Out of the Ashes (38 page)

Bull met Cade at the front of the warehouse they were cleaning up. Or more accurately, the prospects were cleaning up.

“It done?” Cade asked with a hard glint in his eyes.

Bull nodded. “Took care of every last one,” he assured his president. He had taken pleasure in watching the life drain out of the fuckers. Great pleasure.

“We clean from this?” Cade added after nodding in approval.

Bull gave him a look. A look that said what he needed to say. No way Bull would let this blow back on the club.

Cade nodded, running his hands through his stubble, looking weary.

Bull didn’t have time to hash this shit out, he had a family to get back to. Cade gripped his arm. “Your girls, they did good today,” he told him.

Bull nodded.

“They’re strong. Both of them. Love you. Love the club,” Cade continued.

Bull looked at him a moment and Cade released him.

“Thanks, brother,” he muttered.

Bull had a shower before he went to Mia’s. Didn’t want to be dragging the filth of what he did into the house she made with Lexie. The
home
she made with Lexie.

He paused when he saw both Killian and Lexie asleep on the sofa. He struggled not to drag him out of the house with his bare hands. That would mean waking Lexie. Unbidden, the memory of Killian protecting her with his body came to mind. With effort, he walked past them both.

Everything melted away when he finally got into bed with Mia, got her into his arms. Then everything was fuckin’ shattered when he realized what she was doing. Didn’t blame her. Not for a fuckin’ second. Hell, he respected the shit out of her for it. Made him love her more. He knew how she felt about him. She was a crappy liar at the best of times, and her eyes didn’t lie, not when he was inside her. Not when she watched him with Lexie when she thought he wasn’t looking. So he knew. And if it was anything to rival how he felt about her, he knew it’d be ripping her up inside. Which was why he didn’t fight. He wanted to do, to the death. He wanted to never let her go until the reaper took him. Never stop loving her till the day he died. But he couldn’t. She was protecting her girl. Doing what he wasn’t strong enough to do. Because even though the fucks who shot at them were in the ground, they made their death blow right there in Mia’s bed.

After he had made love to her, memorized every inch of her beautiful body, she lay in his arms. Bull clutched her to him. When he felt her drift off, he finally murmured the words he had been aching to say.

“Love you, baby, to the moon,” he told her sleeping body.

Two Months Later

“Mom!” Lexie yelled up the stairs. “We’re leaving now!”

I hopped down the hallway, trying to put on my shoe without breaking my neck. I was late. Story of my fricking life. I reached the top of the stairs; Lexie and Killian were standing at the bottom. Killian had Lexie’s guitar case over his shoulder.

“You know the whole ‘don’t do drugs, don’t drink booze or you’ll be grounded for the remainder of your young adult life’ bit, don’t you?” I asked her and Killian.

Lexie nodded. “Gambling’s alright though, isn’t it?” she clarified.

I nodded. “Only if you win,” I deadpanned.

Killian chuckled slightly. Being a regular at our house the past four months, he was down with our brand of humor. And with our serious attitudes towards movie watching order, as he had learned in our
Star Wars
marathon last week. Idiot actually suggested watching it in episode order. I’d never look at him the same.

I turned my serious face on this time. “Take care of my kid, Kill,” I ordered softly.

His face turned serious. “Always do, Mia,” he returned.

Lexie rolled her eyes and waved her hands. “Helloooo, overprotective mother, overprotective boyfriend, I’m right here! My ears work and everything. So how about we stop talking about Lexie when she’s not here,” she ordered.

“Did you hear something?” I asked Killian, looking around the room.

He did the same. “Nope.”

Lexie let out a frustrated sigh and stomped out the door.

“Love you!” I called to her back.

She waved a hand. I was pretty sure I heard her mutter “Yeah, yeah, put it in writing.”

Killian grinned at me, then went after her.

I tried not to give in to the familiar feeling of panic that assaulted me every time she left the house. It helped slightly that Killian was with her. When we cut ties with the Sons of Templar and everyone connected to them, Killian was the one exception. I didn’t exactly have a choice. I was reasonably sure shit would get all
Romeo and Juliet
up in here if I had forbidden Lexie to see Killian, as well as everyone else. She had been mad at first. No, furious would have been more accurate. It was our first fight. Our first rip-roaring, “I hate you, Mom”, storm out the door kind of fight.

“You can’t do that!” she yelled. “You can’t just cut them all out of our life like that. They’re
nice
. Gwen’s nice. Amy’s nice. Rosie’s nice. They care about us, they’re your
friends,
” she half screeched.

