a smile lifted the corners of his lips. “You can be a real pain, but I know you mean well.”

“I do,” she said honestly. And there was so much more she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that she cared about him, that there was a small part of her that was afraid for him…afraid that the anger inside him would eventually consume him.

But she said none of that, knew speaking of those
things would be the worst possible thing she could do in the wake of the olive branch he seemed to be tentatively offering her.

He shoved off the island. “I'm heading back out to talk to everyone and see if anyone saw anything that might give us some answers.”

“Will you be here for supper?”