Out of Grief (12 page)

“Here.” I slid behind her and lay down on my side. “Lie in front of me, and this will work better.”

With one arm underneath her I could rub soft circles on her belly, while I applied a harder pressure to the back muscles.

“See, you seem to know what I need, without my asking. You’ve always been like that. And if I’m honest, I think I’ve always been in tune to you that way. You’ve been the one constant in my life. When I think back on all the milestones, you’ve always been there. Even when I married Steven, and your heart had to be breaking, you stood beside me.”

“You seemed happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

“I know.” She turned to face me, and I wrapped my arms around her so she wouldn’t fall. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” Her lips brushed against my cheek, and she smiled. “When you told me how you felt, when we were still teenagers, I thought you were the bravest person I knew. I wished I had your strength, but I didn’t. I was afraid.”

“Of me?”

She rested her forehead against mine. “No. I’ve never been afraid of you. I was afraid of what I felt for you. Of what my parents would think. I was afraid of losing you.”

“And now?”

“Now, well, I’m still afraid of losing you.” She smiled. “Apparently we have the same fear. But I’m more afraid of denying what’s in my heart.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and I kissed it away.

“I’m not going to run away from this anymore. If I make any promise to you, it will be that. I want to stand beside you, always. Please believe me.”

“I do.”

“And I meant what I told my mother. I am home.” She snuggled closer. “Right here, in your arms, is the safest place on earth, for me. I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

Now my eyes were wet.

“So, I guess what’s changed is that I’m finally okay with the fact that I’m crazy about you.”

I kissed her. The time for words was over.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Quinn was lazily tracing circles around my breast with her fingertip. “Is it always like this?”

“Could you be more specific?”

“Everything just feels so … right.”

I kissed her forehead. “No. It’s never been like this for me.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Good, of course.”

“And easy …”

“Well, we have known each other for almost our entire lives. No one has ever known me better than you.”

“I get that. I just wish I hadn’t wasted so much time. We could have been together.”

I kissed her lightly on the lips. “We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”

“Good, because I could lie like this forever.”

“About that. I have dinner plans tonight, which means you do too, if you’re up for it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be up for it?”

“It’s with my parents.”

“Do you want to talk to them alone?”

“No. Don’t be crazy. They love you.”

“You are going to tell them that we’re having a baby, right?”

“I think they’ll notice you’re pregnant.”

“Not that, silly, I mean you’re going to tell them about us, and that we’re going to raise this baby together.”

“Yes, you have alluded to the fact. But you haven’t come out and asked me how I feel about that.”

She sat up. “Do you not want to—?”

“I didn’t say that.”

She looked hesitant now. “But you’ve never really wanted children.”

“I do with you.”

“Oh, God, are you just saying that because you want to be with me?”

“I’m saying it because I do want to do this with you. I want us to be a family. You’re the only person I could imagine raising a child with. Honestly.”

“Good, then make an honest woman out of me?”

“You want me to marry you?”

“Isn’t that what people do when they’re in love?”

“We just started—”

“The physical part of our relationship. But the emotional part has been going on forever. I had blinders on before, Nikki, but now, when I think back… We’ve been in love our whole lives. You have always been the yin to my yang.”

“I did this once before, and it didn’t end well.”

“Because she wasn’t me.”

Hit that nail on the head.
But there was more to it than that. “And you have always had relationships with men.”

“That’s always going to be in the back of that mind of yours, isn’t it?”

“There’s no off switch. Trust me, I’ve been searching for it for years.”

“I do trust you, Nik. I’ve always trusted you. You’ve never let me down. All I want now is for you to trust me. Can you do that?”

“I have always trusted you. Of course I trust you.”

“Then trust me when I say this. I love you.” She kissed me. The kiss was not chaste, nor was it sensual, it had just enough passion to convey exactly how she felt. “Now, help me find something to wear tonight that doesn’t make me look like I’m ready to pop.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“I think this might have been the wrong choice,” Quinn said, checking her reflection in the elevator as we neared the penthouse floor.

“You look beautiful.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” She tugged self-consciously on the maternity top.

“No, I’m not.” I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her into me. “Relax, everything is going to be okay.” I kissed her before she could protest, and we were still kissing when the elevator doors slid open.

“Nikita!” My mother tried to maintain a sense of decorum where my girlfriends were concerned, but I had never been caught kissing one on their territory.

“Mama.” I kissed her on the check. “And you know—”

“Quinn!” My mother pulled her into a warm embrace. “What a surprise.” My mother’s eyebrows rose as she noticed Quinn’s stomach.

“Good to see you again, Mrs. Kasianenko.”

“Nikita did not tell us she was bringing a guest to Sunday dinner.” The tone was pleasant, but she was still scolding me. It was an art she had perfected. My father and I were used to it. My brother took it personally, which caused blow-ups between the two of them on more than one occasion.

“Come.” My mother took Quinn’s hand. “Dr. Kasianenko is making drinks in the living room. I will get you a juice, water, tea?”

“Whatever is the easiest?”

“Dimitri, look who Nikita brought with her.”

“Quinn!” I watched my father’s eyes light up. “How are you?” He embraced her, and I saw her begin to relax. My father had always been one of Quinn’s biggest fans. They had a great deal in common and could spend hours talking about history and art.

“Nikita, help me in the kitchen, please.”