I had tried to be calm. “They are nice, sweetie. They’re good people, all of them. But the stuff they’re involved in, it’s not good. Not for you and me to be around. It’s dangerous. I’m not going to take a chance on anything or anyone that might hurt you,” I had told her evenly.

“But it wasn’t even their fault!” she argued. “They didn’t do anything!”

I pursed my lips. I didn’t want to tell her people didn’t just rock up somewhere and start shooting at a motorcycle club for no reason. It would have been fuel to an already out of control fire.

“I know, doll. But we need to stay away from them, just until this dies down,” I lied. Forever was a long fricking time to a teenager. A week was a long time to a teenager.

Lexie had calmed slightly, then her body jerked. Full on jerked. “What about Zane?” she asked carefully. Quietly. Too quietly.

“Zane’s included too,” I said, trying to keep the hurt, the agony out of my voice in that statement.

Her whole frame had tightened at my words and her face flinched in hurt. “You can’t do that!” she yelled, tears beginning to stream down her face. “He cares about you, he cares about us.
He needs us
,” she cried. “He’s got no family without us. He’s playing guitar with me,” she added hysterically.

I flinched. My beautiful girl saw way too much sometimes.

“He’ll be okay,” I stepped forward, moving to take her arms.

She ripped them out of my grasp. “He
won’t
,” she hissed. I felt a lance go through me at my daughter’s chilling certainty. She stared at me with a look of pure fury. One that was not welcome on her usually smiling and carefree face. “I hate you,” she whispered brokenly. Then she ran out the door.

I stood there staring in the middle of the room, bleeding from the wounds of her words. The truth to them. Then I sank into the couch and sobbed.

She had returned an hour or so later, her face tearstained but her expression full of apology. She crawled up next to me on the sofa, cuddling her body into me.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I don’t hate you, I never could. I know you’re just doing your best. For us. I understand.”

And with that, my little girl proved she was in fact a teenage unicorn. In the space of an hour her head seemed to have wrapped itself around reasons I even struggled to grasp. And for every day after that, she seemed to be back to her happy self. Sometimes, however, I caught her looking over at Zane’s empty house from time to time with undisguised hurt on her face.

That was another thing. Zane. Every waking moment I was thinking of him. Yearning for him. Hating myself for the decision I made. Questioning it, even when I knew it was the right thing to do. To protect Lexie. But that didn’t stop the hurt. From me bleeding inside. From me struggling to find sleep every night. Then waking up to nightmares of me saying goodbye to him. Losing him. I don’t know how I would’ve coped if I had to know he was right there, across the street. Simple. I wouldn’t have. I would’ve had to pack up and move. Which I had already considered. But I wouldn’t do that to Lexie. Uproot her again. Take her away from the boy she loved, the band she lived for. Amazingly enough they were still together; surviving a shooting together creates a bond even worried parents can’t break. But luckily, the night everything happened was the last night I saw him. His house stayed dark and empty, every day, every night for two months. The grass grew long and I thought it might run wild until I saw Cade ride up on his bike and set to mowing it. I’d smashed the glass I was holding when I had heard the Harley pipes at first. Then seeing Cade, my heart dropped. I watched him for a while, then I saw him stare over to our place, something working in his mind. I swear he started to make his way over before he shook his head and hopped on his bike. I was beyond glad he didn’t show up on my doorstep.

I had been avoiding Gwen, Rosie, Amy, Lucy, and everyone connected to the club. I didn’t like doing it. In fact, I hated it. I dodged every call I received, ignored every text and deleted every voicemail. I felt like an evil shrew. Lexie was right. They were nice people. The best. I had grown attached to them all, felt a bond with them. It hurt me to have to cut ties like I was doing. I questioned it multiple times, like when I gave in and listened to a voicemail Gwen had left.

“Hey, Mia, it’s me, Gwen, again.” There was a pause. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay. Bull’s...he’s gone away for a while.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sure you know that. Look, I get it. Why you’re distancing yourself, Lexie. I understand. It’s a lot. Trust me, I know. But we miss you. Things, they’re better. They’re getting better. The club, they’re always here if you need anything. If Lexie needs anything—” Another pause. “I’m always here if you need to talk or whatever. When you’re ready. Just don’t cut us out, ‘kay?” There was a click signaling the end of the message.

I had stared at my phone a long time after listening to that voicemail. It had been a week since I got it. I missed her. All of them. They were my friends. And avoiding them forever in a town like this was damned near impossible without becoming a hermit. Which was what I was doing. Lexie and I were not hermits. We did things. Apart from when we were watching movies, or when Lexie was devouring a book, we were never stationary. So I was getting cabin fever. Something had to change.