“May I do anything?” Quinn asked.

“Nonsense, you keep Dr. Kasianenko company. We will not be long.”

As soon as we were out of earshot, my mother turned on me. “Have you lost your blessed mind?”

“What?”

“Have you slept with her?”

“Ma, that’s none—”

“It is my business when your heart is concerned. You know she is not like you. How could you let this happen?”

Was she kidding? How could I stop it? I had never seen her so angry with me. “Okay, not the response I was looking for, but … yes, we’re together. And it’s good, Mama.”

“Nikita, you are with blinders on.” She took my face in her hands, so I could look nowhere other than into her eyes. “I know how you feel about Quinn. I know you have always felt like this. If you are not careful, she will hurt you, and I fear…”

I knew exactly what frightened her. It terrified me, too. But I couldn’t think about that now. Not while everything was so good. “Mama, I love her, and she loves me. Please be happy for me.”

“You are certain of this?”

“She’s moving here. She wants to marry me, Mama.”

“What is the hurry? You did not make her pregnant.”

Right for the jugular, every time; she was an expert at this. I took a deep breath and tried to put a positive spin on things. “You’ll finally get that grandchild you’ve been wanting,” I said, trying to cajole her.

“You have made up your mind. I can see it in your eyes. Nothing I say will make a difference.”

“This is what I have wanted all—”

“—of your life. I know. Then I must pray that this will be okay.” She kissed me on the forehead. “But if she hurts you, she will be dead to me.”

I hugged her tight. “I love you, Mama.”

***

Quinn and my father were deep in conversation when my mother and I returned. My mother handed Quinn the glass of pomegranate juice. “So, Nikita tells me that you have proposed marriage?”

“Mama!”

“What, you are not going to invite your father and me?”

“Of course we would want you there,” Quinn said.

“Dimitri, have you nothing to say?”

“I already gave Quinn my blessing. She asked for permission to marry Nikita. She loves her.” He was literally smiling from ear to ear.

“Humph.” My mother took the drink my father handed her and sat down on the couch.

I sat on the arm of the chair Quinn occupied. “You asked my father for permission to marry me?” I whispered.

“I know this isn’t how you pictured it ever happening, sweetheart.” She took my hand in hers, and kissed it. “But I need them to know that I’m serious. That I asked for this. Not you.”

“Sofia,” my father said to my mother, “I will not be the one to stand in the way of love, nor should you. I have spoken to Quinn. She is serious. And I believe she is good for Nikki. She always has been.” He smiled at Quinn. “You know I am right.”

“Fine.” My mother threw up her hands. “You are right. I am wrong. May you all prove me wrong!”

“I plan on it,” Quinn said to my mother.

“Good, then let’s eat the lovely meal you’ve prepared, Sofia, and celebrate. Not only will we gain another daughter, but apparently we will soon be grand parents.” My father clapped me on the back. “This is what we have been waiting for. We thought it would never be, and now … we are truly blessed.”

***

“Everything was scrumptious, Mrs. K.,” Quinn said, as she polished off the last morsel on her plate.

“Thank you, my dear.”

“May I help you clean up?”

“No, Nikita will help me.”

“Actually,” my Father chimed in, “I would like to speak to Nikki in my study for a moment. Perhaps you can let Quinn help you, Sofia.” He stood up. “Come, Nikki. We will only be a moment, dear. Then we will have dessert.”

Quinn started to clear the dishes from the table as I followed my father in to his study.

“Close the door, Nikki.”

“Is everything okay, Papa?”

“I must ask you something, that is all. Sit, please.” He motioned to a chair in front of his desk, while he began to look through his desk drawers. “I have heard from Quinn how she feels, now I must know how you feel. You are pleased with this turn of events?”

“Are you kidding, Papa? This is all I ever wanted.”

He smiled. “I thought as much. Then I must give you this.” He slid a velvet box across the desk. “It was my grandmother’s.”

The box held a simple solitaire diamond set in white gold. “I don’t know what to say, Papa.”

“You say thank you, and then you give it to Quinn. But not here.”

“You didn’t give me this when I married—”

“Of course not! She was not your true love.”

“You could have spared me a lot of misery if you had told me that then.”

“You were young and impetuous; you would not have listened.” He stood up. “But now, you are older and you know better, I hope.”

“Thank you, Papa.” I kissed him on the cheek, and he pulled me into a bear hug.

“Now, you put that in your pocket, and we will go and eat your mother’s torte.”

***

“I am so full.” Quinn said, as she put the leftovers in my refrigerator. “I need to put on looser clothes.”

“Or you could just take these off and not put anything else on,” I said, sliding my arms around her. Ever since we started being physical, it was like I was making up for lost time. The one thing I hadn’t counted on was her libido being as overactive as mine. I prayed it wasn’t the baby hormones making her so horny.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she said, turning to face me.

“Only if you would.”

“I would, very much.” She ran her tongue over my bottom lip before sucking it lightly. “But first, tell me what your father said to you?” She pulled away from me to sit on the couch.

Sliding onto the seat beside her, I bumped her shoulder lightly with mine. “I think what I’d like to hear is what you said to him. You really asked him for my hand in marriage?”

“Not in those words, but I did ask him for his blessing.”

“Apparently he approves.” I had no doubt he would. He had always loved Quinn. I rested my head on her shoulder.